Depressed and feeling like I’m losing myself after my recent breakup

[BeyondConfused1n]

I’m not too sure how to even begin describing my situation,but for those of you who read this entirely. I appreciate your time and feedback.

 

I was with my girlfriend for three amazing years, whichrecently (entire month of March 2013) has all come crashing down. I met this girl and we almost immediately hitit off, we had a strong connection right from the start, which to the last dayof our relationship I didn’t see fade. We didn’t fight often, not saying never,but less than 5 times throughout the last three years. We moved in togetherafter dating for a year, so we lived together for two years. We did everythingand anything together, over time we became best friends, and I fell hard forher. We talked about the future, marriage, etc. which I was ready to do withthis one. The relationship in my eyes and in hers as well (at the time) wasnearly perfect.

 

During our relationship I helped my girlfriend finishschool, and completely change her lifestyle. She had a rough childhood and hasbeen on her own since mid-teens (not her fault, parents abandoned her). Helped her stop smoking, she wanted to quietbut couldn’t. Basically help her get out of the rut from previous poor choicesshe’s made, and her parents, ex boyfriends left her with. She was willing to put in the work, justneeded some guidance, and someone to help push her along.

 

We would go out every weekend, took trips to Vegas. I eventook her to see my home country, Europe. But this all stopped for the last year as I’ve been taking on a lot ofwork, and have had less free time. She’s had a few complaints about me beingdistant, and she felt I was pushing her away, which I brushed off because everyfree chance I had I would spend it with her, but it was less free time. HerBirthday was in December and I took the time to plan out everything so shedidn’t feel as if my feelings for her changed. I picked out a casual sapphirering, something I knew she liked, and has wanted. Then came Christmas, which was also great,without any issues, she even said it was one of the best Christmases she’s everhad. Valentine’s day (2013) was alsowonderful. I got a card from her saying how much she loved me and how perfecteverything has been.

We had some issue/fallout over getting a dog. She’s wanted to get one, but Idon’t want an animal I cannot take care of. We are both gone for almost 10hours out of the day, which doesn’t make sense to own a dog that’s going to belocked up all day. This upset her to the point it caused extreme awkwardnessbetween us. The following week she buys a dog, and a week later she moves outwith one of her single girlfriends. I was upset, and hurt. I didn’t even knowwhat the hell just happened. How quickly things changed. Then everything goesdownhill after this part.

 

I was hurt she moved out, but I still talked to her, helpedher get necessities for what she wanted. Thinking maybe she will come to hersenses. A week goes by and we are still talking, but not as much. Still goingout to eat and catching up, but she was a bit more distant (Thursday). BySaturday, she no longer had time for me. So I asked her if we can talk thisthing through and what it is one needs to do to get this whole miscommunicationcorrected. Then she goes on this confession about how I never pay attention toher, and how I pushed her away. How she doesn’t like my family (which by theway welcomed her in with open arms) and that I only purchased that sapphirering to shut her up. I tried to reason with her but she got upset and told meto leave, so I did. The next day I tried to come around again (Sunday) she saysshes no longer in love with me, no longer loves me. I asked her why she thoughI deserve to be treat like $hit, and her answer was “I should have neverbrought a broken girl home” and that broke me. After everything I’ve done forthis women. I truly unconditionally loved her. I wanted / worked towards havinga future with her, and just like that. She’s gone. Come to find out, she’s now smoking again.She lied to me about it. She’s going out with her single friends, and she justmoved out just 2 weeks ago… Like I nevermeant anything to her. When I’m hurtingor need someone to talk to, she doesn’t reply or answer my calls. When Imessage her with how I fell and how hurt I am. Either ignores them all tougher,or just says she is sorry.

 

Because of all this, I now have panic attacks, I’m becomingseverely depressed. I’ve lost myself, and I can’t figure any of this out. Mymind is trying to, but I can’t get a straight answer from her. She blames mefor not loving her and pushing her away. Which I offered to work on if that’swhat she really feels was an issue, but it seems like I keep getting hurdlesthrown at me as I’m trying to fix our relationship, like she doesn’t want totry, and she won’t even give me closure. This has been tearing me apart every day. I see her going out, rubbingin how much fun she is having. Now three full weeks after our breakout, theonly way she will consider being “friends” is if I stop asking her questionsabout what’s going on. One month ago I got a Valentine card from her telling mehow great everything is and how happy she is. Today, I wake up alone, go tosleep alone. She has completely exited my life and pushed me out of hers inthree weeks.

 

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Edited April 3, 2013 by BeyondConfused1n

[Jord11]

I feel your pain, my ex broke up with me out of nowhere, a week after my birthday! We had a blast she told me she loved me and that she wanted to have many more birthdays together a week after bam I don't have the feeling anymore and I don't love you like that anymore, 43 days no contact and I'm Still hurting, I still love her and I hate her at the same Time for what she did too me, the best thing is to go no contact it's hard but it's the only way, make her miss you and what you both had together, that's what I'm doing right now, hopefully she realizes what she lost, stay strong it sucks and it hurts I know.

[BeyondConfused1n]

I feel your pain, my ex broke up with me out of nowhere, a week after my birthday! We had a blast she told me she loved me and that she wanted to have many more birthdays together a week after bam I don't have the feeling anymore and I don't love you like that anymore, 43 days no contact and I'm Still hurting, I still love her and I hate her at the same Time for what she did too me, the best thing is to go no contact it's hard but it's the only way, make her miss you and what you both had together, that's what I'm doing right now, hopefully she realizes what she lost, stay strong it sucks and it hurts I know.

 

Sorry to hear about your breakup. This is one of the worst feelings, if not the worst feelings I've ever experienced, and its not going away. Not only is it not going away, its gotten much worst, and I cant make it stop no matter what I try to do. Seems like there is no end in sight.

 

I tried the no contact before but by doing that she pulls away further.

[Jord11]

I completely understand by the fear of nc but trying to fix things and begging is only going to push her further away! Believe me I've done it, best thing to do is make her miss you, by disappearing out of sight, I know it's hard to do and think, my ex bought me Eric church tickets for Christmas last month she texted me do you still want the tickets I said no, do whatever you want with them she said ok and I said alright, that was the last time I've spoken to her February 19th it sucks but it's the only choice I have, but if you beg and plead it won't work, distant yourself is the best right now

[Jord11]

It's crazy how girls change and think just like that, why so I love you if you don't really feel like that, I also had the best Christmas with her went to her place with her family had the best christmas all around, 1 month later she breaks up

[BeyondConfused1n]

I completely understand by the fear of nc but trying to fix things and begging is only going to push her further away! Believe me I've done it, best thing to do is make her miss you, by disappearing out of sight, I know it's hard to do and think, my ex bought me Eric church tickets for Christmas last month she texted me do you still want the tickets I said no, do whatever you want with them she said ok and I said alright, that was the last time I've spoken to her February 19th it sucks but it's the only choice I have, but if you beg and plead it won't work, distant yourself is the best right now

 

Her past has been all about being pushed away. She's been pushed away by her own parents. The NC would totally put me in the same boat. She would move on, probably already has since she goes out nightly with guys and girls.

 

There was also once a time this girl looked me in the eyes nearly crying (happy) and asked me to never let her go.

Edited April 3, 2013 by BeyondConfused1n

[Flier]

You just had a devastating loss. Can you get any help for your panic attacks and severe depression? Hugs.

[Flier]

She did not treat you with much kindness and honesty. Remember that.

Rise from the ashes...you can.

[BeyondConfused1n]

You just had a devastating loss. Can you get any help for your panic attacks and severe depression? Hugs.

 

I have gotten help for both panic attacks and severe depression. So far neither are working. Still feel as if this is day one all over again. Sometimes even worst.

[BeyondConfused1n]

Go see a doctor and insist on getting some medication. I waited almost 3 months to do this and only now have i started to feel better.

 

I did already go see a Doctor. I was feeling so horrible I had no other choice. Problem is that even with the medication, I still feel the same. Lately even worst.

[LoveB86]

I know I am new here with a fresh of 3 days ago break/breakup/he disappeared on me after a year of being together dumpee.

 

But I was previously in 4 1/2 year relationship in which my ex broke up with*

me because of "lots of things in his mind" phrase and it took me 2 1/2 years to recover and to atleast respond to his msgs/calls (now that he wants me back). I just want you to know that time will truly be your medication. I seeked counseling, took meds (prozac), join the gym and everything possible to move forward. It came by slowwwwwwwwly.... but I can now look back at

my journey of the pain and sorrow. I just want you to know it's gonna be hell for you the next few months, but I promise you it would all be a memory*passing. You will move on, trust me.*

 

Just don't be like me and get caught up meeting someone else too soon and moving things to quickly because the pain will just resurface exactly what I am going thru now with this new ex. Please take your time and take care of your mind, body and spirit as long as possible, so that in the event you meet someone else, you would be ready emotionally. Lots of Hugs to you!

 

BTW, as I joined today to this forum board, I am going to keep this as my staple to get thru this breakup because you are not the only one. When you have the urge to call or text, use the forum board to vent instead. Despite of what you might be reading, everyone experiences is different and we can just

only relate to what you are going thru, just keep that in mind.

 

Who am I to say anything, I am still grieving my loss.

[mtnbiker3000]

It's crazy how girls change and think just like that, why so I love you if you don't really feel like that, I also had the best Christmas with her went to her place with her family had the best christmas all around, 1 month later she breaks up

 

Women are right-brained and live in the here and now. Very emotional, non-logical creatures by nature (no disrespect ). Last year, last week, yesterday, 10 minutes ago... doesn't mean ****!!! Very hard for men to understand this. Best not to try... Just accept it, learn from it and try to set yourself up for success for next time... Keep that in the back of your mind and you will be ahead of where you were last time. I think that's all we can do. BTW - same thing happened to me

[Damsel in Distress]

Women are right-brained and live in the here and now. Very emotional, non-logical creatures by nature (no disrespect ).

 

Hey, you are generalizing! Not all women fit that mold!

[itto ogami]

NO CONTACT with this woman.

 

You can't push her away more than she's already removed herself unless you stay in contact. She needs at the very least to miss your presence (which she will if you go full NC NOW). Don't expect her to come back, but if she does, it will ONLY be because NC has made her feel your absence.

 

Stay strong, you'l get through this.

[mtnbiker3000]

Hey, you are generalizing! Not all women fit that mold!

 

LOL I know... I know... As you said, just generalizing!!

[uniqwa]

You are too good for her.. I kinda went through the same thing.. My ex Jay.. he literally dumped me on Vday, told me he "was never coming back and found someone better'' went through a ton of other ****.. No person on this freaking planet HAS THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. Men fart, they stink sometimes, and they burp and they are extremely messy unless they are trying to "impress" which is only in public!. BUT you take the fact that with Passion there's fire and it burns like a ****ing torch, There's bound to be ups and downs because with PASSION, you feel something called life, what is life without a fire? its not ****ing life.. My ex he did a lot of what you did for yours, I had gone through something similar, he was a major part of my life.. He was not perfect.. He was mean and he was blunt and extremely rude, but what broke me the most. Past being able to pick up. Was that he disregarded everything I had said, The truth I gave him. I had been with him for two years, I was faithful like a dog, even better ****ing lassie didn't have **** on my loyalty, she let strangers pet her.. U_U.. HE didn't have faith in me, and I said cruel things as well.. I can understand why people do or say the things they say, i was with my ex.. When he didn't believe me, Did I cast stones? I probably did, but PEOPLE DON'T MEAN WHAT THEY SAY OUT OF ANGER. If she was not angry or hurt.. Then she's just retarded and forget about her. If she has no logical reason to carry on as she did... AND its very easy to be selfish and only see from one perspective, but I advise you to see things through her eyes. Try to understand.. I've tried to understand my ex, but o_- that bitch never loved me apparently.. Perhaps you're ex was hurt and lashed out, Or they didn't love you. Regardless time will tell if he/she loves you. If they care they don't let go overnight instead they fight for the right to be in your heart.. CHEESY but I believe love is the strongest human emotion (: its like a super power!!!! It can literally make the most sound, logical and number one ANTI reliant on the opposite sex a complete incapable fool.

Edited April 8, 2013 by uniqwa

[uniqwa]

I hope everything gets better for you, People learn from mistakes.. You just got the opportunity to grow more as a human being, and No one person on this planet can be considered perfection, therefore HUMAN... Now You have just been given a wonderful opportunity. You have just been burned by fire and intelligent people don't get burned twice! next time you get into a relationship, You won't be with someone who can't give the same amount of love and effort you put in, Your ex if there is love for you, she will realize that there needs to be a change. Change does not happen overnight, but if you want to be with that person then you stick it out but there needs to be growth..

Edited April 8, 2013 by uniqwa

[BeyondConfused1n]

Thanks all for the feedback. Much appreciated.

 

After the first two weeks of making an attempt to salvage whatever was left. I was pushed away for reasons at the time I didn’t understand, like I had described in my original post, but in the back of my mind I thought during our 2 weeks apart she may have met someone else. So during the last 2 weeks I was No Contact, but yesterday I needed confirmation, I deserved at the very list that, so I talked to her…

 

She finally told me that she’s met someone in the last two weeks since we’ve been on No contact, she figured we were over (not sure how since I made every attempt to salvage the relationship during the first two weeks) she also added she’s slept with this guy, and that it’s time for me to let her go. I asked her why she’s done all this, and her answer was she doesn’t know. She didn’t seem too concerned about me or how much that hurt, and yet again I got the same short answer that she had plans and needed to go. I guess I finally got the answers to my unanswered questions.

 

There is just no coming back from someone capable of doing what she has, nor is/was there any love, respect, or anything for that matter. If you love/care about someone, you DO NOT put them through such events. If you can throw away three years for someone who’s changed your entire life, in just two weeks. That person inside is beyond cold, and there is no love, maybe hate...

Edited April 9, 2013 by BeyondConfused1n

[BeyondConfused1n]

Update:

 

Thought I’d give an update as I’m nearing the three monthmark, and quite a few things have happened.

 

I’m feeling a bit better then when I first started this post, but things are nowhere near back to normal. Although I’ve been very conflicted as of this last week since my EX has made a few attempts to contactme after being no contact for nearly three months, and even being involved with someone else, which is no longer. First few attempts she tried to contact me I’ve avoided her all together, but after several texts and many phone calls I decided to answer to find out what was wrong as her texts read that she was going through some difficult times and needed someone that knew her well (too bad thesame couldn’t apply to me when I needed someone, and she completely shut me out) so I decided to take her call and hear her out. Basically she told me about how things were with her, and how difficult it’s been not having me around, and how she doesn’t want me to be out of her life. Part of me thinks this person is just spiraling out of control and needs someone dependable(myself) back in her life.

 

She went on talking about how the person she dated ended because she realized I was the one she loved, which to me is extremely questionable. If you love someone why go through with dating someone else to figure that out, and not only that, why go through the extreme measure to push the person you claim to love away so ruthlessly as she did (my original post). She has plenty of people to rely on. She’s been a busy girl for sure. It’s very questionable as to why she’s back. To me there seems to be three major issues; the way she left, why she left, and that other person she left for…

 

Then she went on to talk about how she wants to resolve this and move forward together and how she’s willing to do whatever it takes to fix the damage she created. This is once again pretty confusing. Too many questions unanswered. Did this person learn anything at all from this experience? How much of this isactually true, or bull$hit. Why am I even talking to this person? Many unanswered questions.

 

Thoughts?

Edited June 27, 2013 by BeyondConfused1n

[eddyctv]

Update:

 

Thought I’d give an update as I’m nearing the three monthmark, and quite a few things have happened.

 

I’m feeling a bit better then when I first started this post, but things are nowhere near back to normal. Although I’ve been very conflicted as of this last week since my EX has made a few attempts to contactme after being no contact for nearly three months, and even being involved with someone else, which is no longer. First few attempts she tried to contact me I’ve avoided her all together, but after several texts and many phone calls I decided to answer to find out what was wrong as her texts read that she was going through some difficult times and needed someone that knew her well (too bad thesame couldn’t apply to me when I needed someone, and she completely shut me out) so I decided to take her call and hear her out. Basically she told me about how things were with her, and how difficult it’s been not having me around, and how she doesn’t want me to be out of her life. Part of me thinks this person is just spiraling out of control and needs someone dependable(myself) back in her life.

 

She went on talking about how the person she dated ended because she realized I was the one she loved, which to me is extremely questionable. If you love someone why go through with dating someone else to figure that out, and not only that, why go through the extreme measure to push the person you claim to love away so ruthlessly as she did (my original post). She has plenty of people to rely on. She’s been a busy girl for sure. It’s very questionable as to why she’s back. To me there seems to be three major issues; the way she left, why she left, and that other person she left for…

 

Then she went on to talk about how she wants to resolve this and move forward together and how she’s willing to do whatever it takes to fix the damage she created. This is once again pretty confusing. Too many questions unanswered. Did this person learn anything at all from this experience? How much of this isactually true, or bull$hit. Why am I even talking to this person? Many unanswered questions.

 

Thoughts?

 

OK this whole thing started because of wanting a dog. What happens when there is a REAL issue?

[BeyondConfused1n]

OK this whole thing started because of wanting a dog. What happens when there is a REAL issue?

 

That is a very valid point. However, I wouldn't for sure pinpoint that being the entire issue, but like you bought up, what if there are real issues. Will this person simply walk away again?

 

We've had issues before and she didn't walk away in fact has made efforts to work it out, but this was way before. Like I said, we really didn't have many problems in the last three years. Maybe 5 at most, which were handled very well. For some reason, this one blew way out there.

[aloneinaz]

How can you ever trust this woman again? She left you and started seeing someone else. Sorry, that's not love, that's a selfish *itch! Now, her last relationship ended and she's lonely and feeling sorry for herself. You've ignored her so now she's curious and realizes what she's lost.. PLUHleezzzeeee..

 

I'd tell her to pack sand and ignore her. She's done it once, she'll do it again. Do you really want to go back through all this same pain and healing?

 

Why do I feel so strongly? My ex broke up with me 3 times. The first two times I chased after her and we got back together. Each time we got back together, I felt like she had less respect for me and was much quicker to be short, nasty and *itchy with me cause she knew I wouldn't break up with her. Well, I didn't take her BS and told her I was not going to continue to let her talk to me that way. She ended it again, despite PROMISING when we got back together the last time that she'd work on her temper and not RUN or end the relationship when we had an argument. She still did it. She'll NEVER hear from me again and she'll hear crickets if she ever contacts me.. She knows what she did...

[BeyondConfused1n]

How can you ever trust this woman again? She left you and started seeing someone else. Sorry, that's not love, that's a selfish *itch! Now, her last relationship ended and she's lonely and feeling sorry for herself. You've ignored her so now she's curious and realizes what she's lost.. PLUHleezzzeeee..

 

I'd tell her to pack sand and ignore her. She's done it once, she'll do it again. Do you really want to go back through all this same pain and healing?

 

Why do I feel so strongly? My ex broke up with me 3 times. The first two times I chased after her and we got back together. Each time we got back together, I felt like she had less respect for me and was much quicker to be short, nasty and *itchy with me cause she knew I wouldn't break up with her. Well, I didn't take her BS and told her I was not going to continue to let her talk to me that way. She ended it again, despite PROMISING when we got back together the last time that she'd work on her temper and not RUN or end the relationship when we had an argument. She still did it. She'll NEVER hear from me again and she'll hear crickets if she ever contacts me.. She knows what she did...

 

I completely agree. I've never gotten back into any relationships once they've ended. That's always been my rule. I try to save a relationship until the very last possibility has been exhausted, but once its over its over. I feel that way right now about this as well. Just a bit conflicted so I thought i'd hear some feedback.

 

I wouldn't say I'm considering this. I'm honestly thinking it through, but that's how I am with everything. I wouldn't expect this to be any different.

 

Yes, we did break up. Yes, she did leave in one of the worst way possible. Then ended up with some other dude (but not why she left) and now she wants to come back. Sounds like a typical chick that really has no clue what's going on. From her mouth she ended it with the other guy because of me, but like I told her that if you loved me like you say you do, you would have never started it with someone else. That's the bottom line.

The whole "we weren't together" saying is a BS excuse for a F$%K up, and for you to go through with a mistake like that, you do not love the person you left, but maybe that's why you left in the first place.

[lostintheclouds]

Her past has been all about being pushed away. She's been pushed away by her own parents. The NC would totally put me in the same boat. She would move on, probably already has since she goes out nightly with guys and girls.

 

There was also once a time this girl looked me in the eyes nearly crying (happy) and asked me to never let her go.

 

She said something very similar and in the same way. But it seems your ex broke up with you because you went from giving her everything until you didn't want the dog.

 

Anyways, do you have any hobbies? Reconnect with friends or make new ones. And get out whenever you can.

 

Also, congrats on pushing through to the three month mark and not caving in to her needs.

Edited June 28, 2013 by lostintheclouds

[BeyondConfused1n]

She said something very similar and in the same way. But it seems your ex broke up with you because you went from giving her everything until you didn't want the dog.

 

Anyways, do you have any hobbies? Reconnect with friends or make new ones. And get out whenever you can.

 

Also, congrats on pushing through to the three month mark and not caving in to her needs.

 

It's difficult, as im not really 100% certain why we ended. She says she was going through a lot, but if the relationship was real one would think people go through tough times together. That's the whole point of being with someone...

 

Yes I have hobbies, although I've lost interest in a lot of them during the course of the last three months. Still have not picked them back up, but I tend to go out more often now then before. Things have changed. I wouldn't say for the better, but they are better. Not a day goes by I don't not think about all this though.

 

Thanks. It's been a long three months. I think I've come a long way, but I feel like I still have a long way to go. I want what I used to have back. Seems pretty far away right now. Have meet new people, but it's far from being even remotely close to the connection I used to have with my ex. Passing the three month mark was made easier because she never tried to make contact with me until last week.