LMNO Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Having broken up with the love of my life a few months ago, I've done a lot of reflecting in between my intense periods of depression since we broke up. I've come to realize that she turned me into a person that I never was before meeting her. She never respected me, and I firmly believe never loved me either. She was extremely narcissistic, and never made me comfortable in our relationship. Due to her being very sneaky and lying about everything, I eventually turned into the guy that didn't trust her at all, and would look thru her phone at times. No surprise, every time I did, I'd find that she was texting/flirting with other guys, had coworkers trying to hook her up with other coworkers, had naked pics of dudes emailed to her. She would go out with supposed friends of mine who obviously wanted to hook up with her behind my back, and not tell me about it(Who knows whether they hooked up or not...my guess would be yes). Of course whenever she was called out on any of the above, she would turn it around on me, make me feel horrible about myself, break up with me, and then come crawling back. Me being young and dumb for most of the relationship, I'd always take her back. I love her more than anything, yet in the back of my mind, from day 1 of a 10 year relationship, I always new she didn't really care about me, especially when all of that started happening- which wasn't long after we started dating. Is she a narcissists? Ive been reading a lot about it lately, and all signs point heavily in favor to yes. Anyone else been in something like this? I'm finding it extremely hard to get over her and move on, especially since we have a child together. Advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated. 1
TheFriend Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I would say either a narcissist or suffers from borderline personality disorder. Bpdfamily.com.check it out I was changed over time by my ex. I am still having an identity crisis. I am slowly remembering who I was thoug. It is terrible how someone can brainwash you over time. 1
OwlSoul Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 It sounds really horrible. I dunno, I wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship who would flirt in my back and act like this. Yeah, the relationships with people change us a lot. Sometimes we are not really fitting each other, which destroys both partners. One of them starts showing more and more love, whereas the other one is like a kid which was loved by parents too much. She did not have to worry about being loves, having all the attention and etc. So she 'grew' up to a narcissic person. Falling back to the same circle seems to be a bad idea. The only way out is to change dramatically for both of you or go in separate ways. 1
Author LMNO Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 It was pretty horrible. I blame myself extensively for sticking around through all of that, which in turn led to the intense pain that I feel now. Its just really hard having a child with her, coming from the kind of childhood I had and never wanting that for my son. I guess the old saying of history repeats itself is sad but true
TheFriend Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 You can give your son a wonderful life. Don't worry about history repeating itself, you have control over your half and you can be a wonderful parent and raise your son to be a wonderful person and have a great life. 2
Flier Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Oh my gosh. she has a personality disorder that will be toxic to you forever. She is abusing you...and those personality traits dont change.
Flier Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I can relate in some ways to what you went through. My ex.fiance would lie, deny, and evade responsibility when I confronted him on lies or crap like keeping a date profile up. He was not as outrageous in his behavior as your lady is, but it was still an excrutiating journey. It was always my fault, and I went thru hell with the twisted stories, the blaming me for being angry when he did crap that would make most people mad. I am a psychiatric nurse and I learned a heck of a lot about personality disorders from him than I ever knew before. I went back with him multiple times because I loved certain parts of him...the lying and placing blame on me never stopped. Such a toxic way to live. I am recovering from a fresh breakup from him right now. Hugs to you.
Author LMNO Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 As much as it doesn't take any of the hurt away, I guess it helps to know I'm not the only one....
incandescent Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 there is sooooooooo much i can say, but i'l keep it short yeah man pretty similar to my ex gf, she lied to me so much, broke so many promises, i tried to breakup with her loads, but she kept apologizing and saying she was sorry, so i would forgive her over, and over, and over again. she ended up breaking up with me because an old friend that looked through a keyhole whilst she showered came back onto the scene. all the lies, and being treated like a doormat made me less trustworthy of her, and hugely insecure, and for the last 3 months of our relationship my friends and family were telling me that i had changed, and i seemed less confident, it was hell man. all i can say is, you are worth more than you think. you are down, but not out. so get up and start living again its been 3 months since breakup, and things are getting back to normal
Sugarkane Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Not uncommon here, they like blaming everyone but themselves. You need someone who actually wants a relationship, not someone hitting on multiple people during a relationship. That is very slutty in a relationship. I also think it's a bad idea to date co workers- if you do you have to see an ex everyday. This person had no respect for you.
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