youngnlove89 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 What is the best advice you have been given or given to someone going through a breakup? My heart sits heavy tonight, and I really just need some advice. I played a prank on my boyfriend on April Fool's and said I was pregnant (I'm really not). Well he forgot it was April Fools and thought I was serious and said he did NOT want a kid and to really think about aborting it. I was very upset about that and that is not and will never be an option for me. After I told him that it was just a prank he was not very happy about it and he said it scared him a lot and now he wants to end things and no longer have sex anymore. He said we can hang out, but no more sex. He told me he would not even be able to get an erection around me with the THOUGHT of getting me pregnant. (HOW RUDE, Right?) We have been dating for two years off and on and a couple months ago, I was raped and we got back in touch. He was 100% there for me in every way possible. He truly showed that he cared for me and loved me. But now that it's been a couple months, things have slowly started to become what they used to be and now he is breaking things off again. He wants to remain friends and even hang out, but I can't handle that. I just need some good advice. I need someone to lift me up.
sweetheart5381 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 What is the best advice you have been given or given to someone going through a breakup? My heart sits heavy tonight, and I really just need some advice. I played a prank on my boyfriend on April Fool's and said I was pregnant (I'm really not). Well he forgot it was April Fools and thought I was serious and said he did NOT want a kid and to really think about aborting it. I was very upset about that and that is not and will never be an option for me. After I told him that it was just a prank he was not very happy about it and he said it scared him a lot and now he wants to end things and no longer have sex anymore. He said we can hang out, but no more sex. He told me he would not even be able to get an erection around me with the THOUGHT of getting me pregnant. (HOW RUDE, Right?) We have been dating for two years off and on and a couple months ago, I was raped and we got back in touch. He was 100% there for me in every way possible. He truly showed that he cared for me and loved me. But now that it's been a couple months, things have slowly started to become what they used to be and now he is breaking things off again. He wants to remain friends and even hang out, but I can't handle that. I just need some good advice. I need someone to lift me up. Well in my opinion you just learned something about each other. That's generally why break-ups happen (in the case of a blow-up/fight). 1. April Fool's Day jokes/pranks are meant to be funny, silly and taken with good spirit (and that can only be done if the pranker really knows the other person well, depending on the content of the prank). I don't know too many men that wouldn't hyperventilate at the thought of an unplanned pregnancy with their girlfriend. And ya, if I heard that news, I would not be thinking about a calendar either! Heck, if I had a penis, it would honestly be attempting to hide under my sac at that news, too. 2. You learned that he is ok with abortion. It's not a sin for him to have his opinion about this stuff, ultimately it's your body and your right to choose. You have differing opinions, it happens. I can't offer any sympathy here, sorry. That was a mean prank and I think he has every right to go back to just being friends.
OwlSoul Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Positive Give it some time. If it was just because of the rush of the moment, he will change his mind I hope. Negative My frist ex was dating a girl, who claimed to be pregnant and cheating on him. It was revealed it was a lie, but he kind of lost trust and something has changed in his mind.
destroyed4sho Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I remember you and that horrible experience you went through. I hope your feeling better. I am.surprised you got.back.together with ex and STAYED together for so long. Since.January? I think you should give him a few days to get over the prank...it may have been a bit too much for him. But at least you found out what his stance would be if you did ever get pregnant. However, his reaction to never wanting to see you again bc of the prank is not a good sign. If he can just leave you bc of a stupid prank on April Fools...then doesnt seem.like value sthe relationship that much.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I remember you and that horrible experience you went through. I hope your feeling better. I am.surprised you got.back.together with ex and STAYED together for so long. Since.January? I think you should give him a few days to get over the prank...it may have been a bit too much for him. But at least you found out what his stance would be if you did ever get pregnant. However, his reaction to never wanting to see you again bc of the prank is not a good sign. If he can just leave you bc of a stupid prank on April Fools...then doesnt seem.like value sthe relationship that much. Thank you. I'm dealing with it and he has helped me get through it. Yes, since January we got back together. And he didn't say he never wanted to see me again, he said he never wanted to have sex with me again because he would be afraid of getting me pregnant. He texted me this "I haven't been totally honest. The reasons why I want to stop having sex with you are many. Yesterday was just the straw that broke the camels back. another reason, we are where we were months ago. I didn't want to be there then so why would I now. And within that last reason there are obviously multiple layers that you can come to a conclusion why I don't want to be **** buddies. So I'm down for hanging for sure, but the sex has got to stop."
cavalier99 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Hi younglove sorry to hear that you might have to go down the recovery path again and things arnt working out. Some of us have longer journeys than others. I think his reason is BS and he is just looking for an out. I didnt particullarly like the joke but obviously he was looking for an excuse to pull the plug. I hope it can work out but it seems like you might need to prepare yourself for him going his own way. Im sorry you need to go thru this again. Take care ok? Youll get thru this. No begging and pleading. Cav 2
Thunderchild Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) Youngnlove The 'joke' was way out of order. It was akin to telling a husband and father of your child(ren) that he wasn't the biological father. For many guys that would be a real deal breaker. There are lots of women who use this kind of stunt to control their men, and, believe me he is looking at you in whole different light now!! He will be thinking - If she is prepared to 'joke' (ie tell lies) about being pregnant, then what else will she lie to me about? I take it that you have apologised sincerely and profusely and told him what a "schmuck" you were?? Beyond that - let him calm down, give him the space he needs and start praying that he can forgive you. Edited April 3, 2013 by Thunderchild
Own Worst Enemy Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Although I'm glad he was there for you during your awful recent experience. However, that text is pretty vile. There is a whole section of "he's just not that into you" which deals with him not being into you when he doesn't want sex with you. I read it when my ex freaked after an argument about not getting pregnant (if he knew anything about biology, he'd have realised the chances were 1 in about 20000000000000!!) and cut the sex. And...... Yeah, they were right. Tell this clown that it's over and hold your head up high. I think he is the type that will keep crawling back, but hopefully you'll have moved on out of crawling distance by then! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yeah, that was a really horrible joke. That being said, it sounds like he wasn't too into it even before the joke and the joke gave him the out he was looking for. But yeah, wasn't this the guy who was basically using you before?
Own Worst Enemy Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 telling him that you were pregnant in the first place?
destroyed4sho Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Thank you. I'm dealing with it and he has helped me get through it. Yes, since January we got back together. And he didn't say he never wanted to see me again, he said he never wanted to have sex with me again because he would be afraid of getting me pregnant. He texted me this "I haven't been totally honest. The reasons why I want to stop having sex with you are many. Yesterday was just the straw that broke the camels back. another reason, we are where we were months ago. I didn't want to be there then so why would I now. And within that last reason there are obviously multiple layers that you can come to a conclusion why I don't want to be **** buddies. So I'm down for hanging for sure, but the sex has got to stop." So he doesn't want sex or to be **** buddies AND doesnt want to.be where you were months ago...which was also why he broken up with you back.then. He is trying to friendzone you. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Yeah, that was a really horrible joke. That being said, it sounds like he wasn't too into it even before the joke and the joke gave him the out he was looking for. But yeah, wasn't this the guy who was basically using you before? Yes it is the same guy. I agree the joke wasn't the best, but I didn't have intentions of hurting him or making him mad. I just thought he would have said, "Oh **** what are we going to do?! But I'll be there for you no matter what and we will work it out" I didn't think he would up and bail on me, say we are never having sex again because the thought of me getting pregnant is repulsive. I mean, he needs to calm down. And frankly, now that I have had time to think about it, F#%^ him. I don't need that. He changed in a matter of seconds. His voice, his tone, everything about him scared him and I don't need that. I'm not a stranger who made a joke about a one night stand. I've been with him for two years. The joke lasted 5 minutes before I told him just kidding! My goal is too move on. I've had enough of his crap. Probably all the new users on here don't know what I've been through with him or they'd be saying something else. I know I'm a fool for taking him back. But he was my emotional crutch I needed while going through (and still going through) that recent experience. I asked him, "if you aren't having sex with me are you going to sleep with someone else?" He said, "not today, but in the future I will" First he tells me I'm repulsive basically by thinking it would be horrible to get me pregnant, then he tells me although, I don't want a kid, I'm going to have sex again, it just won't be with you. What a piece of scum. He is a sour suck on a lemon. How have I even managed to put up with this? If anything, his statements will be what gets me to move on. Although, I do have one question... Do I ignore him or just answer him back if he texts/calls but just be busy?
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Hi younglove sorry to hear that you might have to go down the recovery path again and things arnt working out. Some of us have longer journeys than others. I think his reason is BS and he is just looking for an out. I didnt particullarly like the joke but obviously he was looking for an excuse to pull the plug. I hope it can work out but it seems like you might need to prepare yourself for him going his own way. Im sorry you need to go thru this again. Take care ok? Youll get thru this. No begging and pleading. Cav He told me it wasn't the joke that ended things, it was just what lead up to it. I won't beg or plead because I don't want him back. I'm very hurt and mad at him. And I don't think I can be his friend. I know if we were friends he would always being asking me Who What Where When Why and How. He is controlling. He doesn't want me, but he doesn't want anyone else to have me.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Oh and I just remembered this, I told him that joke and he called me after work, after he knew I was just kidding. He called me 3 times, left messages, texted me until I answered and then said something alone the lines of "You punk, I'm going to tickle you to death when I see you next. I'm going to tickle you for 10 minutes as your punishment. Imagine 10 minutes..." and then he started counting seconds to see how long it would be. He was laughing and was okay. And then BAM the next morning he tells me no more sex. I can't deal with his hot and cold. Anyone who has been on this forum when I was last year knows that he is hot and cold. He always comes back. He gets mad, leaves. The finds a way back. Every time. If I were to stay his friend, I already know how it will go. He will text me, I'll text back. He will ask what I'm doing, I'll say I'm out with friends. And then he will get jealous and wants to know if it's a guy and he'll ask "are you more than friends?" It's ridiculous. He is a cancer sign. And he is extremely crabby, moody, walks sideways, jealous, hides in his shell at times that make him uncomfortable and selfish. He really is. He is so sensitive. In future, I'm not dating any more CRABS.
KatZee Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I'm kind of confused here. WHY are you still messing with this person? I have a hard time believing he was your "boyfriend" even though you use this word. He's stated to you countless amounts of times that he didn't want to be with you, and that you were not the girl he saw a future with. You've gone back to him countless times looking for sex, using sex as some sort of reassurance that he wants to be with you. How can you not understand that sex does not equate a relationship? He's been using you FOR YEARS. This guy hasn't been and never will be a serious boyfriend to you. He's not going to make you what you want to be. This has been going on for a year now. I dealt with my break up the same time all your drama went down 11 MONTHS AGO. You had the support, you had all of us "lifting you up" and being there for you close to a year ago. You had the best advice a year ago and you have chosen for those 11 months to disregard every single thing we have said to you. But that's fine. We all need to learn our own lessons and realize that at the end of the day we aren't special. We aren't some sort of exception. We aren't some rare case of happily ever after. You were shown that lesson months ago. And you went back. You were then shown it AGAIN. And you went back. And now here you are AGAIN being shown it again that this guy wants nothing more to do with you besides your warm body for him to stick it in. And when things get "serious" (your little prank) he tells you once and for all, to your face, that you should get an abortion and he never wants to have sex with you again. I'm not sure how this can be ANY clearer to you that you are NOTHING... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to this person. And the fact that you then end your massive post with: Although, I do have one question... Do I ignore him or just answer him back if he texts/calls but just be busy? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?Where is your self respect and dignity? Although these are questions I asked you a year ago. You STILL do not own an ounce of these things. Who cares if he calls or texts you! He's not calling or texting because he loves you. I think you really need to start grasping the concept of actual love, because this guy is NOT IT. What about NC is not understandable here? What about blocking his number is so hard? You want someone to lift you up and make you feel OK but this is A YEAR NOW. I get that we all move on at different speeds but I said it months ago and I'll say it now. You're not even trying. You're stuck in the same abusive and toxic and delusional bubble you've been in. The work HAS TO COME FROM YOU. You need serious individual counseling. You need to seriously start seeking out better things in life. Start making new friends. Start DOING things besides throwing yourself at a person who wants nothing from you but a vagina. There comes a time when we need to put on our big girl panties and say, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. 3
Tree_Salmon Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I think even by posting on here you are reverting back to the same old. you need to let this s**t go. It's going to waste many more years of your life if you don't pick yourself up. tough love. stop allowing this thing to dictate your life. you will become a sad, jaded and spiteful person. let this go. Katzee nailed it.
cavalier99 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I'm kind of confused here. WHY are you still messing with this person? I have a hard time believing he was your "boyfriend" even though you use this word. He's stated to you countless amounts of times that he didn't want to be with you, and that you were not the girl he saw a future with. You've gone back to him countless times looking for sex, using sex as some sort of reassurance that he wants to be with you. How can you not understand that sex does not equate a relationship? He's been using you FOR YEARS. This guy hasn't been and never will be a serious boyfriend to you. He's not going to make you what you want to be. This has been going on for a year now. I dealt with my break up the same time all your drama went down 11 MONTHS AGO. You had the support, you had all of us "lifting you up" and being there for you close to a year ago. You had the best advice a year ago and you have chosen for those 11 months to disregard every single thing we have said to you. But that's fine. We all need to learn our own lessons and realize that at the end of the day we aren't special. We aren't some sort of exception. We aren't some rare case of happily ever after. You were shown that lesson months ago. And you went back. You were then shown it AGAIN. And you went back. And now here you are AGAIN being shown it again that this guy wants nothing more to do with you besides your warm body for him to stick it in. And when things get "serious" (your little prank) he tells you once and for all, to your face, that you should get an abortion and he never wants to have sex with you again. I'm not sure how this can be ANY clearer to you that you are NOTHING... ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to this person. And the fact that you then end your massive post with: Although, I do have one question... Do I ignore him or just answer him back if he texts/calls but just be busy? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?Where is your self respect and dignity? Although these are questions I asked you a year ago. You STILL do not own an ounce of these things. Who cares if he calls or texts you! He's not calling or texting because he loves you. I think you really need to start grasping the concept of actual love, because this guy is NOT IT. What about NC is not understandable here? What about blocking his number is so hard? You want someone to lift you up and make you feel OK but this is A YEAR NOW. I get that we all move on at different speeds but I said it months ago and I'll say it now. You're not even trying. You're stuck in the same abusive and toxic and delusional bubble you've been in. The work HAS TO COME FROM YOU. You need serious individual counseling. You need to seriously start seeking out better things in life. Start making new friends. Start DOING things besides throwing yourself at a person who wants nothing from you but a vagina. There comes a time when we need to put on our big girl panties and say, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Hi katzee all that may be true. But to give her some credit it think she was getting over him and maintaining NC until she called him after the horrible event in Jan. Cav
KatZee Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Hi katzee all that may be true. But to give her some credit it think she was getting over him and maintaining NC until she called him after the horrible event in Jan. Cav I wasn't even going to touch on that event in January because none of what I said has anything to do with it. That's a horrible thing to go through, and an even bigger reason why she needs counseling... HOWEVER, there has never been any sort of legitimate form of NC here. Never. I'd say maybe 10 days max of NC has ever been used here and what happened in January has nothing to do with her constantly running back to a person who wants nothing really to do with her besides keeping the bed warm. She continues to ignore and continues to act on impulse and continues to run back to a person who winds up emotionally abusing her, making her feel like garbage, making her feel worthless... and then these threads pop up. It's routine at this point. There is no deviation from this story. Read the back threads from 11 months ago. 1
cavalier99 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I wasn't even going to touch on that event in January because none of what I said has anything to do with it. That's a horrible thing to go through, and an even bigger reason why she needs counseling... HOWEVER, there has never been any sort of legitimate form of NC here. Never. I'd say maybe 10 days max of NC has ever been used here and what happened in January has nothing to do with her constantly running back to a person who wants nothing really to do with her besides keeping the bed warm. She continues to ignore and continues to act on impulse and continues to run back to a person who winds up emotionally abusing her, making her feel like garbage, making her feel worthless... and then these threads pop up. It's routine at this point. There is no deviation from this story. Read the back threads from 11 months ago. Understood. You know a lot more of the back story. I just saw all the extremely motivational stuff she was putting out recently and she seemed to be doing well for a while.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 If your goal is to move on, then no, you don't answer when he calls or texts. You block his number and his emails and you ignore him. Forever. He sucks at life, and he's proved to you time and time again that he's not the one for you. 1
KatZee Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Understood. You know a lot more of the back story. I just saw all the extremely motivational stuff she was putting out recently and she seemed to be doing well for a while. That makes me kind of angry as well. It's very hypocritical. I remember those posts and then directly after making those posts, she went back to him. Sooo....
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I wasn't even going to touch on that event in January because none of what I said has anything to do with it. That's a horrible thing to go through, and an even bigger reason why she needs counseling... HOWEVER, there has never been any sort of legitimate form of NC here. Never. I'd say maybe 10 days max of NC has ever been used here and what happened in January has nothing to do with her constantly running back to a person who wants nothing really to do with her besides keeping the bed warm. She continues to ignore and continues to act on impulse and continues to run back to a person who winds up emotionally abusing her, making her feel like garbage, making her feel worthless... and then these threads pop up. It's routine at this point. There is no deviation from this story. Read the back threads from 11 months ago. I understand why Katzee is saying those things. I get it. I think of myself that way too. I don't like that I'm weak and insecure enough to take him back. We did have no contact for 2 months and then I had that horrible experience and he was the only person I felt comfortable talking to. He protected me and made the situation a little easier to handle knowing that I had support and I wasn't going to be alone during this time. Nobody can speak for myself, but me. Nobody can say how I feel or what is right for me. I know what I need to do. But it may take counseling to get there. I'm not here to be bashed at or be brought to my knees because I haven't learned my lesson. I'm here for emotional support. Maybe all this tough love isn't doing me any good. Maybe what I need is someone to just listen to me and say, you can do this. He already has texted me and I haven't said a word. I don't want to even. I'm here to get help. If I didn't want help, if I didn't want to move on, do you think I'd be wasting my time talking to strangers? No. So if you want to help me, then help. If you want to bash, insult, etc then leave. I don't need it. I need positives in my life right now. Him basically saying that he would lose an erection with the thought of me getting pregnant killed it for me. That HURT. I sure wish my rapist had felt that way. He would have never done anything. To know my ex bf feels that way makes it even harder to understand why the world is so f.ucked and jaded. Everything is back a.ss wards.
na49 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 How upsetting, you post all of those motivational passages about moving on and you went back to him anyway. or did you go back to him? I'm confused if you were back together or if he was just supporting you after your rough incident. (which I hope you're recovering from. I couldn't imagine how traumatic that was.)
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 How upsetting, you post all of those motivational passages about moving on and you went back to him anyway. or did you go back to him? I'm confused if you were back together or if he was just supporting you after your rough incident. (which I hope you're recovering from. I couldn't imagine how traumatic that was.) We didn't get back together. He was supporting me. I call him my boyfriend because he was a friend that was a boy. I don't know why that is so wrong to say. But we were having sex. And he just wanted to stop because feelings were getting involved again. Thank you. I'm okay, for now. It still seems so surreal. I can't believe it happened to me.
Author youngnlove89 Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 I may not be able to let go of the feelings, but I will let go of him. And no person has the right to condemn you on how you repair your heart, because no one knows how much you’re hurting. I needed something to go right so badly that I convinced myself it was real. Even though I think, deep down, I knew it wasn't. I knew he was going to leave, I just didn't want to believe it. Overall, even after I sign off of LS, I'm happy. I can sleep at night, I can smile at work. I'm okay. I know it's going to hurt eventually. But I'm more angry than sad with him. Maybe I'm focusing too much of my time on him. Maybe coming on LS isn't good for me. I don't know.
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