LookingforSunshine Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Hi All, I am in a dilemna of torture, pain, and hope. I really love a man who is not living near me, and who is unable to be where I live geographically. On the other hand, I did try living with him but, because of unfinished business pertaining to my marital status and a child, it did not work out. I was foolish. Not only for moving before the divcorce was final, but for thinking that by simply filing the papers, that I had done enough to move on! Also, for not separating my new feelings in a healthy way from the dead and suffering marital relationship I have been enduring for many years from a new life with part of a new person inside of myself, and a new person to share this new self with. Now with hindsight, I cannot afford to make any drastic or sudden moves at this time. The dilemna is my child. She is not wanting to grow up with split up parents. My first attempt to solve this problem was to live here, divide the household living arrangement up so we had autonomy between us, and live together divorced. This was the plan until I could not deal with the issues here and my SM wanted to help me escape. First mistake, to make a life decision based on aviodance and/or escape. Second decision, to not follow through with a promise to my child to let this be a trial as opposed to a final decision. I fell into the trap of pleasing my new love and not fully looking at myself in the mirror as to what I am all about and let my child down. I simply caved and said I was not going back to her dad. She was very let down and felt betrayed. I still feel wrong about this action I took. I began wanting out the first year after I married my spoues. This is my first and only marriage, and his second. (I filed the papers and did not follow through this last Feb and gave myself one year to think things over) I have been separated before at the onset of our new life as married people, and have asked myself why I have been here committed for all these years blaming so many things for why things have gone so badly for so long. The sad part is that my husband does not see things as all that bad. Only I feel as bad about our marriage history, and current status quo. Things are horrible physically for me in this marriage and I am always feeling guilty for wanting more in life. I just want a safe place to share anonymously. I am chronically ill, have little money, and no place to really move on to because my SM is parenting two of his own kids from where he lives, and I have not asked him to give up having this option. (Divorced but sees them every weekend) On the other hand, I will not be one to remove my own child from access to her father. So, this whole issue has come down to money and children from where I sit. Please help me cope daily here as I am going under some days with depression and see no end in sight. Thank you for listening, Reeling PS (SM=soul mate)
meanon Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 That's what this issue so often comes down to: money and children. I don't have any wise words to offer you, there's no easy way to decide what price your loved ones should pay for your personal happiness. If you choose to sacrifice your happiness for your child then that is understandable and admirable but make sure the costs are not too high or you may live to regret it. It would be a mistake to let yourself go under because of what you perceive are the best interests of your child. At the end of the day, she needs a healthy mother. Who ever she lives with, she will still have two loving parents.
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