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Girlfriend is a yoyo... driving me crazy!!


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Posted

Hey everybody,

 

My girlfriend of about 10 months broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, but after 3 days of NC, she texted me and started talking to me again. She told me that she had the worst week in her entire life and was crying constantly in class, at home etc and just didn't feel like doing anything. So we decided to hang out a bit and have been making out every now and then. 3-4 days ago she called me and we chatted normally for a bit then she said she wanted space again and we haven't spoken or contacted each other since then. I'm thoroughly confused and need some advice. What should I do? I still like her a fair bit.

 

On another note... conversations are meant to die down in a relationship right? You can't just keep talking about interesting things all the time right? One of the things she was concerned about is that sometimes we don't have much to say to each other (only on rare occasions - 90% of the time we're talking well).

 

Any advice would be great. Thanks everybody! :)

Posted
Hey everybody,

 

My girlfriend of about 10 months broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, but after 3 days of NC, she texted me and started talking to me again. She told me that she had the worst week in her entire life and was crying constantly in class, at home etc and just didn't feel like doing anything. So we decided to hang out a bit and have been making out every now and then. 3-4 days ago she called me and we chatted normally for a bit then she said she wanted space again and we haven't spoken or contacted each other since then. I'm thoroughly confused and need some advice. What should I do? I still like her a fair bit.

 

On another note... conversations are meant to die down in a relationship right? You can't just keep talking about interesting things all the time right? One of the things she was concerned about is that sometimes we don't have much to say to each other (only on rare occasions - 90% of the time we're talking well).

 

Any advice would be great. Thanks everybody! :)

 

 

conversations are important but so are the silences.......if you can just be quiet with someone have them not worry about filling in the gaps between the talking.....gaps are meant to be there....its reflection .......silences are not empty....thoughts while you are awake, slide in and out of silences, dreams, plans and hopes.......knowing someone enough to enjoy those silences, be comfortable with them never awkward with them, is a gift...if you have to fill up silence with chatter......someone isnt comfortable and its the person chattering who isnt....deb

Posted

Mate,

 

You must think of yourself first now. As you stated, you still like her a fair bit. You need to heal and move on and NC is the way.

 

She used you a fair bit when reached out to you. She wanted your emotional comfort. She got it and distanced herself once she settled down emotionally. You need to focus on yourself now and not be there the moment she needs you for comfort. Otherwise, you'll never heal you know? Don't let her have this idea in her head that she can come to you for convenience whenever she wants and you'll be there.

 

Best of luck.

Posted

Its not that you dont have interesting things to say constantly, she has no interest in talking to you, so your conversations die. Dont be there for her, if you like her alot, you have to let this one go for your sake, and stop talking to her, otherwise she will keep giving you the yoyo treatment, until she finds a new guy to get her emotional comfort from. it will come out of the blue, she will just cut you off with no real explanation. So do yourself a favor, beat her to the punch, and dont even explain to her why youre cutting her off, she doesnt deserve it. Beware, she will probably try to get your attention any way she can to use you again.

  • Author
Posted
Mate,

 

You must think of yourself first now. As you stated, you still like her a fair bit. You need to heal and move on and NC is the way.

 

She used you a fair bit when reached out to you. She wanted your emotional comfort. She got it and distanced herself once she settled down emotionally. You need to focus on yourself now and not be there the moment she needs you for comfort. Otherwise, you'll never heal you know? Don't let her have this idea in her head that she can come to you for convenience whenever she wants and you'll be there.

 

Best of luck.

 

You bring up a good point. If I was to correct one thing in the relationship, I was too much of a (for the lack of a better word) little bitch. I always tried to make her feel special by saying corny things, always doing things for her and just being too nice of a guy. In my opinion (Please correct me if i'm wrong, or agree with me if i'm right), being too nice of a guy / saying too much cheesy stuff lets the girl just walk over you and the relationship will ultimately come to an end. This is kind of the same thing you're saying in regard to emotional comfort. Even though we were "technically" broken up I still wanted to be there for her because she was sad, which is a mistake on my behalf. In saying that, this is a lot easier said than done. For the post-breakup, it's a simple no contact rule. But what about during the relationship? What can I do to not get so walked on? If I'm too nice, I'll get walked on, but if I don't do those things, I'll seem like an emotionless *******. How do I find the right balance? I have already come to terms with the fact that there is a high chance that my relationship with my ex is over for good (even though she keeps saying there is a possibility in the future which is absolute bull**** - I mean, I'm not gonna hang around to be a second choice), so this advice is for future reference :).

 

Thanks

Posted
just being too nice of a guy. In my opinion (Please correct me if i'm wrong, or agree with me if i'm right), being too nice of a guy / saying too much cheesy stuff lets the girl just walk over you and the relationship will ultimately come to an end.

 

The right girl would APPRECIATE the kind things you do, not walk all over you for it.

 

She's clearly not the right girl for you.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
3-4 days ago she called me and we chatted normally for a bit then she said she wanted space again
Probably she felt you're still here for her, so she calmed down. Or the old issues she has seen in you risen up again, so she is not sure again what she is feeling.

 

What should I do? I still like her a fair bit.
Depends on how are you feeling. If you're hurting and feeling really bad, go for NC to heal yourself up. If it is just about liking her, not being crazily in love, then you're in a very good position. In case the last one is true, and you have really decided you want the relationship, listen to your intuition and follow what it says.

 

 

On another note... conversations are meant to die down in a relationship right?
Not really. When they are dying, it means one of the partners is losing the interest. Ofc, they are not meant to be crazy like first days, however, they should leave the same feeling of comfort.

 

 

The right girl would APPRECIATE the kind things you do, not walk all over you for it.

She's clearly not the right girl for you.

What? People on the Earth are not devided to dumpers and dumpees. The first ones are not the monsters, while the last ones aren't the angels as well. Edited by OwlSoul
Posted
You bring up a good point. If I was to correct one thing in the relationship, I was too much of a (for the lack of a better word) little bitch. I always tried to make her feel special by saying corny things, always doing things for her and just being too nice of a guy. In my opinion (Please correct me if i'm wrong, or agree with me if i'm right), being too nice of a guy / saying too much cheesy stuff lets the girl just walk over you and the relationship will ultimately come to an end. This is kind of the same thing you're saying in regard to emotional comfort. Even though we were "technically" broken up I still wanted to be there for her because she was sad, which is a mistake on my behalf. In saying that, this is a lot easier said than done. For the post-breakup, it's a simple no contact rule. But what about during the relationship? What can I do to not get so walked on? If I'm too nice, I'll get walked on, but if I don't do those things, I'll seem like an emotionless *******. How do I find the right balance? I have already come to terms with the fact that there is a high chance that my relationship with my ex is over for good (even though she keeps saying there is a possibility in the future which is absolute bull**** - I mean, I'm not gonna hang around to be a second choice), so this advice is for future reference :).

 

Thanks

 

You almost described myself completely with my ex-girlfriend. I love(d) her so much that the sweetest words just flows right out of me. She was over the moon with how sweet I am to her. I personally didn't see anything wrong with it but I guess I could see it making her "comfortable" to walk on me.

 

She wasn't mean but she was just obliviously inconsiderate to me and taken me for granted. That's a long story.

 

I guess the moral of the story is to be loving but hold your ground as a person. I did this but in the end, it's one of the reasons we ended XD.

  • Author
Posted

 

Depends on how are you feeling. If you're hurting and feeling really bad, go for NC to heal yourself up. If it is just about liking her, not being crazily in love, then you're in a very good position. In case the last one is true, and you have really decided you want the relationship, listen to your intuition and follow what it says.

 

I find this really interesting since it contradicts with what other people say but it is really good to hear some contrasting information and something that isn't so negative haha. I used to be really crazy for her but I found that much less so as the relationship went on. I mean I still like her and care for her deeply but even after the asking for space, I think about it sometimes and whatnot but I'm keeping myself busy and surprisingly enough I don't feel that bad. So according to what you say, I think the second thing you said is probably my case. If I do want the relationship to keep going, what do you think I should do right now? And if we do get back together, what should I do differently this time?

 

@SendHope, you live and learn brother. That's what experiences and past relationships are all about. I mean it's tough, but each time we get better and stronger until we find the right person :).

Posted
If I do want the relationship to keep going, what do you think I should do right now? And if we do get back together, what should I do differently this time?
It is all up to your gut feeling really. If you feel like there should be some space, so be it.

 

I always followed it, and everything worked out in the way I wish, untill I would lose control over my feelings.

 

As for me, I do not know what to do to make everything work. Since just today I contacted my ex who also said he wants some space a month ago. I did it because something said inside of me that it is the time. Something positive. So welp, appeared he is for continuing the relationship and make us work. Although, I feel, he would gladly continue this 'some space for myself' thing if I wouldn't ask him.

 

On the other hand, I was dumped twice. And at the time I felt it is best to wait (for some reason I felt he'll be back). Worked kind of well this time as well, both of them returned back regretting and saying they're is still in love and etc. And again, everything lasted untill I lost control and started feeling insecure.

 

Sometimes your gut feeling says this is it, it's the end. And honestly, better to follow it (which I did twice).

 

 

It's starnge how so many couples, who were doing well, break out of nowhere. I mean, ofc, there is some changes which might affect it, work/school/halth and etc. Human-beings are really good at detecting the change in partner's behaviour. So, one of the partners start feeling insecure and etc. Arguements, blaming, unhappiness start appearing more and more. The other partner feels emotionally pushed away.

 

I've been talking to my friend recently about it. He said that we should not confuse the desire and the true love. Basically, when you're feeling the love you go blind, you do not notice any changes in pertner's behaviour, you keep on going strong, happy, secure and self-confident. It doesn't matter whether he or she texted you less than last week.

 

The main rule of a relationship: Do believe if your partner does not want to be with you, he/she will tell it. Untill this moment enjoy what you have. Don't be miserable, sad and etc. Your well-being should not be dependent on whether he/she kisses, hug, says I love you less than usual.

 

If you feel you want to reach out, do it. But don't do it to get some kind of effect, reaction from the person. Like some people would start copying their soulmate's interest to make them love more. Or texting a lot, to get some kind of confirmation for that they are still in love with you.

Posted

What? People on the Earth are not devided to dumpers and dumpees. The first ones are not the monsters, while the last ones aren't the angels as well.

 

I'm not calling anyone a monster and I'm not condeming anyone for dumping someone, I'm simply referring to the OP's quote about feeling like she walked all over him because he was too nice, and him wondering if he needs to not be as nice in the future to not be walked on. Like I said, the right girl for him will appreciate the niceness and not walk all over him.

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