I still want him?

[ddlovexx]

Hey,

 

I don't know if anyone's read my other posts... but long story short, was in a relationship with my guy for 9 months. We had our ups and down but generally a very good relationship. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone.

 

A few months ago he started acting a little shady, but I put it to the fact that he went from working 25 hours a week to around 60, sometimes more. He's tired, I get it, I learned to cope.

 

Things had been pretty good for the most part, but he tends to lie about stupid little things. Where he went or what time, he'd make up stories about things he or someone else said that weren't actually said... would say he was "busy" at work but post all over instagram. Again, I guess nothing "major" but he was being immature. He just turned 24.

 

So, we celebrated his birthday the other night. I haven't seen him that happy in a while. It was an awesome night with our friends. But when I got home, he passed out on my bed rather quickly as he was drunk, I went to grab his phone to put it by the bed and dismiss a text from his friend, and I saw a girl's name. Long story short: he told the girl we were broken up, was trying to hang out with her, the girl wasn't having it. I was aquaintances with the girl, she would up telling me that he was seeing her before me, and she left him once he found out about me. She sent me screenshot pics of him telling her in JANUARY that we were "broken up" and I was "crazy." So I flipped. Threw the phone at him, asked who it was, stormed out of the room.

 

When I came back, he said he didn't know what I was talking about and deleted the texts. When he fell asleep I found other texts in his phone to girls telling them we broke up, that I cheated on him... weird lies that didn't even make sense. When he woke up in the morning I broke up with him.

 

Honestly, this guy is the absolute love of my life and he means more to me than anything. We spoke that night in person because I needed closure. I was a mess. He said he ****ed up and he's sorry, he wants me and only me and he sees his future with me and he's going to make it right no matter how long it takes. He was almost crying and holding me and it was a side of him I've never really seen. He says he doesn't know why he did it and that it was so stupid and that he never ever wants to lose me. I told him I can't trust him with all the lies everywhere. He said he hasn't cheated and I believe him on that... but the fact that he could tell these girls we were "broken up" behind my back is gut-wrenching. Sure we had our fights, ups and downs, but that doesn't make it okay for him to do what he did. I told him to give me a few weeks and then we can talk again and see where things go.

 

Since then, he's been texting me telling me he loves me, misses me, is going to change. That he isn't giving me up and he will fix things no matter how long it takes. He even told me his mom set up a counseling session for him so he can figure out his lying and anger issues. I've barely answered except to say that I'm really hurt and need time. God I want to believe he is going to change, I love him more than life itself and absolutely want to spend my life with him... but am I just making a mistake? I know he loves me a lot, I'm close to his family and this is the realest relationship I've ever had. I think he's just young and has made a huge mistake... I want to believe things are going to change. Even though I shouldn't, I want to give him another chance (in the future, not right at this moment.) My birthday is this weekend and he texted me saying "don't think I forgot about your birthday. you will be happy I promise" so I think he's going to show up at my house and I'm going to be a sucker.

 

I want him to work for it and win my trust back because I love him so much. I was so upset at first but for once, for this breakup, I am not bitter or angry and I don't blame myself. I want to forgive him. He's had a few girlfriends before me but nothing as serious as me. His parents are mad at him, his friends are mad. Maybe he really has ****ed up and plans to change. I feel like having him live without me for a bit really may make a difference and really believe that he is sorry. But I know that if there's no trust, there's nothing and right now I don't trust him. My friends think I shouldn't go back but in my heart, I really do love him. What's the worst that can happen, he can **** up again and then I'm gone for good, right? Should I just give it time? Please help. xo

Edited April 3, 2013 by ddlovexx

[ddlovexx]

Thank you.

 

It's just that for once I'm not bitter or angry anymore over a relationship. I want to forgive him because I want to.