Echo000 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I hate this. I am sick of this. Today marks day 70 of nc and this overall heartache/garbage/ I am tired. I am lonely. I am weary. I want to fall into a sea of support. I want to scream that I am not okay..that (while I have done well to move forward) I am still cut up on the inside. so tired. i know there are people out there that can relate, but at the end of the night I go to bed with my own thoughts..and wake up with more of the same. What a monotonous life. 1
Lillygoose Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Hope you're okay. Your not alone in this, you have all of us on here! x 1
Kamille Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Showing up to offer support. There's really nothing to say but that, little by little life changes - and you will get back to some smooth sailing (pardon the pun). And maybe the fact that little by little life changes is the hardest thing to accept. It means letting go. 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yes I feel you and pretty much what I am going through too. I still have thoughts but its getting better. Today is the first day I woke up and she wasnt the first thing I thought about.! Just relax and accept the fact that you will be hurting for a while...accept the feelings and tell yourself it ok to still be grieving - even if its 6 months or a year. I must say I have been reading self -help books and just concentration on.me takes.my mind off her. Its really helped when I thought nothing else can help me. Try buying some books or get them from the library and just read! I am about 3 months NC and this is the only.thing that has worked so far in cutting her out of my mind...its also a good way to improve yourself. 1
Damsel in Distress Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 A lot of us are in the same boat, Echo. The hurt seems never-ending. I'm a woman so it may be different but the times I can truly say I'm not thinking about the ex and the breakup are when I am helping other people with their problems, either at work, or talking to a friend (I have a friend with a messy relationship right now and it's so helpful to talk about HER instead of ME).... it gets my focus off me and my own problems. I think volunteer work would have the same effect - makes you feel like a good person and also switches your focus. And giving advice on LS also helps me! So much easier to see in somebody else's relationship! I also find it's helpful to exercise, but I have to be very careful about the music I listen to and I'm doing more with no music at all. I feel so cynical and even angry at love songs or even sentimental breakup songs... it really affects my mood in a bad way. Being productive is also good for me - like cleaning or working on a project (painting cabinets this week). Destroyed, I haven't been able to focus on reading, but I haven't tried self-help books. Maybe that would work. 2
Tony T Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 In my opinion you are very lucky. You are blessed with the ability to love truly, deeply and meaningfully. I'll take the pain and hurt you're going through any day rather than exist as so many do, going from one "love" to another and not thinking a whole lot about it or reacting much emotionally. You are lucky that you dip down and enjoy the breadth and fullness of a rich love experience. Believe me, the pain is worth it. One day, you will find lasting love....and there will still be pain in that...of another kind. You simply can't escape it. It follows you all the days of your life. If you're lucky enough to outlive the love of your life, the pain is immense...not only in missing that love...but in knowing that your love has been finally denied a continuation of the love you so freely expressed, that you so freely gave your heart out to. Take some time to read the words of Kahlil Gibran on the subject of love in his timeless essay, The Prophet. Then decide if you want to continue in your quest for real, lasting love or just go into a cave, close your eyes and live painlessly. Also, as we move forward in life we learn exactly what love really is...and as we do it becomes easier to let our beloved move on if that's what is required at the time. Click here: The PROPHET, by Kahlil Gibran I hope you choose to move on. If you don't, don't come here again complaining about the pain of love. You aren't so special that you are going to be sparred that. 7
todreaminblue Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I hate this. I am sick of this. Today marks day 70 of nc and this overall heartache/garbage/ I am tired. I am lonely. I am weary. I want to fall into a sea of support. I want to scream that I am not okay..that (while I have done well to move forward) I am still cut up on the inside. so tired. i know there are people out there that can relate, but at the end of the night I go to bed with my own thoughts..and wake up with more of the same. What a monotonous life. hey swimming atcha with a rubber duckie......love rubber ducks.....i am sorry you are weary ......its easy to be down when you are tired or sick, or just sick and tired.....i have the flu dosed up on panadol....going shopping... dont feel like doin crap.....but if i dont go to the shops.....i have no food....so i have to do it.....ack.......even though you are tired weary and sick of it all,you will make it.....anything you do when you are this way is an accomplishment however small it might seem, you will feel good again,you arent alone, ill leave my rubber duckie with you while i cough up and down the aisles and piss people off because i am a walking germ......have to do it though so tuff for them ..ill try not to cough.....they can stay away.......huge hugs phglemy ones......cough....ahem...lots of people on this site, know what you feel and have felt it themselves....we live on...........best wishes....deb
Author Echo000 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 yall are awesome..im not special at all. And I guess I am complaining. As a man, its tough constantly keeping this to myself. So when I try to open up (and there is no one around) its hard. But I have some space here to share, so I cannot express my appreciation enough for those who reach out. I thank all of you. 1
destroyed4sho Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) I also find it's helpful to exercise, but I have to be very careful about the music I listen to and I'm doing more with no music at all. I feel so cynical and even angry at love songs or even sentimental breakup songs... it really affects my mood in a bad way. . Me exactly. I do not listen to.music anymore not even.when excercising. Is it just me or does EVERY freaken song have an undertone.of.a break up??!?. I never noticed that before. I especially cant stand it when im in a store and a BU song comes on. I walked out of a store because that 'i miss you' song by everything but the girl came on... i just dropped everythig and stormed out in 5 seconds...lol. btw, the only song I can bare to hear right now is taylor swift, never ever ever getting back together. Its a cute song and I feel her. Its a teenager song...but I like it!! Edited April 3, 2013 by destroyed4sho 2
Author Echo000 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 In my opinion you are very lucky. You are blessed with the ability to love truly, deeply and meaningfully. I'll take the pain and hurt you're going through any day rather than exist as so many do, going from one "love" to another and not thinking a whole lot about it or reacting much emotionally. You are lucky that you dip down and enjoy the breadth and fullness of a rich love experience. Believe me, the pain is worth it. One day, you will find lasting love....and there will still be pain in that...of another kind. You simply can't escape it. It follows you all the days of your life. If you're lucky enough to outlive the love of your life, the pain is immense...not only in missing that love...but in knowing that your love has been finally denied a continuation of the love you so freely expressed, that you so freely gave your heart out to. Take some time to read the words of Kahlil Gibran on the subject of love in his timeless essay, The Prophet. Then decide if you want to continue in your quest for real, lasting love or just go into a cave, close your eyes and live painlessly. Also, as we move forward in life we learn exactly what love really is...and as we do it becomes easier to let our beloved move on if that's what is required at the time. Click here: The PROPHET, by Kahlil Gibran I hope you choose to move on. If you don't, don't come here again complaining about the pain of love. You aren't so special that you are going to be sparred that. I love what you said. And I read the link you posted. Makes me see things in a different perspective..and in this moment and Im very thankful for what I have been allowed to experience- Both the good and the bad. 1
Damsel in Distress Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 yall are awesome..im not special at all. And I guess I am complaining. As a man, its tough constantly keeping this to myself. So when I try to open up (and there is no one around) its hard. But I have some space here to share, so I cannot express my appreciation enough for those who reach out. I thank all of you. Echo, this is exactly what I find helpful about LoveShack. Before I found it, I felt completely crazy insane with the type of thoughts running through my head. I kept thinking I am a mature, responsible adult, why is this affecting me like this. Obsessive thoughts, grief, anger, overwhelming sadness, etc. I was ashamed of the things I was thinking and feeling. When I found LS I was amazed to find other people having the same totally crazy crippling thoughts and obsessions. It is wonderful to be able to say these things out loud and have other people nod their heads in agreement. These are the thoughts and feelings we can't show in the real world around us, but here on LS everybody gets it. Plus they have heard these stories so many times they have good advice on how to cope. LS has made a huge difference for me. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 @ Destroyed - Ha! That's awesome. First time I have chuckled out loud while reading here on LS. I know what ya mean. I just listen to the music I like and that I know she didn't! Luckily, I am10 years older and have a plethora of awesome rock and metal from the 80's to blast that has nothing to do with love or BU's. Well minus the occasional ballad Godsmack, if ya like that kind of music, is good angry 'Hate that b1tch" type music. And it's great while working out or exercising. Many more too... 4
cavalier99 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Guys it does get better. Im 6 months NC after 8 year RS and was exactly were you are. You just need to keep on going. You wont die and the world wont end. Youll start giving up and letting go soon. There will be a lot more ups and down but the trajectory is generally up even if it doesnt feel that way. Rock on! Cav 2
sweetheart5381 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 In my opinion you are very lucky. You are blessed with the ability to love truly, deeply and meaningfully. I'll take the pain and hurt you're going through any day rather than exist as so many do, going from one "love" to another and not thinking a whole lot about it or reacting much emotionally. You are lucky that you dip down and enjoy the breadth and fullness of a rich love experience. Believe me, the pain is worth it. One day, you will find lasting love....and there will still be pain in that...of another kind. You simply can't escape it. It follows you all the days of your life. If you're lucky enough to outlive the love of your life, the pain is immense...not only in missing that love...but in knowing that your love has been finally denied a continuation of the love you so freely expressed, that you so freely gave your heart out to. Take some time to read the words of Kahlil Gibran on the subject of love in his timeless essay, The Prophet. Then decide if you want to continue in your quest for real, lasting love or just go into a cave, close your eyes and live painlessly. Also, as we move forward in life we learn exactly what love really is...and as we do it becomes easier to let our beloved move on if that's what is required at the time. Click here: The PROPHET, by Kahlil Gibran I hope you choose to move on. If you don't, don't come here again complaining about the pain of love. You aren't so special that you are going to be sparred that. This is one of the best posts I've ever read in the Breaking Up forum, thank you. 3
iouaname Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 It's tough, but it's part of being human. Just remember that it is temporary! You're doing very well, and you have all of us here to support you <3 1
siankat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 yall are awesome..im not special at all. And I guess I am complaining. As a man, its tough constantly keeping this to myself. So when I try to open up (and there is no one around) its hard. But I have some space here to share, so I cannot express my appreciation enough for those who reach out. I thank all of you. i think sadly it is harder for blokes going through this because us women go over things blow by blow and we support each other and all this anguish is displayed and explored in reasonably safe accessible company. I dont know guys who do this as women do but i do know guys totally traumatised over a break up or still thinking about it years down the line. My recent ex told me things about his ex and the ending and when i think about it, i never told him anything because there was nothing to tell. All my endings were resolved in my own mind. Some people live with the ghost of their failed relationship so i think it is so important to have support, someone to just hear your story and have a place you can release, let it out, bounce ideas off people and get advice. 1
Author Echo000 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 i think sadly it is harder for blokes going through this because us women go over things blow by blow and we support each other and all this anguish is displayed and explored in reasonably safe accessible company. I dont know guys who do this as women do but i do know guys totally traumatised over a break up or still thinking about it years down the line. My recent ex told me things about his ex and the ending and when i think about it, i never told him anything because there was nothing to tell. All my endings were resolved in my own mind. Some people live with the ghost of their failed relationship so i think it is so important to have support, someone to just hear your story and have a place you can release, let it out, bounce ideas off people and get advice. yea completely agree, you cant keep it all bottled up inside because that stuff just boils internally. it does not simply disappear. so talking with others about it, i think, is really a healthy thing. but, like anything else, you must talk about it in moderation!
CompleteFailure Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I go to sleep at night peaceful, content but every morning I wake up with anxiety of the reality that washes over me. Like you, I'm not over anything and I can feel the collective pain of so many others passing through these forums with their own stories of heartache and heartbreak. You're much stronger than I and have made amazing progress in your own journey. 70 days NC is nothing to laugh at. That takes balls and determination. You've shown how strong you are and we all know you have more strength within yourself to keep moving forward. I admire your courage, really. To quote someone here who once told me - when I was really down in the dumps, "Might sound strange but know that I'm here for you here on this website.. And others are too. U need anything u can always message me here on this website. What often makes this process so much Harder is the feeling of loneliness and there's no need to be lonely here. I got u friend!...it would truly make me happier to know if you felt better...I know the pain you feel is unique and sharp and seemingly endless..its the same pain that brought me here myself... I got you if you need help. Never hesitate to get help if help is what you need" I've had my continuous ups and downs, but that night I didn't feel lonely, and those responses really did make me feel happier. You're a good guy Echo, keep your head up and keep battling these demons with your integrity that lesser men like me would run from.
Author Echo000 Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 Damn. That hit me deep man. It really did. I see these boston bombings..all this garbage happening all over the world..and i ask myself: "wtf is wrong with humanity? why are we so mean to each other". Then, i get a message like this. Something so kind and thoughtful. What you wrote, means something special to me. Only thing I disagree with is the notion that you are a lesser man. A person that can be so kind is a big man, and a good human being. Damn. You got me with that message my friend. Thank you.
CompleteFailure Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I honestly am more than happy to give back the same sentiment you shared with me just a few weeks back. That gave me hope, knowing there are kind people in this world such as yourself. Echo, thank you as well.
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