how far? Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 What extremes would you go to in order to obtain the entire truth? Think your spouse is cheating, talking to someone else, lying to you, etc. You don't trust your spouse so you have to take matters in your own hands.... Do you contact a PI to follow him/her? Do you get billing details of local and toll free calls made from your home phone? (So you can see if he/she has been using a calling card?) Do you get the OM/OW's home/cell phone bill to see if she or he has been calling your spouse? (You can do this through companies over the internet.) Do you get spy-ware put on your computer to see who he/she is talking to or hearing from through email and or chat rooms? Do you follow him/her? How far would you go? You love this person, but just don't believe or trust what they do or say. You need to brutal truth to know whether or not you should stay with them or leave them. What would you do?
Merin Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 For real, IF I felt that I needed to go that far for someone I loved who was suppose to love me, I think I would just get the hell out because this kind of distrust would eat me up. I really believe that most people already know the answer to these things BEFORE and are maybe looking for "concrete evidence" so that they feel validated and thier mate can't continue to tell them they are "crazy" OR maybe it's because they cannot or will not trust thier instincts? I don't know, but a relationship that has that much mistrust can't be good for ya!
Honesty Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 I totally agree with you Merin2, if you cannot trust your partner then what's the whole point of being with that person? I would not put myself in that position where I have to go to those extremes, that's just crazy!
YellowLioness Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Of course, I knew that my father was cheating on her. It was not my place to tell her. I even met the mistress (I liked her better then my step mom, ) Unless I had proof that was undeniable, I'd trust my fiance. The only way I'd believe he was cheating was if he told me, or if I caught him. Of course, if any of those two things happened, I'm not sure I'd want to continue the relationship.
HokeyReligions Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Ditto Merin2 If I had real suspicions like that I would talk to my husband first. If I just didn't believe what he told me and/or showed me (via computer, bills, explanation of location, etc.) then I would tell him that and then take a break from him. Maybe go into counseling. If he wasn't cheating he deserves to have a wife that trusts him. If it got to a point where I was filing for a divorce because I did not believe him, I would discuss with my attorney what, if any, proof I would need for the court case to go my way (depending on what I want from the divorce settlement). If it was recommended that I hire a PI and obtain forensic proof of adultery, then I would do that.
Breathe Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 I can definitely understand why some people would want to "spy" on their SO. There are some people in this world that would not just come out and answer you with truth regarding an affair unless you had some sort of solid proof. "Have you ever cheated on me?" Of course they will most likely say, "Hell No!" - But gut feelings may tell you otherwise. It's hard wanting the truth and needing evidence to believe the truth. You want so bad to trust and believe in your SO, but you can't. Maybe there is financial reasons, or kids, whatever - that you can't just up and leave the relationship due to "lack of trust". Plus - wouldn't leaving on that reason alone be somewhat of a cop-out? Maybe your SO is telling the truth, maybe not.... but you do what you have to do to make YOU feel better in finding out what is true and not true. If it takes a PI or recording phone calls, whatever. It's your choice. I don't know if I would do it personally, but we are all different people and handle and deal with things in different ways. What may work for one, may not work for another. Again, you do what you feel comfortable with.
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