RogerWallace111 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) Wanted to share some of my thoughts a bit over 6 months post breakup, and a little under 6 of no contact. The breakup was relatively mutual in the big picture. I knew it was right, sh*t I started the initial downfall by breaking up with her and admitting I didn't see myself settling down with her. But she had the strength to really end it after months of on/off sh*t. We're both early/mid-twenties. Anyway, as much as I knew/know she wasn't the optimal girl for me, and that I need to experience many more, it was the most painful and mentally exhausting thing I've ever gone through. About a month ago, I could've honestly said "meh, I don't care" about the whole thing. Between about month two and that point, I felt great, my life path had been (and still is) shaping up how I'd always wanted it to, etc. Successes in my creative endeavors, peak fitness of my life, nice new living situation. She would still cross my mind at least daily, but it would rarely bother me at all. Then, as I made a thread about, she changed that a bit by sending me a "friend" request on facebook (I was the one who insisted on no contact though she was adamant about wanting me "in her life". I knew it would lead to unnecessary mind f*cking). Though I had come across photos and mementos off and on prior, they tended to only "shake me up" for 10-20 seconds and it'd be back to normal. This fb request got to me for some reason. It didn't put me into any particularly dark place, but suddenly she was back on my mind constantly, and it would bring me down. Fast forward 3 weeks to Saturday of this past weekend, I'd gotten 90% back to my pre-request level of contentment. Then, upon arriving to my friends house, he says "Oh, I ran into _____ last night. She said to tell you she really misses you." And also tell me she's "skinny" now (used to be my preferred "somewhat thick") and that she mentioned my not responding to her facebook request. I can't blame him for telling me, most people probably just assume it wouldn't bother me. Anyway, it brought her heavily back on my mind again, and with more sadness than the fb thing. Though I can tell it won't last as long. Maybe it's a weird pride thing, but it for some reason bothers me that she was so upfront about "missing" me with my homie, and even mentioned my denial of her facebook request. Like that she's being painted a picture of me being "afraid" to talk to her while she's out freely conversing about it. And she no doubt has some new sense of pride with her weight loss, as she always wanted to be thin. I do want the best for her, and for her to be happy. It was easy when it was "out of sight, out of mind". I'd just think, well maybe she's bettering herself, maybe she's happy, maybe she's got a new guy, good for her if so. But I don't like these more direct reminders . That being said, deep down, I don't give much of a f*ck. It all just stems from personal fear, insecurity and loneliness. She's still the same girl I always found a bit boring, whose friends are even more boring, and who simply wasn't "my style" in more ways than she was. I just hate negative feelings from the past resurfacing after I've felt so good for such long spells. Edited April 2, 2013 by RogerWallace111 1
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