funkty dumpty Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 When a girl plays hard to get, do you think the best response is: 1) To be completely apathetic (i.e. show her that she's having no effect on you whatsoever) 2) To actively 'play hard to get' in the opposite direction (i.e. make obvious effort to avoid her) I think both approaches have merits; the first demonstrates to her that you have high value but the second shows her that you have a bit of fight/character in you. What do you think?
Crila16 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 How do you know she's playing hard to get, and just maybe isn't interested? I don't know anyone who's ever played hard to get when they really liked a guy/girl. What would be the point?
Author funkty dumpty Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I guess the purpose is to escalate interest from the other party. It may not even be a conscious decision sometimes but it definitely happens!
Crila16 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Have you not been showing her any interest or something?
Author funkty dumpty Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Actually we've both been showing each other a lot of interest, which is why I suspect she's playing hard to get when she sometimes goes cold (as she has done now). It's frustrating because one day I think everything's going great and the next I have doubts - hence I start to think about her more, which is the purpose of her playing the game.
Shepp Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 the first & second just looks like your simply not intrested! If shes playing id just play back! Up the banter, make flirty remarks, throw her a wink, but play hard to get just like she does i.e. dont actually ask her out, dont be at her beck and call or text her straight back! You show her your not putty in her hands whilst also show that your intrested! 2
grkBoy Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I just back off and not try again. If I hear how she liked me but felt I didn't try hard enough...I simply smile and ask how well that "hard to get" game is working for her. Key to inner strength is to have the spine to walk away when someone plays games. To show you would rather be alone than play games in the hopes of getting someone.
sillyanswer Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 When a girl plays hard to get, do you think the best response is: Depends if I notice it, or just assume that she isn't interested. If I think she's doing it on purpose I'll probably walk away, whereas if I think she isn't interested I'll probably walk away. Oh, wait, that's the same response. Also, is she hot? Maybe I'll keep chasing her anyway. Struggling with this hypothetical problem. Sorry.
waiting4u Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Did you do something to piss her off? Some people handle that by just ignoring the other person until they cool off. I would pick either option 1 or option 2 only if you want to get rid of her.
grkBoy Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 What does playing hard to get actually mean? I usually see it as you try to ask her out, she declines or gives you some flimsy response that doesn't exactly say "no", but she apparently wants you to chase her and push more to get her out. Maybe I'm too cut and dry, but after years of flakes and other women who couldn't be straight with me (or watching them be flighty with other men and now they complain how "there's no good men out there"), I just stopped playing. I'm all "either date me or don't date me". 1
ltjg45 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 If a female is playing hard to get, I just bolt and find someone else. I can put my time to better use and I doubt that the female in question is worth the extra effort to begin with. The only games I play these days is video games and MMORPGs and I don't even play them anymore after selling off my 3DS for bill money. As far as mind games is concerned, I have grown tired of them. 1
USMCHokie Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Someone who is genuinely interested won't "play hard to get" in response to your advances. 2
InJest Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Stop initiating contact with her, and start going after other girls. The next time she initiates contact with her, ask her out to a specific place, at a specific time. If she declines, tell her to let you know when she can, and do not respond to anything other than her asking when you can go out. 2
TheGuard13 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 A girl who is playing hard to get...is PLAYING hard to get. Chase her a little bit. That's what she wants. If you don't want a girl who does this, then don't. 1
Mantha03 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 It is either one of two things: 1. She really isn't interested and she trying to be nice about it which you are mistaking for signs of interest. Or 2. She really is into you and cares enough to make you wait and see just how interested you are before she gets into anything. Consider how long she has been playing hard to get and how long you have known her. If you just met and this has only been going on for a couple weeks or if you've know her for quite sometime and she has been playing hard to get for months or more. Generally if she really is interested yes she may play hard to get but won't take to long to give in, in fear of you becoming bored. Or maybe she has some personal conflicts going on that she may not be wanting to date and may just enjoy being around you.
Author funkty dumpty Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Thanks very much for the responses. I guess their variety shows just how subjective it all is... I am almost certain that this girl in particular has an interest in me...our flirting has been gradually building over the last few months and when we were both at a party recently the sexual tension was very strong. Couldn't act on it at the time (due to other people being around and the fact that she had to grab a taxi with her friend) but felt v positive that night had elevated our relationship somewhat to the point where we could be more open (we had flirted loads, had some great conversation and generally got to know each other better). ...theeen today she made a point of ignoring me on the train. So either she's gone off me pretty darn quickly (unlikely IMHO) or is testing me.
Author funkty dumpty Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 ^^^ Worth adding that we've been pushing/pulling each other as we've gone along over the last few months so it's hardly unexpected....I am more surprised that she chose to continue it so strongly after the recent positive experience. Confusing
Divasu Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 ^^^ Worth adding that we've been pushing/pulling each other as we've gone along over the last few months so it's hardly unexpected... How old are the two of you? If you've been doing "this" for months, have you asked her out? It could be either (a) she is okay with the relationship being just flirty and nothing more; (b) not interested in someone who constantly flirts and doesn't do anything about it. Some girls follow a mindset of: "He Is Not Mr. Right. If he were Mr. Right, he’d be asking you out."
Author funkty dumpty Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 We're both early twenties. The flirting has been growing steadily but has remained fairly mild until recently. After the recent event I felt ready to take things to the next level (i.e. ask her out properly) so am pretty disappointed with the latest cold shoulder. Think I missed my chance?
Divasu Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 We're both early twenties. The flirting has been growing steadily but has remained fairly mild until recently. After the recent event I felt ready to take things to the next level (i.e. ask her out properly) so am pretty disappointed with the latest cold shoulder. Think I missed my chance? You don't drop a potato when it's hot, do you you? Mmm, maybe she was just in a bad mood or maybe had other things going on in her mind. I'm sure you're lovely. If nothing comes of it, enjoy it for what it was/is (flirting) and a nice boost for both of your egos.
SJC2008 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Someone who is genuinely interested won't "play hard to get" in response to your advances. One would hope but with all the advice/books about dating you'd be surprised.
StanMusial Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 If you both go cold, and play hard to get, I don't see how anything could possibly develop. 1
ITw Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 We're both early twenties. The flirting has been growing steadily but has remained fairly mild until recently. After the recent event I felt ready to take things to the next level (i.e. ask her out properly) so am pretty disappointed with the latest cold shoulder. Think I missed my chance? So take things to the next level. I don't see what the problem is. She's probably waiting for you to ask her out. If you've reached the point to where you feel that you want to take things to the next level, then ASK HER OUT. If you keep waiting, then of course things will go cold and fizzle out . 1
Mantha03 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Well since this has been going on for months and she is sending you mixed signals maybe you should just be straight up and ask her what the deal is. What could it hurt? The worst that can happen is she will tell you no; it's better then being led on. Then again, maybe it has nothing to do with you at all and asking her may give you some insight. There was a guy I had been talking with and hooking up with for almost 2 years that I really started to care for and he seemed to care too. He would be really sweet and want me to see him all the time. As time passed he never made any move to take it to the next level. So I backed off and gave it distance. So after awhile he text me to hang out and I told him how I felt, all he said was he didn't know I felt that way. To get the point, I found out his true intentions and was able to move on with my life. Just be honest to how you feel and who knows it may turn in your favor but I'm sure your tired of this situation and want to know already.
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