Leave or not leave?

[Wife27]

Ok just want to warn this is long.

 

I've been with my husband 11 yrs (dated 4 married 7) He is 30 and I am 27. We've had a lot of ups and downs but I can't seem to get past this feeling it's over. We were married in Oct 2006 and soon after he had to help me through losing my mother to cancer. Well that year had it's ups and downs and a lot of fights. We got past it and enjoyed 3 good years of marriage. Well in Mar 2010 I found out I was pregnant, not long after finding out I lost it. I've been trying to deal with this all on my own because even when I found out he was excited but I had to do it all alone. When I say alone I mean I went to the first doctor's appointment alone and when I started noticing I was miscarrying I had to go to that appointment alone. He didn't want me telling anyone about it so I've only had him and my sister to talk with about my issues. Since then we've discussed trying to have a child but every time we come to a decision the next week or month he changes his mind and didn't want kids. Then he will change his mind and tell me he does want kids but we need to do this and that first. We've been going on like this for 3 yrs. Well in the past few months he's start acting different. I have family in several different states so of course I use social networks to keep in touch with them. I have done this since 2005 well in Oct 2012 he decides he doesn't want me on the social networks anymore. I used facebook and had a total of 50 friends ALL family. We discussed it and he had my password and he knew never did anything inappropriate at all. Finally after a long battle I just got rid of it. Then he moved on to going through my phone and emails everyday. So I finally confronted him about it. He told me he trusts me he just wants to look at it. Fine have at it I have nothing to hide. Well after thinking about it long and hard I asked him and looked into if he was cheating. I couldn't find any information that he was doing anything inappropriate. So we sat down and discussed the fact I was unhappy with the marriage everything from not being trusted, him calling me names, not attending my family functions with me, and the fact he doesn't like for me to do anything with anyone he doesn't approve. I truly love my husband but I just can't take this anymore.

 

I started talking with a close friend about the situation and they told me I am being emotionally abused. In the same discussion the friend asked me how I hadn't had an affair. It's not even an idea or subject that I ever want to be apart of. I started looking in to renting a house and found one available but I can't make myself leave. I don't know what to do and feel like if I do leave I will just be someone else's burden.

 

I finally told my husband last week that I really had thought about moving out and had planned on it. We discussed the problems and are working at them. He's really started trying to help out and make plans for the future. I however still have this feeling like I'm being strung along and am having a hard time letting myself fall back into the marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.

[aMguilts]

no he doesn`t trust you at all

but you already knew that when you married him,

flags are always there

 

 

he`s working on the marriage so why aren`t you???

 

your `having a hard time letting yourself fall back into the marriage`???

 

what does THAT mean?

you either want to married to him still or you don`t

 

only you can answer that

no one on here can

 

aM

[Wife27]

Well thanks!

 

Trust well lets see when we were dating and even when we were married 3 yrs he's always trusted me. He just started being controlling and not trusting me after his best friends girlfriend cheated on him with 4 other guys. I am not that girl I've always respected the fact that I'm married and would never cross the line.

[aMguilts]

so YOU are the 1 with the trust issues??

 

 

aM

[Wife27]

No I completely trust him. I've never once thought he would ever do anything like that to me. Do I ask him for his phone? NO Do I have his email passwords, credit card statements or ask to see where he's spending money? NO

 

Why am I having a hard time trying??? Let's see because his version of trying lasts a total of maybe at most a week. I've been down this road with him. Don't think I'm some hateful women that doesn't tell him I appreciate him for everything he does because I do.

 

I guess I will find my answers myself thanks.

[GuyInLimbo]

I think you need to call a MC today. It doesn't sound like you guys have attempted to get to the root of these issues with any professional help. I would recommend that first.

 

Don't worry about aM. He gets a little antsy sometimes on here.

[Wife27]

He won't go I've already ask. He told me he'd rather me just leave if I am that unhappy as to talk to someone about our problems.

[GuyInLimbo]

He won't go I've already ask. He told me he'd rather me just leave if I am that unhappy as to talk to someone about our problems.

 

Well, then there's your answer, unfortunately.

[Mr. Lucky]

So we sat down and discussed the fact I was unhappy with the marriage everything from not being trusted, him calling me names, not attending my family functions with me, and the fact he doesn't like for me to do anything with anyone he doesn't approve. I truly love my husband but I just can't take this anymore.

 

I finally told my husband last week that I really had thought about moving out and had planned on it. We discussed the problems and are working at them. He's really started trying to help out and make plans for the future.

 

Wife27, I'm always struck by the contradiction in posts like yours. The poster says they're unhappy because their spouse doesn't do/feel/say A, B or C. But when the spouse finally realizes what's at stake and starts trying to do/feel/say A, B and C, the poster often says not enough, too late, I'm out of here. To a certain extent, isn't his conduct now what you wanted from him before ???

 

Mr. Lucky