ab5 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Me and my ex fiance broke up last summer. Our relationship was very good, we loved each other very much, had the usual arguments/fights which were solvable for the most part except for one time where we had a major disagreement, couldn't come up with a solution, and he decided to break up with me. However we got back together and things were good again. The problem was we always started fighting when it came to wedding arrangements. His family wanted the wedding done a certain time, location, way that was asking too much from me b/c of my career. I was trying my best to accommodate but that wasn't enough for them. It seemed like his family couldn't understand my problems and my ex couldn't get them to understand. Because of this and other issues we were both under lots of stress and took it out on each other. He actually took it out on my family sometimes, but I let it go because I knew he was stressed, upset, and sometimes had a problem controlling his anger. Our fighting led to the point where I was getting emotionally sick from the fighting and the stress I had with work and school. I felt like we were going in circles with our discussions and he couldn't understand my situation. The only solution seemed like to call off the relationship to save both of us from the craziness. Immediately I regretted my decision and did my best to get back to him. When we did reconnect, he became a different person and treated me horribly, which scared me a lot. I never saw this side to him. The fighting started again and I freaked seeing the different person he had become. He wanted to get married immediately but I needed time after everything that happened, which he didn't want to give, so had to call it off again. I think we both needed time to cool down after that. I loved him with all my heart and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. After some time, I reached out to him again to reconnect. He was no longer angry, and after some discussion, we got back together. We both loved each other very much and promised we would try our best to work things out. Things were good until wedding talk came up again and the same cycle repeated, and the past problems were all brought up to the surface. Very harsh things were said to me and I was reminded by him, that I was the one that went back to him repeatedly, not the other way around. It was the most hurtful thing he could have said to me. It was a knife in my heart. Long story short, things ended, this time permanently. I took some time to reflect on everything that happened. It still seemed crazy to me to break up when we both loved each other so much. The things that were said to me, I knew in my heart was because he was angry and well people say things in the heat of the moment. Not giving up on us, I reached out again. This time there was no reply. I reached for a few more times, but nothing. He did finally say something to me but it hurts to repeat it. It was totally uncalled for. He then proceeded to block me. I became a complete wreck and was in shock for a very long time. All of this coming from the guy who loved me so much, always said he would never leave me, and stay with me no matter what happens. I was at the lowest I've been in my life and went into major depression. Now that more time has passed, I look back at the entire relationship and definitely see the mistakes we both made and wish I did a lot of things differently on my part. I know I lacked maturity in the way I handled some situations and behaved at times, as it was my first relationship, and am now glad I gained some insight into my faults. Looking back I think my ex wanted me to be assertive with his family which to me at that time was strange b/c that was HIS family to deal with, but now I am beginning to think he was afraid to stand up to them. But if I spoke up more for us, I probably could have saved our relationship. I accept whatever mistakes I made while we were together, and am glad I learned from them so I don't make the mistakes in the future. But I still know this guy is the one I want to marry. I love him dearly. I think about him every single day, he's the first thought when I wake up and when I go to bed. I really want to reach out to him and ask him to forget about the past and give our relationship a fresh start. Should I consider contacting him again?
blindhope Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Thats a tough one. Just make sure it's for the right reasons. Any relationship woll have growing pains and everyone told me theres usually a breakup around engagement time. I think our fears could get the best of us sometimes. Be prepared if he hasn't changes or has moved on. Another thing to consider is that the relationship shouldn't pick up where you left off. No matter what a year has passed and growth has occured. So if you're willing to risk a lot it may be worth it as no one but you can tell you what your heart wants. “If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” -Bob Marley
WhatYouWantToHear Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Should I consider contacting him again? Wow, no matter how often you burn your hand on a hot stove its still tempting for you to grab those burners, huh? You spent the first 500 words laying out the case for why you two will never and should never be together in the long term. But then in those last 2 sentences somehow your heart takes over and stops listening to your brain. You are in love with the idea of him and what he represents, not him though. I'm not going to directly respond to your question, because you know the answer.
siankat Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I dont know...i dont think there is a perfect relationship so if someone feels they have matured, seen where they might be responsible for the fall out, and is willing to keep that in mind and try again...it's not a bad thing. What he has thought since, and what conclusions he has come to about the relationship and breakup...who knows. One way to find out but it could be devastating so as William Shakespeare put it 'expectation is the root of all disappointment' so if you do contact him do so with an open mind and zero expectation..
Author ab5 Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I dont know...i dont think there is a perfect relationship so if someone feels they have matured, seen where they might be responsible for the fall out, and is willing to keep that in mind and try again...it's not a bad thing. What he has thought since, and what conclusions he has come to about the relationship and breakup...who knows. One way to find out but it could be devastating so as William Shakespeare put it 'expectation is the root of all disappointment' so if you do contact him do so with an open mind and zero expectation.. I completely agree that if I contact him, I have to do it with zero expectations. Right now I feel that his response (or lack of response) will not effect me negatively, but in reality that probably won't be the case. If he replies coldly or not at all, I'm scared of how I'll take it. My love for him is so deep that I hurt a lot after all this happened and I still haven't gotten over it. Contacting him will be taking a huge chance and putting my heart at risk...
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