unsureofthings Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 What to do? My wife of only 11 months moved out 4 weeks ago. We were fighting all the time and could never meet in the middle. The problem was that no matter what I said, everything was my fault. All I ever heard was you do this and you do that and you need to change this and you need to change that. It always seemed to be very one sided with a huge emphasis and her being a double standard. You cant do this but then the next week she would it herself and not even realize it? One of my biggest complaints was her sex drive and lack of physical attention. As time went on I build up so much resentment towards her because of this. I loss self esteem in a big way and it affected me deeply. I couldnt be myself even around my friends as it affected my personality - me thinking there was always something wrong with me when really it was her sex drive. We literally made love once a month if that and that was because I persued and persued or she had a few drinks that night if you know what I mean. Why would I want to do anything with her or for her when I felt so rejected right? In the last two months before her move out, I did try and talk to her but her mind was set. Actually, I was all for it as we were walking on egg shells all the time. I thought it was the only way to feel better. A few days after she left I broke down completely. Felt alone and depressed. Funny because a week earlier I couldnt wait for her to leave. I made a mistake and called her in deperation and told her all the things she wanted to hear. I'm sorry, I'll do this more and I'll change that bla, bla, bla. At the end of the call she said "I'll think about it" and that was 4 weeks ago now with no contact. I think my biggest problem is that I'm affraid of being alone. Even if I'm with someone that I fight with, to me it's better then being alone. I think that I even compromise who I am for that person so they dont leave. I change for them just to make them happy. I wonder if the reason I want her back so bad is because I'm alone now? It's almost like I need someone in my life to be happy? I dont know what to do? Should I not contact? Stand my ground? I mean, she knows how I feel and where I stand. Trouble is that she's so damn stubborn that even if she wants to call, she may not due to pride and stubborn issues. I just want to call and say...what's up? Should I lay it on the line again and say..."look, I love you with all my heart, lets talk about this" should I not contact her? I dont know what to do at this point? The thing is that her dad went into detox for alchoholism right after she left and is still there so I know this must be very hard on her. It's probably where her mind is right now, she's not thinking clearly about us right now. This is why I'm so confused and dont know what to do?? I already expressed my concern with her and her dads situation saying that I'm here for her if she needs it? I know this defineltly makes all this more confusing? HELP????
Max Zoom Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 You're done,my friend. Take everything you own that reminds you of her and burn it. It's all over. Don't try thinking that she's dealing with her Dad and not thinking clearly. She is. Women are strong. They can multi-task. In other words she can deal with her DaD and froget abvout you no problem.
Author unsureofthings Posted September 13, 2004 Author Posted September 13, 2004 Isnt it kind of early to just give up and throw in the towel? Is 4 weeks really enough time to make a rach decision? I still love her and dont know what to do? I know I cant force her to come back, she needs to on her own. Thing is though, feels kinda once sided that I'm willing to do anything it takes and she isnt?
moimeme Posted September 14, 2004 Posted September 14, 2004 We're talking hearts and lives here. You ought not give up without a fight, IMHO. Offer to go to a marriage counsellor. Read <URL removed> Give it a couple last shots. The first year of living together can be brutal and people need to get past it and learn to co-exist happily.
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