Emissary Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Ok so I've been casually seeing this girl I met through work for about a month now. I work at Tim Hortons in the Mall and she's a regular customer of mine, always grabs her tea before starting her shift. A bit of backstory, I know she's got family issues. She's just turned 18 and is still a couple of months away from graduating from high school. Her parents are divorced and she lives on her own because her Dad who won custody of her and her sisters is abusive, thought she thinks highly of him, it's just one of those things she needs distance from at times I guess. She always seemed to get along with her mom who also works at the mall and is an even bigger regular customer of mine, but I never inquired why she didn't move in with her instead. Anyway, I served her today and knew right away something was wrong, she looked very troubled. I asked her what's up, but realized it was probably personal and there were people to overhear us, so I gave her the excuse of pretending it was that she was still a bit ill from her recent bout of flu, which she was quick to jump on with. I wrote a little smiley face on her lid, and we parted with a smile. Right after my shift I texted her asking if she was ok, and that she looked troubled. She was quick to come clean about what exactly her relationship with her mom was, that even though she tries to get along with her, that her mom is just a bad person and never cared about her or her sisters. She gave me some insight into how her mom cheated on her dad and left him shortly after, not even speaking to her or her sisters for quite some time, quite simply abandoning them. I said that I wouldn't be thinking very highly of her mom from then on, and that I don't understand people like that. I thought that was a bit of a weak reply, so I came up with this little bit. "You're a tough cookie Samantha[Not her real name, just made that up], I respect you a lot for being able to deal with that. I hate that anybody would treat you like that; you're a kind, sincere and beautiful girl, and you deserve better." She said thank you, and that what I said meant a lot to her. To which I replied I would only say that of somebody who means a lot to me in return. We exchanged some smiley faces and that was the end of that awkward but enlightening text conversation. Do you think I handled it pretty well? I'm thinking my standing may have just increased a good bit.
Noproblem Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Nice and considerate answers In her case, she either needs a close friend or a kind lover You can be both, but she is in a fragile place right now so don't you ever do anything to hurt her. What I mean, if you are not sure of your feelings, just leave her to be. 1
Imajerk17 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Tough conversation to have over text. Sounds to me to be a kind heartfelt thing on your part to say though... 1
ja123 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 That was a great text that you sent ... but do you mean it? Or are you just saying it to get into her pants? You said something like "I must be in good standing now." So, I'm wondering about your motives and whether you're being manipulative, and not sincere. 2
Author Emissary Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 That was a great text that you sent ... but do you mean it? Or are you just saying it to get into her pants? You said something like "I must be in good standing now." So, I'm wondering about your motives and whether you're being manipulative, and not sincere. I meant it, I was completely sincere and wrote that because I wanted to make her feel better since she's admitted to self esteem issues before. At the same time, it's a good feeling knowing that it was well received, that we're making progress.
chex Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 That was a great text that you sent ... but do you mean it? Or are you just saying it to get into her pants? You said something like "I must be in good standing now." So, I'm wondering about your motives and whether you're being manipulative, and not sincere. Oftentimes sincere things can be misconstrued, and it does take some tact to effectively communicate your feelings over text only, without body language speaking with you. I think what you said was really sweet, OP.
mortensorchid Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 It's funny that now we no longer write letters to one another, or even pick up a telephone and talk much. Instead we text and write emails. Ha ha ha ... But seriously, that was a good thing you said to her. That is a rough topic to talk about over a text message, but you did right by saying that. She knows that you are considerate enough to care about her feelings, that's all you need to do.
dasein Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Looks like a fine text to me, but would consider not having such convos via text in the future with anyone, you never know how those few characters will read without seeing a face or even hearing a voice. Good luck.
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