Dumped, cos I cheated and other stuff.

[karo68]

Been with BF for 4 years. Rocky relationship at times. He has bipolar and does not take his meds regularly. Only when he wants a good night sleep. Does not work, receives benefits because of his bipolar and has been sectioned under mental health act 3 times. spends all his days betting on horseracing and playing online poker.

met him online, i had been out of a proper relationship for 4 years ( ex husband abused my children so I had been nervous to try again) so I thought I was ready. He had been separated from his wife for 7 months. He seemed perfect at the time. Very caring and gentle listened to me and sympathetic to my past. He told me about his mental health, ie he had been sectioned twice at this time. But said he was well now.

Saw each other often, spent weekends at each others places. I work and looked forward to seeing him when i was off. Met each others children and families.

Both said we loved each other after a while.

I went away on holiday alone 6 months into relationship and I had a one night stand with someone i have known for many years. I was flattered by the attention and foolishly let it happen. I came home and lied at first as i felt so bad and was scared. I admitted it a short time later. We were both very upset , he forgave me and we moved on.

I felt resentful when I couldn’t see him after work- he lives 20 miles away. I liked to phone and spend a long time on the phone if i couldn’t see him. He did not like that as he said it stopped him doing what he wanted to do. He did tell me and I tried to not stay on the phone, but we still did.

I felt very neglected for months and stupidly I contacted the previous guy and had another internet fling. He found out again and i realised how much i really love him. He tried to forgive me again and I thought we would be ok. But it was too much to ask I suppose. We went on for a further 6 months but to be honest did not see each other much.

The distance between us grew and i knew the relationship was failing. But I thought if we could just get to another holiday we could talk.

He hacked into my computer when i went on holiday. Trying to find evidence of cheating and thats where he found evidence of the 2nd infidelity.

When i returned he was sectioned for a 3rd time as he had been obsessed and did not sleep.

He snooped through all my house when I left him here when I went to work.

I came home from work one lunchtime and he was horrid. He was laying on my bed with the computer and he asked me if i did requests. He asked me to sit on his d**k and let him do it. I was upset and crying, my self esteem shot to pieces and I did as he asked, crying all the time. When he finished I got dressed and went back to work feeling violated.

2 weeks ago ( when my next holiday from work started) he told me that he needs to end the relationship or have a month off to sort himself out. It came like a stab in the heart. He had told his daughters about my infidelities and also his mother. His mother was ok, she had done it herself. His daughters said they thought he should dump me.

 

I went home and cried and cried. Took myself to bed for 3 days. Hardly eaten much for 2 weeks and have lost about 8 lbs. Had a counselling session and a session with a life coach. Felt better after these.

I had booked our first foreign holiday but luckily only for 4 nights. Its in 6 weeks. I have asked him if he would still go because he says he is my friend, and loves me, but not IN LOVE with me.

I am supposed to be NC but it has taken 2 weeks before I can get my head round it, only started today. He says we can be friends but we are not a couple and wont ever be. I pestered him some more, and he sounded like he may give it a chance later. I hoped that we could be friends and hope love might develop later as i know what my problem is.

He says

I don’t communicate properly ( not the best communicator- but then neither is he)

I play mind games

I am clingy ( I do like to be near him, or hear him)

Take things personally

I have been working on myself with regards to my flaws.

I would appreciate other peoples thoughts. There is more to write. I know I really messed up. I love him dearly and would not cheat again. But I don’t really think we are right for each other because of his lifestyle and the way his day is structured and his outlook. I don’t think I could ever really fit in. But I cant help loving him.

Sorry this post is so long

Edited April 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[will1988]

I will be honest, I only read about 1 third of this post... and then it became too much. I must say, if the other 2/3rds is like the 1/3rd I read, you two need to be apart. I had a best friend who was similar to your bf, and his GF was similar to you. Needless to say their relationship eventually spirelled out of control, both of them getting locked up at different times, both going to the nut house different time, him being abusive etc... I tried helping them both break apart, until they started sucking me in to their crappy worlds. I had to cut free, and did not need people like that in my life. You need to work on yourself, and stay away from this guy and his family!