ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 This is the second time Ive been rejected for being a single mother and it hurts so badly. I wasnt rejected right away though. He pretty much led me on and filled my head with lies until he got what he wanted.. AND THEN he bashed me in that department when we got into a heated arguement. Most of what he said were lies.. but it showed me his true feelings towards women with kid(s). I usually dont tell guys that i have a child at first as I dont want to seem like im searching for a daddy.. Its separate for me. My social life is my time. I work, pay my bills, take care of her.. im single and deserve a good guy in my life. But these guys think the worst about ppl like me and view me as a statistic instead of getting to know the real me. Truly saddens me.
Celtica Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 What about going on an online dating site for single parents? Just google single mom dating and I think there is a site there. Not only will you meet guys who accept you as a single parent, but you might find the love of your life too
Author ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 What about going on an online dating site for single parents? Just google single mom dating and I think there is a site there. Not only will you meet guys who accept you as a single parent, but you might find the love of your life too Thanks for the response! I never thought about that. Seems like a drastic move to make but ill look into it, thnks.
Celtica Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Thanks for the response! I never thought about that. Seems like a drastic move to make but ill look into it, thnks. You're welcome! I wouldn't think it's a drastic move - in this day and age, most people I know and almost all of my friends have been on dating sites at one time or another, be it okaycupid, etc. I mean even myspace was pretty much a dating site when it first came out (my cousin found her husband there actually)! Hope it works out for you
GiGi05 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Read my posts. I've been online dating for single moms and it's full of guys who want to use you bcuz they look at u as being vulnerable and having less standards because you have a child(children) I am done with it. I feel your pain. It hurts so bad and I'm starting to feel like it's hopeless. I got dates left and right it was a confidence booster, I thought wow guys really don't care that you have kids like I thought they would but the truth is on those (I'm sure there are a few good guys there somewhere) they don't care bcuz they don't plan on being with you in the long run. So what do they care if you have kids? I too keep my dating and social life separate. They have no idea I go on dates. I just don't know if it is realistic in my case with 3 kids to ever find someone. It's easy for people to say oh u will, well I'm not getting any younger! So I'm just saying you can try online dating but it's far worse, I've been doing it for months and had my heart broken. It's a shot to the ego. I suggest keep doing what you are doing and look at it like if he left bcuz of your child then he wasn't worth it anyway. The good thing about dating as a single parent we have a good filtering system....having kids and a guy willing to over look it and be with us for the long run is a great guy!
Emissary Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 How old are you? If you're a teenager or still in your early 20s, I can understand it being a difficult concept for guys your age to wrap their heads around. The older guys get, I think the more they would be willing to date a girl with kids, especially if they do want to settle at some point in their life. I'm not ready to settle down yet, but at 25 I'm comfortable with the idea of dating a single mother. When I was recently still hunting around, I ended up meeting and getting back in touch with an acquaintance from high school. I was flirting around a good bit, but eventually when talking to her she casually dropped the bombshell that she had a son like two years after high school. It came as a shock, and I was let down for maybe like half an hour before I decided I would still date her if she was available. I never did find out since I met and started seeing somebody else before I could inquire. As we get older, more and more of our friends around us start having kids, when that starts happening, men become more comfortable with the idea of having a kid around.
Noproblem Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 OMG. I literally had to register here just to reply to you I mean how could you think less of yourself just because you are a single mother! You should always be a proud of yourself! Never be ashamed of who you are You don't need any man approval You don't need to hide the truth at first, it's something to be a proud of The first time you meet someone, you should declare it with love and proud...You are a single mother, and you couldn't be much happier or prouder Men will not respect you, if you didn't respect yourself and seriously, don't give them what they want so fast...It's all games after all, and the minute the thrill of the game ends, their interests end with it....Don't let that happen to you Like I said, this is what you are, they should take it or leave it.....You are not less of any other women out there ...If you have some errors in your personality or physical appeal, you can always try to enhance it, but remember everybody has flaws as well and no body is perfect!
SuperGeek Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) All I will say is that dating sites are not that great for guys either. At least you're getting lots and lots of dates and your 'ego' boosted. As a male, I have to damn near win the lottery on a dating site to get a girl to email me back. I have yet to go on single date from a dating site in a YEAR. So go ahead and keep complaining about how bad it is for you. Many of us GUYS don't even get any attention at all and it's really really depressing. In fact, you know what? I'm done with the whole damn dating process. I'm just going to remove my profiles and just forget the whole idea of dating for awhile and just have fun. I'm tired of writing email after email to women that don't even respond to me. This whole dating process has driven me crazy at this point and that means I'm clearly trying too hard. It is time to just stop for awhile. Statistically speaking it is getting worse every year for males on dating sites as the pool of men increases on each site. Not to mention all the fake female profiles that have been posted by intelligent automated computer systems really piss me off. SuperGeek Read my posts. I've been online dating for single moms and it's full of guys who want to use you bcuz they look at u as being vulnerable and having less standards because you have a child(children) I am done with it. I feel your pain. It hurts so bad and I'm starting to feel like it's hopeless. I got dates left and right it was a confidence booster, I thought wow guys really don't care that you have kids like I thought they would but the truth is on those (I'm sure there are a few good guys there somewhere) they don't care bcuz they don't plan on being with you in the long run. So what do they care if you have kids? I too keep my dating and social life separate. They have no idea I go on dates. I just don't know if it is realistic in my case with 3 kids to ever find someone. It's easy for people to say oh u will, well I'm not getting any younger! So I'm just saying you can try online dating but it's far worse, I've been doing it for months and had my heart broken. It's a shot to the ego. I suggest keep doing what you are doing and look at it like if he left bcuz of your child then he wasn't worth it anyway. The good thing about dating as a single parent we have a good filtering system....having kids and a guy willing to over look it and be with us for the long run is a great guy! Edited April 2, 2013 by SuperGeek 1
GiGi05 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 All I will say is that dating sites are not that great for guys either. At least you're getting lots and lots of dates and your 'ego' boosted. As a male, I have to damn near win the lottery on a dating site to get a girl to email me back. I have yet to go on single date from a dating site in a YEAR. So go ahead and keep complaining about how bad it is for you. Many of us GUYS don't even get any attention at all and it's really really depressing. In fact, you know what? I'm done with the whole damn dating process. I'm just going to remove my profiles and just forget the whole idea of dating for awhile and just have fun. I'm tired of writing email after email to women that don't even respond to me. This whole dating process has driven me crazy at this point and that means I'm clearly trying too hard. It is time to just stop for awhile. Statistically speaking it is getting worse every year for males on dating sites as the pool of men increases on each site. Not to mention all the fake female profiles that have been posted by intelligent automated computer systems really piss me off. SuperGeek Geez! Well don't take it out on me! It's not my fault it's harder for guys! Be mad at the guys who try and sound so wonderful when they r not cuz they get our attention and take it away from the good guys. It's hard for women too. Would u rather be hurt and let down left and right or never get a date at all? I'm not sure you understand the other side. It hurts being lied to and then dumped and left feeling like what happened? I agree I am about done with dating all together too bcuz I can't seem to find a guy who wants the same things I do. They just want sex.
Author ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I thought they would but the truth is on those (I'm sure there are a few good guys there somewhere) they don't care bcuz they don't plan on being with you in the long run. So true.. sigh.. I've learned this the hard way. He allowed me to fall in love with him and accept his flaws when he knew he wasnt going to be around for long. Men sicken me sometimes..
Author ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 How old are you? If you're a teenager or still in your early 20s, I can understand it being a difficult concept for guys your age to wrap their heads around. The older guys get, I think the more they would be willing to date a girl with kids, especially if they do want to settle at some point in their life. I'm 27 years old and he'll be 30 in few months
GiGi05 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Not be that "guy" but I'll say it. For some men, a woman with kids can be a red flag . It shows that she was willing to walk out on the father with no thought about the future. If she could do it once with his kids, what chance do I have? Also, if a guy wants his own kids and his girl has a couple of her own in tow, odds are good that she may not want any more children. That would push me away if I wanted my own kids. Just throwing it out there. I get the second part. I've had to ask that with guys before BUT the first part shouldn't be a factor right off the bat. 1 a guy may have left HER. 2 no one wants to be a single mother so u need to find out why she left b4 judging her. My case it was abuse. I stayed for 12 years trying to make it work so my boys could have their father in their life but when the cops had to come one day, I was crying when he got arrested and the cop said how many times are u going to let this happen b4 u walk away? I said I feel like a bad mother if I walk out on their father and he said if anything you would be a bad mother not to and allow your children to have to go thru this. As hard as that was, my kids are now happy kids. They don't bite their nails hiding in corners worried we might fight. So don't be too judgmental of single moms bcuz u have no idea how they got there. Now I speak at womens shelters and help other women get the help they need and tell my story. I get what you are saying but just take the time to understand why she's single b4 judging her.
Author ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 OMG. I literally had to register here just to reply to you I mean how could you think less of yourself just because you are a single mother! You should always be a proud of yourself! Never be ashamed of who you are You don't need any man approval You don't need to hide the truth at first, it's something to be a proud of The first time you meet someone, you should declare it with love and proud...You are a single mother, and you couldn't be much happier or prouder Men will not respect you, if you didn't respect yourself and seriously, don't give them what they want so fast...It's all games after all, and the minute the thrill of the game ends, their interests end with it....Don't let that happen to you Like I said, this is what you are, they should take it or leave it.....You are not less of any other women out there ...If you have some errors in your personality or physical appeal, you can always try to enhance it, but remember everybody has flaws as well and no body is perfect! I hide it at first to almost teach them a lesson--not all single mothers are needy, looking for father figures, and always unavailable. I tried to show him that I can be fun, available to go out, and give him the attention he needs. I wanted to show him I am a good women, so when I tell him I have a child, maybe his perception of single moms would change. Im not ashamed.. I am very proud.. Just using a different approach. I took my time with him and he stuck around until he got what he wanted.. another issue i am having with guys.. I try to do things right and still get burned. Why is it all about keeping HIS attention anyway? What about what women want? We lose interest as well.. Thats another topic lol Thanks for the reply
Crila16 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 @Shyone...you do know that he didn't have a problem with you having children? That was just an excuse. If he did, he wouldn't have dated you in the first place. He's what I call a big baby. When things didn't go the way he wanted, or he's decided that he just wasn't that interested in a relationship with you...his excuse and scape goat was to blame it on you having kids. It took the guilt off of him. It's a bunch of BS, so please don't think that was the reason, unless it was because he felt you were giving to much attention to your kids and not giving him enough. If that's the case, then he's just a selfish a-hole and you don't want him around you or your children. I personally think it's the guys you're meeting. My friend is divorced with 2 children. Sincer her divorce, she had been engaged to a really great man who she decided wasn't the one...and is now engaged to another really great guy. I don't have any children...and I struggled for years to meet a good man. I finally did...but it took years of heart ache. In other words...don't think it's because you're a single mother and realize, it's because you haven't met a good man yet. We all go through it, single, divorced, single mom...doesn't matter. When the right guy comes along, none of it will matter in the end. Just stop thinking about it and stop thinking you're undesireable because of it. 2
Author ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Not be that "guy" but I'll say it. For some men, a woman with kids can be a red flag . It shows that she was willing to walk out on the father with no thought about the future. If she could do it once with his kids, what chance do I have? Also, if a guy wants his own kids and his girl has a couple of her own in tow, odds are good that she may not want any more children. That would push me away if I wanted my own kids. Just throwing it out there. Then that's something that should be discussed instead of jumping the gun. Ya know? But I understand.
Author ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 In other words...don't think it's because you're a single mother and realize, it's because you haven't met a good man yet. We all go through it, single, divorced, single mom...doesn't matter. When the right guy comes along, none of it will matter in the end. Just stop thinking about it and stop thinking you're undesireable because of it. When I think about it, the guys with bad intentions always claim they dont want a chic with kids. But I feel some have that single mom stigma embedded into their brains whether it be from tv or society. I always feel the need to show them its not bad, in my case. With this guy I might have done to much and was too available.. Its alot.. too much to explain in a forum. I may need to look at the signs and not be so trusting.. Guys and their fricken dishonesty.
Crila16 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 A lot of people put a stigma on things. I feel that a man isn't going to want to date me, because of my age. I'm not old, but I'm not in my 20's either. I can still have children, but I have very little time left. I look younger than I am, so I attract a lot of younger guys. Once I date them and tell them my age, I see this pained look on their faces. They dump me shortly after. The guys my age are either married, or want younger women. I've had the hardest time finding someone, thinking it's my age. Everyone kept saying "when the right guy comes along, he won't care." I never believed it, and was always a bit bitter and sad, thinking I was unwanted. I finally gave up and stopped caring, accepting my fate. Then all of a sudden, I met someone a few months ago, who is 8 years younger than me and totally in love with me. He wants to get married. We are so happy and compatable together. He couldn't care less about my age...and we actually look the same age. 2
stillafool Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 The problem with men who are at age 30-42 if single they want a woman without kids because they do not want to raise or spend time and money on any kids other than their own. It's really a shame because single mothers do have the experience to run a household and handle kids.
Maceltics21 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 This is the second time Ive been rejected for being a single mother and it hurts so badly. I wasnt rejected right away though. He pretty much led me on and filled my head with lies until he got what he wanted.. AND THEN he bashed me in that department when we got into a heated arguement. Most of what he said were lies.. but it showed me his true feelings towards women with kid(s). I usually dont tell guys that i have a child at first as I dont want to seem like im searching for a daddy.. Its separate for me. My social life is my time. I work, pay my bills, take care of her.. im single and deserve a good guy in my life. But these guys think the worst about ppl like me and view me as a statistic instead of getting to know the real me. Truly saddens me. If you don't mind me asking where's the biological father? How old is your daughter?
Author ShyOne82 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 If you don't mind me asking where's the biological father? How old is your daughter? He is up north, still begging me to move back to nj lol. She is 6 years old
sabre80 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Shy, He did not reject you because you were a single mother. This D-bag is probably out there trolling for another single mom. When I was OLD I ONLY went out with single moms (I am a single father). I think I met one woman without a kid and she was 20 (I was 32). Did not make it to date #2 because she listened to Beiber and I listen to Rachmaninoff. Point is divorce rates are so stupid high now a days that single mom's are the majority now.
stillafool Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 [quote=Crila16;4752348 I personally think it's the guys you're meeting. My friend is divorced with 2 children. Sincer her divorce, she had been engaged to a really great man who she decided wasn't the one...and is now engaged to another really great guy. Another thing I notice is women who are divorced and have kids seem to remarry faster than women who have never been married but have kids. Why is that?
SuperGeek Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) I don't understand this whole concept of 'he stuck around until he got what he wanted'. Are you literally the last woman left on planet earth that is capable of offering sex? Sure as a male it's difficult to get laid, but you are not the only female left offering sex. Why do you think he 'waited until he got what _he wanted_' ? Are you saying you didn't actually want to have sex with this man, but engaged in it anyway? If so, that is your own damn fault. Don't sleep with people you aren't attracted to. Have you ever thought that maybe you two just weren't compatible? Maybe he wasn't compatible with you sexually? There could be lots of reasons other than just using you for sex. Do you really think a man is going to invest that much TIME with you just so he can get laid and that's all? There are MUCH easier and more economical ways to get laid then the way you're describing. Even me, a geek, who can't even get a single date on a dating site for a year can get laid if I'm desperate enough and I don't have to feed a bunch of bull to a single mom for several months to get it. Honestly, trying to get sex from a single mom is the most inefficient way possible to acquire sex as it requires a lot of TIME, MONEY, and investment. I just don't have that kind of time to waste, if all I care about is just getting laid. However if I really valued the girl and I thought she was special, then sure I'd stick around and evaluate it to see how it went. Also, why do you think you need to withhold sex to keep a man around? I was with my ex for 5 years and we had sex the first week we met. It wasn't the lack of sex or her being a control freak about it that kept me around. She never restricted sex from me at all, even up until the day she left me. She was actually raging nymphomaniac. She still would have sex with me now if I allowed it, but I have moved on and she needs to as well. Maybe the guy realized how much of a control freak you are and decided to bolt because he didn't want to spend the rest of his life proving himself over and over again to have a sexual relationship with you. I don't know the whole story obviously, but this is what I'm going to assume based on what you wrote above. Sigh. SuperGeek P.S - I have gone without sex for a YEAR and I don't need to go and BS some single mom to get laid. If I _really_ wanted to get laid I could in a matter of minutes, but it's just not necessary and often creates drama I'd rather not deal with. I guess I'm getting older and just don't need it as much like I used to. This is the second time Ive been rejected for being a single mother and it hurts so badly. I wasnt rejected right away though. He pretty much led me on and filled my head with lies until he got what he wanted.. AND THEN he bashed me in that department when we got into a heated arguement. Most of what he said were lies.. but it showed me his true feelings towards women with kid(s). I usually dont tell guys that i have a child at first as I dont want to seem like im searching for a daddy.. Its separate for me. My social life is my time. I work, pay my bills, take care of her.. im single and deserve a good guy in my life. But these guys think the worst about ppl like me and view me as a statistic instead of getting to know the real me. Truly saddens me. Edited April 3, 2013 by SuperGeek 1
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