calgary Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 just found her really shy, awkward, quiet and I guess I just compared her to my ex? I know that's a bad thing but I thought maybe going out with a new girl would be fun and exciting and instead I actually found it really boring and kept comparing her to what I used to have. I had to constantly make conversation all night. surprisingly my ex girlfriends friend text me asking me if I was sleeping with her. I don't know how they knew I went out but she's obviously still curious and asking questions like that is ridiculous since my ex is dating my old friend anyway ? I didn't reply. I don't know i'm just sad, I really kept my mind busy by thinking of this new girl and what i'd wear and how i'd act and how nervous I was and it took my mind off of my ex.. and then the end result seemed disappointing to me. anybody else gone through this ? it's obviously too soon for a relationship I just thought maybe going out for a few drinks with a girl would boost my mood and make me feel good about myself again and be fun, she's text me quite a bit since. but it just wasn't right.. plenty more fish in the sea and all of that right ? maybe if I keep hanging out with her things will change.. it was just one night maybe i'm looking into it too much, maybe she just needs to relax a little more around me. anybody else tried dating 2-3 months after a break up and how did it go ?
destroyed4sho Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 it was a FIRST date...she was prob nervous.. not a big deal. You dont even know her. give it another chance. 5
J_L_C Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 My rule of thumb is to always give the person at least a second date. I had one of my most amazing relationships simply because I gave him a second try You never know! 4
Jono85 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 yeah all 3 of my serious gfs in my 20s had pretty bad first dates. the ex that i'm so hung up over right now, we had a similar first date. she wasn't shy or awkward really but i clearly wasn't over my ex ex, and remember driving home from the date semi depressed wishing i could go back to the ex ex. well a couple years later and i'm pretty heartbroken over that same girl and would easily say to this point in my life it was the most i've been in love. 1
Bigcitydreamer Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I agree with everyone above! I too have had one of my best relationships because I gave him a few more tries! But this girl might have not been it for you too. I went on like 100 dates in 3 years and didn't find anyone that I was attracted to enough to pursue things with. It's highly likely to go on a date and not feel that attraction! Ive had way more week long flings (for lack of a better term) than I have had relationships. I'd give it a few more tries! She might surprise you but then again she might not lol and it that case I'd ask another girl that catches your attention on a date! 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Hey Cal, I was hoping you would post after the date. I have been following your posts/progress and was very curious Sucks it didn't go as well as you expected, but that does not surprise me in the least. Too soon. Maybe give her another shot if ya feel up to it. But I would think it is too soon, my friend. And yes, I feel I will be doing the exact same comparison exercise for quite a long time to come. My ex is in me deep. Real deep. And I don't think I will even be able to enjoy the company of another woman for a while. Depressing 2
LostOne1 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I think the thing is that it takes a FEW dates for it to feel good. I mean i bet most first dates even with the ex's never went well. Heck mine I was so nervous she had to do all the work haha. I don't think I'd be as nervous with a new girl.. but still a little. And I bet the first date will suck a bit, but if we both try different things and meet more often. I think it will show more of her personality and qualities over time.. and they say the more you are exposed to something, the more you start to like it over time. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 There has to be something on a first date to get a second date. I have to at least have some sort of spark to want to ask out a girl on a second date. The first "date" -- it wasn't actually a date per se, just a "hang out" -- went for 12 hours. That definitely wasn't planned. Obviously that's unusual, but I definitely am not of the school that all first dates have to be awkward. 1
Mack05 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) Calgary this poor girl never stood a chance. You may not want your ex back, but she still has your heart. You asked has anyone ever experienced this before. Of course we have! I went out on dates after a tough breakups and experienced the exact same things you did. I have had relationships after a long term relationship failed and I would feel down because the new girl didn't cuddle like me ex or she didn't kiss like my ex. When your heart is closed, so is your mind and this is the problem. You are looking at someone else to fill these huge emotional gaps inside you. If you can't do it, how the hell is she meant to? I would avoid dating until you fully DEAL with all this. You need to find happiness on your own. This girl you went on a date with deserves so much better than you right now. She deserves a guy who has an open mind and an open heart. Who goes on the date thinking this could be my last first kiss ever. Not some bitter guy who can't let go of what two pieces of thrash did to him. The ONLY way to open your heart and mind is to leave go of the anger/bitterness, forgive them, REALLY work on yourself and be glass half full not empty. Anything else you are just wasting your time. This new girl deserves better. You do to, but you won't get it until you start facing this head on and dealing with it. This 'oh poor me' attitude will get you nowhere in life. Edited April 2, 2013 by Mack05 1
Amelie1980 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 It depends...it couldve been comparing to your ex or perhaps you just didn't feel it for her. I went on a first date a few week ago. I went home crying on the train missing my ex. I can safely say I wasn't just pining for my ex. I would not have wanted a second date. He didn't like ANYTHING. School, college, films I mentioned, he was down on his career....everything we discussed he spun it to say he didn't like it. That's not shy or awkward I wouldst go back for more with that.
mcdo Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I went out on dates after a tough breakups and experienced the exact same things you did. I have had relationships after a long term relationship failed and I would feel down because the new girl didn't cuddle like me ex or she didn't kiss like my ex. Man I was kissing a girl over the weekend and she kissed totally different to what I was used to with my ex. Had to keep readjusting what I was doing. It was so weird to try and get used to. It's amazing how something that appears so straightforward can be done so differently. And none of my old "tricks" were working . If I'm meeting her again I'll have to do a bit of exploring to find out what makes this one tick!
Mack05 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Man I was kissing a girl over the weekend and she kissed totally different to what I was used to with my ex. Had to keep readjusting what I was doing. It was so weird to try and get used to. It's amazing how something that appears so straightforward can be done so differently. And none of my old "tricks" were working . If I'm meeting her again I'll have to do a bit of exploring to find out what makes this one tick! I tell you something, I think you know by the first kiss if something feels right or not. As you said Mcd isn't it amazing how something so straightforward can be done so differently!! Some techniques you really like, others not so much. Sure there are women that feel the same way. Going off topic my best kiss ever was when I was in Orlando on holiday with an ex of mine. The sun was setting and we were chilling with a cocktail in the most amazing swimming pool ever. It was real slow and incredibly tender and seemed to last a lifetime. Was thinking of that kiss this morning for some reason.
Author calgary Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 funny but my best romance happened in Orlando too. Love that place! We are alike! I think it was probably too soon to go out with a girl.. but then it beat going to bed early and lonely on a Saturday night. in fairness she's a really nice girl I think she was just shy and obviously i'm comparing her to somebody I was in love with for 18 months. this is wrong of me.. but I think we always want to improve and in honesty I think any girl I choose next will beat my ex after the way she turned out. I wish I could forgive her but it's easier to try and forget her I think. i'm sure it will be better next time around! it just made me miss my ex and how it used to be. I suppose I haven't given her a real chance.
Mack05 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I wish I could forgive her but it's easier to try and forget her I think. If you can forgive her, you remove all the baggage associated with her..Calgary you would be amazed how unresolved baggage catches up with you in new relationships. Don't let it happen to you..
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 How do you do it? How do you forgive? Do I just say "I forgive you?"
Author calgary Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 I've never felt so awkward in my whole life.. this girl never talks and I never run out of conversation but I ran out of conversation.. sitting in silence hoping for her to say something is so awkward I feel like i'm failing but she just never talks she seems so shy ! it's so awkward between us, like everytime we make eye contact we lose it fast. how do I deal with this? i'm usually quite confident but coming out of a relationship and dealing with a shy girl instead of my confident ex is really hard. I don't want to mess up, but by caring too much I think i'm making it far more awkward! she seems to laugh at everything I say. I feel like she likes me but i'm not 100% ! she hugs me for ages when I go to say bye.. it's always awkward because we hang out with my friend.
destroyed4sho Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 how did you 2 meet??!!?? a 2nd date with a friend??
fancy feast Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 If you're hung up on someone else, then you probably haven't given this a real chance. That said, not every date is going to be a love connection.
LostOne1 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Man I was kissing a girl over the weekend and she kissed totally different to what I was used to with my ex. Had to keep readjusting what I was doing. It was so weird to try and get used to. It's amazing how something that appears so straightforward can be done so differently. And none of my old "tricks" were working . If I'm meeting her again I'll have to do a bit of exploring to find out what makes this one tick! See I think you have to see this kiss as a NEW adventure. When you move cities do you cry and say this sucks I want to go back.. okay you might at first. But then you realize this is your new home and you get comfy sooner or later. It's the same with this new relationship... with some time it will feel natural again.
Author calgary Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 how did you 2 meet??!!?? a 2nd date with a friend?? we met through my friend. they were hanging out at his place so he invited me over to get take out and watch movies with them.
mcdo Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 See I think you have to see this kiss as a NEW adventure. When you move cities do you cry and say this sucks I want to go back.. okay you might at first. But then you realize this is your new home and you get comfy sooner or later. It's the same with this new relationship... with some time it will feel natural again. Oh no don't worry I didn't think it was bad per se, just different. Thinking back I remember having to adjust to how my ex kissed when we first met. So it really shouldn't come as a surprise that I have to adjust to how this girl kisses. I was instinctively kissing this girl where I thought would feel great but had to remember that's what worked with my ex. Like if I kissed my ex under her jawline or up around her ear her eyes would practically be rolling in her head. This girl didn't get much of a reaction at all. Just gotta do some exploring... that's if we do meet up again of course.
Chi townD Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Dude, I don't think you're in the right frame of mind to try to date seriously. That's not being fair to you or the girl that you date. HOWEVER!!! There is nothing wrong with spending the night out on the town with a girl and enjoy her company with no other intentions, no strings attached. That helps to take the pressure off and then the BOTH of you can relax and enjoy the evening.
Author calgary Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Dude, I don't think you're in the right frame of mind to try to date seriously. That's not being fair to you or the girl that you date. HOWEVER!!! There is nothing wrong with spending the night out on the town with a girl and enjoy her company with no other intentions, no strings attached. That helps to take the pressure off and then the BOTH of you can relax and enjoy the evening. yeah I think you're right about this ! I am not in the frame of mind. i'd just got it in my head that if my ex was able to be in a relationship and move on like she has.. then I should be more than capable of doing the same.. there's no point laying around in bed feeling sorry for myself when there's a perfectly nice girl trying to get my attention right ? it's been nice texting a new girl all day and flirting and stuff though. it was nice to just do something last night. it's better than obsessing about a girl who is now in a relationship with my old friend anyway. I'm wondering though when i'll ever really be ready to date again i just feel as though my ex has changed me as a person to the point where i am trying my best to trust people but just can't.
Mack05 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) yeah I think you're right about this ! I am not in the frame of mind. i'd just got it in my head that if my ex was able to be in a relationship and move on like she has.. then I should be more than capable of doing the same.. I really want to shake you, and real hard at that. Your ex is going to do, what your ex is going to do. She has the emotional maturity of a grapefruit. So do you as it turns out. It's like watching a really bad soap opera unfold. Looking for a new relationship is not the answer. I hope you truly understand why this is? Being friends with this girl is ok (as long as you are being honest with yourself and with her) but looking for anything else is pointless. It will fail. Just a matter of when. You need to find happiness on your own. To fill these emotional gaps on your own. You need to deal with your flaws. You are a million miles away from being ready to enter an emotional healthy relationship. You are a lost cause dude..There are easy to follow steps to moving on. I have already told you about those in one of the 45390 threads created by you since you joined LS. Can I tell you what I would do to finally set myself free? I wouldn't chase her her off next time she approaches me. I would let her speak and when she finishes I would say this.. "Can I speak now? Please don't interrupt. I just want you to know that I forgive you for everything you did. The reason I forgive you is because I don't want an immature silly little girl like you have any influence over my life going forward. I have no interest in ever being friends with you, so please leave me alone. That includes your brother, friends and you. I hope things work out for you. Good bye". The shackles come off (It doesn't matter what she thinks or what her opinion is) and then you can finally address your personal issues which are holding you back (more then you understand).. Edited April 3, 2013 by Mack05 1
cavalier99 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I really want to shake you, and real hard at that. Your ex is going to do, what your ex is going to do. She has the emotional maturity of a grapefruit. So do you as it turns out. It's like watching a really bad soap opera unfold. Looking for a new relationship is not the answer. I hope you truly understand why this is? Being friends with this girl is ok (as long as you are being honest with yourself and with her) but looking for anything else is pointless. It will fail. Just a matter of when. You need to find happiness on your own. To fill these emotional gaps on your own. You need to deal with your flaws. You are a million miles away from being ready to enter an emotional healthy relationship. You are a lost cause dude..There are easy to follow steps to moving on. I have already told you about those in one of the 45390 threads created by you since you joined LS. Can I tell you what I would do to finally set myself free? I wouldn't chase her her off next time she approaches me. I would let her speak and when she finishes I would say this.. "Can I speak now? Please don't interrupt. I just want you to know that I forgive you for what you did. The reason I forgive you is because I don't want an immature silly little girl like you have any influence over my life going forward. I have no interest in ever being friends with you, so please leave me alone. That includes your brother, friends and you. I hope things work out for you. Good bye". The shackles come off and then you can finally address your personal issues which are holding you back (more then you understand).. I vote for just ignoring her. He will forgive in his own time in his mind. Cav
Recommended Posts