minimitz Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) First of all I never thought I would be the other woman, or get myself into this type of situation. I have to admit I love my married man and he loves me, or so he claims. About a year ago I met this beautiful man we had an instant connection. Great sexual chemistry, flirting etc but nothing more came of it. Then we started going out for lunch sometimes daily, but always once a week. This progressed to going out for drinks but always very innocent and nothing never happened. This went on for a year and all of a sudden he blocks me on facebook a stops answering my messges so I sent him a nasty me ssage telling him off and he writes back, my account was hacked. Fair enough, but I told him of this new invention called a phone,next time use it. I though that was the last time I would hear from him boy was I wrong. Anyway we started up again, pretty innocent messages at first. But now were pretty heavy into some serious sexting. It all started off with 20 questions, he asked me if I enjoyed masturbation which I replied to honestly and openly. That question is pretty much where it started going down the more sexual route. After that it was no holds barred and it started getting pretty sexual. For three weeks now we have been hot and heavy, telling each other what we would do to the another. We have even swapped some photos. The problem that I have is he states he is happily married. I don't believe it for a second. He said he loves me, but then he also said you can love many people. I don't really understand what he's on about or how he can say that he loves me and he loves his wife just the same. The relationship has been very slow and I am being very very patient with him. I want to be his friend I also want to be his lover. I can tell that he wants me, of course I can see him being excited physically and emotionally. I love that I have that effect on him, and he said he like that I have that effect on him. Question is is how long will it be before you decide to do anything with me? He gets very close to me, he flirts with me like no man ever. He calls me a sexy, and talks about how good I look. I feel good around him, I feel sexy and desired.I love him near me and desire him like no man ever. He has said I turn him on terribly... My personal thought is to take it slow and go with the flow like we agreed. But my version of go with the flow means lets see where this takes us..what do we think his means? Do you think he just wants a friend or does he see me as a bit more? Edited April 1, 2013 by minimitz
Author minimitz Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Ok I get you. But why has it taken a year to get to this point? What changed in his marriage that he all of a sudden wants me? I did fail to mention one thing, everytime we go out he mentions his love for his wife less and less. Last time he did not say his typical im happily married line, instead it was lets go out again. I sense something has changed in his marriage but he wont tell me yet....
eleanorrigby Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Ok I get you. But why has it taken a year to get to this point? What changed in his marriage that he all of a sudden wants me? I did fail to mention one thing, everytime we go out he mentions his love for his wife less and less. Last time he did not say his typical im happily married line, instead it was lets go out again. I sense something has changed in his marriage but he wont tell me yet.... Something has changed in his marriage. Give you three guesses. First two don't count. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 First of all I never thought I would be the other woman, or get myself into this type of situation. I have to admit I love my married man and he loves me, or so he claims. About a year ago I met this beautiful man we had an instant connection. Great sexual chemistry, flirting etc but nothing more came of it. Then we started going out for lunch sometimes daily, but always once a week. This progressed to going out for drinks but always very innocent and nothing never happened. This went on for a year and all of a sudden he blocks me on facebook a stops answering my messges so I sent him a nasty me ssage telling him off and he writes back, my account was hacked. Fair enough, but I told him of this new invention called a phone,next time use it. I though that was the last time I would hear from him boy was I wrong. Anyway we started up again, pretty innocent messages at first. But now were pretty heavy into some serious sexting. It all started off with 20 questions, he asked me if I enjoyed masturbation which I replied to honestly and openly. That question is pretty much where it started going down the more sexual route. After that it was no holds barred and it started getting pretty sexual. For three weeks now we have been hot and heavy, telling each other what we would do to the another. We have even swapped some photos. The problem that I have is he states he is happily married. I don't believe it for a second. He said he loves me, but then he also said you can love many people. I don't really understand what he's on about or how he can say that he loves me and he loves his wife just the same. The relationship has been very slow and I am being very very patient with him. I want to be his friend I also want to be his lover. I can tell that he wants me, of course I can see him being excited physically and emotionally. I love that I have that effect on him, and he said he like that I have that effect on him. Question is is how long will it be before you decide to do anything with me? He gets very close to me, he flirts with me like no man ever. He calls me a sexy, and talks about how good I look. I feel good around him, I feel sexy and desired.I love him near me and desire him like no man ever. He has said I turn him on terribly... My personal thought is to take it slow and go with the flow like we agreed. But my version of go with the flow means lets see where this takes us..what do we think his means? Do you think he just wants a friend or does he see me as a bit more? He's just not that into you. He wants an affair partner, not a girlfriend or a new wife. He wants to stay in his marriage and he wants you to be his dirty little secret. 2
underwater2010 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 What has changed is the intimacy of the relationship between the two of you impacting his marriage. YOU are taking time away from him and his wife. YOU are replacing the positive thoughts of his wife and home. YOU are the problem. FYI his a piece of crap keeping you hanging on for "friendship" and because he is happy in his marriage. His happiness will end when his wife finds out. If you are truly "friends" and want the best for him.....then leave him be. Quit taking his emails and calls. Don't do this for his wife, do this for YOU. 2
Lillyfree Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I don't really understand what he's on about or how he can say that he loves me and he loves his wife just the same. it's very easy to understand. he loves himself. he doesn't love you and he doesn't love his wife. My personal thought is to take it slow and go with the flow like we agreed. But my version of go with the flow means lets see where this takes us..what do we think his means? Do you think he just wants a friend or does he see me as a bit more? where do you want 'this' to take you? are you happy being a side dish? are you happy just getting crumbs and feeding some selfish tossers ego? because that's all that you will get - and consider yourself lucky that he's so upfront with you about it. have some self-respect.
who_am_i Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Ok I get you. But why has it taken a year to get to this point? What changed in his marriage that he all of a sudden wants me? I did fail to mention one thing, everytime we go out he mentions his love for his wife less and less. Last time he did not say his typical im happily married line, instead it was lets go out again. I sense something has changed in his marriage but he wont tell me yet.... I know this might sound crazy, but there could be a good chance that he's never done this before. Crossing the line from 100% faithful to one who has cheated is huge...it's something that he will never be able to take back. If he loves his wife as much as he claims to, maybe he's still trying to decide if he can live with the guilt that will come once you've slept together. This doesn't mean he doesn't want to and/or think about it constantly when you're together.
Pierre Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 First of all I never thought I would be the other woman, or get myself into this type of situation. If I had a dime for every time I read this sentence i would be a millionaire. But, credit is due to the poster. At least she did not say the all time No. 1 phrase: "I never planned this, it just happened". I have to admit I love my married man and he loves me Yes, he loves you no doubt. He loves you as his OW. He loves you in the affair compartment. Outside the compartment he loves his wife. If there is a d-day, you are history. So pray there is never a d-day or you will be thrown under the bus. The problem that I have is he states he is happily married. I don't believe it for a second. He said he loves me, but then he also said you can love many people. I don't really understand what he's on about or how he can say that he loves me and he loves his wife just the same. As I said, he loves you as the OW and when he says he loves you he really means it. His ILY come from the heart. However, he only loves you within the sphere of the affair. Outside the sphere things fall apart quickly. Is there a gene for innocence in OWs? Have you heard of men that cheat? The state of his marriage is moot because he is a cheater. And this guy is a very good cheater. He clearly tells you upfront he loves his wife. This MM does not want to deal with a drama queen that thinks he is leaving his marriage. That makes me think he has done this before, Question is is how long will it be before you decide to do anything with me? He gets very close to me, he flirts with me like no man ever. He calls me a sexy, and talks about how good I look. I feel good around him, I feel sexy and desired.I love him near me and desire him like no man ever. He has said I turn him on terribly... My personal thought is to take it slow and go with the flow like we agreed. But my version of go with the flow means lets see where this takes us..what do we think his means? Do you think he just wants a friend or does he see me as a bit more? :laugh: The innocence gene? Or are you playing the part? He is grooming you to be his OW and he is enjoying the game. He gets a high by flirting with you and getting you all sexually aroused. But, he is going to take his time. He will do this until you ripped his clothes off. This guy is good! He is playing you like a violin. Normal men that are single don't do this. But, cheating married man are experts at this game. He does not need to sleep with you right away. He has a a vagina at home. So he rather enjoy the game. He is grooming you to be his concubine and at the end you will be helpless. In fact, you are near helpless right now. Your need for validation is way too strong to see the obvious: THIS GUY IS A CHEATER. And you are helping him cheat. 3
Pierre Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 If you want to be the other woman and are happy with that, then go for it. Just don't wait for it to turn into something it isn't. Some women are perfectly suited to being the affair and nothing else. Make sure you're that person before you take the plunge. Maintain a social life and continue to date other people. And have safe s3x! Can't stress this enough... Metal: Are you cut to be an OW? Or are you rationalizing?
Mrs.Dee Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Metal: Are you cut to be an OW? Or are you rationalizing? I think some really wants to be just the OW. they get the cream of the crop ( or whatever the saying is). They get all the heights, his best side, gifts , trips, he trying to put his best side out...and I think it works for women espcially those that want to be single, yet still wants the benefits of a sexual relationship with a steady partner. But it doesn't work if they start wanting more than just a few stolen moments once in a while or if they get too emotionally attached, then it will just start sucking instead... 1
Pierre Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Ok I get you. But why has it taken a year to get to this point? What changed in his marriage that he all of a sudden wants me? I did fail to mention one thing, everytime we go out he mentions his love for his wife less and less. Last time he did not say his typical im happily married line, instead it was lets go out again. I sense something has changed in his marriage but he wont tell me yet.... He will say what he thinks you want to hear. I am a guy, trust me on this one. And as i said before, he loves you a lot. But, he loves you as the OW. Just ask other former OWs that heard the same ILYs over and over again. Then, they have a d-day and things are not the same. His love only works in affair mode.
Pierre Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 @Pierre - god no. Definitely not cut out to be the other woman. But some women are, and I don't judge. I'm not in a position to. That's why I killed mine when I did. But some women are perfectly happy to be the girlfriend or lover or whatever of a married man, and so long as the original poster is comfortable with that, I don't judge her. It is called running out of options.
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