Breee Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I've been struggling with this for a few days now, and I'm still not sure what to do, so I could really use some opinions and advice... I made the mistake of becoming someone's rebound. I met this guy 2 months ago, and we hit it off. He told me he had been broken up with his ex for 6 months, so I figured enough time had passed for him to get over her. Turns out he had tried to get back together with her (and consequently had sex with her) up until a month before he met me, and they were still very much in touch with each other. They were together for 8+ years, and it was a somewhat rocky relationship, because she was a "free spirit" who got bored easily and wanted diversity in her life, which lead to them breaking up a few times then getting back together, and in the end to her suggesting they tried an open relationship and other similar stuff. Eventually she dumped him again, but as I came to realize, kept him as a safety net and enjoyed having him as her biggest fan. On our first date, he talked a lot about her, and showed me the 80+ pics he still had of her on his phone. I knew I was a rebound, but since I wasn't looking for anything too serious myself at that point, rolled with it, especially since he swore up and down that he was done with her forever, that he knew she was not right for him, etc. I did however let him know that I was uncomfortable with them being so openly cozy on social networks, and with him still obviously not being over her, and little by little, he took steps to remove her from his life (deleted the pics on his phone, removed her from some of his social media, told her he was dating me and asked her not to come by his place any longer as "friends"). He kept promising he would stop all contact with her, at least for a while, out of respect for our relationship. And yet, somehow, I always heard about her, she kept sending a tweet here, an email there, and we would still discuss her almost every time we saw each other. I started really resenting the situation, and I gave him an ultimatum: either she's gone completely out of his life, or I am. He promised he wanted nothing to have with her, that I had his undivided attention, and that he was falling for me, and again, I stayed. Last week, 2 months into our relationship, he told me she had emailed him again, to make sure she wasn't going to lose him as a friend, and he claims he told her he was totally moving on and that they should not talk for a few months. When I asked to see the email, he told me he had deleted it (conveniently, right?). So I broke up with him on the spot. Since then, he's been texting me, asking me to reconsider my decision, saying I was making a big mistake and I should turn the breakup into a break, and think about giving us another chance. He still claims he is 100% over her, that I'm the one he wants to be with, and that the email exchange was truly their last contact (at least for the next 6 months or so - his words), and that he was happy about the email exchange because it had given him closure (!). I am extremely uncomfortable with continuing this relationship, because I know I will always fear the day she will decide to claim him back. Obviously he doesn't have the back bone to say "no" to her, which is clear from the many years he allowed her to toy with him and his feelings. And I feel hurt that he got his "closure" 2 months into our relationship...I mean, closure is supposed to happen before one jumps into another relationship, not 2 months into one! Am I wrong to feel this way? And what's going to happen in 6 months, when she will be back into his life as "friends"? I have this feeling I can't shake, that he wants to use me as revenge for the way she treated him and dumped him repeatedly, and that he took great pleasure in letting her know he was moving on (she was the second person in his life to know about me, after his best friend). Should I just end this? I would really appreciate opinions, and would love to know what would you guys do, if this happened to you?
ThatJustHappened Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 No, you're not wrong. Your gut is telling you to leave so you should leave. You were definitely a rebound and he is definitely still invested in his ex.
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