So sad right now :(

[rivera89]

I have been having trouble coping with a break-up since Christmas Eve. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she thought I wasn't given her enough attention on this special day. Days later she gave me the whole 'I need space/time speech' and told me that it was up to me to wait for her or not. I reluctantly agreed and I gave it to her. Two months later my birthday was coming up, but we still hadn't reconciled or anything. But I had the fantasy that she would call me before to reconcile and spend my birthday with me. That day came, and I did not hear from her except a birthday card that came in the mail. All she gave me was a 25 dollar gift card for Starbucks. I was devastated because for her birthday i had gotten her a new laptop and she was able to spend it with her family. I had to spend it alone, and that was when I got in desperation mode.

 

I made all the mistakes of begging pleading through text, emails, letters, and etc. I even got on a 2 hour busride to surprise visit her. She was surprised to see me but not mad. We talked that night about out relationship, and she told me that there was too much instability in her life with a new job and a lot of other things to be in a relationship at that point. The next day we were friendly as we usually were as a couple, but she reassured me not to think that things were different. She again said how she couldn't be in a relationship and we parted ways amicably. I told her that if she needed me for anything I would be there for her.

 

The next week she came to me for help saying that she needed to get away from her work, from her apartment. She asked if she could come over to my apartment at school. I was actually at home, but without hesitation, I went back to her. So she came, and I noticed that she was in a maniac stage and was very nervous and tense. I helped her calm down and took her to bed. She actually let me sleep with her in the same bed. The next day, I completely treated her by cooking her breakfast, and I spoiled her at the mall. I was playing it cool until we started remembering happy memories that we shared. We even looked at pictures of us together that she still had in her phone. She sent me all kinds of mixed messages.

I finally caved in and asked her about getting back together. She told me the same excuse saying that she was in a confused 'fog' right now with everything happening in her life. The next day i caved in again, and she got mad, not at me but at the situation. She said she she couldn't handle the guilt and she got up and left without even saying goodbye. I then sent her a text saying that I was sorry for the weekend. I told her that I was going to try and move on with my life and that I was going to let her go so that she could find herself. But I also told her that I wasn't shuting the door on us completely, that if she ever wanted to resume any kind of relationship that I would be open to it. I promised that i wouldn't communicate with her to respect her wishes. So I left it at that.

 

The following Friday I received a surprise email that just tore my heart into peaces. She emailed me an IM conversation she was having with another guy that I knew. He was a friend of hers, but she had reassured me that she wasn't attracted to him. She even joked about the way he dressed. Well in the conversation there was a line where he said 'love you, miss you'. The last line tore me up because she told him the same thing. I broke down in front of my dad as he was comforting me. Ever since that day which was almost two weeks ago, I have been in hell. I feel betrayed, lied to, and the worst feeling of rejection I have ever felt.

 

I have over analyzed the entire period since the break-up and I have been in so much pain. I keep asking myself if what happened on Christmas was her way of ending things so she could go on to the other guy. How long has she been going out with him, if they are even an item because I understand how friends say I love you all the time? Did I push her to him with that text that I sent her after she left all mad? I'm also wondering if she is all confused with everything that is going on in her life. I just can't see what motive she had in sending that awful email because that was not the girl that I fell in love and have loved these last 3 years. I love her unconditionally and I have forgiven her, but it still hurts so much. I'm just so confused myself because why would she come to me for help that weekend if she was already going out with the other guy. Why would she let me sleep with her and why would she send all those mixed signals? I have been tough on myself because I feel like I pushed her away with my pleading and with the text.

 

Please anybody I need some comfort and advise

[steveT95]

I'm experiencing a relatively similar situation. So think I can understand what is going through your mind.

I'm afraid to say it sounds like she's used you, spoiling her at the mall and all that. My ex is the same but for emotional stuff, if she needs to vent she does to me, but then doesn't want to know.

Maybe the email was her way of telling you to give up. If so, she's cold hearted and childish. It was a cruel thing to do.

All I can say if the same tired old thing everyone else says, no contact. She will either realise what she has lost and come back or she won't and that will be it. Win, win. It may not seem but if she comes back, take things slow and you have your girl back. If she doesn't come back, good. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you do you?

I know how you feel with the whole spending time together and talking about old times, to then go and break down whilst she just backs away. It's happening to me these past few days.

 

Good luck, man, PM if you want.

[bob the brave]

Bro, I think sadly you are right. What you describe sounds like a woman hiding another relationship. Unless she is PM of England, work will never be a deturent to a relationship.

 

I'm still trying to figure it out myself, but I believe women are more prone to act instinctively when it comes to mating. There is the image of them wanting real loving, supportive guys but I have seen little actual evidence of that. What I have seen is women that want d***, money and power in what ever form. These are not monsters, it is just natural. The rest is a way of rationalizing and hiding this truth. As soon as they find someone better, if severing current bonds is feasible, they turn on a dime. They are fickle, think instinctively, not with their hearts or minds. Think of if it, the best poets, artists, chefs...all men.

 

There is a great Italian saying, "All women are whores, except my mother who is a saint."

 

My advice to you is chip up and pat yourself on the back. You sound a right solid chap and nothing at all to beat yourself up over. The loss you feel will always be there to some degree, but use it to make yourself stronger and wiser. Plan tentatively for the future, but live only in the moment. Cherish what you had together. It is more than some ever will. Build on this to make your next connection even more brilliant.

[rivera89]

Thanks for all your answers. The rejection is perhaps the worst part, because although i had my faults like any person I was always sincere in my love for her. I tried to treat her and care for her the best that I could. There was genuine love between us. For her to throw away what we once had and not be truthful to me has devastated my self-esteem and self-worth. What is this guy giving her that I wasn't able to give her? Just never thought that in a million years she would hurt me the way she did after everything that we shared. Its so sad

[Bando89]

I've been dumped on December 24 (well, some days prior to that, but our final talk was on that date) so first of all I know how bad it is to spend the holidays alone

 

As for the rest, there's only a thing I can say: people are crazy. There's no another explanation... if a person who behaves like your ex is considered sane, than I really don't know anymore what's good and what's bad in this world.

 

Hang on, buddy!

[rivera89]

My ex emailed me again yesterday. This time she sent me an email from her boss who also stated that he loved and missed her. I could tell right away that it was bull**** and that she was playing mind games with me. Now I'm questioning whether she tampered with the IM conversation that she was having with that one guy. I think my ex has been going through my email, and has seen that I have been chatting with another girl.

 

Well anyway, I didn't respond to it in anyway and have kept NC. But I can't help to feel extremely confused by the situation or what to do about it. She doesn't want to get back together with me, but she is obviously showing signs of jealousy thus contradicting herself. I don't even know if she is really in another relationship, but who knows anymore what is true or not. I don't understand why she keeps hurting me or not letting me move on. I feel like I should say something to her, but I don't want to break NC.

[cdt76]

You need to put it out there in an email for her to read in plane English! You love her. You still love her. You don't play games. You didn't want the break up. SHE DID. She has two choices, fix her sh$t and get right with you the way she needs too, or leave you the hell alone! Change your email password.

 

Then the ball is in her court and you can safely live with yourself knowing you put it all out there for her to deal with and she can choose to live how ever she wants. But for your sake make the final cut. PUt it out there and then go on about healing yourself without her.

[rivera89]

I have been thinking about giving her an ultimatum, because I have a feeling it would backfire on me and destroy and chance of getting back together. I know I shouldn't put up with her ****, but I love unconditionally. I just wish I knew what her intentions were. Like I said she gave me a bunch of mix signals that weekend, but I broke down like a bitch and cried to have her back. I understand that is not how to get someone back with you. So now I want to demonstrate to her that I am strong and decisive. Maybe that is what she is looking from me, decisiveness. I just do not know how to approach this situation. Should I wait a couple more weeks with NC? besides the ultimatum what else could I possibly do?

[h3braica]

Thanks for all your answers. The rejection is perhaps the worst part, because although i had my faults like any person I was always sincere in my love for her. I tried to treat her and care for her the best that I could. There was genuine love between us. For her to throw away what we once had and not be truthful to me has devastated my self-esteem and self-worth. What is this guy giving her that I wasn't able to give her? Just never thought that in a million years she would hurt me the way she did after everything that we shared. Its so sad

 

i relate so much. ex proposed a marriage and dumped me on christmas eve, 10 days after my surgery. i'm still hurting but need to move on. knowing that he only used me made me hate him more. it's a 10 yr relationship but seems like he moved on so fast a week after the BU.

[AKisBaked]

Bro I feel you, your ex sounds just like mine...she betrayed me, disrespected me and was hiding another relationship in the back. She was just acting.. She had already emotionally checked out.. And it really sucks when you know its the beginning of the end when your gut feeling or you know something is wrong...

 

Bro I know it hurts real bad cuz the person that you know who knows you better than anyone else and you gave your trust and heart to can do a full 360 and do this to you. Its really hurtful and unfaithful. If she's such a mixed bag of emotions and trying to make you jealous with the im messages, the best way is to stop talking to her. I know easier said than done but if you can do it and push through a day or a week things will be better. 3 years is a long time man, don't get me wrong, it was the same for me and I'm still dealing everyday but you have to be strong to get through it. And she doesn't seem like she's a good girl for you anymore if she's playing you like this....

[rivera89]

Hi just wanted to give an update. On Thursday night my ex called my mom telling her that she was going away to Mexico for a while on Sunday. I guess it was her way of telling me. On Saturday, I sent her a message telling her that I was letting her free, because I loved her that much. I told her I had held no hate or resentment towards her and that despite everything she did to me, I wanted her to happy, even if that meant not being with me or with someone else.

 

I must say that I felt very good sending her that message, and it brought me a great deal of peace in my heart and mind. Knowing that I treated her with the love I've always felt for her until the very end, despite all she had done to me, was very comforting and made me very proud of myself. Although it doesn't matter to me one way or another, I hope that she can one day look back on our relationship and appreciate that she was able to know someone that truly loved her unconditionally. I understand now that somethings aren't just meant to be, and I know that one day I will meet that special someone that will love me back the way I loved my ex.

 

I suggest to everyone that if they really love someone they should let go of their lost love, of their past. That is the ultimate act of love, and I promise you will feel peace within yourself. Just hang on guys, I promise things will get better, but first you have to forgive your ex and yourself and finally let go....

Edited April 9, 2013 by rivera89

[rivera89]

Hey guys its been a long time and there have been some new developments that I just need to vent. So it has been a month since my ex went away to mexico and since I last had any communication with her. In that last month of NC, I've honestly have improved my emotional well-being significantly and I have been much more proactive in improving myself the best that I can. Not for her, but ultimately for ME and me only.

 

I also have so many things coming up in my life such as my college graduation, which brings up the next development. So last Tuesday, my Ex's brother, who I had a really good relationship with, texted me. He asked me when I was graduating and then eventually asked me if it was okay to tell his sister (my ex) that I was graduating. I told him I was okay with it, and the next I unsurprisingly received an email from the Ex! She congratulated me on my graduation blah blah blah told me that she was proud of me blah blah blah. After reading her email, I ignored it for an entire day. She emailed me again saying " I dont know if you read my email or nor but I wanted to congratulate........". I again ignored it until I finally gave in and gave her a rather generic response.

 

I just been feeling guilty at myself for breaking contact and been feeling like ****. Now I'm back at that stage where I am analyzing everything. Why the hell did she go through all that trouble when she doesn't want to be with me anymore, especially now when she might be in another relationship? What really upsets me is that she is acting like everything is fine and like she never hurt me by sending those emails to me.