bob the brave Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) A little long, but read on if you like great soap opera stuff! A while back interest on my part was declined by a girl at work. She made jokes about me being too short (5'9" she is 5'7"), said I can't help how I was born and made jokes about me liking her in front of me and other coworkers. This was a bit surprising as she always seemed so sweet. Then she hooked up with a married player with two small daughters who drinks, smokes, gambles and runs other people down emotionally. I am college educated and a certified personal trainer (though that is not my profession) in great shape. The player has a beer belly and no education or skills. We are both average looking. The girl is 38, the player 33 and I am 44 but look much younger. She sounds like a monster, but I don't know she can be very sweet and nice in general. Anyway, knowing I liked her the player came to me and said, "I ****** her and there is nothing you can do about it." just to stroke his ego and assert himself as alfa male. Months later she comes to me saying the guy is a zero and wanted to know if I still cared for her? She is serious. I said no and left it at that. Now a six months later she is married to someone she has only known 5 months and is pregnant (only recently after marriage). I have always had strong feelings for her, but seeing her lost to me twice is more than I can bare. I pass her desk every day without so much as a glance. We haven't spoken in 6 months. At first, this bothered her as we used to laugh for hours, but she has come to accept my distance. I know she thinks I hate her, but I don't. I am just terribly, teriribly sad. I can't help to wonder if I made a mistake in telling her no, but given the circumstances, I just thought she was a party girl who could not care or respect anyone. Now I don't know what to think. I already told the player to go **** himself and not to speak to me again real in your face like. Helped a bit, but not as much as I would have thought. How can a person be so crude to a good person, befriend swine and then try and reverse the situation only to find love with another and have his child? Does she know what love is? Do I? Any ideas how I can make this better would be really appreciated! Edited April 1, 2013 by bob the brave
Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 A little long, but read on if you like great soap opera stuff! A while back interest on my part was declined by a girl at work. She made jokes about me being too short (5'9" she is 5'7"), said I can't help how I was born and made jokes about me liking her in front of me and other coworkers. This was a bit surprising as she always seemed so sweet. Then she hooked up with a married player with two small daughters who drinks, smokes, gambles and runs other people down emotionally. I am college educated and a certified personal trainer (though that is not my profession) in great shape. The player has a beer belly and no education or skills. We are both average looking. The girl is 38, the player 33 and I am 44 but look much younger. She sounds like a monster, but I don't know she can be very sweet and nice in general. Anyway, knowing I liked her the player came to me and said, "I ****** her and there is nothing you can do about it." just to stroke his ego and assert himself as alfa male. Months later she comes to me saying the guy is a zero and wanted to know if I still cared for her? She is serious. I said no and left it at that. Now a six months later she is married to someone she has only known 5 months and is pregnant (only recently after marriage). I have always had strong feelings for her, but seeing her lost to me twice is more than I can bare. I pass her desk every day without so much as a glance. We haven't spoken in 6 months. At first, this bothered her as we used to laugh for hours, but she has come to accept my distance. I know she thinks I hate her, but I don't. I am just terribly, teriribly sad. I can't help to wonder if I made a mistake in telling her no, but given the circumstances, I just thought she was a party girl who could not care or respect anyone. Now I don't know what to think. I already told the player to go **** himself and not to speak to me again real in your face like. Helped a bit, but not as much as I would have thought. How can a person be so crude to a good person, befriend swine and then try and reverse the situation only to find love with another and have his child? Does she know what love is? Do I? Any ideas how I can make this better would be really appreciated! I'm in a similar situation. My ex hooked up with an avg looking guy was still reaching out to me from time to time and now got engaged to this guy she had known for four months.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Have some solice in knowing her marriage will most likely fail. Only now she'll have alot more baggage. She's not worth your worries, you dodged a bullet pal.
cdt76 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 She has no idea what she is doing. As soon as the baby comes and she realizes how permanent it is, how little the baby daddy helps out, how hard it is to raise a child, that marriage will fail and fail badly. You care for her which is ok. I don't know why you couldn't befriend her and be someone she could lean on for advise. I feel like just because she throws herself at men, doesn't necessarily mean she is a bad person, she is just lost and confused. I've known several like this and I still try and guide them the best way I know how but without any emotional attachment.
Author bob the brave Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 She has no idea what she is doing. As soon as the baby comes and she realizes how permanent it is, how little the baby daddy helps out, how hard it is to raise a child, that marriage will fail and fail badly. You care for her which is ok. I don't know why you couldn't befriend her and be someone she could lean on for advise. I feel like just because she throws herself at men, doesn't necessarily mean she is a bad person, she is just lost and confused. I've known several like this and I still try and guide them the best way I know how but without any emotional attachment. You are 2 for 2. She already has another 3 year old daughter with no father. I don't know if she has custody or not. She got a DWI and still went out drinking with the guys. I always wondered who was taking care of the kid. That said, you are right. I was a jerk not give her a chance to explain or just listen as a friend. Watching her run to all these other guys (yes, there were more) and then return to me only when she got hurt because she knew I was a nice guy just made me not want to be for the first time in my life. Because I liked her, I let my pride and ego get hurt and felt there was just too much injustice and ignorance to be a good guy this time. But, I was wrong. There is never a good time to not be a good guy.
Silver_star Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 You seem to know the answers deep down but need help in applying the answers to your own situation or maybe you need the courage to accept it. She can't appreciate what is in front of her and that's you, the good guy. You wasted a lot of time already on her and if she hasn't realized that you Are a good thing by now. She never will. ever. Her loss. She made her bed and her decision to be with several other men..and have their children. She sounds emotionally immature and unavailable. Her blasé attitude about love and playing with your emotions is manipulative and disturbing and not what you should want to find in a woman. I think she has some self work to do if she runs around to different men for attention to supplement her low self esteem or ego issues. Like you said in your advice to me (thanks btw) it will take time to get over thinking of her. But u can and will find better.
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