irc333 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 ....the only thing that stood between the 2 of them is transitioning their own business and real estate until they're ready for a divorce? Met this woman online, apparently she said she feels she has an obligation to her ex (who she has not been living with for the past 5 years), to help him with the transition of his business (once their's)...because he isn't computer savvy and she is...and once the summer is over....she'll be doing it less frequently, and by the end of the year he'll be out of the state. So apparently, she's still involved with him in his life....but only because it's it's a business transition. Would you date a separated person in this case....BTW....they have no children together. She said they simply don't work as a married couple, plain and simple, but their relationships is amicable.
soccerrprp Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I NEVER date or approach/communicate with separated ladies. Never. It's precarious enough dealing with people who have been recently divorced, no way with separated. Way too unpredictable and don't want to get in the middle of something potentially ugly.
CarrieT Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I NEVER date or approach/communicate with separated ladies. Never. ^^^^ THIS ^^^^ I dated a guy that was separated for several months. Then - *poof* - he and his wife reconciled. Gee..... A separated person is NOT an available person. Ever. Until they are divorced. 3
candie13 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Even if they are separated and it's for real - they are married. Would you like to be the potential cause of breaking up a family? Plenty of fish in the sea, stay out.
sillyanswer Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Why has this "business transition" taken 5 years and is still not complete? This isn't just separated, this is still involved. 2
carhill Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 They could easily divorce and bifurcate the business settlement. IMO, if she's living alone and the details of the business arrangement could be quantified independently, I'd have no issues, nor would I have expectations. I've experienced the divorces of a couple of business owners and they can take a long time, especially if the marriage was long and the business was built during it. I dated while separated and it was commonly known that my exW and I were 'done'. If a woman wanted evidence (none did) I merely would have directed them to her cohabiting boyfriend. Easily quantified. Keep expectations low and see what happens. Anything is possible, even for ex'es who have a divorce seal. They can reunite, reconcile, remarry and live happily ever after at any time. There are no guarantees in life, save for death. Good luck. 1
curlygirl40 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 This is a tough one. There's a huge difference between someone who is separated and just waiting on some legality to make it official and someone who is separated and still has to go through all of the 'stuff' that separated/newly divorced people go through. Separated people are risky, no doubt about it. I have been in that situation and have decided I won't ever do it again. I would worry more about where she is emotionally than why she's still legally tied to the ex. Has she dated much? Has she gone through her 'wild, yay I'm free' phase? Has she had a rebound relationship? Is she done with her marriage? 5 years and living alone seems like she should be ready to date. But I think that until the judge swings the gavel, the clock doesn't start ticking on the emotional part of being divorced. So she may seem level and seem ready to date, then the divorce could be final and it could trigger some emotions she didn't see coming and that could really set the clock back on her being over her marriage and read to move on. I think you have to feel her out to see where she's at in her journey. Just keep your eyes wide open on this one and look for signs that she's still holding on, that she's not over him, that the divorce took this long for other reasons. Oftentimes there's 3 sides to every story. His side, her side and the truth which usually falls someplace inbetween. People will tell you a story that will make sense to you just to not have to tell you the real story. Her story seems plausible, but listen for red flags that she's sugarcoating something. Seems like a long time to drag out a divorce. To give you a little bit of my personal experience, I met a guy almost exactly 2 years ago on Match who was newly separated, we got to be very good friends. He is STILL not divorced right now. In the future, I know for a fact that he will tell the story about the fact that they have a business that she helped him start, she is still heavily involved in and how he didn't know how to run her side of the business and how she didn't know how to run his side. And that's all true and it makes sense. However after getting to know him very well I know that even up until this past Christmas, there was talk of them getting back together. Risky!! Best of luck! 2
InJest Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I would only date the separated if I was ****ing other people too. Never invest emotionally in someone who is attached.
iris219 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Many marriages have been over long before anyone moved out. Sometimes for many years. For these people, separation is a huge relief. As long as there's no emotional attachment, I'd date someone separated. There's a chance you'll date someone single who's still hung up on their ex. I don't think being single necessarily means one is over their ex, just like being separated doesn't necessarily mean one wants their ex back or has any negative feelings towards him or her.
anne1707 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 When I met Wuggle, I was still married to my first husband but had been separated for over two years. The only thing that had not been sorted out was the divorce which had been left to that point because we could arrange it very easily as we had been separated for that long - no solicitors were involved on either side. It literally cost us about £60. However we already had all financial links completely separate by then. Bank accounts, any outstanding loans and the receipts from the sale of the house... all sorted within the first year. To be five years post separation and still have financial and any other ties is, to use an expression I find a bit naff, a red flag.
grkBoy Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Dating a separated woman isn't horrible. Just tread carefully and walk when you see that there is bigger red flags.
Author irc333 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I recall a woman I had a major crush on that was STILL tied to her soon-to-be ex husband strictly because of their business they were closing down. Some other guy snatched up quicker than light.....apparently he had NO qualms dating her while she was technically STILL married. Now, that she's finally divorced....she RE-married the guy she dated for a couple of years and now living together. I've always wondered if I pursued this separated woman....if we would've wound up together. That's why I sometimes wind up on the fence about these things....apparently her NEW husband had no issue taking that risk. When I met Wuggle, I was still married to my first husband but had been separated for over two years. The only thing that had not been sorted out was the divorce which had been left to that point because we could arrange it very easily as we had been separated for that long - no solicitors were involved on either side. It literally cost us about £60. However we already had all financial links completely separate by then. Bank accounts, any outstanding loans and the receipts from the sale of the house... all sorted within the first year. To be five years post separation and still have financial and any other ties is, to use an expression I find a bit naff, a red flag.
Author irc333 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Even if they are separated and it's for real - they are married. Would you like to be the potential cause of breaking up a family? Plenty of fish in the sea, stay out. They have no kids....thus...no family.
Noproblem Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 She seems like a caring and good women. If you sense that she has a feeling for you, don't ruin it because of your jealousy and uncertainty!
carhill Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Has a divorce at least been filed? That's a simple and pointed question to ask. In our case, I could direct the ladies to our case summary (the summary of motions and filings) at the court web site. Again, it appeared to interest none but was there for the viewing if they so desired. Perhaps such dichotomies are indicative of one element of attraction, that being mystery and intrigue. In our case, there was none, as everything was open and conspicuous. That can, in today's world, seem 'boring'. I've encountered numerous MW's in life like irc333 related in their example, with similar results. In fact, that's how it worked out for my exW. Her now BF was living with her in the house I gave her in the divorce for months before the divorce was final. In the past, I minded issues like this in the way irc333 did and 'missed out'. Other men bed and cohabit with women without care regarding their relationship status. That's how it goes around here. The 'who cares the least' dynamic gets strong play. With M behind me, I now see their perspective more clearly. Nothing is forever. Live in the now. Good luck OP.
iris219 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 In the past, I minded issues like this in the way irc333 did and 'missed out'. This is very accurate. A man where I live will not be single long. He will start dating as soon as he's separated. Women need to act fast and snatch him up before he's in another relationship. Often these men marry again within a year or two of separation.
AMusing Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Nope, wouldn't touch a separated man again with a ten-foot pole. I'm especially skeptical of couples that drag out getting the divorce for years beyond what's required. Dated a separated guy for three years--there were always financial reasons for them not to 'officially" get divorced, but they were living separately and both dating other people--when they suddenly reconciled. I'll spare you the details, but that was the most painful, shameful dating experience of my life. Never ever ever again.
Treasa Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Hell no. They'd better be completely divorced and have everything separated for at least six months to a year before I'd even consider it.
sabre80 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Seperated = Still married in my book. Wont touch it. Sorry we can chit chat as friends but until your papers are stamped you are a married woman. One of many reasons for this is if you start dating it can be damaging to reputations if the ex decides to make you the reason for divorce. "SEE. .. see how quickly she has a new boyfriend. She was probably cheating on me the whole time." That and if you are just seperated its too soon after divorce to start healthily dating.
FitChick Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Separated or divorced less than two years is fine if you are only looking for fun and not anything serious.
MoreThanThat Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I can't speak for the OP's situation specifically but in my case, we each had our own businesses. His closed when we separated leaving financial stuff in shambles and me on the line for a lot. 8 years later and we're a few months from being able to file. Meanwhile, we've both lived separate lives other than this. There are no kids and it's amicable. For entrepreneurs/business owners over the past several years, it's been a challenge unless there was a prenup or they live somewhere without joint property. I have MANY friends with businesses who had 3+ years to get a divorce a done deal because of this. Economy has been rough. You can't easily liquidate assets in a business to split financially. In my case, it would have bankrupt both of us. 1
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