Kenji Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 You cannot allow her to control your happiness any longer. You need to commit to no contact.
cavalier99 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) Cav I was NC from the last time she admitted she was committed to him. This time she contacted me. She gave me the text we all wanted. She wanted to reconcile. That is the only reason I got sucked back in and broke NC. Ok Coping you know i like you but lets get real. You have never truly been NC. NC is going dark 100 percent. Blocking her phone, changing your number. And NEVER EVER EVER EVER answering ANY communication and holding onto this concept like you life depends on it. It is a decision you make and a serious serious commitment to your self not to fold EVER. It is dissappearing like a ninja and NEVER reappearing. it is a decision that even if they come back begging you will kick them out. It is NEVER going back. At least that is how i view it. And i truly believe that is why im getting over things after 6 months HARD CORE NC after my 8 year RS ended. Cav Edited April 2, 2013 by cavalier99
cavalier99 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Also a true reconciliation isnt a bunch of texts. It is her being there with you. her under your instructions next to you calling him up with you there on speaker phone telling him that she is back with you and to NEVER call her again. Then you f*cking her. It is her doing pratically everthing you say to win you back and being with you 100 percent. It is her kicking him out completly and even letting you get on the phone telling him to never come around again.
Own Worst Enemy Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 and a nasty, selfish piece of work but unfortunately, the harsh truth is, you've enabled that. she is treating you like this because you have trained her: if she pulls the chain, you come running. if you got back together, you'd be miserable. you'd be forever waiting for the axe to fall again. and it would. this woman is not capable of making anyone happy, not even herself. so please stop seeing her as some wonderful creature, accept that it is your own mind that is clinging onto this for reasons of your own, and try to work out what those are. you probably already know, deep down. 1
WhatsTheAnswer Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) and a nasty, selfish piece of work but unfortunately, the harsh truth is, you've enabled that. she is treating you like this because you have trained her: if she pulls the chain, you come running. if you got back together, you'd be miserable. you'd be forever waiting for the axe to fall again. and it would. this woman is not capable of making anyone happy, not even herself. so please stop seeing her as some wonderful creature, accept that it is your own mind that is clinging onto this for reasons of your own, and try to work out what those are. you probably already know, deep down. I hear that. Edited April 2, 2013 by WhatsTheAnswer 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Also a true reconciliation isnt a bunch of texts. It is her being there with you. her under your instructions next to you calling him up with you there on speaker phone telling him that she is back with you and to NEVER call her again. Then you f*cking her. It is her doing pratically everthing you say to win you back and being with you 100 percent. It is her kicking him out completly and even letting you get on the phone telling him to never come around again. Its funny you say that. I was hoping this week to start getting us back together and one of the things I was going to expect that she would BU with him in front of me. I would have loved to sit in on that call.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 and a nasty, selfish piece of work but unfortunately, the harsh truth is, you've enabled that. she is treating you like this because you have trained her: if she pulls the chain, you come running. if you got back together, you'd be miserable. you'd be forever waiting for the axe to fall again. and it would. this woman is not capable of making anyone happy, not even herself. so please stop seeing her as some wonderful creature, accept that it is your own mind that is clinging onto this for reasons of your own, and try to work out what those are. you probably already know, deep down. I admit I have chased her and she has chased me too. It stems from me loving her so deeply. yes I know based on what i described, she has flip flopped and caused me pain. Granted. But she actually is a great girl deep down. I think this whole thing has been confusing for both of us. Lots of mixed up feelings and pain. I do agree now that she had fallen for this guy if she did go back to me I would have been wondering if at a point she didn't reach out to him like she has done with me. I think she got caught between two men loving her. That being said I agree she should have handled things better. Its hard to take a hard line when you are still in love with someone. if she did me wrong and cheated on me at the time of the relationship or we fell out of love etc anything that would have given me fuel to not want to be with her. But in reality I blame a lot on myself. she was committed to me at one point and wanted me to move in with her. I held back a bit for a number of reasons stemming from her current living arrangements. One major even that caused the series of events that lead to BU started with her ex husband stalking us. I admitted I pulled back a bit as I wasn't sure how wacky this guy was going to get. He exhibited some crazy behavior following us in his car, taking off work to catch us coming out of her house etc. Was he going to go postal on us?? She seemed to dismiss it but it bothered me. A brokenhearted man doesn't think clearly.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Maybe she's pregnant. Dude you win the prize. My ex confirmed today she is pregnant by her bf. Can you say karma? She should have stayed with me I had a vasectomy lol!
ThatJustHappened Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Dude you win the prize. My ex confirmed today she is pregnant by her bf. Can you say karma? She should have stayed with me I had a vasectomy lol! Woohoo! I win! You win! Your ex loses..she's stuck with a kid she doesn't want and she doesn't get you. PS...not a dude...
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 Woohoo! I win! You win! Your ex loses..she's stuck with a kid she doesn't want and she doesn't get you. PS...not a dude... Oops sorry lol. Dudette. Yes you called it. My hats off to you. You know when I spoke to her I could tell she was embarrassed about something I thought maybe it was because she told me she wanted to be with me and now was getting married out of the blue or something like that. She didn't say anything. I thought of what you said about being pregnant and I mentioned it and she looked to the ground. Bingo!!! Great observation.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 This wasn't hard to guess. Isn't this her 4th kid between 2 losers? Are you starting to see a pattern? (Hint: She always chooses the losers and likes to get knocked up by them) Well she was married to the first guy for many years. Her current bf is a cop. Not sure he is a loser per se but they did f*ck up lol
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 His occupation has nothing to do with him being a loser or not. He had unprotected sex and got involved with an extremely unstable and screwed up woman who has more issues than National Geographic. Only losers would ever date or sleep with her. Just for the record they did use a condom. Guess it didn't work lol. I asked her why she wasn't on the pill, she said she can't afford birth control because she doesn't have health insurance.
destroyed4sho Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Maybe she's pregnant. wow, you hit the nail on the head. The monkey was prego and was trying to find another branch in case the branch she was holding on to wasnt strong enough to hold her and her baby. I guess that was what all the bs about wanting him back was all about. It was a Plan B....wow...just another confirmation of why you should maintain NC bc unlikely the ex will.come back. ahh, sorry this happened coping..sux. From your posts I was somewhat convinced that she may truly have wanted you back...how naive.
destroyed4sho Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Well she was married to the first guy for many years. Her current bf is a cop. Not sure he is a loser per se but they did f*ck up lol They are losers. They lost big time. Impregnated an unstable woman that is a cheat and a liar. Now she is family and they are responsible for the rest of their.lives.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 wow, you hit the nail on the head. The monkey was prego and was trying to find another branch in case the branch she was holding on to wasnt strong enough to hold her and her baby. I guess that was what all the bs about wanting him back was all about. It was a Plan B....wow...just another confirmation of why you should maintain NC bc unlikely the ex will.come back. ahh, sorry this happened coping..sux. From your posts I was somewhat convinced that she may truly have wanted you back...how naive. Well she did want me back before she found out she was preg. I spoke with her on Thursday and she did a test on Sunday. Once she did find out for sure she did not contact me at all. She was embarrassed and scared. She did not want me to know how ridiculous she felt. She felt like an idiot by telling me that and then finding out she was preggers. She kept saying and over how stupid she felt and how she could ever have let this happen. she could not look me in the eye. she looked distraught. All I could feel for her was pity. It sucks for anyone to be in that position. I told her I wish her the best of luck for whatever she chooses to do. If she goes off and marries this guy, I will lose whatever shred of respect I had left for her. Sometimes life sure is surreal.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 4, 2013 Author Posted April 4, 2013 They are losers. They lost big time. Impregnated an unstable woman that is a cheat and a liar. Now she is family and they are responsible for the rest of their.lives. You said it. If she decides to actually keep it and marry a guy she has known for four months, she is truly out of her mind. 2
Echo000 Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 man you are letting this girl completely control you. she took a dump all over you..and all you are worried about is whatever choice SHE makes? what about YOU? Imagine this..a paradise of sorts if you will. You meet a girl. She meets you. You like her, she likes you. She makes decisions, and YOU get to make decisions to. EQUALITY. you have given her 100 percent power over you and your life. You have put yourself in a terrible situation..and that is only on you. Time to sack up and walk away. Saying this outta love brotha 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 man you are letting this girl completely control you. she took a dump all over you..and all you are worried about is whatever choice SHE makes? what about YOU? Imagine this..a paradise of sorts if you will. You meet a girl. She meets you. You like her, she likes you. She makes decisions, and YOU get to make decisions to. EQUALITY. you have given her 100 percent power over you and your life. You have put yourself in a terrible situation..and that is only on you. Time to sack up and walk away. Saying this outta love brotha I'm not worried about her choice on how it affects me at all. As a "friend" I think her marrying this guy is crazy. I'm looking at this from the outside. Once she told me she was pregnant I'm out of this mess. I just feel bad to see her ruin her own life.
destroyed4sho Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Well she did want me back before she found out she was preg. I spoke with her on Thursday and she did a test on Sunday. Once she did find out for sure she did not contact me at all. She was embarrassed and scared. She did not want me to know how ridiculous she felt. She felt like an idiot by telling me that and then finding out she was preggers. She kept saying and over how stupid she felt and how she could ever have let this happen. she could not look me in the eye. she looked distraught. All I could feel for her was pity. It sucks for anyone to be in that position. I told her I wish her the best of luck for whatever she chooses to do. If she goes off and marries this guy, I will lose whatever shred of respect I had left for her. Sometimes life sure is surreal. You believe her timeline of events??!! Get a grip!!
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 5, 2013 Author Posted April 5, 2013 You believe her timeline of events??!! Get a grip!! Yes I do. She cut all contact off once she found out she was pregnant. That was on Sat. I had talked to her on Thursday. We texted on Friday and part of Sat. The timeline makes sense.
destroyed4sho Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 Yes I do. She cut all contact off once she found out she was pregnant. That was on Sat. I had talked to her on Thursday. We texted on Friday and part of Sat. The timeline makes sense. She abandoned you AGAIN after she got her bf to propose, which ensured that her first monkey branch was solid enough to dangle there a bit longer.
Echo000 Posted April 5, 2013 Posted April 5, 2013 I'm not worried about her choice on how it affects me at all. As a "friend" I think her marrying this guy is crazy. I'm looking at this from the outside. Once she told me she was pregnant I'm out of this mess. I just feel bad to see her ruin her own life. lol stop fooling yourself man. if she marries this guy you will be very upset because you still care for her. stop telling people that you wouldnt be affected at all...
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 She abandoned you AGAIN after she got her bf to propose, which ensured that her first monkey branch was solid enough to dangle there a bit longer. They are not getting married.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 8, 2013 Author Posted April 8, 2013 lol stop fooling yourself man. if she marries this guy you will be very upset because you still care for her. stop telling people that you wouldnt be affected at all... I'm sorry but this is how I feel. I feel he will be inheriting a mess. I can't be sad he will be getting her if he takes all of that on. So you STOP telling me how I feel. This is how I feel truly. I poured my heart enough on this site to tell everyone the truth on how I feel. I have no reason to post if i'm going to lie. I know its hard to understand but I don't feel that way because this whole situation is not how I remember our life together was. This whole thing is foreign to me. It has become a like some bad relationship movie I'm watching from afar. This is not part of my direct life. There is no relationship triangle going on here. I also can't help feeling I'm glad I'm not in this guys shoes. That being said I still care about her. I hope she makes the right decisions and doesn't make a huge mistake whatever she decides. I don't have any input as to her life now so no matter what I think feel wouldn't matter in her decision anyway.
destroyed4sho Posted April 8, 2013 Posted April 8, 2013 Today I get the text message "Things have changed permanently". I was devastated. It could only mean one thing. This guy asked her to marry him out of the blue and she said yes. I texted her back if that was what she meant and she didn't answer. Knowing her non response tells me that it was indeed what had happened. She hasn't confirmed this but she will not respond. BTW she only dated this guy for four months. I mean really???? After 4 months??? She was contacting me and saw me a few times told me she loved me. And she makes a snap decision to marry this guy??????? WTF??? What is all this^^^^? Did she have a change of heart?
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