Coping Vortex Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) well.....after many months of posting on this site today was the summation of a long struggle of coping and hurting. Many of you know my long story.. four months of NC and LC....its been torture, well for the last few weeks we have been talking again for real. She reached out to me. She told me how she missed me and and was still in love with me. We texted like we were dating again. We talked on the phone. After having a lot of back and forth over the past few months I told her I can no longer be doing this. If she really loved me I needed to know if she was looking to reconcile or I needed to move on for good. She told me that I was the one she wanted to be with not him. I asked her that she had to be sure and that I needed to know if we can begin to put us back together and leave him. She said yes that is what she wanted. I told her it can't be a MAYBE or a 20% chance it had to be something more sure. She told me she felt fully sure we can work things out and be together. Also that I was the ONE she wanted to be with. We hashed out the issues that supposedly broke us up. (Not sure if was those or she met this guy). we talked it out. I explained everything she told me what she felt etc. That was on Thursday. I felt good we could begin to rebuild the relationship. She went to her mothers on Easter (the BF lives in the same town) and she texted me on Thursday that she dying eggs with her kids. That was the last I heard form her all weekend. Today I get the text message "Things have changed permanently". I was devastated. It could only mean one thing. This guy asked her to marry him out of the blue and she said yes. I texted her back if that was what she meant and she didn't answer. Knowing her non response tells me that it was indeed what had happened. She hasn't confirmed this but she will not respond. I am in a state of shock. I feel like a fool. I am beyond hurt. I believed all she told me just days before. I thought we had a chance to get things back. we had communicated everyday before that. Something we didn't do months before. The ironic part was after months of LC and chasing etc, I had finally gone NC, when she reached out to me to tell me she missed me and wanted to work on reconciliation. This is what she wanted. I don't even know what to feel or how to feel. I am numb and in shock. How can someone do that??? How can things change so much in so little time? I am absolutely devastated. Crushed. I just can't cope with having this rug pulled out from under me again. I loved her so much......I still do.........I just don't who she is anymore. It was the final indignation........ BTW she only dated this guy for four months. I mean really???? After 4 months??? She was contacting me and saw me a few times told me she loved me. And she makes a snap decision to marry this guy??????? WTF??? Edited April 1, 2013 by Coping Vortex
Seachelle1 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Shame on her! You deserve better. This new relationship will probably break up. Don't go back to her when it does. You deserve better. Take care of yourself! Stay strong with no contact. 1
geegirl Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 How can someone do that??? How can things change so much in so little time? BTW she only dated this guy for four months. I mean really???? After 4 months??? She was contacting me and saw me a few times told me she loved me. And she makes a snap decision to marry this guy??????? WTF??? They can do that because they were never quite invested in the relationship. I randomly pulled a thread you started in January and she was already telling you her feelings had changed. She kept you around just in case. And like clockwork, the moment he gave her that commitment, she let you go. She has a bad track record in terms of her emotional stability. In her mind, maybe this is the guy that can give her what she wants, the stability she needs for herself and her kids. Whether it's healthy or not, love or not, you'll never know why she's chosen him but it seems that she is like the monkey that won't let go until it has a hold of the next branch. 3
Charlie Harper Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I may seem stupid to say this, but somewhere down the line, you are going to see this terrible situation was a blessing in disguise .... hang on, be strong and let go... 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I read the ups and downs of your story... And I am sure you will get a lot of "I told you so's" from all the people who were warning you of this possibility. I wont do that..I do feel sorry for you, man. She is a POS....thats all there is to it and frankly she did you a huge favor. I know its hard to find the "right one". but looking at what you said in your posts, someone better than her should be under every rock. TFOY 1
OwlSoul Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I think, she faced the push and pull thing. Since she started dating someone else, suddenly you became independent, free to do whatever you want to do and etc. She had the guy, but did not have you. So she started being attracted to you again and getting cold with the guy. Probably, the guys felt it, and decided to go va-bank and gain control over her by engaging. Dilemma. Either... leave everything and go for the person with whom you broke up and not sure whether it will work in the future. Or... decide to stay in the comfortable but not very romantic relationship which would give her what she probably wants, such as security, social status and etc.
Mcnulty Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 **** i told you so, that's **** mate, i really feel for you...walk away, shut her down, keep your dignity and lick your wounds if you have to, she played you and you took it, maybe i would've too...walk man.
Mcnulty Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 So you've never been fooled by another's words ever??? I know I have! Oh and actions I might add! Black and white and lack of empathy!
CarrieT Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 CV, I am truly sorry you are going through this. And I genuinely hope you stick around the site to help others who go through similar cat-and-mouse games like you have been subjected to and help preach the necessity of NO CONTACT. I think you know now that if you had stuck with NO CONTACT (and not even Limited Contact) you would not have been subjected to such pain. Please, please, please do not reach out to this woman anymore. 1
na49 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I just hope that this pushes you in the right direction. You've been running in circles with her for four months. She's told you how she feels multiple times, and yet you've always found some way to sugar coat it and see it as something it never was. I don't care how confused this girl is. Let her figure out what she wants to do with her life. She's already figured out she doesn't want you in it. She knew that 4 months ago. She also knows that she wants this new guy in it instead. No more making excuses for her. No more talking about how great your relationship was. The next thread I want to see from you is one where you talk about how you plan to move on from this and come out of it stronger. No one deserves to be hurt the way you were and sometimes we need to touch the fire to know it's hot instead of taking everyone else's word for it. At this point you should trust everyone here. As hard as it is to believe, they really are looking out for you with their advice. Go NC and stick to it. Block all forms of communication because you don't have the self control to just ignore a text or call from her. She knows how to get you to jump at this point. Please try to help yourself. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I hope this ends this. Sorry you have to go through this, but you've pretty much ignored everyone's advice and mocked them for having that advice. Some people have to learn the hard way and I hope you have and I hope this helps you in the future.
SendHope Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Sorry man. That is messed up. I can only imagine the pain. She built you up and took out the base and let you freefall. I feel upset and hurt and its not even me that its not happening to.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Maybe she's pregnant. You are not the first person to mention that as a possibility. But I seriously doubt it. She would never want another kid. She has three all ready. And she would never tell me if she was. No I think it's strictly that this guy won't find anyone better. I saw a pic of him very avg. he seems very codependent. He told her he loved her after two weeks of seeing her. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Are you going NC now? Cav Cav I was NC from the last time she admitted she was committed to him. This time she contacted me. She gave me the text we all wanted. She wanted to reconcile. That is the only reason I got sucked back in and broke NC.
RiceaRoni Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 You are not the first person to mention that as a possibility. But I seriously doubt it. She would never want another kid. She has three all ready. And she would never tell me if she was. No I think it's strictly that this guy won't find anyone better. I saw a pic of him very avg. he seems very codependent. He told her he loved her after two weeks of seeing her. I know what you mean about their new fling being co dependent.. My ex's new gf said she loved him after a week of knowing him...and that she already wanted to marry him, bs, bs, bs...and this girl is 15 1/2 - 16 years old lol..I don't get it...my ex said I was clingy, but this girl is even worse...that's how I know he left me for a different reason. Anyways I wonder of our exes ever realize who they leave us for or know about who they get involved with so fast and easily? Is it those rose tinted glasses?
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I think, she faced the push and pull thing. Since she started dating someone else, suddenly you became independent, free to do whatever you want to do and etc. She had the guy, but did not have you. So she started being attracted to you again and getting cold with the guy. Probably, the guys felt it, and decided to go va-bank and gain control over her by engaging. Dilemma. Either... leave everything and go for the person with whom you broke up and not sure whether it will work in the future. Or... decide to stay in the comfortable but not very romantic relationship which would give her what she probably wants, such as security, social status and etc. I think you hit the nail on the head. Ironically she knows her and I could have everything she wants but because he is so codependent she is eating up the attention. And it's easier because she is with him now.
RiceaRoni Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Cav I was NC from the last time she admitted she was committed to him. This time she contacted me. She gave me the text we all wanted. She wanted to reconcile. That is the only reason I got sucked back in and broke NC. Yeah that's messed up what she did. She gives you the text most of us hope for and then BAM...haha just kidding in your face kind if thing. It's cruel and selfish..like she wanted to keep that last hold on you just in case...like something must have gone wrong with them for a moment so she became scared and texted you that text, but then they just must have worked though it and her words became nothing. I'm sorry CV. Keep the NC rolling 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Sorry man. That is messed up. I can only imagine the pain. She built you up and took out the base and let you freefall. I feel upset and hurt and its not even me that its not happening to. She has done exactly that. I have written hundreds of posts over the last four months. Most are about us possibly getting back together. But then something would change at the last minute. All through her current relationship she would tell me things like: I'm not giving up on us. We are night as tight as you think. We are not over just on hold. I was told these things constantly. When I would give up and go NC she would reach out to me to tell me she missed me. Or she missed talking to me etc. that she loves me etc. I just don't get the games.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Yeah that's messed up what she did. She gives you the text most of us hope for and then BAM...haha just kidding in your face kind if thing. It's cruel and selfish..like she wanted to keep that last hold on you just in case...like something must have gone wrong with them for a moment so she became scared and texted you that text, but then they just must have worked though it and her words became nothing. I'm sorry CV. Keep the NC rolling Thanks. Yes it's confusing. I'm sure she is confused. I know it seems hard not to think she is some cruel person she really isn't on purpose. I think she just gets torn in two different directions. I think she may not know what she wants deep down. But if this guy indeed asked her to marry her it's hard not to get pulled in. This guy trumped me. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I know what you mean about their new fling being co dependent.. My ex's new gf said she loved him after a week of knowing him...and that she already wanted to marry him, bs, bs, bs...and this girl is 15 1/2 - 16 years old lol..I don't get it...my ex said I was clingy, but this girl is even worse...that's how I know he left me for a different reason. Anyways I wonder of our exes ever realize who they leave us for or know about who they get involved with so fast and easily? Is it those rose tinted glasses? I def think so. I mean I have known this girl for years. She has dated him for four months. I mean really. If they are engaged what in her right mind made her agree to marry after dating four months? I think she is caught up in the fact that this guy is chasing her so hard. There are other factors too. But mainly the chase I think. 1
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 CV, I am truly sorry you are going through this. And I genuinely hope you stick around the site to help others who go through similar cat-and-mouse games like you have been subjected to and help preach the necessity of NO CONTACT. I think you know now that if you had stuck with NO CONTACT (and not even Limited Contact) you would not have been subjected to such pain. Please, please, please do not reach out to this woman anymore. There could be no reason left to reach out to her. I ad already gone NC from the last point of contact. What else could I say? What else can she say?
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I just hope that this pushes you in the right direction. You've been running in circles with her for four months. She's told you how she feels multiple times, and yet you've always found some way to sugar coat it and see it as something it never was. I don't care how confused this girl is. Let her figure out what she wants to do with her life. She's already figured out she doesn't want you in it. She knew that 4 months ago. She also knows that she wants this new guy in it instead. No more making excuses for her. No more talking about how great your relationship was. The next thread I want to see from you is one where you talk about how you plan to move on from this and come out of it stronger. No one deserves to be hurt the way you were and sometimes we need to touch the fire to know it's hot instead of taking everyone else's word for it. At this point you should trust everyone here. As hard as it is to believe, they really are looking out for you with their advice. Go NC and stick to it. Block all forms of communication because you don't have the self control to just ignore a text or call from her. She knows how to get you to jump at this point. Please try to help yourself. Noted. I don't regret the efforts I put in in the past. I still believe if she wasn't so scared to let go we could have gotten on track. But she doesn't have the guts to make the tough choice. I think she will regret this decision down the road. But hey I tried. There is nothing left. She shouldn't bother to look back again. I won't be there.
Author Coping Vortex Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Just for the record. I still don't know for sure if what her message of "things permanently changed" means that he asked her to marry him. Maybe they moving into together. Maybe something else. Who knows and at this point. I guess I will never know unless she decides to explain herself. The one thing I know she has to be extremely embarrassed and guilty after all she said to me last week. I'm surprised she didn't even apologize for her actions. I know she is hiding her head in the sand from all of what she said. Couldn't even talk to me live and explain it. Hid behind a text. Not even sugar coated it. Not even a "so sorry to tell you....." Nope just a blunt "things permanently changed" That is fear and guilt.
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