grantmeserenity27 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I apologize for the long story!!!!! Okay how to start.... I should begin by saying that i absolutely love my job and enjoy what i do for a living. I have a general manager and an assistant manager who are both my direct bosses. I have always thought my assistant manager is a wonderful person and we've always had this great friendship and connection. I should add that he is 30 years older than me!!! I know that he has a partner with whom he has been with for a while. I myself am single. I'm not sure when it started but we began spending much more time together and our usual innocent, harmless flirting had increased. He began taking a huge interest in my love life and constantly asking me questions about it. I started feeling an attraction growing towards him. Not just a sexual attraction but a warm, emotional connection. I literally felt like a little school girl every time he was around. At work we all often stay behind after work for a drink, and one night it was just the two of us. We were in deep conversation, i found myself telling him things i would never tell anyone. We had a laugh and a good time. After a few drinks he began complimenting me and telling me how he felt about me. Not saying that he was in love with me or anything but just that he was hugely attracted to me, and wished he was 30 years younger so he could be with me. I didn't tell him how i felt. To be honest I wasn't even sure how i felt, and still aren't! Everything stayed the same at work, we flirted and were very touchy feely as ever. But we never did anything else, never even kissed. Even though he has made it clear he wants to and i know i want to. However now i think I'm caving in and starting to "fall for him"! If i didn't love my job so much i would leave and that would be the end of my feelings, i could move on. But i don't want to leave a job i enjoy so much, it's a rare thing to find. I just guess i need advice on how to move on and NOT be in love with someone when you spend an awful lot of time together. I know there is no possible future, regardless of his partner the fact that he is so much older means there is no realistic future. I want marriage and kids.... he's done all that! I just want to know... how can i fall out of love???
CarrieT Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 how can i fall out of love??? Quit your job and go No Contact immediately. I just guess i need advice on how to move on and NOT be in love with someone when you spend an awful lot of time together. The only way to do it is to NOT spend a lot of time together. You are headed for a disaster because you want and crave him because you are in constant contact. It will only get worse because you will probably let it. You are having an emotional affair and for your own safety, move on as quickly as you can. 8
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 You need to back off is what you need to do. He belongs to someone else and made a vow to someone else. You know, the marriage and children you want..................... go find it and stop messing around with a married man. He is taken. He is spoken for. He is married. How would you feel is some woman came around after years of marriage and started doing this crap with your husband? You would feel devastated. Would you want your husband doing this? You have to stop entertaining this fantasy of yours and leave this man alone. If it were my husband, I would come and find your ass at work and you bet your ass you would be fired. How much do you like your job again? I would have a chat with him, tell him this isnt happening anymore and that nothing will ever come of it, so it needs to stop. This is unrealistic and wrong. If he cannot be a grown up and if you cannot stop either, then you guys need to go NC and never speak again BACK OFF! Stop flirting with danger. You have to quit your job if you cannot control yourself. END OF STORY. 2
abh89 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 There is a reason why people say never date a co-worker. It rarely ends up well! I made a similar mistake by falling in love with a girl I work with who also has a boyfriend who has been away for an extended period of time. The truth is that it's almost impossible to find one person who fulfills all of your emotional needs. After being with someone for a long time (in your case this man has been married for a long time) you start to look for other ways to fulfill those emotional needs that your significant other is not fulfilling. Unfortunately, some of those needs may only be met by another person. You are fulfilling some need that he has that his wife is not giving him. However, you need to look at it from the other perspective. There are probably a lot of needs that his wife does meet that you do not, and he's blind to the fact that she is meeting those needs consistently because they have been together so long. You are new and exciting to him. But love, as with everything, eventually starts to lose its luster. You need to be cautious because he will start to realize that his wife does fulfill those other needs and the need that you fulfill is not worth throwing out all those years of marriage and commitment. As for "falling out of love", you simply can't do that. The only way to get over a heart break is by not having contact with that person. Unfortunately for you and me we both work with those people we are trying not to be in love with. Working with someone means contact on a daily basis. You have to decide how much you like your current job. If you're sensitive like I am, you may find it very difficult to continue working with that person. 1
TheOW Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 You need to back off is what you need to do. He belongs to someone else and made a vow to someone else. You know, the marriage and children you want..................... go find it and stop messing around with a married man. He is taken. He is spoken for. He is married. How would you feel is some woman came around after years of marriage and started doing this crap with your husband? You would feel devastated. Would you want your husband doing this? You have to stop entertaining this fantasy of yours and leave this man alone. If it were my husband, I would come and find your ass at work and you bet your ass you would be fired. How much do you like your job again? I would have a chat with him, tell him this isnt happening anymore and that nothing will ever come of it, so it needs to stop. This is unrealistic and wrong. If he cannot be a grown up and if you cannot stop either, then you guys need to go NC and never speak again BACK OFF! Stop flirting with danger. You have to quit your job if you cannot control yourself. END OF STORY. Yes because it's all her isn't it ? Maybe HE should leaver HER alone and BACK OFF he is the "married" one after-all he made a commitment to his wife he should not be flirting and asking inappropriate questions to another female Sheesh - it amazes me that people actually think like this as If the MM is actually innocent. 2
anne1707 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Yes because it's all her isn't it ? Maybe HE should leaver HER alone and BACK OFF he is the "married" one after-all he made a commitment to his wife he should not be flirting and asking inappropriate questions to another female Sheesh - it amazes me that people actually think like this as If the MM is actually innocent. Nobody is thinking he is innocent. But he is not the one posting here. The OP is and she is capable of controlling her actions in response to this situation. She is therefore being advised on what SHE can do, not what he should do. 12
TheOW Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Nobody is thinking he is innocent. But he is not the one posting here. The OP is and she is capable of controlling her actions in response to this situation. She is therefore being advised on what SHE can do, not what he should do. Well that particular post sounded very one sided IMO more so than usual on here
ThatJustHappened Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Well that particular post sounded very one sided IMO more so than usual on here I didn't take it that way at all.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Good for you Meow! What did I ever do to you? You don't have to be so rude. Take it down a notch. 4
anne1707 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 The beauty of LS is the differing opinions. We all need to hear some unpleasant truths at times. 8
Pierre Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Yes because it's all her isn't it ? Maybe HE should leaver HER alone and BACK OFF he is the "married" one after-all he made a commitment to his wife he should not be flirting and asking inappropriate questions to another female Sheesh - it amazes me that people actually think like this as If the MM is actually innocent. Same old story: Old guy on his last hurrah. Young woman starved for attention. Old married guy is a loser who is willing to cheat. Oops, he is already a cheater. Old married guy sees a young woman that craves validation and she melts for him. It is so easy! And of course, they spend a lot of time together. The work place is and will always be fertile ground for infidelity. MM is not innocent, he is a POS. However, it is up to this young woman to detect the bullshyte of a POS. However, women that crave external validation cannot see the man is a POS. It is quite obvious. And you should know that behind the POS there is a BW that could potentially behave just like your BW. Behind the POS there is a BW that will be devastated beyond recognition. Same old, same old! These stories are like a broken record. Different names same thing. 8
ThatJustHappened Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Another face.........palm here...........so do I. :D Double face palm. Me too. Way to go Pierre... 2
whichwayisup Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Glad to hear nothing has happened yet. I think you see that this crush/attraction to him is going no where. He's with someone and he's your boss, plus he's 30 years older than you. OK, keep it in check. You flirt, he flirts, you two have become close on an emotional level. You've fallen for him and he probably has some feelings for you as well. It is what it is, but now that you're (both) aware of this stuff, it's time to just be honest and tell him it would be best if he stopped flirting with you and it would be best if you stopped opening up to him on such a personal level. All that does if you continue on with him is, leads you to temptation, feeds your feelings and allows them to grow. you can still be his buddy just set up boundries and really do your best to not let yourself fantasize or get caught up in how you feel about him (emotionally and sexually). This means no day dreaming, hoping or wishing he was yours. Be tough on yourself! Start dating men, spend time with friends and don't spend time with him, especially one on one! At work, avoid personal conversations, try to keep it professional talk, not personal and flirting. No good is going to come of this if you continue on flirting, you both could lose your jobs and become major office gossip, lose your professional reputation too! Good luck and please really focus on letting go and stop the fantasies. 1
Artie Lang Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 is there some script these people follow? i mean, seriously..... 2
ThatJustHappened Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Ditto, but then Pierre's often got some good posts. -ol' 2long Shhhh! Don't tell him that..he'll get a big head!
Lillyfree Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Shhhh! Don't tell him that..he'll get a big head! haha, get? 2
TheOW Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) The beauty of LS is the differing opinions. We all need to hear some unpleasant truths at times. The ugliness of LS is you have too many posters who think they are above everyone else and spew out utter bull**** to satisfy themselves and their little cliques. Sorry Anne that doesn't include you, I think you give out good advice and don't try and satisfy the others while giving it out. I have/do value your opinions - even though I'm crap at expressing myself Edited April 2, 2013 by TheOW
CarrieT Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Thank you... that's all!!! What? It has been almost two months since your first post - care to tell us how things are going? Have you slept with him yet or have you quit your job? Something in the middle...?
Author grantmeserenity27 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 What? It has been almost two months since your first post - care to tell us how things are going? Have you slept with him yet or have you quit your job? Something in the middle...? Oh sorry! I most certainly have not slept with him, nothing else has happened. I am still working with him daily but am trying my best to keep things professional. I tried dating... failed! I still have 'feelings' for him but lets just say... I am managing them. I will just have to be the bigger person and keep being just boss and employee. Thanks x 1
ThatJustHappened Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 How do you 'fail' dating after 2 months?? Were you being graded?
ForeverHopeful1 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Yes because it's all her isn't it ? Maybe HE should leaver HER alone and BACK OFF he is the "married" one after-all he made a commitment to his wife he should not be flirting and asking inappropriate questions to another female Sheesh - it amazes me that people actually think like this as If the MM is actually innocent. Defensive, much? Lol. Breathe. If she stood up for what was right, he would also know this **** dont fly. Few men continue this behaviour with women who are stern with them and tell them to beat it. They often move to a weaker, more vulnerable female they can do this to/with. When a man tries to come on to me in the ways OP has described, I have handled it differently.. I have worked with many men in my life, and never once started a work relationship. Let alone a work affair. She could stand up for what she knows is right as she actually knows what she would be giving up by doing all of this. Some people have a stronger moral compass and others dont. I dont think he has any boundaries and I truly feel his moral compass is way off at the moment. I hope his wife finds out one day. Soon. I didnt say he wasnt to blame. Not once. I think he is a loser. NOT ONCE DID I SAY IT WAS ALL HER! It takes two to tango. I am speaking to her because she is the one posting. Since we are speaking with the OP and not the MM in this situation, I chose to speak to her, and not him. If he was the one writing to us, I would tell him to STOP as well and would have told him about how I feel about his part in this. Absolutely. I am sorry that I was speaking to the OP, and did not make mention of his actions to your liking. I see that upset you, and for that, Im sorry I didnt yell at the person who isnt here. I should have ripped him a new one too. He SHOULD leave her the hell alone. He IS to blame. He IS looking for trouble. He IS the married one doing really crappy things behind his wifes back. Youre right! 1000% right. She could also tell him to STOP like women who dont become other women do, correct? She isnt 4. She came here asking for opinions. I gave mine. She is also the original poster to this post, so I am SPEAKING TO HER about it and her roll in it. That is all. I would be a lot more harsh with him, than her, if Im being honest. I dont understand screwing around on your partner. Its 100% wrong and I abhor the behaviour. It disgusts me to no end that both parties would do something of that nature. I dont understand why you wouldnt just end your relationship, THEN go and be with whoever you wanted to. If the relationship is meant to be, it should be that way when he is single. I sincerely hope OP realizes what she would be doing to not only another woman, but to herself. She would be with someones husband behind the scenes, spending her nights in hotel rooms or having to sneak around AND she would be robbing herself of everything she ever wanted because he has already done these special things with his own wife. I also see her regretting hurting his wife and children, like I see a lot around here. If he were here, I would rip him a new one too, and let him know he is playing with fire. HE NEEDS TO STOP. HE NEEDS TO BACK OFF AS HE IS THE MARRIED ONE AFTER ALL. HE MADE A COMMITMENT TO HIS WIFE. HE SHOULD NOT BE FLIRTING AND ASKING INAPPROPRIATE QUESTIONS TO ANOTHER FEMALE. 1
Recommended Posts