Seachelle1 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I've had men hitting on me after my breakup. Last night it was the hardest to ignore. There's a guy I met who started calling me. I was so lonely and just wanted someone to hold me and we could have chocolate milk and passover wine together, right? I was soooooo tempted to answer. (He's sweet and good looking, has friends I could be friends with, he seems to really deserve a good relationship). I cannot date right now. I am so fragile and I was horrible to my ex. I promised my ex, the memory of what we had, that I wouldn't go out and do the same thing to someone else just to fill my loneliness. That I learned something and for everyone involved I'd work on myself first. The background is that I've gone through significant trauma. Dad died, mom dying, trauma from my childhood, teenhood and from past relationships. I need to go to a ton of counseling to make sure that I don't treat anyone like I treated N. EVER again. I was so inappropriate and hurtful. He did stuff too but I can't do anything about that. I can only change myself. I am so lonely. It is so hard to say no to a new relationship. I cry myself to sleep each night and it's been so hard. I want female friends! I want to geek out and read philosophy with a book buddy and rave about Junot Diaz and Sheri Tepper and Franz Boas. I want a buddy to go backcountry backpacking with for a week at a time! I want to make crazy vegetarian meals with my friends who I'm NOT having sex with. I want to be me and be accepted as me with all my faults. How do I go about this? How do I find friends? My sister recommended just heading out to a coffee shop and making small talk with people and exchanging numbers. I just have to make sure I sit next to females... Anyone else have any ideas?
drpepper1886 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 meetup.com for things you're interested in, or take a class at a community college. 1
Sweetnothing Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Honestly I had a LOT of social anxiety and had a hard time making friends for years but literally the best way to make friends is by talking to people. It's awkward as hell at first and a lot of people will go along with it and you exchange numbers and they never contact you! If you go to a coffee shop or a bar people are just hanging out and don't mind a little conversation so don't feel weird! I love it when people come up and talk to me (unless they're like twice my age and trying to flirt). Be honest. After chatting up some girls be like "so I just got out of a long term relationship and have noooobody to hang out with! You guys seem really cool would you wanna meet up again?" Simple! 1
Author Seachelle1 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Thanks so much! meetup is excellent. There's gonna be a hike to a mountain this Saturday in my area. I need something like that so desperately. I'll take pictures if I do end up going and post them here. Thanks so much again. I can't begin to tell you how much I need real friendship right now.
Author Seachelle1 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Sweetnothing, I have really high social anxiety as well. I was never the popular kid in school, ever. I've had to move so many times and I've gone through so many life changes all through my 20s that I've had to start over a lot. It's almost become a habit for me to start over. I'm 29. I want to put down roots here in the place that my dad loved and lived for so long. I love this area so much. You know when something fits like a puzzle piece? I was living in Central America for awhile and I miss it horribly. All my friends are there. I have dreams about it. But I was born and raised here in the states and it feels right to be here. I'm not gonna run anymore.
Recommended Posts