Sweetnothing Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I broke it off with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years because he was SO apathetic about the relationship and I got tired of trying to get him to care more about me. He would barely text me when we were apart, he wasn't affectionate when we were together, he didnt make an effort for me no matter how many talks we had and so I just felt unimportant to him and decided I was better off without him. Now I'm sad, scared, and anxious. I miss him already and I'm heartbroken. I don't want to be with him, but I hurt him and myself. Also, I'm mostly scared (and I fully realize how selfish this is) that he is going to sleep with someone else. He never cheated on me or talked to other girls but he's VERYYYYY attractive and could easily find someone else. He's a bit of an attention seeker so I'm worried he might just jump into bed with the next available girl to ease the pain. He's a single man now and obviously he has the right to but it would crush me to find out if he hooked up with somebody. Obviously I am in no position to dictate his life and it's selfish of me to be so focused on my own ego at this time but I can't help how I feel. I still love him. So what now?
Limbo21 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 You have 2 options - 1) keep the relationship going and feel like **** 2) move on, use this to better yourself. Set some goals and ambitious targets. Grow and then laugh why you were even bothered about this guy when you have the perfect partner Option 2 takes work & will power. You are a wonderful person who can love another unconditionally. Don't waste that love on someone who doesn't appreciate it Take good care
WhatYouWantToHear Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 He's a single man now and obviously he has the right to but it would crush me to find out if he hooked up with somebody. Here's some advice that my time following threads/people on this forum shows won't be followed: Don't keep up with what he's doing. He's out of your physical life and your out of his. Apply the same thing to your virtual lives (no cyberstalking) and bliss will be yours through ignorance. Don't go looking for answers on facebook that you don't want to hear.
Minneloa Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Now I'm sad, scared, and anxious. I'm sorry that you are hurting. It sounds like you made a difficult decision that was best for you. This is a great place to come and vent or just read others' similar experiences and how they are coping, though I will say that the majority of folks on this forum tend to be the ones who were left, rather than the "leavers." As for your feelings of sadness and fear, they are completely normal. Unfortunately, part of your grieving and healing process is just to feel these emotions. No way out but through. I will echo the advice above to avoid all contact with and keeping tabs on him. This is the tried-and-true best solution for moving on from a lost love. Contact and/or social media checking only make your pain worse and prolong your healing process. You can see countless examples of this here on the forum. Sending good thoughts.
Author Sweetnothing Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 You have 2 options - 1) keep the relationship going and feel like **** 2) move on, use this to better yourself. Set some goals and ambitious targets. Grow and then laugh why you were even bothered about this guy when you have the perfect partner Option 2 takes work & will power. You are a wonderful person who can love another unconditionally. Don't waste that love on someone who doesn't appreciate it Take good care Well option 1 is completely out. I've tried for many months to make him change which I knew from the start was pointless but could not find the strength to let him go. I've reached the tipping point where the pain of being with him exceeds the fear of losing him hence the break up. Thank you for the advice
Author Sweetnothing Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Here's some advice that my time following threads/people on this forum shows won't be followed: Don't keep up with what he's doing. He's out of your physical life and your out of his. Apply the same thing to your virtual lives (no cyberstalking) and bliss will be yours through ignorance. Don't go looking for answers on facebook that you don't want to hear. Easier said than done. I can block him on Facebook but we have a ton of mutual friends. I'm going to tell everybody to leave me in the dark about his next relationship. I've suffered watching an ex date other girls and I definitely don't want to go through that again.
Author Sweetnothing Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 I'm sorry that you are hurting. It sounds like you made a difficult decision that was best for you. This is a great place to come and vent or just read others' similar experiences and how they are coping, though I will say that the majority of folks on this forum tend to be the ones who were left, rather than the "leavers." As for your feelings of sadness and fear, they are completely normal. Unfortunately, part of your grieving and healing process is just to feel these emotions. No way out but through. I will echo the advice above to avoid all contact with and keeping tabs on him. This is the tried-and-true best solution for moving on from a lost love. Contact and/or social media checking only make your pain worse and prolong your healing process. You can see countless examples of this here on the forum. Sending good thoughts. Yeah I've noticed a lot more dumpees than dumpers on here but dumping somebody isn't all sunshine and rainbows I'm in love with him and this break up was bound to happen eventually. I guess I'm one of the lucky few who got to wait until I was ready to break up though. Definitely better than being unexpectedly dumped but even without the initial shock there is just as much residual pain along with the haunting possibility of having made the completely wrong decision and realizing it's too late! Break ups are hard for everyone. Thank you for the advice and support!! It's sooo appreciated!!!!
Minneloa Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Yeah I've noticed a lot more dumpees than dumpers on here but dumping somebody isn't all sunshine and rainbows I'm in love with him and this break up was bound to happen eventually. I guess I'm one of the lucky few who got to wait until I was ready to break up though. Definitely better than being unexpectedly dumped but even without the initial shock there is just as much residual pain along with the haunting possibility of having made the completely wrong decision and realizing it's too late! Break ups are hard for everyone. Thank you for the advice and support!! It's sooo appreciated!!!! I hear you, and just wanted to give you the heads-up that sometimes there can be a bit of "anti-dumper" sentiment on this forum. But usually those cases are far more extreme and one-sided than the situation you've described here.
NotHappyMan Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 SweetNothing, Does he still love you? Does he have the relationship at heart? IF he does he should realize it and would make changes and come back to you...
OwlSoul Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Bad news Sometimes people have to leave the relationship, because the other partner is not interested in them as they should be. All their behaviour just shouts 'Leave me, I'm bad'. This might be it. He probably just made it really passively.
geegirl Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) I believe she mentioned she has communicated to him several times about what she needs in the relationship. If she's unhappy in the relationship, she doesn't have to stay in it. And if her partner can't give her the basics, i.e. affection and communication, then she has every right to seek a partner that can give her what she deserves. She did try to make her needs known to him. And it's normal to feel the way she does in terms of him moving on even when she let the relationship go. She had to let it go because it wasn't good for her but that does not mean she doesn't have an emotional attachment along with feelings of sadness and insecurities of him moving on. She didn't leave him because she didn't love him but because he couldn't be the partner that she deserved. Edited April 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
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