vivers Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I recently broke with my boyfriend of over 3 years. I broke up with him because when he drinks and gets drunk, he has this anger that I just cant understand. He screams, cusses, slams doors, and throw things. It's not every time he drinks, because he is usually not like this he is usually nice and silly.... but it isn't the first time he does this and although he has only done this 4 or 5 times in our 3 year relationship I don't want it to be like this forever. *He isn't an alcoholic. This usually happens at parties* When we first started going out, he was a jealous wreck, and I mean wreck. Every other week we would have an argument about his jealousy/trust issues. I put up with it and we worked through it and he finally calmed down a year into the relationship. I think the anger when drinks has something to do with jealousy still though. Anyways, the reason I am writing this is because I really miss him. And I'm reading alot of posts and alot say that it might be the relationship I miss & not necessarily him. I really think I miss him though. Do you think it's possible for him to change. Its just something I do not want to deal with anymore...and I have talked to him before about it (his drunk episodes). Like other than his 4-5 drunken moments. I can say that we hardly argued about anything else and if we did it was minor stuff that was forgotten after 5min. Maybe the reason I really miss him is because he is the person I seen in my future, being my husband and even the father of my children. I just don't know what to do. Just so you can understand our relationship alittle more let me just add. We have been living together for 3 years. He moved in with me a month into our relationship. I know it sounds as if it was too soon, and even I believe it was sometimes because we were only 18. Im 21 and he is 21 now. We are still friends. He texts me goodmorning and asks how my day was...We are gonna be seeing each other mainly because he is living with MY cousin. So yesterday he was at my family easter party, and I dont mind at all, if anything I was alittle happy because I do miss him. Do you think this is something that can be worked out. Do you think if he talks to someone about his anger or jealousy things will be better? Should I just move on?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Do you think this is something that can be worked out. Do you think if he talks to someone about his anger or jealousy things will be better? Should I just move on? Yes, if by 'work out something' means you accept that he does this. Anger issues and jealousy are chronic and untreatable--very much like herpes--they can lie dormant under the surface, but they will flare up--especially under stressful situations. He can go to treatment, and it might even help a little, but those will always be there. No one has ever been cured 100% of those. And finally, yes you should move on.
lastresort Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Your situation doesn't sound far off from how i acted at the end of the relationship. I got drunk came home she gave me a hard time about something, not the drinking, and i went off about anything that popped in my head. As far as jealousy, i have issues. I have been reading the bible and researching passages that help with jealousy and also a little about anger. I have really found it helpful. My xg told me i could never change, i am 38. I have quit drinking, not an alcoholic, just cant handle my liqueur. You can work through this with him. He sounds like he is making every effort possible to show you he cares. You need to tell him he needs to stop drinking. Alcohol is one of the worst drugs I have ever been on, and i took a lot of drugs in my early 20's and i never acted as bad as drinking makes me act. I learned my lesson at 38 I hope he can learn his lesson at 21 and not be in my shoes. If you feel you still want him work on it with him. You can help and support him, I wish my xg would give me a little of that support, some times i feel she abandon me at my low.
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