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If you are attracted to your spouse and they will fill any sexual desire, why cheat??

CanadaGuy

By CanadaGuy
in The Other Man / Woman

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CanadaGuy Established Member

CanadaGuy

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If you are attracted to your spouse and they will fill any sexual desire, why cheat??

 

This is the other I don't get, sexually I have a very high drive and will do anything she wants me to do. But she had an affair with someone that "was not about the sex"

 

So if it was not about the sex, DON'T HAVE SEX!!!

 

That seems to make sense to me, but not to her.

 

What am I missing here?

 

Would like to learn something, so my next relastionship never has to have this situation

Barby Established Member

Barby

Posted
Posted

Maybe she had an "emotional" attachment with this other person. Maybe she felt he was paying more attention to her emotional needs than you are, (not that this is the case but just a suggestion). Maybe he made her feel "pretty" and "wanted" you know the usual excuses people make when they need a self esteem boost.

 

I say if she's uncapable of being faithful and you're willing to do whatever she wants, you treat her well, and are attentive to her emotionally; maybe you should consider finding someone who'll respect you and your feelings, and relationship.

 

Only she can know for sure why she cheated, and only you can decide what you want to do now, I wouldn't stand for it personally but that's just me.

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CanadaGuy Established Member

CanadaGuy

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Originally posted by Barby

Maybe she had an "emotional" attachment with this other person. Maybe she felt he was paying more attention to her emotional needs than you are, (not that this is the case but just a suggestion). Maybe he made her feel "pretty" and "wanted" you know the usual excuses people make when they need a self esteem boost.

 

I say if she's uncapable of being faithful and you're willing to do whatever she wants, you treat her well, and are attentive to her emotionally; maybe you should consider finding someone who'll respect you and your feelings, and relationship.

 

Only she can know for sure why she cheated, and only you can decide what you want to do now, I wouldn't stand for it personally but that's just me.

 

 

Thank you for your reply,

 

You hit the nail on the head!!

 

She said she could talk to him about her parents (her mom had an affair, but she could "never" tell me) Because I'm very opininated.

 

Also, I think she is lacking in her self esteem, which I can not understand, she is VERY attractive, looks like Jessica Simpson, very good body, highly educated, great job, and we have a nice house together and live a nice lifestyle. So I can not understand how her self esteem would be low??

 

I treat her very well, hug her every morning, and as soon as we're home together, and she can count on me for almost anything (don't like to talk about things that can't be changed) but her flowers for no reason at all. And sexually will do anything she wants and as much as she wants.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

Hey Toronto! How about our Leafs eh? Lets hope there's going to be a hockey season!!!

 

Okay, thing is no matter how much you tell her she's beautiful she will not feel it until SHE feels it. SHe has to look in the mirror and see herself that way. Maybe she has issues from when she was younger! You can be beautiful and insecure at the sametime.

 

As for the emotional part of your relationship, please try and communicate with her. She is your partner, and you love her then open up and TALK To her. She needs to feel needed. It's not about sex. The sex is obviously great between you two. Let down your wall abit more and let her in. She needs that and so do you.

 

Do you love her? In love with her? Are you happy in the relationship? I see you writing what she wants. What do you want? Work it out and have kids? Just wondering...

 

How long have you two been together?

 

Keep posting and Go Leafs Go!

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CanadaGuy Established Member

CanadaGuy

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Originally posted by whichwayisup

Hey Toronto! How about our Leafs eh? Lets hope there's going to be a hockey season!!!

 

Okay, thing is no matter how much you tell her she's beautiful she will not feel it until SHE feels it. SHe has to look in the mirror and see herself that way. Maybe she has issues from when she was younger! You can be beautiful and insecure at the sametime.

 

As for the emotional part of your relationship, please try and communicate with her. She is your partner, and you love her then open up and TALK To her. She needs to feel needed. It's not about sex. The sex is obviously great between you two. Let down your wall abit more and let her in. She needs that and so do you.

 

Do you love her? In love with her? Are you happy in the relationship? I see you writing what she wants. What do you want? Work it out and have kids? Just wondering...

 

How long have you two been together?

 

Keep posting and Go Leafs Go!

 

thanks for the reply,

 

Let down my wall, I'm a very opening minded person and can talk about anything, we have seen a therapist, we have read "after the affair" & "not just friends" My wall is only up when it comes to what I think of her ( I sometimes hate her guts for what she has put me me through, and I don't want to stoop to her level and make her feel bad)

 

When you says she has to fell needed? I'm a very indepent person, and don't rely on many people, so it would be hard to show her I NEED her, I want (wanted) her, but I don't NEED her. That makes me feel weak, which I don't feel that I am (I'm a softy inside behind closed doors, and treat her like gold)

 

 

Do I love her?? Not sure these day's, after the affair (and continuing after being caught) I can't trust her or beleive anything she says.

 

In love with her? I was big time in love with her, that is why I propossed to her to spend the rest of my life with her, my best friend. She is no longer my best friend (best friends don't rip your heart out and stab you in the back and skrew someone in your house while you are away)

 

Am I happy in the realationship? I WAS, but as per above, I'm in a daze of confussion on how anyone who says they love you could be so cruel and hurtfull.

 

What do I want, I want what I had, but don't feel I can ever think of her the same way.

 

No kids.

Papillon Established Member

Papillon

Posted
Posted

People cheat for an infinity of reasons. People will cheat if they're not getting any, and they'll cheat even if they're getting a lot. The reason is actually unimportant, I think. Cheating is an intrinsically fueled act. Any "reason" is just an excuse.

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CanadaGuy Established Member

CanadaGuy

Posted
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Posted
Originally posted by Papillon

People cheat for an infinity of reasons. People will cheat if they're not getting any, and they'll cheat even if they're getting a lot. The reason is actually unimportant, I think. Cheating is an intrinsically fueled act. Any "reason" is just an excuse.

 

So if its an "intrinsically fueled act" why,when I brought up the idea of swining (after the fact) would she say that is not what she would want "the affair is not about the sex" ??

 

 

Thanks again for your thoughts and input :)

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

Hi Toronto. Duh to me, I didn't read your other posts, so now I know about more about what you're talking about. I'm sorry for how you're feeling. You seem like a great guy and didn't deserve any of this. Had something wonderful and she ruined it.

 

Thanks for replying and answering my curious questions. I hope you feel better and eventually (maybe) it gets worked out.

 

Take it easy.

 

WWIU

Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by TorontoGuy

 

 

 

 

 

She said she could talk to him about her parents (her mom had an affair, but she could "never" tell me) Because I'm very opininated.

 

Also, I think she is lacking in her self esteem, which I can not understand, she is VERY attractive, looks like Jessica Simpson, very good body, highly educated, great job, and we have a nice house together and live a nice lifestyle. So I can not understand how her self esteem would be low??

 

I treat her very well, hug her every morning, and as soon as we're home together, and she can count on me for almost anything (don't like to talk about things that can't be changed) but her flowers for no reason at all. And sexually will do anything she wants and as much as she wants.

 

 

I think the reasons for the affair or some of them are in your statement: one, she feels there are things she could never tell you, two, you don't like to talk about things that can't be changed. You are shutting part of yourself off from her. She feels she can't share the negative sides of herself or the eworld with you. Self esteem is not always tied to looks/career/achievments etc. And not everyone who has an affair has low self esteem. There are so many reasons, loneliness, sexual needs, emotional needs etc. and many more I'm sure.

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