Rainy1030 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Hey there, I've been lurking awhile here. I have a question regarding NC. My fiance left me a couple of months ago for another woman, grass is greener syndrome it would seem. He seems completely infatuated with this chick, lots of reasons why I believe that, and they have very little in common, are both cheaters (he's cheated on her in the past, she cheated on her husbands with him), moved in immediately after splitting up with me, etc. Anyway, that's not the point. Or maybe it is. He still has feelings for me as well, and we have a child together, so I think maybe I've been holding on instead of letting go completely. I still get upset often, but I'm good at hiding it. In any case, I've decided I really do need to let go and move on. I feel that I need to go no contact for a good period of time, so I can get over him eventually, but therein lies the problem-we have a 3 year old together. I guess in a sense I'm lucky because he moved 4 hours away, so day to day contact doesn't need to occur, but he comes here every 2 weeks to get our daughter or bring her back, and when she's down there I call to talk to her at least a couple of times, and always have to hear him in the process (and he usually starts to chat too). I can try to avoid the chatting, but the other stuff I just can't get out of. How does one go no contact when you still have to see the other party? Will that just hinder the process? I should add he never told me to wait around for him, quite the opposite. I'm naturally a very caring, loving person, I think about others before myself normally, and I know he's been struggling so I end up trying to make him feel better. I think this is part of the problem. He was depressed before he left and he's gotten worse since then in some ways, but he won't talk to people. He hides it (guys...heh). But he did tell me he was struggling and confused and he's taken to chain smoking (up to 2-3 packs a day). I know its not my problem though. I just...I worry and care too much. I need to leave him alone and let him work out his own demons, I just wish he'd tell other people he's having problems. Sigh. Anyway, how do I do this as effectively as possible?
ThatJustHappened Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 When you talk, only talk about your daughter. If he starts chatting about other stuff, tell him that it's too painful for you and ask that he please respect your wishes to only talk about your daughter.
Author Rainy1030 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Alright, I can do that. He also knows I'm going NC since I felt like just randomly ignoring him would be a bad thing. Hopefully that'll help with that.
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