Is it me or...

[ComingInHot]

Since I had not been touched by infidelity (save a guy I dated cheated on me in High School) until my H's A, I admit I may be still a bit naive even now.

 

For one, when I was in my Twenties, the thought of getting it on w/a MM was revolting. To me, the guy was "old" so ewww to start with and the fact he was M, made him a Non consideration regardless of his age.

Second, a MM (or divorcd man) w/kids was also a big turn-off as I was not ready to be a parent let alone Co-parent to someone else's children.

 

So, is it me or have "young" people completely lost or Not been taught Any morals, boundaries and/or self respect or respect for others as I've read here on LS, and my own experience that the OW/OM is "high" on the fact they bagged or are bagging a MM/MW?

 

Has it always been like this and I just didn't see it because my own standards took me out of that scene or is this getting worse nd worse as our society s continually demoralized?

Edited April 1, 2013 by ComingInHot

[Toddbt12y1]

Yes, society as a whole, on a world basis is quickly accepting immoral and nasty behavior. Those who stand against it are quickly labeled as a hater, or simply lost on times.

 

Then when these people are caught cheating, we give them lil wrist slaps: Telling them, "It is just a mistake, learn from it." Thus, we diminish the effect of cheating, give them an easy out...then we wonder why it continues to get worse.

 

We better not shame them! Else we will be the ones to pay. How dare the victim be angry: least they be victimized further.

 

Even LS will defend these people(they were thinking of giving oms/ows their own forum inwhich only they could post in...I believe?) This Babying of wrongdoers is what drags the world into oblivion.

 

These people do not deserve respect nor civility. We as people seem to forget: they are destroying lives of wives/husbands/kids, the family as a whole.

 

With that said...There are OMS/OWS who have no clue as to what's going on...and if they had known: they probably wouldn't pursue. These deserve pity and respect. Cheaters cry, people show them pity...forgetting the tears of the one when they find out the truth.

Edited April 1, 2013 by Toddbt12y1

[SmokeRat]

People with deep and strict morals (not all based on a religious doctrine), as a dying breed.

 

Give it another 20 years, and the generation that grew up having a little fear of their parents, will be dead. Those who strongly believe in morality, ethics and chivalry will be gone as well.

 

Gone are the days that society would accept a child being slapped in public for doing something wrong, gone are the days of accountability, gone are the days of mutual respect for each other.

 

We're growing up in a "Me, me, me!" society, where every one and every thing is telling that person to do whatever makes them feel good, even at the expense of other people.

[ComingInHot]

It is just disheartening to having seen from my own stitch then reading here the number of young (in my case) women who feel power and entitlement and pride that they are sleeping w/a MM w/little to no remorse for the pain they are causing not just the BW but to all involved.

Then they come across as contemptual and bitter should they face even small consequences and anger from those they participated in hurting.

 

It's almost as if they don't have the capacity to care at all for anyone other than themselves which makes me worry for the future women (and men) who will be left in charge of this world and running it with no conscience after we're gone.

[krazikat]

Since I had not been touched by infidelity (save a guy I dated cheated on me in High School) until my H's A, I admit I may be still a bit naive even now.

 

For one, when I was in my Twenties, the thought of getting it on w/a MM was revolting. To me, the guy was "old" so ewww to start with and the fact he was M, made him a Non consideration regardless of his age.

Second, a MM (or divorcd man) w/kids was also a big turn-off as I was not ready to be a parent let alone Co-parent to someone else's children.

 

So, is it me or have "young" people completely lost or Not been taught Any morals, boundaries and/or self respect or respect for others as I've read here on LS, and my own experience that the OW/OM is "high" on the fact they bagged or are bagging a MM/MW?

 

Has it always been like this and I just didn't see it because my own standards took me out of that scene or is this getting worse nd worse as our society s continually demoralized?

 

CIH I am totally with you...even when single if a mm approached me I was disgusted, and would point blank tell the loser to take it to his wife. Whe I was 20 I had a persistant mm I worked with who had a wife who first was pregnant and then had just delivered. Let me just say when I took pc out of it and told him just what I thought of his a$$ he couldnt even make eye contact anymore. He had even been trying to slyly suggest he could help with college...stupid man! I guess since I was a single mama working ft and going to school that would be an easy in. I have had several mm attempt to flirt with me, even after I was married. I was never tempted and it always changed how I looked at them. In a negative way. I dont know why women, or men for that matter, would get involved with, let alone fall in love with, a married person. Sorry, but I dont like to share...especially where body fluids are involved...gross!!!!

[dichotomy]

Society is changing. One interesting book I read was from Dr. George Simon on the rising tide of people with Character Disturbance. You can google "Dr. Simon" and/or "character disturbance"

[freestyle]

Society is changing. One interesting book I read was from Dr. George Simon on the rising tide of people with Character Disturbance. You can google "Dr. Simon" and/or "character disturbance"

 

 

I second that----Dr. Simon's work is brilliant.

 

I like the fact that he's shaking the foundations of traditional psychology, by NOT excusing manipulative, aggressive, or unempathetic behavior.

[dichotomy]

I second that----Dr. Simon's work is brilliant.

 

I like the fact that he's shaking the foundations of traditional psychology, by NOT excusing manipulative, aggressive, or unsympathetic behavior.

 

Yes one of the more interesting things he says is that most therapist believe that a cheater (or other abuser) actually has some sort of neurosis behind their action. That is they believe deep down the person feels horrible or guilt or shame or hurt that they can't face in when discussing what they did. Dr. Simon goes on to say that this belief by therapist...... is false, that indeed the person knows what they did, knows it is wrong - but simply does not care as long as it benefits them. Their "remorse" is often that they have been caught and it is a pain for them to be hassled over it. That to fix a person with Character disturbance, they have to live with strict boundaries and repercussions to control their behavior and thoughts - and then they might actually get to a place of change.

 

True Neurosis - guilt, shame, repression, anxiety...etc... are dying out.

Edited April 1, 2013 by dichotomy

[ComingInHot]

Since this is our era, what More can we do other than raising our own children be moral assists and compasses when they are adults?

 

How do we instill compassion in these young people that they are obviously lacking?

 

Of I could help just One person to re-tap into their compassion and conscience, I would feel I made a positive impact towards future generations.*

[ComingInHot]

Bent,

There are no words.

It just floors me that there is no remorse in A's by some of these AP's...

[beenburned]

CIH,

 

I was so naive about people when I first left home. I assumed that everyone basically went by the golden rule like I did.(boy was I wrong:laugh:)

 

All of my H's OW were young and single. They all knew he was married with young kids, and they didn't care as long as they got what they wanted. Which was having sex with my H, all for the sh** and giggles of it.

 

The above^^ happened in the late 70's but what I see happening now is much worse! I think generations have been bombarded by TV, radio, movies, etc that constantly promote this type of thinking as the " norm".

[krazikat]

CIH,

 

I was so naive about people when I first left home. I assumed that everyone basically went by the golden rule like I did.(boy was I wrong:laugh:)

 

All of my H's OW were young and single. They all knew he was married with young kids, and they didn't care as long as they got what they wanted. Which was having sex with my H, all for the sh** and giggles of it.

 

The above^^ happened in the late 70's but what I see happening now is much worse! I think generations have been bombarded by TV, radio, movies, etc that constantly promote this type of thinking as the " norm".

 

Oh yes, I agree! Didnt even think about it earlier...but everything from tv to music is super sexed, sensationalizes affairs, sex, etc. Promotes cheating, instant gratification, etc. Really, there has always been a bit of it...think marilyn monroe...but it has become so widespread....many movies have scenes that are dang near x rated...music videos? I saw a thread on hear the other day about a young kid group that had a song about cheating. My generation and some before me have put the $ on the sex. Why is katie perry or rhiana on kids music shows? The lyrics are NOT kid appropriate...and sends the wrong message.

 

See, now I am on a rant.

[Athens]

I think being on here has made me realize how many truly damaged people there are in this world. I know from my experience, the OW is married to what I consider a not very attractive man, and because she is about 10 years younger than my husband she appeared to be better looking than she actually was/is. To men her own age she is average, to a man older, looking for validation she is hot. When I told him, I was relieved about how I attractive she was, he was taken aback, he could not believe I thought she was average at best.

[Toddbt12y1]

It is a horrid thing. Sad reality of it all, is we as adults, the leaders of now: We teach our kids, even without teaching them. When we spoil them constantly, we create a society that believes in having things right now, and any-which-way.

 

Then we teach them, that it is wrong to stand-up against wrong; oh yes, we teach them this: Cause we never stand-up for what wrongs are going on, even now. We have become a society that accepts, and a society that hides from the light: Truth.

 

There is nothing more of a tragedy, then when men hide from the light. We the adults have become cowards....We have done our children a great crime in teaching them that they should accept everything without question. Generations to come aren't to blame, at least now, we are to blame.

 

T.V. and all these other things, aside, it is all us. It is like a man who kills another man: We give him a nice room in a prison for the rest of his life; he doesn't have to worry about food, or living quarters. Although he might have to worry about other prisoners. We gave him the lesser of the sentence, because, we believe it more humane, and thus, blood for blood is dead.

 

The price of life, is no-more than 30 odd years to 100. My point is, we excuse the crimes of those around us; our children pick this up. When we excuse a liar: they keep on lying. Our children see this, and think that they too should excuse a lie. When we call things like cheating a "mistake", our children see it as a mistake.

 

Never underestimate the ability of a child to pick-up on such things. In the end, we do not want to be parents; we only want the title, and none of the work.

 

We excuse things like cheating; it is becoming a dominate play. We do not stress loyalties in our own homes, and ofc, this happens. The world is a sickening place, quickly spinning out of control -- I imagine it will one day all come to a sudden halt, and toss everyone.

[dreamingoftigers]

Since I had not been touched by infidelity (save a guy I dated cheated on me in High School) until my H's A, I admit I may be still a bit naive even now.

 

For one, when I was in my Twenties, the thought of getting it on w/a MM was revolting. To me, the guy was "old" so ewww to start with and the fact he was M, made him a Non consideration regardless of his age.

Second, a MM (or divorcd man) w/kids was also a big turn-off as I was not ready to be a parent let alone Co-parent to someone else's children.

 

So, is it me or have "young" people completely lost or Not been taught Any morals, boundaries and/or self respect or respect for others as I've read here on LS, and my own experience that the OW/OM is "high" on the fact they bagged or are bagging a MM/MW?

 

Has it always been like this and I just didn't see it because my own standards took me out of that scene or is this getting worse nd worse as our society s continually demoralized?

 

I don't think it's "young people."

 

I think that all groups of young people throughout history have done incredibly stupid, immoral things but it's more likely that they didn't record them and share it with their friends on Facebook.

 

When I was in my "youthful prime" (in the last ten years ) there wasn't this great surge of stupid among my age group to find a replacement dysfunctional Daddy to screw.

 

But there were stupids. Stupids have been with us since the beginning of time. Stupids who have done stupids immoral things. That certain percentage that makes you want to smack your head against your forehead. Repeatedly. Until the sensation of frustration and disgust numbs.

 

Although I do notice a bit of eroding due to divorce rates rising, less time for kids during the formative years, less church and more "moral relativism." but overall I think the majority of young men/women get basic logic that if a married person is lying to the person they share a house and children with, they probably aren't going to treat you much better in the long term. In fact, they clearly lie in intimate relationships.

 

I also find it damn weird to want a person who is nailing someone else. Gross.

I couldn't look at my husband the same way afterwards. I still can't. It's improved. But really, it's about as appealing as sharing a tampon with someone.

 

I wasn't raised by ultra-conservative parents or anything. In fact, they were (and are, but less so) pretty selfish. I also find that the cheating MM type often fall into two categories: predators and victims. ( my husband was more of s victim if I had to choose one. I'm glad that he never disparaged me to any OW online or in person though. (that I know of for sure, but what I have seen confirms it) He pretty consistently said he was on a quest for "variety")

 

Both sets, the "victim" and the "predator" I find unattractive. One is using you to feel better because they have no spine. The other doesn't give a crap about you because you are an object, just like their wife etc. Unable to connect on any meaningful level. Discarded if you don't fit their agenda.)

 

I always found married men sleazy and gross. They also seemed to think I would be an easy mark (my guess is due to my weight). I wasn't. Ever. I have never knowingly been with one.

 

In fact, when I found out the Art teacher that I had a crush on in Summer school (Grade 11) was married, I felt guilty.

 

I don't personally have friends that have this "morals are for some people bit not others" stance. I HAD two friends like this previously. One slept with both of her husband's brothers while he was working on the oil rigs. She collected the whole freaking set! And those guys were trading cards no one wants!

 

Both of those friends did not last long in my life when I saw their standards. Because they had none. And honestly, it coloured every aspect of their lives. Friendships, children, significant others were grinding irritations to what "they" wanted at any given moment.

 

One wanted a family, but not the actual family she had, just the idea of one.

Pathetic.

[krazikat]

I don't think it's "young people."

 

I think that all groups of young people throughout history have done incredibly stupid, immoral things but it's more likely that they didn't record them and share it with their friends on Facebook.

 

When I was in my "youthful prime" (in the last ten years ) there wasn't this great surge of stupid among my age group to find a replacement dysfunctional Daddy to screw.

 

But there were stupids. Stupids have been with us since the beginning of time. Stupids who have done stupids immoral things. That certain percentage that makes you want to smack your head against your forehead. Repeatedly. Until the sensation of frustration and disgust numbs.

 

Although I do notice a bit of eroding due to divorce rates rising, less time for kids during the formative years, less church and more "moral relativism." but overall I think the majority of young men/women get basic logic that if a married person is lying to the person they share a house and children with, they probably aren't going to treat you much better in the long term. In fact, they clearly lie in intimate relationships.

 

I also find it damn weird to want a person who is nailing someone else. Gross.

I couldn't look at my husband the same way afterwards. I still can't. It's improved. But really, it's about as appealing as sharing a tampon with someone.

 

I wasn't raised by ultra-conservative parents or anything. In fact, they were (and are, but less so) pretty selfish. I also find that the cheating MM type often fall into two categories: predators and victims. ( my husband was more of s victim if I had to choose one. I'm glad that he never disparaged me to any OW online or in person though. (that I know of for sure, but what I have seen confirms it) He pretty consistently said he was on a quest for "variety")

 

Both sets, the "victim" and the "predator" I find unattractive. One is using you to feel better because they have no spine. The other doesn't give a crap about you because you are an object, just like their wife etc. Unable to connect on any meaningful level. Discarded if you don't fit their agenda.)

 

I always found married men sleazy and gross. They also seemed to think I would be an easy mark (my guess is due to my weight). I wasn't. Ever. I have never knowingly been with one.

 

In fact, when I found out the Art teacher that I had a crush on in Summer school (Grade 11) was married, I felt guilty.

 

I don't personally have friends that have this "morals are for some people bit not others" stance. I HAD two friends like this previously. One slept with both of her husband's brothers while he was working on the oil rigs. She collected the whole freaking set! And those guys were trading cards no one wants!

 

Both of those friends did not last long in my life when I saw their standards. Because they had none. And honestly, it coloured every aspect of their lives. Friendships, children, significant others were grinding irritations to what "they" wanted at any given moment.

 

One wanted a family, but not the actual family she had, just the idea of one.

Pathetic.

 

. But really, it's about as appealing as sharing a tampon with someone.

 

Grooooooossssss....that is such an awful...but effin nasty true....way to describe it. That about sums it up for me. The thought of sharing my husband with another woman is appalling...makes me cringe. Why oh why would someone knowingly do that?

[dreamingoftigers]

. But really, it's about as appealing as sharing a tampon with someone.

 

Grooooooossssss....that is such an awful...but effin nasty true....way to describe it. That about sums it up for me. The thought of sharing my husband with another woman is appalling...makes me cringe. Why oh why would someone knowingly do that?

 

Maybe those Twilight movies have developed a really sick taste of blood for some people.....

 

But wait a sec folks.....

 

We can talk about the younger people. But all of these older married partners are coming from somewhere too.

 

It can just be a generational thing. It's probably access and personal standards.

 

Probably the biggest thing that has changed today is access. Internet has made it 10x easier to hookup with a random stranger. And it has glorified multiple partners with porn etc.

 

We just didn't have that before in such a wave. But throughout history, people that have had "access" often used it and cheated. Depending on moral stance of course. Larger, anonymous communities etc etc etc.

 

Plus there seems to be this ridiculous theme in media that every guy I'd out banging a dozen attractive girls a month. So the denser ones all try to "live the dream" and the older ones "feel run out."

 

Plus the girls get freaked out about aging and being attractive enough as well as not "fun enough" or "adventurous" in bed.

 

I guess if I had to claim anything, it would be that the kids are more easily manipulated than before because wager told all the time how we don't have to listen, go with our hearts, Fu*k authority, and in some areas (computer literacy and trends, even politics) we are better informed so we may think that older, settled people don't "get it."

 

But that tends to be the stupids yet again.

[OhGeesh]

I don't see that at all!! The biggest thing I've noticed through raising a teen now adult is WOMAN RULING THE ROOST!!

 

Seems that girls/woman are really really starting to embrace their sexuality and act very much like guys of the past.

 

I haven't seen anything that would agree with single early 20's going with MM guys though. If anything I've seen the opposite woman going for looks alone no matter what age.

[Improudofme]

I honestly don't believe it has anything to do with this generation - TV or anything like that.

From reading the posts on here and reading the posts on the Other board. This board seems to have strong competent women/men. Those who would not ponder such a thing and have dignity and respect for themselves.

Those who will participate in affairs- obviously have few of these characteristics.

I would never sleep with someone elses husband - simply put-- because it is disrespectful to myself- I am not second- I am not waiting around for someone to give me some time when he isn't banging his wife. I deserve better.

Story after story -waiting and taking back after their Mw/MM throw them under the bus, or sneak them into families homes to get a quicky- don't show up because they went somewhere with their families.---no one over there seems to get this is disrespectful to them--not just the BS. I feel sorry for them. My mother told me one thing in my life before she died that I will never foget-If you don't respect/love yourself then no one else will either.

There are certain people in this world - that will never be used - never allow disrespect to them and there are ones that allow themselves to be used. Been going on since the beginning of time. And on the same note there are people out there that will use someone when they see weakness and others who will not.

These constant - it just happened -we were drawn to each other - it is all words to make someone who can't make proper decisions with their lives and then want to blame everyone else or throw the blame on anything else.

Ok I know I will get everyone mad because of this- but it is so clear when you read both sides- who is writing from a clear and rational point of view and who isn't.

[SmokeRat]

When I end up starting a life with someone new, and hopefully having some kids along the way, I will raise them (with my partner, of course) the way I was raised.

 

They will learn honour and humility. Empathy and compassion. Chivalry and morals.

 

And I'll pass along the words my father passed along to me, in regards to hurting people and bringing dishonour onto the family name:

 

"If you ever intentionally hurt someone, if you ever partake in adultery against your wife, I will beat your ass to the point where you will not be able to sit down for a year. Afterwards, your Mother will do the same. You will not bring dishonour onto our family name, you were raised better than the rabble that is currently out there, and I expect you to carry yourself in the highest regard."

 

If my kids step out of line, they are going to get their asses smacked. Plain and simple. And they will learn what it is to respect someone, and take their word/vows seriously.

 

I will not allow my children to grow up with this entitled 'Me, me, me, who cares about anyone else' attitude that seems to be rampant in our current generation. I'll accept nothing less of them.

[dreamingoftigers]

I agree with your point in general, but not the "smacking." etc.

 

Otherwise, great.

 

When I end up starting a life with someone new, and hopefully having some kids along the way, I will raise them (with my partner, of course) the way I was raised.

 

They will learn honour and humility. Empathy and compassion. Chivalry and morals.

 

And I'll pass along the words my father passed along to me, in regards to hurting people and bringing dishonour onto the family name:

 

"If you ever intentionally hurt someone, if you ever partake in adultery against your wife, I will beat your ass to the point where you will not be able to sit down for a year. Afterwards, your Mother will do the same. You will not bring dishonour onto our family name, you were raised better than the rabble that is currently out there, and I expect you to carry yourself in the highest regard."

 

If my kids step out of line, they are going to get their asses smacked. Plain and simple. And they will learn what it is to respect someone, and take their word/vows seriously.

 

I will not allow my children to grow up with this entitled 'Me, me, me, who cares about anyone else' attitude that seems to be rampant in our current generation. I'll accept nothing less of them.

[Toddbt12y1]

I hope a certain someone isn't implying mY views are irrational. If confidence in one's self is being vulgar than well, I'd rather have no confidence in myself.

 

I rationally take what I see. One can see how people act these days is not all good.

[dreamingoftigers]

I hope a certain someone isn't implying mY views are irrational. If confidence in one's self is being vulgar than well, I'd rather have no confidence in myself.

 

I rationally take what I see. One can see how people act these days is not all good.

 

If you're referring to my responses, I wasn't responding directly/indirectly to you previous posts.

 

Sorry for any confusion. I try mostly to respond to the OP unless something in thread takes over or there is a particular point that jumps out at me.

 

I typically quote any direct responses as well, and I don't shy away from direct responses.

 

If you weren't referring to me, Carry on and have a happy day.

[Toddbt12y1]

If you're referring to my responses, I wasn't responding directly/indirectly to you previous posts.

 

Sorry for any confusion. I try mostly to respond to the OP unless something in thread takes over or there is a particular point that jumps out at me.

 

I typically quote any direct responses as well, and I don't shy away from direct responses.

 

If you weren't referring to me, Carry on and have a happy day.

 

Oh heavens no! I am not speaking of you, LOL. Its not a big deal anyway

[ComingInHot]

Okay, got to rant for a sec.

Maybe I can see the lack of remorse for the BS because, after all, the OW/OM are in love. And people do craaaazy things for love, right.

 

Then I read on here that an AP simply gets a chuckle and rocks off by completely disrespecting and bragging how something is done as a secret F/U that the BW/BH doesn't even know about.

 

Why does anyone find joy in doing that?

What happens to these people that causing someone else pain brings a smile to their face?

 

Ugh! These people need the biggest hug. Maybe?