Hope737 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Hey guys, not really a constructive post here, I just need to get things off my chest. More of a mini rant. I broke up with my ex girlfriend after I found out she was cheating on me. She does NOT know that I know and so she thinks we just drifted apart. I struggled to be intimate with her you see as I knew what she was up to behind my back. She thinks we grew apart naturally. It absolutely kills me that I'm going through hell with the immense heartbreak and she is fine as she doesn't have to acknowledge what she's done. We've known eachother for 10 years and were going out for four of those years. We share the same group of friends and we sometimes get scheduled to work with eachother. She's all up for being friends, but I've been just friends with her in the past and it kills to see her dating other guys. This time, I just can't bring myself to be friends. Now this may be shallow of me, but it's the truth so here goes. She's EXTREMELY attractive, tall, blonde hair, green eyes and when I'm walking next to her (say after finishing work) and I notice almost every guy looking at her. I think it's the fact that she's so damn attractive that is making it harder for me to move on. Have any other guys had this problem? I know it's horribly shallow but it's the truth. Not only was she my stunning girlfriend though, she was my closest and greatest friend, my first and only love. I cherished her with all my heart and to have all that crashing down because she cheated is such a shame. The loss is getting unbearable for me. I'm drinking heavily almost every day and cutting myself off from friends as she'll be there. I've never felt so alone. I'll be seeing her briefly today at work and every time I see her my wounds get re-opened. I'm finding it impossible to move on. I've already lost her as a girlfriend and losing her as a friend is the final straw. I can't bear it. But I have to, in order to at least attempt moving on.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I know EXACTLY how you feel about her! Thats how my ex was to me. Absolutely the most stunning creature i have EVER seen! And now for some harsh words: YOU let her get away with murder! YOU allowed her to walk away without owning what she did. Why? Where you trying to protect her from herself? Fact: she was/is a cheating piece of crap, which strips her of her beauty. and although she would probably have cheated anyway, YOU let her think you naturally drifted apart. You my friend are what is known as a "nice guy" aka: doormat. 2
TaraMaiden Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I can see absolutely no earthly reason or justification for letting someone believe they've got away with hurting you. That's just insane. And to continue having sex with them when you know what they've done? Brother, this pain is self-inflicted, man. You have to quit the drinking or it will affect your work - if it hasn't done so already. You're just piling pain upon pain. It's idiotic to think that you have this superficially gorgeous bombshell you see every day - and you know that she's got a rotten core - and you do and say nothing??!!? Mad, buddy - just absolutely, utterly mad. Crazy. Don't put her on a pedestal. She absolutely does not deserve that. 3
big bear Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I know EXACTLY how you feel about her! Thats how my ex was to me. Absolutely the most stunning creature i have EVER seen! And now for some harsh words: YOU let her get away with murder! YOU allowed her to walk away without owning what she did. Why? Where you trying to protect her from herself? Fact: she was/is a cheating piece of crap, which strips her of her beauty. and although she would probably have cheated anyway, YOU let her think you naturally drifted apart. You my friend are what is known as a "nice guy" aka: doormat. I can see absolutely no earthly reason or justification for letting someone believe they've got away with hurting you. That's just insane. And to continue having sex with them when you know what they've done? Brother, this pain is self-inflicted, man. You have to quit the drinking or it will affect your work - if it hasn't done so already. You're just piling pain upon pain. It's idiotic to think that you have this superficially gorgeous bombshell you see every day - and you know that she's got a rotten core - and you do and say nothing??!!? Mad, buddy - just absolutely, utterly mad. Crazy. Don't put her on a pedestal. She absolutely does not deserve that. Does anyone suggest that he should go and ask her to own up?? Just curious..
TaraMaiden Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I suggest he writes on his profile on FB (visible to whoever sees his profile!) that the real reason he left her was because she cheated. And whatever details he has as proof. It takes a 'bitch' to expose a bitch. It's no more or less than she deserves. Then block her, delete, deny and definitely de-friend her - and anyone who shares them as friends..... 4
destroyed4sho Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I suggest he writes on his profile on FB (visible to whoever sees his profile!) that the real reason he left her was because she cheated. And whatever details he has as proof. It takes a 'bitch' to expose a bitch. It's no more or less than she deserves. Then block her, delete, deny and definitely de-friend her - and anyone who shares them as friends..... Yep, right on !!
siankat Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 i have done all kinds of stuff in the past when ive been hurt..every break up is different, the feelings involved different than other relationships, the stage at which ppl break up is different (ie rock bottom vs b4 things get worse). I am a vengeful person but u gotta hit the person where it hurts..sometimes its their wallet, sometimes their ego, whatever... I guess truthfully revenge did make me feel better for a short while...then i got pissed that i would spend any more time on them than i already had concocting my revenge. So, it's not something u 'need' i dont think and that is what it comes down to., help yourself, dont do things for her like embarrass 'her' protect 'her' etc just do what u gotta do that leaves u being the person u are still happy to be in ur own eyes. (when i talk revenge it was minor things but gave my friends and me a laugh lightening the seriousness of it all). I think by not calling her on her cheating its a neat way of avoiding further drama....that was my reason...and i was the Queen of drama in the past
Limbo21 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 For fear of sounding shallow also, yes, I concour. My ex was very attractive like you said. Stunning girl with & without makeup & I'm still trying to move on 40 months later I've ignored all attempts of contact for years. But still think about her every day
siankat Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Limbo: you have ignored all attempts of her contacting u and yet u still think of her everyday? ...Why? i am the opposite so just curious
Limbo21 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Well she has - Knocked on my door - I sold the house to prevent this happening again Contacted me at work - I now commute 50 miles daily in my new job Written lots of hand written letters - never read any of them - just smelt her perfume and threw them Contacted my family - they are under strict instructions to be polite and that's all Created new accounts in FB and emails to get around the blocks - deactivated FB 3+ years ago and never returned. Made a new email account (she even managed to get a message to that one she doesn't even know exists - she must have created every conceivable variation of my name and send a mass of emails with hope she'd get one through - I deleted it, unread Sent dozens of emails - all got deleted unread Approached me on the streets - I literally froze, didn't turn round, just closed my eyes cos I dare not look at her, and walk into the nearest shop to escape And so far rejected all attempts.... Why? Cos I love her more than she loves me. We've reconciled once before, split again. I had a breakdown with serious suicidal thoughts (greyclouds from here help me) I have to protect myself. I swore to NC when Calicuy was the standard bearer. I honesty believe if I gave her another chance. It would destroy the little self confidence I have built in the last 3 years Mellow drama at its finest but I believe it's a matter of life and death I read these other posts and I can see the emotion is clouding our vision. NC is the ONLY way forward. When someone dumps you that's it... It's over. Move on and find another who is worthy of your love 1
siankat Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 i am so sorry for what you have been through. i guess ur intensity of emotions has it's upside too..in that u have remained so strong to ur conviction. I am sorry to hear u have felt as you have and wish u pleasant times and mutual connection with someone else. S
Limbo21 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) Thanks Sian. Exactly, the strength of my emotions have kept me away. Love so strong I dare not go back there, so yeah, an upside Also as OP stated, made worse by how stunningly attractive she is. Many other amazing qualities too ... All wrapped up in big brown eyes & long legs lol Edited April 1, 2013 by Limbo21
Babolat Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Man, I just went through this myself. Ended the relationship this week. She was stunning, a head turner, had all the right curves in all the right places and loved loved loved sex. She was also a good person and I cared for her deeply.
destroyed4sho Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Thanks Sian. Exactly, the strength of my emotions have kept me away. Love so strong I dare not go back there, so yeah, an upside Also as OP stated, made worse by how stunningly attractive she is. Many other amazing qualities too ... All wrapped up in big brown eyes & long legs lol ha...whats Worse is being dumped by someone who is not easy on the eyes...:-)
Author Hope737 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Thanks for all the replies guys! I know EXACTLY how you feel about her! Thats how my ex was to me. Absolutely the most stunning creature i have EVER seen! And now for some harsh words: YOU let her get away with murder! YOU allowed her to walk away without owning what she did. Why? Where you trying to protect her from herself? Fact: she was/is a cheating piece of crap, which strips her of her beauty. and although she would probably have cheated anyway, YOU let her think you naturally drifted apart. You my friend are what is known as a "nice guy" aka: doormat. Why didn't I confront her? I don't know, I guess I wanted the whole situation to blow over, how very naive of me. And yes unfortunately, I am a "nice guy". It's always been in my nature to be polite, but as far as relationships go, being "nice" often gets you no where. I can never say no to people and it's something I need to work on. As some of you guys suggested, I should let everyone know what she's really like. But that would get me no where to be honest, it wouldn't achieve anything. Sure I DO wish she knew the pain she has caused and I DO wish people could see what she is really like but I think the moment has passed. I'm not the sort of person to cause conflict, never have been and never will be. This can make me door mat material as one poster commented but how on Earth am I meant to change after years of being this way?
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Thanks Sian. Exactly, the strength of my emotions have kept me away. Love so strong I dare not go back there, so yeah, an upside Also as OP stated, made worse by how stunningly attractive she is. Many other amazing qualities too ... All wrapped up in big brown eyes & long legs lol Agreed. My ex is pretty damn hot too. With or without makeup. And a pretty awesome person all the way around. Damn. This isn't making it any easier
Sugarkane Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I suggest he writes on his profile on FB (visible to whoever sees his profile!) that the real reason he left her was because she cheated. And whatever details he has as proof. It takes a 'bitch' to expose a bitch. It's no more or less than she deserves. Then block her, delete, deny and definitely de-friend her - and anyone who shares them as friends..... I'm surprised whenever I have asked this in the past, everyone has said no stay in NC. Why the change? As much as I like your answer Tara, this girl will lie, deny and turn everyone against him, won't she? That is what these people do.
TaraMaiden Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 This is why I said he should have proof.... Proof will make her retaliation exactly what it is, a spiteful defensive come-back.
Sugarkane Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 OP I would probably rat this girl out. Seeing as I haven't had either the proof or their friends on Facebook in the past. Unfortunately if I hypothetically did the same to someone, I doubt they would take the high road like I did.
Sugarkane Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 This is why I said he should have proof.... Proof will make her retaliation exactly what it is, a spiteful defensive come-back. Because most people on here say take the high road.
Author Hope737 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 OP I would probably rat this girl out. Seeing as I haven't had either the proof or their friends on Facebook in the past. Unfortunately if I hypothetically did the same to someone, I doubt they would take the high road like I did. Ratting her out would just cause more un-necessary bother. Plus, I don't actually have any evidence now. Well, a friend of mine knows about the whole situation and he's seen proof, but no physical evidence actually exists any more. And knowing what she's like, she'd turn it around on me and try to blame me in some way. It's tough but I'm sloooowly learning to let her go. Taking each day as it comes.
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