Necris Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) I wanted to go hang out with one of my friends and he tells me he is at this place nearby where I live so I decided to come check it out, even though I'm not usually into that kind of thing. It turned out to be actually pretty cool it had more nerdier theme so it was basically a club/rave thing mixed with a mini comic-con (I didn't think that mixed too well tbh but it was still fun), lot of people there, some dressed in costume, DJ playing loud techno/hip hop, the dance floor was a popular location for alot of people (I know I have no dancing ability at all so I didn't bother), video game booth areas, justice league on a giant screen TV, and alot of other things there as well. Anyway long story short I spent most of my time playing videogames there and had fun with friends. I decided to not give up on dating, but I also decided not to focus on it. So I went there with the intention to have fun not try to meet girls, though I ended up not hitting on any of them. Though for me with loud blasting music dulling my senses and making it so that I have to practically shout to talk to people right next to me mixed with the less than optimal lighting, and crowd of people made it less than ideal for cold approaching to say the least. And alot of the girls there weren't very attractive though while my standards aren't high this did lower some of the incentive for approaching. I do wonder should I have tried to approach? Or is cold approaching at bars/clubs/parties etc. generally not worth it if you are an introverted kind of shy type of guy? Edited April 1, 2013 by Necris
ThaWholigan Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 You need the practice - shoulda just talked to some girls and tried to refine your game. 2
StanMusial Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 It sounds like a total nerdfest. You could've been the hero. Picked up some desperate nerdy chicks and impressed the nerd throng. Well, maybe next time. 3
clia Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Every conversation you have with a woman doesn't have to be a "cold approach" or you hitting on her. I think you would benefit from interacting with women more without the expectation that you have to be interested in them or get their number or ask them out on a date. You are a cute guy, so there must be something off in your interactions. Practice can help with that -- especially if you are the shy, introverted type. The party you were at actually sounds like the perfect environment to practice conversations, flirting, and talking to women. These don't have to be long conversations. You can try making a brief comment or two about something happening around you, or if her drink looks interesting asking her what it is, or whatever. Don't overcomplicate it. 1
carhill Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Either immerse or go home. If the activity is fun, there isn't any dependence on the outcome. The loud music can actually be a helper tool if one has noted some synergy with a particular person. 'I can't hear myself think in here. Let's go somewhere quieter to talk'. Each moment is discrete. Try something different the next time an opportunity presents itself and see what happens.
Author Necris Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Every conversation you have with a woman doesn't have to be a "cold approach" or you hitting on her. I think you would benefit from interacting with women more without the expectation that you have to be interested in them or get their number or ask them out on a date. You are a cute guy, so there must be something off in your interactions. Practice can help with that -- especially if you are the shy, introverted type. The party you were at actually sounds like the perfect environment to practice conversations, flirting, and talking to women. These don't have to be long conversations. You can try making a brief comment or two about something happening around you, or if her drink looks interesting asking her what it is, or whatever. Don't overcomplicate it. Now I didn't say I didn't talk to/interact with any women there I just didn't really flirt with/try to get numbers from any of them. My friends and I met a group of girls and we played Mortal Kombat 9 together though they seemed to be in a more competitive mood then a flirt with mood.
ThaWholigan Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Now I didn't say I didn't talk to/interact with any women there I just didn't really flirt with/try to get numbers from any of them. My friends and I met a group of girls and we played Mortal Kombat 9 together though they seemed to be in a more competitive mood then a flirt with mood. PSSHH!! Even better - more sexual tension .
Estate Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I wanted to go hang out with one of my friends and he tells me he is at this place nearby where I live so I decided to come check it out, even though I'm not usually into that kind of thing. It turned out to be actually pretty cool it had more nerdier theme so it was basically a club/rave thing mixed with a mini comic-con (I didn't think that mixed too well tbh but it was still fun), lot of people there, some dressed in costume, DJ playing loud techno/hip hop, the dance floor was a popular location for alot of people (I know I have no dancing ability at all so I didn't bother), video game booth areas, justice league on a giant screen TV, and alot of other things there as well. Anyway long story short I spent most of my time playing videogames there and had fun with friends. I decided to not give up on dating, but I also decided not to focus on it. So I went there with the intention to have fun not try to meet girls, though I ended up not hitting on any of them. Though for me with loud blasting music dulling my senses and making it so that I have to practically shout to talk to people right next to me mixed with the less than optimal lighting, and crowd of people made it less than ideal for cold approaching to say the least. And alot of the girls there weren't very attractive though while my standards aren't high this did lower some of the incentive for approaching. I do wonder should I have tried to approach? Or is cold approaching at bars/clubs/parties etc. generally not worth it if you are an introverted kind of shy type of guy? Excuses, excuses, excuses.... same old same old.
Author Necris Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Excuses, excuses, excuses.... same old same old. What excuses? I went there with the intention of having fun with friends. I was just wondering if I should have tried to hit on girls (which unfortunately for me leads to failure). PSSHH!! Even better - more sexual tension . Though my non-aggressiveness didn't help me as I'm trying to speak to one girl, my friend overhears our conversation and jumps in and takes it over, then we play some more games, then another guy comes in and captivates one girl I was going to talk to for the rest of the time I was there. One of the girls kept calling me a cheater since one of my friends kept insisting on giving me advice to defeat her in a game, which was kind of annoying. So it was kind of crazy. Either immerse or go home. If the activity is fun, there isn't any dependence on the outcome. The loud music can actually be a helper tool if one has noted some synergy with a particular person. 'I can't hear myself think in here. Let's go somewhere quieter to talk'. Each moment is discrete. Try something different the next time an opportunity presents itself and see what happens. Perhaps next time. Honestly I never really feel any "synergy" with anyone, though then again what effect would that have anyway? As for the thing with the loud music I don't know that sounds like a good idea but at the same time could be a bad idea. There is no quiet place except outside the building so it would require getting a particular girl to leave her group of friends to join a strange guy outside.
StanMusial Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Honestly I never really feel any "synergy" with anyone, though then again what effect would that have anyway? As for the thing with the loud music I don't know that sounds like a good idea but at the same time could be a bad idea. There is no quiet place except outside the building so it would require getting a particular girl to leave her group of friends to join a strange guy outside. That's just some kind of space-age gibberish. If you see a girl you want to bang go talk to her. Just say, "What's your name?" And if she doesn't run the other direction ask her to dance. 1
Pompeii Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 When you see girls, your first thought shouldn't be whether you're approaching them or not. You don't have to feel like you should prove something. You honestly don't know what you want, that's why you're failing in this arena. You want to approach girls and subsequently date, but you say dating is irrelevant unless it leads to a family. But then you say you don't want a family right now. To top it all off, you say you are against pre-marital sex. Do you honestly expect most girls to go without sex in a relationship? You better make up your mind.
Pompeii Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 There is no quiet place except outside the building so it would require getting a particular girl to leave her group of friends to join a strange guy outside. You act like that's never happened before in the history of humankind. Guys pull "strange girls" from the bar all the time to go outside and talk and have a cigarette or something. What makes you think it would be different for you?
Author Necris Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) You act like that's never happened before in the history of humankind. Guys pull "strange girls" from the bar all the time to go outside and talk and have a cigarette or something. What makes you think it would be different for you? Come on, think about it, you're going to pull a girl away from her friends, away from whatever else she was doing, outside to a parking lot or some other location away from the fun just so she can talk to you, a complete stranger? My common sense maybe off but that doesn't seem like something most girls would be willing to do unless she knows you or feels so comfortable around you that she feels as if she knows you. Otherwise that maybe seen as creepy/sketchy. The other guys I guess got that "magic" way of words. Now I've read somewhere its better to try to engage in conversation with the girl and her friends at the same time instead of trying to get her away from her friends. Edited April 2, 2013 by Necris
Pompeii Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Come on, think about it, you're going to pull a girl away from her friends, away from whatever else she was doing, outside to a parking lot or some other location away from the fun just so she can talk to you, a complete stranger? My common sense maybe off but that doesn't seem like something most girls would be willing to do unless she knows you or feels so comfortable around you that she feels as if she knows you. Otherwise that maybe seen as creepy/sketchy. The other guys I guess got that "magic" way of words. Now I've read somewhere its better to try to engage in conversation with the girl and her friends at the same time instead of trying to get her away from her friends. You don't immediately take her away from her friends, you hang out with her a little bit and then do it. Duh. 1
Author Necris Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) You don't immediately take her away from her friends, you hang out with her a little bit and then do it. Duh. And it that tiny time period she has become so comfortable with you, and so intrigued with whatever you're saying that she just has to hear more away from everybody in a parking lot? Anyway in the end I did talk to some girls and we played games together but I didn't try to ask them out or anything. Edited April 2, 2013 by Necris
Estate Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Come on, think about it, you're going to pull a girl away from her friends, away from whatever else she was doing, outside to a parking lot or some other location away from the fun just so she can talk to you, a complete stranger? My common sense maybe off but that doesn't seem like something most girls would be willing to do unless she knows you or feels so comfortable around you that she feels as if she knows you. Otherwise that maybe seen as creepy/sketchy. The other guys I guess got that "magic" way of words. Now I've read somewhere its better to try to engage in conversation with the girl and her friends at the same time instead of trying to get her away from her friends. Jesus, pulling a girl doesn't mean grabbing her by the hair and taking her to the parking lot. Just start talking to her and she'll break out of the group to talk to you if you are more interesting than the same crap her friends are talking about every night. It's not rocket science, as someone already said, it's not like no guy has ever done this successfully.
dasein Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Dancing is good in those types of loud places, vid games you can play at home. You can do very well in such as the "fun guy who is dancing with -all- the women." Lots of women respond well to that kind of guy. But if you didn't find any women there interesting, have fun however you like. Sounds like a good evening overall.
Author Necris Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Jesus, pulling a girl doesn't mean grabbing her by the hair and taking her to the parking lot. Just start talking to her and she'll break out of the group to talk to you if you are more interesting than the same crap her friends are talking about every night. It's not rocket science, as someone already said, it's not like no guy has ever done this successfully. I know no one is suggesting pulling anyone by the hair, I'm just saying if you're a girl and you're having fun with your friends and some strange guy is talking to you and wants to talk to you in a more private setting you'll most likely not want to just go follow him you'd be more inclined to stay with your group of friends and have fun. As for just talking to the girls yeah I did, we also played games together. Though the setting did make it a little more difficult for me with my friends jumping into the conversation then a random dude coming over and stealing all the attention, girls getting argumentative over a game, and loud music making me have to almost shout.
Estate Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I know no one is suggesting pulling anyone by the hair, I'm just saying if you're a girl and you're having fun with your friends and some strange guy is talking to you and wants to talk to you in a more private setting you'll most likely not want to just go follow him you'd be more inclined to stay with your group of friends and have fun. As for just talking to the girls yeah I did, we also played games together. Though the setting did make it a little more difficult for me with my friends jumping into the conversation then a random dude coming over and stealing all the attention, girls getting argumentative over a game, and loud music making me have to almost shout. She's not goona just LEAVE to go somewhere private with you. You literally have to make her turn 45 degrees from her position in her circle of friends and that constitutes "pulling her away from friends"... you only have to break the circle so she's paying you attention.... how EASY is that??? Also... "some strange guy"... well... stop being strange! THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.
Author Necris Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 She's not goona just LEAVE to go somewhere private with you. You literally have to make her turn 45 degrees from her position in her circle of friends and that constitutes "pulling her away from friends"... you only have to break the circle so she's paying you attention.... how EASY is that??? Also... "some strange guy"... well... stop being strange! THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. So are we talking about two different things? Just getting someone to turn around and pay me attention isn't usually all that difficult. In fact if that's what we've been talking about this entire time I did just that at the event/party I went to.
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