Unhappy in Six Year Relationship

[EFlatMajor]

Hi all,

 

I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 years (I'm 24 and she is 23). For a while now I have been on the fence about our relationship. We do tend to get along pretty well. We have a similar sense of humor, and we rarely fight. Frankly, though, I feel that I got into a long-term, monogamous relationship too early in my life. When she brings up the idea of marriage, or talks about plans for the future, I feel sick to my stomach, not because there is anything particularly wrong with the relationship itself, but instead because I feel I haven't done enough to decide what I really want in life (including whether or not I really want to be in this relationship), and that I haven't had enough experience before settling down. I find myself constantly looking at other women, thinking about what it might be like to be in a different relationship, have different sex, etc.

 

There are reasons why I haven't yet broken up with her, including my ongoing, though recently tolerable, depression, and her ongoing anxiety, the latter of which I imagine will only exacerbate the pain of being dumped for her. But, basically, I'm just looking for advice. Am I seeing "greener grass" on the other side? Maybe some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation? How the hell do I even break up a long-term relationship in the gentlest way possible? It's pretty clear to me that I want out of this, but the thought of crushing her has deterred me. Time and again I have found small reasons to not break up with her (current: she is a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding this summer). I feel like I am just dragging this thing out, and that a break up is inevitable, but every time I look at her and see the enthusiasm she has for our relationship, I just can't go through with it, but I know I need to.

 

Advice? Thanks.

[EFlatMajor]

Oh, and as a followup: do short-term breaks ever really work? I imagine that this would simply be a prelude to a final break up, but I have known people for whom it worked out (broke up for a while, then got back together and are now married). I'm afraid that I may be looking at this option because I picture it being an easier way of doing this, though I know it would only draw out the pain without allowing for either of us to move on. So, I don't know. Lots of uncertainty here.

[iouaname]

You are my ex boyfriend. I mean -- not literally, obviously, but you are experiencing exactly what I experienced with my ex-boyfriend.

 

It's hard to give you advice because I have been going through what your girlfriend will be going through, and I definitely don't want to inflict that pain on her, but you are right that you will be unhappy if you stay in the relationship and you are just delaying the inevitable, because you're going to dump her.

 

Her are the things that my ex did that have made being dumped worse:

 

- instead of dumping me, he tried to get me to do his dirty work by picking at my flaws (my anxiety or depression, etc.) and so when I was dumped, I felt terrible about myself, like it was my fault. Be sure to not do this. She is going to feel badly no matter what, but be very frank and say just what you said in the first paragraph.

- do not send her mixed messages. My ex sent me mixed messages "I just need to see if this is what I want... maybe we can have something in the future" and it caused panic in me. Be definitive without being cruel.

- stay away. You're going to hurt her, a lot. She's going to suffer from extreme anxiety and depression, and if she's like me, might begin to feel absolutely insane. For months. My ex, however, has made it more difficult for me by continuing to contact me and do the "let's be friends :)" or "just wanted to say hi! :)" thing every two weeks or so. If you want her to get over it - you can't ask or expect or attempt to have her in your life.

 

Ugh. I hate this. I hate offering advice to someone who is about to do something that is going to be so devastating... something that happened to me. I hate the short-sightedness of this kind of thing. However, if you continue in the relationship simply because you feel guilty about hurting her feelings - you're just going to grow resentful towards her and you're going to begin to hurt her even more. I suspect you'll cheat at some point, too. So you have to do it, and it's going to suck, for both of you.

[iouaname]

Oh, and as a followup: do short-term breaks ever really work? I imagine that this would simply be a prelude to a final break up, but I have known people for whom it worked out (broke up for a while, then got back together and are now married). I'm afraid that I may be looking at this option because I picture it being an easier way of doing this, though I know it would only draw out the pain without allowing for either of us to move on. So, I don't know. Lots of uncertainty here.

 

See the "be definitive" part of my post. Easier for who? Not for her, certainly. You'll be dragging it out and you'll be leaving her feeling really, really confused and anxious.

 

My ex did the same thing. He knew a couple that broke up and got back together and I think he believed we could do the same. He would tell me that he doesn't see this "being the end of the road" for us but at the same time, didn't want any expectations of getting back together. He wanted to stay friends in the meantime, of course, because it would make it easier for him. He could keep all of the things he wanted in me (someone to do things with, talk to, etc.) without the commitment. You can't do that to her. Don't send mixed messages. Even if it is your hope to get back together 'in the future,' don't clue her in on it. Break up with her in the most humane way possible, leave her be, and if you genuinely decide later on that it was a mistake and you want to be with her then you can go crawling back when that time comes - and then she'll make her decision.

 

You're a good guy for not wanting to hurt her, but it's inevitable. If you don't feel you can give her what she deserves, let her go to find someone who can.

Edited April 1, 2013 by iouaname

[EFlatMajor]

You are my ex boyfriend. I mean -- not literally, obviously, but you are experiencing exactly what I experienced with my ex-boyfriend.

 

It's hard to give you advice because I have been going through what your girlfriend will be going through, and I definitely don't want to inflict that pain on her, but you are right that you will be unhappy if you stay in the relationship and you are just delaying the inevitable, because you're going to dump her.

 

Her are the things that my ex did that have made being dumped worse:

 

- instead of dumping me, he tried to get me to do his dirty work by picking at my flaws (my anxiety or depression, etc.) and so when I was dumped, I felt terrible about myself, like it was my fault. Be sure to not do this. She is going to feel badly no matter what, but be very frank and say just what you said in the first paragraph.

- do not send her mixed messages. My ex sent me mixed messages "I just need to see if this is what I want... maybe we can have something in the future" and it caused panic in me. Be definitive without being cruel.

- stay away. You're going to hurt her, a lot. She's going to suffer from extreme anxiety and depression, and if she's like me, might begin to feel absolutely insane. For months. My ex, however, has made it more difficult for me by continuing to contact me and do the "let's be friends :)" or "just wanted to say hi! :)" thing every two weeks or so. If you want her to get over it - you can't ask or expect or attempt to have her in your life.

 

Ugh. I hate this. I hate offering advice to someone who is about to do something that is going to be so devastating... something that happened to me. I hate the short-sightedness of this kind of thing. However, if you continue in the relationship simply because you feel guilty about hurting her feelings - you're just going to grow resentful towards her and you're going to begin to hurt her even more. I suspect you'll cheat at some point, too. So you have to do it, and it's going to suck, for both of you.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

Yeah, I have played it over and over in my head, how I might do it. I want to stress that it really isn't her, that it has more to do with the issues I brought up in the first paragraph of my first post.

 

I realize too that it is short-sighted; I realize that I might end up hurting her really badly, only to regret the decision myself. But right now I feel so overwhelmed with uncertainty that, if I don't break up with her, I can only see the relationship devolving into one that is not fulfilling for either of us when I am not reciprocating the love that she feels for me. Even though the pain will be devastating, it will be worse if I wait until we have built a life together.

 

The question about the short-term break was really just a fleeting hope that I might find an easy way out of this. As soon as I clicked "post" I was like, nope, don't be stupid. Because I know that the best thing to do is to provide a clean break, removing each other from Facebook, not communicating, not even suggesting the possibility of remaining friends or getting back together far in the future (even though I would very much like to be friends later down the road), as it will lend hope to something that may never play out, only making things harder for her.

 

I do appreciate your reply. Seeing the perspective of the other side of this helps a lot.

[Pisces13]

Hi all,

 

I've been with my girlfriend for over 6 years (I'm 24 and she is 23). For a while now I have been on the fence about our relationship. We do tend to get along pretty well. We have a similar sense of humor, and we rarely fight. Frankly, though, I feel that I got into a long-term, monogamous relationship too early in my life. When she brings up the idea of marriage, or talks about plans for the future, I feel sick to my stomach, not because there is anything particularly wrong with the relationship itself, but instead because I feel I haven't done enough to decide what I really want in life (including whether or not I really want to be in this relationship), and that I haven't had enough experience before settling down. I find myself constantly looking at other women, thinking about what it might be like to be in a different relationship, have different sex, etc.

 

There are reasons why I haven't yet broken up with her, including my ongoing, though recently tolerable, depression, and her ongoing anxiety, the latter of which I imagine will only exacerbate the pain of being dumped for her. But, basically, I'm just looking for advice. Am I seeing "greener grass" on the other side? Maybe some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation? How the hell do I even break up a long-term relationship in the gentlest way possible? It's pretty clear to me that I want out of this, but the thought of crushing her has deterred me. Time and again I have found small reasons to not break up with her (current: she is a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding this summer). I feel like I am just dragging this thing out, and that a break up is inevitable, but every time I look at her and see the enthusiasm she has for our relationship, I just can't go through with it, but I know I need to.

 

Advice? Thanks.

 

My only real advice to you is think LONG and HARD about the decision you're about to make. You've acknowledged that apart from a few flaws, the relationship overall is pretty good.

 

If you're thinking about doing it mainly because you feel as though you've missed out on some experiences in life, I will give you some truths. You're not missing out on much.

 

We have this image embedded in society today where sleeping around and partying is portrayed like it is the greatest thing in the world (thanks media!), but in reality, I can tell you from experience that it sucks. Don't get me wrong, it is fun at first, maybe for a couple of months or so, but you quickly begin to realize just how lonely and empty you feel, and you can quickly spiral out of control as a result. I have friends who are hardcore party animals, and even they don't want to be out there every weekend stuck in the cycle, they want someone special to share their life with.

 

I would choose having a loving partner who cares about me, and wants to be with me over the party lifestyle any day. Having sex with random girls always felt empty and meaningless to me, I never enjoyed it and it always felt awkward. The best sex you will ever have is when you're in a relationship, you have that connection and you know what each other likes etc. even though it can feel "boring" having sex with the same girl all the time, you will regret thinking that way once you're single and out on your own.

 

Let me acknowledge this though, it's all good and well me saying this stuff, but until you actually experience it for yourself, you probably won't understand it, and will continue to feel the way you're feeling. So that is why I say think long and hard about it first, because I know what you're feeling, and I know what lies ahead for you out there, and it's not all glitz and glamour like it is made out to be.

[Smiley88]

Pices is right. My 1st gf(1st love) left me 1,5 months ago, we are both 24.Before i met her i was content being alone and partying..i actually enjoyed it. She was always talking about a family at 27 and that freaked me out, i also thought im too young and im missing out.

That is why even though we did not have a serious conversation about our future,i always treated her just as a gf to have fun with, not someone to share a life with,i was immature and iresponsible.

 

Needless to say..she found someone else who is certain about what he wants and is a real man/husband material.

 

I now regret it everyday that i was so stupid,and did not know how happy she made me until after she broke up with me..i should have been more mature and treat her how she deserves..she is amazing:)

[iouaname]

Because I'm in your girlfriend's situation right now, my first instinct, obviously, is to tell you not to do it. I know for my situation, I really feel that my ex should regret his decision. There was nothing wrong with me... nothing wrong with the relationship... he just was young and wanted the chance to be single and see what else is out there. He won't find better than me, honestly. I never cheated, never lied, and was loyal and committed to a fault. So while I want to be able to tell you that it's a huge mistake and not to do it... I can't, because as much pain as I'm in right now, I would not want to be in a relationship with someone who didn't want to be with me. I deserve, and so does your girlfriend, to have someone who looks at me and thinks "Wow - how did I get so lucky?" not someone who looks at me and is wondering what else might be out there.

 

I hold a lot of resentment for my ex for what he did. And I think your girlfriend will probably feel the same. You're going to be a bad guy in her eyes and you just have to accept that. Don't make her jump through hoops though - don't make her feel insecure, stupid, or insane, like my ex did to me. Accept that this boils down to your own insecurities and do what you feel needs to be done without trying to take the easy route.

[Pisces13]

Pices is right. My 1st gf(1st love) left me 1,5 months ago, we are both 24.Before i met her i was content being alone and partying..i actually enjoyed it.

 

That's just it, once you've been in a long term relationship, there is no turning back IMO.

 

I was the same prior to my first relationship, I was content being by myself, being able to go out and do whatever, play video games etc. but it wasn't until after I broke up with my first girlfriend (we were together for 3 years) and then went back out and did the whole single thing, that I realized how miserable I actually was, and after 2-3 months, I was pining to be back in another relationship. Thankfully I did find my perfect, ideal woman, but unfortunately she broke it off with me 3 weeks ago after 2 years together, due to the same thing that you're going through EFlatMajor (I was her first and only boyfriend). I tried to explain the same sort of thing I did above with you to her, but I quickly realized it was futile and that she really needs to go out and experience it for herself, as hard as that is for me to deal with, knowing what lies ahead out there.

[EFlatMajor]

Pisces13: Well, like I said, there is nothing particularly wrong with the relationship, in that we don't fight often, we can sit in comfortable silence, things like that. But, to me it doesn't feel like there is anything right about the relationship either. By that I mean that I do not feel content with the way things are, there is nothing that really excites or interests me about it, and I don't think I should settle, at least not yet, for a relationship that is merely comfortable by conventional standards.

 

Also, I have no delusions about the singles scene. I'm not even much of a party-goer. While I do want to experience relationships and sex with other people, I understand that the real world is by no means as glamorized as it is often presented to us. Despite this, my heart just isn't in my current relationship, no matter how much I try to reason myself into staying with my girlfriend.

 

I agree with your point about having to find out on my own. Like I mentioned above, I recognize the possibility that I may regret breaking up with her a few months down the road. But, these feelings have been getting stronger for a while now, and I can't see them going anywhere. So, the way I see it is that, if I stay I'm almost absolutely going to be unhappy, but if I go there is at least a chance of finding fulfillment.

 

iouaname: Your point about not wanting to be with someone who doesn't feel the same way back is the conclusion I have come to. She has admitted herself that she is very bad at reading people, picking up signals, etc. I'm convinced that if it were anyone else, they would have dumped me long ago. It's not that I'm cruel to her or anything, but it would be clear to an outsider viewing us on a daily basis that there is a clear lack of effort and enthusiasm coming from my side. I know that when I do break up with her, this is one of the points I'll make: that she will be much happier when she finds someone who loves her back in the same way and to the same degree. I just feel like I'm doing a disservice to both of us by dragging this out.

 

Thanks again for your input, everyone.

[Pisces13]

Pisces13: Well, like I said, there is nothing particularly wrong with the relationship, in that we don't fight often, we can sit in comfortable silence, things like that. But, to me it doesn't feel like there is anything right about the relationship either. By that I mean that I do not feel content with the way things are, there is nothing that really excites or interests me about it, and I don't think I should settle, at least not yet, for a relationship that is merely comfortable by conventional standards.

 

Also, I have no delusions about the singles scene. I'm not even much of a party-goer. While I do want to experience relationships and sex with other people, I understand that the real world is by no means as glamorized as it is often presented to us. Despite this, my heart just isn't in my current relationship, no matter how much I try to reason myself into staying with my girlfriend.

 

I agree with your point about having to find out on my own. Like I mentioned above, I recognize the possibility that I may regret breaking up with her a few months down the road. But, these feelings have been getting stronger for a while now, and I can't see them going anywhere. So, the way I see it is that, if I stay I'm almost absolutely going to be unhappy, but if I go there is at least a chance of finding fulfillment.

 

Look man, do what your heart tells you Like I said, it's all good me saying this stuff, but until you go through it yourself, you just won't get it.

 

I guess all I'm trying to say is just prepare yourself for potential regret, but hey, you might go on and live a happier, more fulfilled life with someone else, you just don't know.

[candie13]

Pick up the balls to tell her "marriage ain't gonna happen". It won't. As you put it, you're too young to be in a 6 years relationship. Both of you need to explore.

 

There's no other way out. You know it and she knows it. It's hard, because all people fear change. Be the bigger person in this relationship, grab the bull by its horns and deliver the bad news. Truth always sets people free. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or she's a bad gf. It's just time for a new era in your life.

 

Once you've understood this, accepted and came to terms with your decision, the worst possible thing you can do is drag this relationship on. Don't make her do the difficult part, she's already very frail, fighting with her depression and all. Be a man, show how much you really and truly care for her, respect her, but giving her closure. This is what separates men from little boys.

[all_cats_rgray]

My ex did the same thing.

 

BUT as stated above, don't put her down. Be careful, and never use the "you" word. Use the "I" "I" and "I feel" this way.

 

Things that really crushed me:

 

I asked why; he states "It's just who you are." (aka your the problem)

 

"I don't like hanging out with out, or calling you. (Alot of "you")

 

And be careful what you say to friends cause people talk.

 

A girlfriend said to me that he has called me (unmotivated, not strong, insecure)

 

I wish he didn't talk to other about me.

 

Talk about yourself! ( she is not perfect but, it's not all her fault)

 

I hope you do better then my ex.

 

OH and she will flip, and be emotional, If this happens. Be a man, ride it out till she calms down. AND TALK TO HER again, in a few days.

 

I try to be mature about it. But yeah I think my Ex is a idiot. As well as you he not into the I want to have sex with many chicks. ( well he's not doing that).

 

I find he has just started the process of another relationship. AND of course it feel's great, (it's a new relationship). You have GIGS, BUT you have to leave. I cannot count the number of guys this has happen too. AND yes they regret it. But it's part of growing up.

 

Don't say stuff that everyone say's ....

 

You need someone that loves you more.

 

I still love you but...

 

This stuff is just, not helpful. And very confusing. You do see how this is contradictory. YOU DO LOVE HER. and i'm sure you have enough love her her. The problem is not that see needs someone that love's her MORE. It's she need's someone that knows what he wants.

 

Someone that has gone through the dating game, and understands, shee is awesome.

 

I love my logic, I miss my ex so much. I hope he's happy. (okay really I hope its eating him up on the inside, bahaha)

 

GOOD LUCK.

 

She will be emotional, and your lack of love will confuse her. I don't know what to say, for you to not make it hurt. Just DON'T breadcrumb. FLIP FLOP. GIVE HER FALSE HOPE.

 

My ex was very very clear it was over. This clearness was so painful. I thought if he was like "maybe" one day... don't do this. As much as I want to hear this.

 

I don't know... what i regret is that he didn't TALK alot, he just said the word's shut down, and tried to run away. **** but the truth is YOU WILL HURT HER ALOT.

Edited April 2, 2013 by all_cats_rgray

[Njeanne]

Never stay in a relationship where you are unhappy.

You started a long term relationship way too early and now you wanna experience something else...just please do not get the case of "grass is greener" theorie and decide quickly.

 

Think about it for a while, and even talk to her about it and see where it'll lead you both after the discussion. Do not decide on your own, do not lead her on and blindside her, please be open to her.

[KatZee]

I will give you some truths. You're not missing out on much.

 

We have this image embedded in society today where sleeping around and partying is portrayed like it is the greatest thing in the world (thanks media!), but in reality, I can tell you from experience that it sucks. Don't get me wrong, it is fun at first, maybe for a couple of months or so, but you quickly begin to realize just how lonely and empty you feel, and you can quickly spiral out of control as a result.

 

I will have to politely disagree with this statement.

 

Listen, you've been with your girlfriend 6 years and you've pretty much missed your teens and early twenties as a result of being in this relationship. I'm sure you've had great times together but there are just certain things you CAN'T do when you're in a serious relationship with another person. There is always that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you have to worry about someone else.

 

Anyway, my ex was you with HIS ex. He wound up leaving his ex of 6 years to be with me. He wasn't in love with her at the end, he was with her out of pure obligation of having been together for 6 years. He was completely miserable, and he said time and time again that he regretted missing out on his college years being tied down in a serious relationship.

 

I personally got with him too soon. That was my mistake. He at that point should have taken months if not a year or more to be single, to grieve the loss of a 6 year relationship and discover himself. However my ex isn't like that. He has deep insecurity and fear of being alone so he jumped right to me. He dragged a lot of residual baggage into our relationship, and he wound up cheating on me with his ex (which isn't here nor there, but he still never went back to her.) He knew that she wasn't the one for him. The grew up and grew apart. Not together.

 

Me and him broke up 11 months ago and I've been VERY happily single for 11 months now, with no sign of that happiness fading. After being in a relationship for years and years, it's a breath of fresh air being single. I think that's one of the signs you have a healthy mindset. You're perfectly capable of being single. You don't constantly crave some companion to fulfill your life. You already KNOW how to fulfill your life on your own. And you can only learn those things, if you're single.

 

I can't even tell you how much I've learned about myself in 11 months. How strong I've proven myself to be. How many interests and passions I've picked up, how many new people I've met, how many old friends I've reconnected with, how many new things I've done, how much I've increased my confidence and self-esteem, how much I've accomplished, how much I've excelled at my job. It's truly astounding.

 

It sounds like you have no clue who you are, and you want to get out there and just DO. It's a natural feeling to have, and you may regret ending it, but on the other hand, you may not at all. You may feel free and finally able to really explore for the first time in your life. I think EVERYONE needs to do this, otherwise you're going to wind up being 45 years old, married with kids, and wind up having a mental breakdown/mid-life crisis.

 

Go explore now. Go see what the world has to offer. Believe me, it has A LOT to offer you. The guy who said above that you're not missing much? He's clearly not out LIVING. Being single isn't just about getting wasted and sleeping with strangers. (Is this really the only thing as a single person you can come up with???)

 

The possibilities and the options are endless, especially if you put yourself out there, push yourself past your comfort zone, and just take the initiative to really be out there.

 

You're not really tied down now. There is no mortgages, no kids, nothing seriously holding you back from doing what you feel you need to do. If you guys are meant to be together in a marriage and for life, you two will come together. But you should absolutely know yourself, and what you want and need before you agree to an engagement and a marriage.

[all_cats_rgray]

I will have to politely disagree with this statement.

 

Listen, you've been with your girlfriend 6 years and you've pretty much missed your teens and early twenties as a result of being in this relationship. I'm sure you've had great times together but there are just certain things you CAN'T do when you're in a serious relationship with another person. There is always that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you have to worry about someone else.

 

Anyway, my ex was you with HIS ex. He wound up leaving his ex of 6 years to be with me. He wasn't in love with her at the end, he was with her out of pure obligation of having been together for 6 years. He was completely miserable, and he said time and time again that he regretted missing out on his college years being tied down in a serious relationship.

 

I personally got with him too soon. That was my mistake. He at that point should have taken months if not a year or more to be single, to grieve the loss of a 6 year relationship and discover himself. However my ex isn't like that. He has deep insecurity and fear of being alone so he jumped right to me. He dragged a lot of residual baggage into our relationship, and he wound up cheating on me with his ex (which isn't here nor there, but he still never went back to her.) He knew that she wasn't the one for him. The grew up and grew apart. Not together.

 

Me and him broke up 11 months ago and I've been VERY happily single for 11 months now, with no sign of that happiness fading. After being in a relationship for years and years, it's a breath of fresh air being single. I think that's one of the signs you have a healthy mindset. You're perfectly capable of being single. You don't constantly crave some companion to fulfill your life. You already KNOW how to fulfill your life on your own. And you can only learn those things, if you're single.

 

I can't even tell you how much I've learned about myself in 11 months. How strong I've proven myself to be. How many interests and passions I've picked up, how many new people I've met, how many old friends I've reconnected with, how many new things I've done, how much I've increased my confidence and self-esteem, how much I've accomplished, how much I've excelled at my job. It's truly astounding.

 

It sounds like you have no clue who you are, and you want to get out there and just DO. It's a natural feeling to have, and you may regret ending it, but on the other hand, you may not at all. You may feel free and finally able to really explore for the first time in your life. I think EVERYONE needs to do this, otherwise you're going to wind up being 45 years old, married with kids, and wind up having a mental breakdown/mid-life crisis.

 

Go explore now. Go see what the world has to offer. Believe me, it has A LOT to offer you. The guy who said above that you're not missing much? He's clearly not out LIVING. Being single isn't just about getting wasted and sleeping with strangers. (Is this really the only thing as a single person you can come up with???)

 

The possibilities and the options are endless, especially if you put yourself out there, push yourself past your comfort zone, and just take the initiative to really be out there.

 

You're not really tied down now. There is no mortgages, no kids, nothing seriously holding you back from doing what you feel you need to do. If you guys are meant to be together in a marriage and for life, you two will come together. But you should absolutely know yourself, and what you want and need before you agree to an engagement and a marriage.

 

I'm not sure about all these concepts. Having a long term relationship when your young or older, or any time in your life can and is deeply fulfilling. THATS WHY PEOPLE DO IT. I was loved my long term relationship. And I really think both people got alot out of it. I never had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that made me worry about the other person. Because long-term relationship are normally built on trust.

 

The alternative has it's pitfalls and GOOD aspects. Being single you learn how to take care of yourself and make yourself happy without being dependent on the other person. If your young and never been single... you haven't learned how to do this.

 

But I don't think you should look at any six year relationship lightly. Six year relationship's don't happen by accident, or based on some fake comfort. THERE WAS and STILL is ALOT of LOVE. EVEN if that person left the other, ext ext. That stuff does not flip off like a switch. The things people say to people date after they have been in a long-term relationship is normally not that true. He said he stayed out of "obligation", more like " unresolved feeling. Because he cheated on you. Never minimize a person's last relationship, because that person say's they are "over them," " ext..ext" They just say this stuff to be with and hope what they say is true.

[all_cats_rgray]

the worst... i have seen is when a girl is dating someone that is just out of a relationship and they believe anything this person say's. YOU have NO idea how they really felt how deep and important it was to them. And that they are using you, to get over their ex..

[KatZee]

He said he stayed out of "obligation", more like " unresolved feeling. Because he cheated on you. Never minimize a person's last relationship, because that person say's they are "over them," " ext..ext" They just say this stuff to be with and hope what they say is true.

 

I'm not "minimizing" anything. That word "obligation" came out of HIS mouth. Not mine. He cheated on me because apparently we weren't "working out" and because the kid can't be alone, he thought he'd want to go back to what was comfortable.

 

A six year relationship isn't something to take lightly, but I found out he cheated on his ex before me. So my ex is just a douchebag. It has nothing to do with him still loving her or whatever. He's just stupid and has no clue what he wants.

 

People can find fulfillment in their partners but that's not the only thing to be fulfilled with in life. Obviously OP isn't happy and has had some feelings for a while. It's up to HIM what he wants to do with those feelings. Stay with her, or be on his own to discover himself. But he shouldn't feel obligated to stay merely because his gf has anxiety and b/c they've been together for 6 years. He needs to do what's right for HIM.

Edited April 3, 2013 by KatZee