mortensorchid Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Last night I went to a party with the 20s/30s MeetUp group. I have done these parties in the past, they are ok events. MeetUps are good for doing an activity (going to a movie, playing a sport, playing a game, arranging a trip somewhere, etc.) but something like a party, a meal or cocktail party in a restaurant tend to be a bit lame. Still, it's worth trying, right? So I go to this guy's house for his birthday party. I had met him only a few times before and since it was his birthday I bought him a card and some candy, since that was what a guest does for their host. I had been reading a few threads here about cold approaches and thought I am here with people who are essentially strangers and what do I have to loose by cold approaches or just saying hello to someone here? After chatting with a few others, I struck up a conversation with this one guy who seemed alright. We sat down and talked. Firstly, I have something that I do with others when I meet them for the first time. I like to remain a mystery to them. For those of you asking yourselves "why?", it's because of these reasons : 1) Having worked in healthcare and now education for the last several years, you are privy to information about others that most others are not. Things could seem totally normal on the outside, but you would be surprised what lurks under the surface. 2) People take information about you and rip you to shreds over it - even trivial things like "my favorite color is blue". Don't believe me? It's never happened to you before. 3) I am used to having people rip and pick and pull me apart on the job, and it has transfered over to my personal life. When I am around friends I am more relaxed and free to be me, but when meeting others for the first time I tend to be more reserved. In keeping with this, I like to ask others to tell me about them rather than talk about me. That way the person leaves the conversation satisfied because they did what they liked the most - talk about themselves. So we were chatting. He was an accountant, he told me all about finding the actual cost verses the fixed cost of a can of paint for the company he works for. Then he said that they were getting a new software for the company, and told me all the ins and outs of it. I told him a bit about me, he said that other than work he plays sports (rowing and baseball). Then we chatted about a place in town that has a boat house nearby, I knew someone who did that so I had been down there in the past. I made mention there was a building nearby to that place that is/was a restaurant called Mega at one point. Years ago it used to be a meeting place for my city's organized crime agreements to take place. He asked me what I am into, I gave a listing of things. But he had no interest in those things, I kept the more edgy stuff to myself. Then I gave a glance at my phone and said I was going to get going (I was going to head home and do a few other things). He said it was nice chatting, we shook hands and I left. I was reading a post about how women show men no interest in what they are about. Maybe so for others, but I think I showed him an appropriate level of interest, I was practically opening a door for him. But did he ask me for my number or when we shall see each other again? Nope. So don't say it is women who are responsible for all the nonsense in the world.
Star Gazer Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I was reading a post about how women show men no interest in what they are about. Maybe so for others, but I think I showed him an appropriate level of interest, I was practically opening a door for him. But did he ask me for my number or when we shall see each other again? Nope. So don't say it is women who are responsible for all the nonsense in the world. Umm, just because you show interest doesn't mean he has to show interest in return, does it? Maybe he wasn't interested in you. It's very possible. 4
Estate Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Last night I went to a party with the 20s/30s MeetUp group. I have done these parties in the past, they are ok events. MeetUps are good for doing an activity (going to a movie, playing a sport, playing a game, arranging a trip somewhere, etc.) but something like a party, a meal or cocktail party in a restaurant tend to be a bit lame. Still, it's worth trying, right? So I go to this guy's house for his birthday party. I had met him only a few times before and since it was his birthday I bought him a card and some candy, since that was what a guest does for their host. I had been reading a few threads here about cold approaches and thought I am here with people who are essentially strangers and what do I have to loose by cold approaches or just saying hello to someone here? After chatting with a few others, I struck up a conversation with this one guy who seemed alright. We sat down and talked. Firstly, I have something that I do with others when I meet them for the first time. I like to remain a mystery to them. For those of you asking yourselves "why?", it's because of these reasons : 1) Having worked in healthcare and now education for the last several years, you are privy to information about others that most others are not. Things could seem totally normal on the outside, but you would be surprised what lurks under the surface. 2) People take information about you and rip you to shreds over it - even trivial things like "my favorite color is blue". Don't believe me? It's never happened to you before. 3) I am used to having people rip and pick and pull me apart on the job, and it has transfered over to my personal life. When I am around friends I am more relaxed and free to be me, but when meeting others for the first time I tend to be more reserved. In keeping with this, I like to ask others to tell me about them rather than talk about me. That way the person leaves the conversation satisfied because they did what they liked the most - talk about themselves. So we were chatting. He was an accountant, he told me all about finding the actual cost verses the fixed cost of a can of paint for the company he works for. Then he said that they were getting a new software for the company, and told me all the ins and outs of it. I told him a bit about me, he said that other than work he plays sports (rowing and baseball). Then we chatted about a place in town that has a boat house nearby, I knew someone who did that so I had been down there in the past. I made mention there was a building nearby to that place that is/was a restaurant called Mega at one point. Years ago it used to be a meeting place for my city's organized crime agreements to take place. He asked me what I am into, I gave a listing of things. But he had no interest in those things, I kept the more edgy stuff to myself. Then I gave a glance at my phone and said I was going to get going (I was going to head home and do a few other things). He said it was nice chatting, we shook hands and I left. I was reading a post about how women show men no interest in what they are about. Maybe so for others, but I think I showed him an appropriate level of interest, I was practically opening a door for him. But did he ask me for my number or when we shall see each other again? Nope. So don't say it is women who are responsible for all the nonsense in the world. By your own admission, you didn't give him much info, you were cut off. Also, when he enquired about you, you didn't make much effort to find commonalities... ... so either he wasn't impressed by how closed off you were... ... or since you didnt even try to find commonalities or interests you might share, he just lost interest in you. Why do you assume this guy is weak? From the info you give, it sounds like h made a huge effort and was left underwhelmed by you. He probably got the next girls number.
dasein Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Eh, sounds like you had a fun event and met a cool person. No need for everything to lead to a date, just take it for what it is and keep going to those things. It's great you are enjoying walking up and meeting new people, quality dates from that kind of thing will come in time.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Last night I went to a party with the 20s/30s MeetUp group. I have done these parties in the past, they are ok events. MeetUps are good for doing an activity (going to a movie, playing a sport, playing a game, arranging a trip somewhere, etc.) but something like a party, a meal or cocktail party in a restaurant tend to be a bit lame. Still, it's worth trying, right? So I go to this guy's house for his birthday party. I had met him only a few times before and since it was his birthday I bought him a card and some candy, since that was what a guest does for their host. I had been reading a few threads here about cold approaches and thought I am here with people who are essentially strangers and what do I have to loose by cold approaches or just saying hello to someone here? After chatting with a few others, I struck up a conversation with this one guy who seemed alright. We sat down and talked. Firstly, I have something that I do with others when I meet them for the first time. I like to remain a mystery to them. For those of you asking yourselves "why?", it's because of these reasons : 1) Having worked in healthcare and now education for the last several years, you are privy to information about others that most others are not. Things could seem totally normal on the outside, but you would be surprised what lurks under the surface. 2) People take information about you and rip you to shreds over it - even trivial things like "my favorite color is blue". Don't believe me? It's never happened to you before. 3) I am used to having people rip and pick and pull me apart on the job, and it has transfered over to my personal life. When I am around friends I am more relaxed and free to be me, but when meeting others for the first time I tend to be more reserved. In keeping with this, I like to ask others to tell me about them rather than talk about me. That way the person leaves the conversation satisfied because they did what they liked the most - talk about themselves. So we were chatting. He was an accountant, he told me all about finding the actual cost verses the fixed cost of a can of paint for the company he works for. Then he said that they were getting a new software for the company, and told me all the ins and outs of it. I told him a bit about me, he said that other than work he plays sports (rowing and baseball). Then we chatted about a place in town that has a boat house nearby, I knew someone who did that so I had been down there in the past. I made mention there was a building nearby to that place that is/was a restaurant called Mega at one point. Years ago it used to be a meeting place for my city's organized crime agreements to take place. He asked me what I am into, I gave a listing of things. But he had no interest in those things, I kept the more edgy stuff to myself. Then I gave a glance at my phone and said I was going to get going (I was going to head home and do a few other things). He said it was nice chatting, we shook hands and I left. I was reading a post about how women show men no interest in what they are about. Maybe so for others, but I think I showed him an appropriate level of interest, I was practically opening a door for him. But did he ask me for my number or when we shall see each other again? Nope. So don't say it is women who are responsible for all the nonsense in the world. I also work in health care and I haven't found this to be true at all. I've generally found people to be pretty nice overall. Of course, you do have some crappy people, but many are nice and won't hold things against you.
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