ddlovexx Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) Hi guys, Really ridiculously heartbroken right now and oversensitive, so please bear with me. Me and my now ex have had our ups and downs, some little trust issues that I tried to work past. We've been doing great for the past month or so, last night was his 24th birthday (I'm 22) and our 9 month. I took him out to dinner, we went out with friends, wound up spending $150 on him. After we get home (he is wasted and asleep on my bed already) I grab his phone to put it by the bed, I see his friend texted him so I went to dismiss the text and I saw another girls name. So, I clicked it and what do you know... he is telling this girl that we've been broken up, and asking her to hang out. Her text says "I can't hang out with you if you're still with her" and he says "no, but we're not going out anymore." I freak out a bit and tell him how could he be doing that? I leave the room, and when I come back he has deleted the texts and says he doesn't know what I was talking about. After he falls asleep, I'm obviously freaking out and I texted this girl. She gives me the lo-down... She's only been friends with him but when me and him first started dating, they were together and he hid me from her. When she found out about me she left him. She then proceeded to send me screenshots of texts from months ago from him saying that we broke up, I'm crazy, etc. I don't understand. I also found another message in his phone to another girl, he made up some ridiculous lie. He told her that he went to Cali for the weekend (not true) and when he was gone I cheated on him, that I'm crazy, etc. How could he make up such terrible lies if he loves me? How could he tell these girls these things about me and say we're broken up? I gave him everything. I've been through breakups but I've never loved a guy like this. He always said he was going to marry me one day, I was close to his family... I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. This morning he was holding me, apologizing and saying he loves me and that he'll never let me go... but I told him I couldn't do it anymore. He said he was going to fight for me no matter how long it took. I finally spoke to him a few hours ago and he just said 'Take care, I'll always love you." So, I guess he's not gonna fight for me. He keeps saying he loves me and he'll always love me, but that I don't trust him. I said of course it was wrong for me to read his texts, but I also shouldn't have found anything. If I hadn't found them, we would still be together and he would still be talking behind my back. I am completely broken. How could someone who loves me do that to me? Lie about me, tell girls we weren't together? He did a 180, it's like I don't know who he is anymore. I don't know how to be okay. The sad part is that I still love him so much and want to be with him, even though things will never be the same and it would be stupid. I know he needs to grow up and change, and maybe one day he will realize... but maybe one day he won't and I'm being a big baby about it. I don't know how to be ok. I've done breakups but this guy was my everything... I love him so much. I know I need to go NC, but I don't think I'm strong enough. Please help, I'm dying inside. Edited April 1, 2013 by ddlovexx
TaraMaiden Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 No you're not. you're 'down' but not 'out'. You're not 'completely broken'. In fact, you're stronger than you believe yourself to be, because you went through with the break-up. As well you should. I know it hurts. The pain is tangible, but honey, he's a worm. he's a low-down scum and he's a lying cheating jerk. He brazenly blatantly and openly lied about you and to you. he's been putting it about with several other girls, and has probably told them precisely everything he said to you. How he loves them, how they come first, how wonderful they are... Hell, he's lost you. But he's not fighting for you. You know why? because it's just easier to replace you. Which trust me - he will do quicker than you can say 'condom'. Sure you hurt. But you can also see his behaviour is not the behaviour of one who deserves the kind of love you gave. Grieve, by all means, by the bucketful if you need to. cry, rant, rave, scream and tear the room to pieces, if it will help. But please hun - be aware. See the truth for what it is. He is not worthy of anything you hold for him. Not a fraction. you have more love, honour and integrity in the tip of the fingernail on your pinkie, than he has in his entire bony frame. The other girls are welcome to him. But if they have any sense, they will drop him like a dead toad. If they don't - they too will be on the receiving end of his particular brand of 'charm'. More fool them. Don't be a fool too...... 7
Silly_Girl Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I was going to reply, but I read down and saw there was no need. Read the post above this one, read it many times. You WILL be fine.
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