Long and Messy-Breakup with first love on and off, please help if u can

[Starnette83]

Hi

 

I feel like im some dumb girl who is always on her site posting messages, i just seem to be stuck in the same rut and tho ive tried getting out of it, i only tend to be out of it for a while and then seem to jump back in it, whats wrong with me???

 

I've been with my boyfriend since i was 17 years old, he was 16. Things were perfect between us, we were physically attracted but also our personalities clicked emensely!!

I was so happy that i had a met a guy like this, espcially because i was a virgin and he was the first guy that made me want to lose my virginity because i felt so happy, so close and protected with him, i just knew it be right! He was a virgin too , which made it even more better...

After 2 months of dating, and being a really close couple we had sex, and things just got better between us, we became super close, he told me all about him, even his most darkest secrets, he felt just as comfty as me to open up...

 

A whole year between us was wonderful, he was the first bf i took to meet mom and dad, and i was the first girl he took to meet his parents as well.

After this one year things began changing and all of a sudden we began fighting.

 

2nd year wasnt as great as 1st year and here is when we started having mini breakups.

 

Right now we are 3 years and 9 months, even tho im not counting our breakups.

 

We had a horrible breakup last year on Summer 03, his personality had totally changed, he would say things like "I dont know if i love you", "Im curious to be with other people" and we just fought alot and id be super insecure and call him constantly to complain which would just make things worse, we finally just broke up and i left his place by slapping his face because i was so furious at how he was being wtih me.

 

After a month we got together because we saw eachother at school, even tho we wouldnt talk, he finally came to talk to me and i easily gave in and got back, he didnt even have to try.

 

 

just 2 months ago we broke up for a whole 6 weeks, with no contact.

The reason we broke up was because he was lying to me, he was putting his pics on sites of hook up and giving real girls his # and saying he didnt havea gf, i had forgiven him but then one night after he had promised he wouldnt do it again and me findind out he did it again, i blew up and just felt like"I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!"

i was so hurt, and i cried and told him how i couldbnt be with him anymore, his response was "okay" he wasnt worried, sad, or anything..i felt like i meant nothing to him, i was so hurt..

so i told him dont call me again, and he said "ok" then i came home, told my parents so i could make it official that it was over, i really was determined to mvoe on ...

I was a wreck but i took day by day...i actually stuck to 6 weeks of no contact...

id ont know how i did it..but i did...until one day i went out for a drink by myself

came home and drank more and called him

 

thats when he said "I miss you"..."lets see eachother"

I figured i could see him and not be so needy and maybe even play him ...

but well i saw him and I GAVE IN!!! i missed him so much, so i let him kiss me and have sex with me soon,...

 

We got back together and have been back since, but now im fighting with him again cuz hes still activated in HOTORNOT, and i told him that isnt right...so he sais he will take it off but it took lots of my bickering for him to finally say that, worst thing is he hasnt apoliogized for all hes done and he just expects me to trust and believe him, i dont know how to get things thru his head,

 

I love him and when im with him it feels good, and i feel like he cares about me alot too, its just he has problems, its like he cant commit.

i dont understand him, cuz tho i feel he cares, i also feel he doesnt, he confuses me and i dont know how to talk to him anymore...he doesnt like to talk about relationships and feelings, it annoys him....

but doesnt he realize how much it affects me? is it just me??

ii feel so dumb right now and sometimes i really just wanna give up ! am i always gonna be so damn weak, and what should i do with him???

 

 

any comments will help and if ure going to criticize and say "youre dumb" please dont bother, i have enough baggage already

 

thank you

[mighty bop]

OK I am assuming you are 21 or so from your name. Since you two have been going out since 16 and haven't been with anybody else, it's only natural for you guys to think about other people. Are you telling me YOU haven't? It's perfectly normal. If you are unhappy with what's going on you need to do something about it. You are just used to being with him. He is familiar to you. Let me give you an example of what might happen:

 

I just met a girl myself. She has been telling me about her brother and his girlfriend. They are high school sweethearts and now they are in their early 30s. He has cheated on her multiple times. I think she knows but obviously doesn't care because "she loves him" He proposed to her and now she moved in and I guess they are getting married.

 

I'm not saying your guy has cheated on you or plans on it, but he is obviously thinking about other girls with the HOTORNOT thing. He is in college now (I'm assuming) with girls left and right. And you are not there. How could he NOT be interested in other girls.

 

If you don't break up with him, he won't do it because he knows you will always be there no matter what, then he can do whatever he wants and not feel bad. (It's possible.) Don't ever drink and then think about your ex. It will make you do stupid things, like call them. Then go see them and have sex. Do you regret it now?

 

My advice is to break up with him because he wants you to whether he knows it or not. He is just satisfied with how things are going right now because I guess he thinks you will call him whenever he wants and you will go over there and have sex with him. I don't know. Bottom line, just break up with him and date other people. You are young and supposed to do that. Your storybook relationship obviously isn't working out, so you should face reality. Break up with him and date other people

 

Chris