kaylan Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Talk to more people, and read the divorce forums or marriage forums. If you read around, or talk to enough married folk, some of them will outright tell you they settled. There are even articles online telling women to settle for "Mr. Good Enough" even if shes not in love with him. 1
Noproblem Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I understand what you are saying People are settling for less, just because they don't want to be alone and people who we thought are friends turned out to be just acquaintances Life happened, and it's not good life for them you go find people who are like you or be alone, better than them anyway! You are not wrong, but the world is not that cool any more. Any way I'm proud to be single and you should too, it's better than settling for less! 2
SuperGeek Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 My cousin just married her ex-bf who has physically abused her in the past. She told her mom that she was exhausted looking for the 'right guy', so she settled. I think she's a complete idiot for it and they are already having problems and it's only been 3 months. Yeah, my family is awesome! People settle all the time. If you are the girl in your avatar photo, I can understand why this is a foreign concept to you. SuperGeek I can honestly say I have never met a single one of those people. You are saying that because marriages don't work out it automatically means they married purely out of convenience.
KungFuJoe Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I know plenty of people who "settled". I think there aren't really that many TRULY happy married couples. Out of all my friends, I can only think of one couple that is TRULY happy. Everyone else...either downright miserable...or they have an "arrangement" where they do their own thing and hardly go out. If you think about it...it's a TOUGH task. Trying to find that ONE person to spend the rest of your life with, through thick and thin, without getting bored...even after growing old, having kids, more responsibilities. Having a successful marriage might be THE hardest thing to do in the world that everyone tries to do.
SuperGeek Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Yup, I tend to agree. Just today I was talking to my coworker who lives in the basement of his house. He is still married to his wife, but they sleep in separate bedrooms and they are literally just roommates at this point. He claims he stays together for the 'kids', but i honestly wonder how healthy such an environment really is. My own parents are screwed up too and every other couple in my family is either already divorced or on their way to divorce. I'm divorced too haha. SuperGeek I know plenty of people who "settled". I think there aren't really that many TRULY happy married couples. Out of all my friends, I can only think of one couple that is TRULY happy. Everyone else...either downright miserable...or they have an "arrangement" where they do their own thing and hardly go out. If you think about it...it's a TOUGH task. Trying to find that ONE person to spend the rest of your life with, through thick and thin, without getting bored...even after growing old, having kids, more responsibilities. Having a successful marriage might be THE hardest thing to do in the world that everyone tries to do.
RogerWallace111 Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 I know plenty of people who "settled". I think there aren't really that many TRULY happy married couples. Out of all my friends, I can only think of one couple that is TRULY happy. Everyone else...either downright miserable...or they have an "arrangement" where they do their own thing and hardly go out. If you think about it...it's a TOUGH task. Trying to find that ONE person to spend the rest of your life with, through thick and thin, without getting bored...even after growing old, having kids, more responsibilities. Having a successful marriage might be THE hardest thing to do in the world that everyone tries to do. This. And all these people saying to the OP, "maybe your friends sense your negativity; they're in love, you're jealous, be happy for them"... Estate sounds like an intelligent, reasonable guy. Obviously MANY people "settle" when they marry. And the majority of marriages fail. It's very likely that his perception of things is quite accurate. It doesn't mean his friend with the stupidass wh*re wife doesn't "love" her on some level. Or that he was explicitly thinking "ok, time is running out, I will settle for her" when he proposed. People are known to lie to themselves concerning relationship-related matters, even very significant ones. Because as far as "love" goes, the hopeful/optimistic dreamer side often beats out the practical realist one (or vice versa in these certain calculating-ass motherf*ckers). Because people tend to want love and a secure relationship really badly. So badly that they will ignore the true will of their heart and lie to themselves while subconsciously crossing their fingers that it'll work out. And to all these people saying "well, sometimes you have to just kind of settle." "If a partner ticks all the boxes, go for it and try to make the best of it!" F*ck outta here w that sh*t. You can be that person. Enjoy.
Drseussgrrl Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 "And to all these people saying "well, sometimes you have to just kind of settle." "If a partner ticks all the boxes, go for it and try to make the best of it!" F*ck outta here w that sh*t. You can be that person. Enjoy." Nobody is saying settle for someone who treats you like crap, that you don't have chemistry with, or who doesn't make you happy.
Divasu Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 This place is so depressing. It's no wonder 75% of the people on here struggle. Negativity, I object!
GoodOnPaper Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 If you think about it...it's a TOUGH task. Trying to find that ONE person to spend the rest of your life with, through thick and thin, without getting bored...even after growing old, having kids, more responsibilities. It depends on your qualities and skill sets -- very different ones are required for initial attraction vs. LTRs. For me, spending my life with one person is a piece of cake compared to attracting someone for a ONS or similar casual situation -- which I was never able to do. Unfortunately, what determines whether we are a good catch is how good we are at the initial attraction phase. After awhile, though, getting beat up in that rat-race gets old and it just becomes time to move on with your life. Yes, some things are backwards -- we may have to work less on compatibility and more on intimacy -- but emotional growth and maturity happens . . . even if slowly.
Els Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 Here's a thought - maybe the qualities they value, and how they perceive their partners, are quite different from yours. For every person on this planet, there will be at least someone who likes them and someone who dislikes them. Don't assume they settled just because YOU view their partners as someone YOU would settle for. 4
man_in_the_box Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 OP, please don't get too caught up in your own vision of your friends relationships. I don't envy most of my friends relationships and I'm pretty sure most of them don't fancy my relationship. To each their own huh? Ofcourse there's always that one couple everybody wants to be or that couple nobody wants to be. Seems like the long example you've given is one of them, and I admit that I honestly don't understand the guy for putting up with that. But in many cases it comes down to that a relationship can look completely different from the inside than from the outside. 1
Author Estate Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 Well.. Any and all of those things could happen with this mythical creature known as "THE ONE". So, again how do you know, if you don't give somebody the chance? That doesn't make any sense. Of course I give people a chance. But when these factors or any other behaviours, personality types or just poor actions which I consider to be either unacceptable or not in line with the type of relationship I'm looking for then why would I stay? Because they are "the one". That's laughable. I had an ex who said all this stuff too "we were soulmates" apparently thus were never allowed to break up yet it allowed her to throw any abuse at me that she wanted. Its not right, this is no "one". There are people (plural) we are compatible with and those we are not. Nobody should stay in a relationship where they deserve better but scarcity mentalitty makes people stay in bad places. Its their life, but its difficult to see someone put themselves through that.
Joaquin Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 OP, please don't get too caught up in your own vision of your friends relationships. I don't envy most of my friends relationships and I'm pretty sure most of them don't fancy my relationship. To each their own huh? Ofcourse there's always that one couple everybody wants to be or that couple nobody wants to be. Seems like the long example you've given is one of them, and I admit that I honestly don't understand the guy for putting up with that. But in many cases it comes down to that a relationship can look completely different from the inside than from the outside. I agree with this. Although most relationships tend to appear better on the surface then they actually are. If his mate's relationship looks like crap on the outside, it's probably fairly screwed.
Els Posted April 4, 2013 Posted April 4, 2013 Why settle for a pair of sneakers when you can have stilettos ladies? Lol. Food for thought I thought I'd respond to this, because it's a pretty great analogy. Sneakers all the way for me. Because... you can go the distance with sneakers, when stilettos are only good for short periods of time. Sure, a stiletto starts out looking amazing and you fall in love with it, but they're not something you can live in for the rest of your life. You may be the envy of the party in them, but sooner or later the time comes when you need to walk miles, and you'll end up hurt and tired and unable to go on, when the girl with her sneakers will be happy and content and comfortable and thanking her lucky stars that she chose the sneakers. Take the stilettos for the short-term flings, and the sneakers if you want a potential life partner.
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