AwptiK Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 The more time that passes from my breakup (nearly 3 weeks), the more it hurts. I had to leave work early this morning because I just couldn't hold it in. I didn't even cry back when the breakup happened...my ex got overwhelmed with school and her daughter, and I saw how much it hurt her to have to end things. But now it's constant. The more time that passes the more I see how good things were and how much I loved about her. We talked about the future...we'll at least catch up when school is over next year and see where each other is...but we both know that kinda time can change a lot. Regardless of any of the breakup details, wow this is pain. I've hurt from all breaks, but this is overwhelming. There's always cons with exes and I focus on those, but not with her. It's hard to feel anything but pain when we always had fun, never fought...all the little stars lined up perfectly. And there will always be the fact that she said we would be together had nursing school not gotten overwhelming for her. :'(
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Remember that a break-up is exactly - but EXACTLY - like a bereavement... and as I am given to understand, in bereavement, the pain actually peaks a while after the actual 'separation', not immediately after. My mother can bear testimony to that. My father died in 2010, but she misses him now, more deeply than she ever did before. Sometimes, there is no eventual, total, complete "Getting over it." Sometimes, the loss stays with us for good. Sometimes, all we do is become gradually more numb. Sometimes, dealing with the pain, merely means accepting it. Rather like an amputation. 2
fabulousgal Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Well...if things are really that good, when her situation gets better, you could likely reconcile? Until then, keep it in the back of your mind like an option. Because that is what she decided when you guys broke up, you are an option for another point in time. I wouldn't encourage you to wait because that isn't fair to you. It is a risk she was willing to take, so maybe you should as well. Go on a few dates, work out, see friends. Nothing wrong with some casual dates just to connect with new humans and share some new perspectives. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone who isn't in your ex's unfortunate situation of not being able to have you as a priority. 1
Author AwptiK Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Well...if things are really that good, when her situation gets better, you could likely reconcile? Until then, keep it in the back of your mind like an option. Because that is what she decided when you guys broke up, you are an option for another point in time. I wouldn't encourage you to wait because that isn't fair to you. It is a risk she was willing to take, so maybe you should as well. Go on a few dates, work out, see friends. Nothing wrong with some casual dates just to connect with new humans and share some new perspectives. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone who isn't in your ex's unfortunate situation of not being able to have you as a priority. Thanks Tara...you're very right. that helps to hear. And fab, yeah.. Me and her basically discussed everything you said. Yes, reconciliation is likely, however.. That's only if the stars line up for us again. Neither of us are waiting..or supposed to be. And my absolute last text to her was, "I won't put my life on hold...but I will always hope our potential is lived out in time. When you have the time for a relationship, if I cross your mind, feel free to call. I'd be happy to gauge where we are both at in our lives." (To an agreeable response on her part) But thank you both. I feel better because of you guys. I'm definitely going to do me for a long while...gym, work...car stuff, stuff that is best for me right now and I've always wanted to do
TaraMaiden Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 The thing is, AwptiK, you're no less of a person for feeling this way. bereavement doesn't actually diminish who you are. It subdues you and can change your mind-set if you let it - but within, is still the person you were, are and always will be. We all undergo modifications as we grow, develop and age. The trick is to recognise those which deplete us and those which nourish us. And cultivate the ones which prove more beneficial.... You may be going through an emotional upheaval right now - but you're still 'there'... and you will come though this. Allow yourself the time to mourn and grieve - but don't let it become wallowing. Grieving is completely understandable. Wallowing is merely another word for self-sabotage. Recognise the difference. I think you're astute enough to do that. 1
breakmyfall Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I think it does get way worse before it gets better, and the reason is that the more time passes, the more it hits you that it REALLY is over. Like when you go NC, first couple of days are hard but bearable, still hasn't been that long, you could still hear from them etc...then once it's been a week or so, it hits that you haven't spoken to them in that long, that it's the first time you've gone that long without speaking to them, that you may never hear from them again etc...that's when it gets BAD. But there shall be sunshine after the storm.... 3
wintersun Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 In my opinion, this is what was wrong: " we always had fun, never fought...all the little stars lined up perfectly" I've been there, in my past relation. Many years without fights, and always agreeing in everything. That isn't natural. People are different, have different opinions and aren't always in sync. Communication is issue, and instead of talking when things weren't always right, we kept our feelings to each other until the day that things wen't out of control. Keep calm, find something that can keep your mind from her for at least a couple of hours (Gym), and give time time to fix things up. You feel like crap now, but you will get over it soon (and when you least expect, you will find another women that you make you see that this was just a chapter on you life). Take care and take some time to You. 1
Author AwptiK Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) Thanks for all the advice guys. Always appreciated. To the poster above, who I'd name if I wasn't on my iPhone and lazy, I'm not saying we bottled stuff up. Getting along peacefully is natural in my mind. We had a super open means of communication and there were definitely things that were brought up we didn't like. Things that come to mind are like....a random sarcastic comment I made once that she took more literally than it was meant. For a good while, certain ways she said things seemed mean, but all of that stuff bothered the other and we always talked about it. Nothing went under the rug, and it wasn't alllllll sunshine and roses. There was the usual tenseness, especially when school stress piled up on her. Anyway.. I'd start a new thread if this wasn't at the top already. Today...I've hit the anger stage. A LOT of anger. I can feel myself boiling at times. I've always had slight issues with anger and getting upset easily, but I have really dealt with that stuff the last few years. This is the first time I've felt this angry in a while, and for once I absolutely know its righteous anger. I'd never act on it, but mentally expressing anger towards her helps me keep from texting and keeping NC. I'm not angry that she left me...I know that's the case with some breakups. Her reasons were justified, everything was open and honest and I both accept and respect that. I am angry...because...oh, I don't know. It's partially a selfish call to just leave me like that. Maybe she has a daughter and yes, I am a lesser priority, but...why are we gonna date through the start of her nursing program if we aren't going to get through it? I know the stress hit her like a wall and it was more than expected..but her investment levels...in word and in how she acted, where equal with mine. I'm sure that's debatable by most, but I know how sincere she is. I could talk for days about that, her investment and all..but I'm definitely feeling that anger stage today. God forbid she break NC, today's the one day I'd be like "screw you". Oy, I need a nap. Edited April 2, 2013 by AwptiK
lovelifexx Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 It's been 4.5 months since the BU and it still hurts so much. I still think of him all day. I have never been this heartbroken for this long. I am convinced there is something wrong with me. I have done everything I could to get over it - started dating, travelled to Bali to go surfing, went to Barcelona to party my arse off and started going back to the gym. Been 3 months NC. When will this torture end?! I feel like I can't take another minute of thinking about him and the pain in my heart.
cdt76 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I think at some point we become acustomed to the presence of another person in our lives. We develop habits and that other person becomes a habit to us. After they leave us, those habits do not want to break. We find ourselves clinging to these as the last opportunity to keep that person close to us, we keep loving that person and loving the habits. It's hard to let them go because they have become of part of us. I totally agree with the bereavement aspect of it. I hate starting over and searching for someone to love me but it's an inevitability of life. Either get on with living or get on with dying.
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