Standard-Fare Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I'm not terribly experienced with online dating. I've been on maybe five Internet-arranged dates in my life, over the course of the past six years. But I've never gotten past a first date and have never started a relationship that way. Right now, though, trying to keep an open mind because it seems like the best option for me to meet new people. What's weird is I'm finding most guys who contact me are younger than me -- sometimes by a lot. (I'm 32.) I'm trying to keep an open mind toward that, too, but I want to be realistic. As a 32-year-old, at what point is it safe for me to assume that if a younger guy is contacting me they're just looking for a no-strings-attached hookup with a "slightly older woman"? Should I assume that of guys age 26 and younger? Or should I expand that range? Maybe I'm being cynical but I just don't get why I'm hearing from 24-year-olds, etc., and what they might expect beyond sex. And don't get me wrong, I think the older woman/younger man dynamic can be really hot sexually, but I'm not sure I feel cool about explicitly arranging casual hookups over the Internet. Not really my thing. How should I approach this?
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 There's really no way to know if an younger guy just wants sex or if he wants a relationship I don't think there's anything unusual or extremely uncommon in say a 26 year old guy and 32 year old woman getting together - my best friend is going to marry a woman about 5 years older than him but you never really know 1
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 They want to fulfil their MILF fantasy..... 32 isn't really milf status. I've met 32 year olds who looked about my age
Author Standard-Fare Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 There's a 25-year-old guy who's pushing pretty hard for a date right with me right now, and he looks cute/seems fun, but I have to admit I'm a little wary about the age difference. I usually date guys a little younger than me, so I'm fine being the older one, but seven years is a bigger gap than I've ever experienced. And I have no idea what this guy is after? I guess below 26 is the point where I get a little weirded out, because at that point, yeah, I'm definitely playing the role of "older woman" and this is all new to me...
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 There's a 25-year-old guy who's pushing pretty hard for a date right with me right now, and he looks cute/seems fun, but I have to admit I'm a little wary about the age difference. I usually date guys a little younger than me, so I'm fine being the older one, but seven years is a bigger gap than I've ever experienced. And I have no idea what this guy is after? I guess below 26 is the point where I get a little weirded out, because at that point, yeah, I'm definitely playing the role of "older woman" and this is all new to me... 25-32 isn't a big deal. My best friend met his future wife at 23-28. 5 vs 7 isn't a big difference. I'm assuming you look good (or you wouldn't be getting all this attention) so there's nothing to worry about. Just enjoy the date
dasein Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 There is no age cutoff. It's totally case-by-case, and IMO one should meet anyone OLD one find attractive and go from there without assumptions until you start getting to know them for real. OLD is just a tool to facilitate meeting more people. Meet as many as your time allows. EDIT, if melodymatters is around, maybe she will chime in here as someone who married a younger man and is very happy with her choice.
Weezy1973 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 What's wrong with just going out on a date and seeing? With online dating taking a lighter approach I find is best. Have fun getting to chat with someone new - who cares if you end up having a relationship with them. Trust your intuition though - if you get the "player" vibe trust it. And if you want to have something casual with a good looking younger man - there's nothing wrong with that either!
Apolodor Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 There's a 25-year-old guy who's pushing pretty hard for a date right with me right now, and he looks cute/seems fun, but I have to admit I'm a little wary about the age difference. I usually date guys a little younger than me, so I'm fine being the older one, but seven years is a bigger gap than I've ever experienced. And I have no idea what this guy is after? I guess below 26 is the point where I get a little weirded out, because at that point, yeah, I'm definitely playing the role of "older woman" and this is all new to me... When he was 11 you were 18...... I guess it does not matter for ONS, but for LTR you'd be better off looking for someone closer to your age. Just a thought.
suladas Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I think it really depends on the people if it could work. I dated a women 12 years older then me and it worked fine. But for the most part I wouldn't do that large of gap again, nor do most women want to. It is tough to know if they just want sex or if they are looking for a meaningful relationship. I still tend to want to go older because I am quite mature for my age and a lot of people my age don't want to settle down yet so it works.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I've messaged women who are 32 before (I'm 25 myself) and I was looking for a relationship, not no strings attached sex. There's actually a 34 year old woman I want to message because we have quite a bit in common, but her inbox is full so I can't message her. I'd just give it a date. What's the worst that could happen?
Author Standard-Fare Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 I'm not saying the younger man/older woman can't work out, I've certainly seen some successful cases. I'm just wondering how this dynamic works in the online dating world and if there are any safe assumptions I need to be making. Again, this is pretty new to me, and my instinct is if I'm hearing from a 24- year-old, 25-year-old, they're just looking for that "older woman" thrill... Maybe some younger guys can chime in. Guys here who are in their early 20s... would you approach a woman in her early 30s online, and if so what would your expectations be? Would you have a genuine interest in "dating" or would you just have a hookup in mind?
EasyHeart Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 There's a 25-year-old guy who's pushing pretty hard for a date right with me right now, and he looks cute/seems fun, but I have to admit I'm a little wary about the age difference. I usually date guys a little younger than me, so I'm fine being the older one, but seven years is a bigger gap than I've ever experienced. And I have no idea what this guy is after? I guess below 26 is the point where I get a little weirded out, because at that point, yeah, I'm definitely playing the role of "older woman" and this is all new to me... I think this is actually a pretty good attitude to have. He may be a great guy, he might not be. You won't know until you get to know him. BUT it would be wise to be wary of his intentions. I remember being 25. If I were a woman, I would never date a 25 year old guy regardless of how old I was!
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I'm not saying the younger man/older woman can't work out, I've certainly seen some successful cases. I'm just wondering how this dynamic works in the online dating world and if there are any safe assumptions I need to be making. Again, this is pretty new to me, and my instinct is if I'm hearing from a 24- year-old, 25-year-old, they're just looking for that "older woman" thrill... Maybe some younger guys can chime in. Guys here who are in their early 20s... would you approach a woman in her early 30s online, and if so what would your expectations be? Would you have a genuine interest in "dating" or would you just have a hookup in mind? Yes I have messaged women who are 30+ and I was looking for a relationship not casual sex.
mesmerized Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I think it's safe to assume that the majority of them only want sex, heck it's even safe to assume that for 40 year olds when it comes to online dating. If you are 32, I don't think it's wise to date men under 26 really...
suladas Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I'm not saying the younger man/older woman can't work out, I've certainly seen some successful cases. I'm just wondering how this dynamic works in the online dating world and if there are any safe assumptions I need to be making. Again, this is pretty new to me, and my instinct is if I'm hearing from a 24- year-old, 25-year-old, they're just looking for that "older woman" thrill... Maybe some younger guys can chime in. Guys here who are in their early 20s... would you approach a woman in her early 30s online, and if so what would your expectations be? Would you have a genuine interest in "dating" or would you just have a hookup in mind? Well i'm 23, and I dated a 35 year old, but I haven't messaged anyone over about 28 online. I guess I find most I don't have a ton in common with them. The 35 year old was the exception to the rule and meeting in-person and just letting it happen naturally. If one really popped out at me though I wouldn't let an extra few years bother me. I am strictly looking for a relationship so you do have to consider how big of age gap you're doing. It is tough to know what they are looking for, my best guess would be looking at their profile to judge that.
FitChick Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 When he was 11 you were 18...... I guess it does not matter for ONS, but for LTR you'd be better off looking for someone closer to your age. Just a thought. And when he is 41 she will be 48.
Apolodor Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 And when he is 41 she will be 48. .... and probably post-menopausal. What a great turn-on for a man in his prime!!
hppr Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 If you want casual sex go for those younger guys, if you want a relationship then look for guys who are your age or older with the same life experiences and goals.
suladas Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) If you want casual sex go for those younger guys, if you want a relationship then look for guys who are your age or older with the same life experiences and goals. So it's ok for guys to date younger but not women? Or as common sense would say go for a reasonable age difference UP or DOWN. Edited March 31, 2013 by suladas 1
StanMusial Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I think one of the guys on here said he was going to start messaging older women because he struck out with younger ones. Maybe it is him?
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I think one of the guys on here said he was going to start messaging older women because he struck out with younger ones. Maybe it is him? I may have posted a thread like that. And while I have messaged a woman who was 32 years old. It was about a week or so ago...and she never replied.
StanMusial Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I may have posted a thread like that. And while I have messaged a woman who was 32 years old. It was about a week or so ago...and she never replied. LOL. Good on you for owning up to it. Maybe OP is her so she's still on the fence about it... 1
Author Standard-Fare Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 .... and probably post-menopausal. What a great turn-on for a man in his prime!! Ugh, who is this guy?
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 LOL. Good on you for owning up to it. Maybe OP is her so she's still on the fence about it... Actually I just checked. Two different 32 year old women. Both over a week ago. Neither responded.
Recommended Posts