ldn847 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 So first post here, its a bit long winded but here goes.... This girl started at work about a year ago, we work in completely different departments so i didnt really have a need to speak to her, just hi as we passed thats about it. One day she added me on Facebook so i accepted, thinking nothing of it, might be worth mentioning shes got a bf as stated on her FB. She'd then start talking to me if we met at work, again thought nothing of it, just thought she was being friendly. Then one day she just starts messaging me on FB like all the time, all weekend, this then carried on through the whole week. She made a excuse to give me her number and it continued via txt. We've been out a few of times after work for a couple of drinks, shopping but as far as i was concerned it was nothing major. She moans about her bf all the time as says she wants to end it but dont wanna hurt anyone, she comes on pretty strong to me, she was messaging me all day on xmas, gets jealous if i talk to other girls. We've been on work nights out and ive got close to other girls and shes got proper jealous, she admits it. Shes tried to kiss me, well she has but i pulled back. I started to back off and she didnt like it at all, we've spoke about it a bit and she admits thats she got jealous and shes confused but i have no idea whats going on here. I know shes done the whole messaging thing with other blokes but as far as i know shes not been out with any of them like she has with me. Everyone seems to think we're good together and we should admit we like each other but i honestly dont know how i feel about the whole thing. We've been out for some food and drinks a couple of times and we do get on really well. Shes a little bit mad but i kinda like that tbh. I wouldnt do anything while she has a bf, im not like that but i dont know if she actually likes me or if shes just playing a game. She'll be on me constant and then wont message for a couple of days. I dunno if i should just back off and ignore any messages? ive not sent one unless she sends first for the past couple of days. Dunno if it matters but our work has no issue with people dating btw. Thoughts?
Apolodor Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 If she still has a bf then she's out of limits. End of story. 1
Author ldn847 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 i know and i wouldnt do anything while shes with someone but i dunno if i should just back off, is going out with her just us two a good idea? but at the same time i dont wanna just ignore and fall out.
Apolodor Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 (edited) i know and i wouldnt do anything while shes with someone but i dunno if i should just back off, is going out with her just us two a good idea? but at the same time i dont wanna just ignore and fall out. If you really like this girl, maybe you need to have a serious discussion with her and tell her you don't want to be a surrogate bf. Some women like to have a shoulder to cry on while they are working through their issues with their current bf. And when the problems are sorted you are left out.... Edited April 1, 2013 by Apolodor
TaraMaiden Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Two huge red flags: "Girl at work" "She has a bf"..... I really couldn't care any less whether your work has no distinct policy of dating co-workers... most of us here, actually have. And it's an entirely bad idea. The fact you work in different sectors may be an advantage, but the No Contact Guide in my signature was originally written by a person entirely in your position - where being even in the same building was potentially a heart-ripping experience. Dating co-workers is walking on heaven's cloud 9 when it begins - and trawling the depths of hell's most remote corner, when it ends..... Leave well alone - PARTICULARLY as she has a bf. Tell her much as Apolodor has suggested, that while she has a bf you do not intend to even think of crossing boundaries - and if she's looking for a guy in the friend-zone - you don't go to that place...
Author ldn847 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 we've sort of had a chat about it, she admitted that she has a soft spot for me but is confused, as i said in the original post i know she does the whole messaging thing to other guys from work, i know that dosnt mean shes hitting on them but i dont know if shes playing a game, likes the attention or genuinely does like me? shes being all distant now, shes gone from messaging me all the time to not at all, we went out for some drinks last week and everything was fine, its all very confusing and i dont want to just ignore her completely but im thinking that might be the best course of action??
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 Hmmm...she pursued other guys via FB messaging but they deferred. You bit. Just curious. What exactly do you find appealing about a woman in a "committed" relationship who chases after guys behind her boyfriend's back, even kissing them? Given her MO, why are you interested in becoming involved should she finally leave her current boyfriend? Understand that what she is doing to him (i.e. exploiting and betraying his trust), she will most likely do to the next guy as well.
CarrieT Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 i know and i wouldnt do anything while shes with someone but i dunno if i should just back off, is going out with her just us two a good idea? but at the same time i dont wanna just ignore and fall out. Impossible to go out as friends. Back off until she is single.
Author ldn847 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Cutiepie1976 - i dont know if im interested as for the fb im not sure, i know she messages other people from work, i know that might not mean anything? but im just confused as to if shes just playing a game, is a cheat or genuinely wants to leave her bf. CarrieT - is it? you think shes taking it as something more than that, so like a date?
waiting4u Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Sounds like one of those women who can never be alone. She's afraid to break up with her bf without having someone else lined up. Block her on facebook. You don't want to get involved in that mess.
Author ldn847 Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 she has my number so a fb block wont work lol, i have no idea if shes lining me up or not tbh but i agree with the not being alone bit, maybe its best i do back off a bit.
Author ldn847 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 right a update on this. since we went out shes gone weird on me, we hardly speak now. she said she wants to decide what she wants with her bf, i get that but i know shes messaging someone else, ok it might just be chat, i might have it all wrong i dunno. im very confused, she come on very strong with me, there is so much tension between us, you can just feel it. should we have a chat and just be open about everything? i dunno if she will, she might or should i just ignore her, its hard because i think i like her but im not sure what i really want tbh.
Joaquin Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 She has a bf. She has a bf. She is messing with other men while she has a bf. Dude. What aren't you getting here. You wanna be that bf. Crazy! If you wanna screw her fine. Wait for the bf to dump her on her deceitful ass then go to it.
Author ldn847 Posted April 22, 2013 Author Posted April 22, 2013 Yeah i know your right, i must be crazy if i want to get involved with her, which i dunno if i do. I just want to know where i stand because its hard when you work with someone. I thought she liked me and maybe i should have got as friendly as i have, i dunno, or maybe she didnt and is just playing a game?
TaraMaiden Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 Oh for goodness' sake - you just don't get it, do you? This isn't a case of knowing where you stand. This is a clear-cut case of you telling her - of you deciding - where YOU stand. You're not confused. You just want her to tell you, you're the one. you want her to decide that her BF is now an ex-. Out of the way. History. That's what you want. What you want to know about where you stand, is that you stand at the front. Well, guess what? That's not happening. She's playing you, and loves your attention, but has absolutely no intention of dishing her dream-boat boyfriend. But while she gets her kicks form the male of the species, she's going to go on encouraging that. Where you stand? definitely back-up, second place, possible option..... If you like it there, carry on. But you have been advised about what action to take. Sorry to put it this way, but only an idiot would ignore good advice........
StanMusial Posted April 22, 2013 Posted April 22, 2013 ....If you are unlucky or unskilled with filtering drama you should avoid romantic entanglements at the office.... I posted that in the other thread about dating in the workplace. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/387736-hitting-someone-work-3.html#post4818736 Unless I was extremely desperate AND didn't care about my employment status, I would not get involved with this girl AT ALL. At this point it sounds like you already are, so if I were you I'd be trying to devise a plan to slowly extricate myself from that situation.
Author ldn847 Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 We had a chat because things were becoming very awkward, she said she knows we spent to much time together and we should just be friends, tho she didnt seem too convinced tbh, ive already started to back off, which tbh is a shame because i do like spending time with her even as a friend tho i supposed if im being honest i like her more than that (i know that makes me f'n crazy i know) and i think deep down she does as well but as alot of you have said, i dont think it'd work anyway as i clearly wouldnt be able to trust her. thanks for all the advice.
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