Marek Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I'm 28. I don't have much of a social life and therefore have little social status. How much does this affect my ability in the dating game? If you come off as a loner, or are a loner, do women shun you? Or do some women still give you a chance? I'd like to hear from some guys who are loners. What are your experiences in this whole dating game thing?
Author Marek Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Don't emphasize what you don't have and emphasize what you do. Learn how to adeptly redirect conversation away from what you lack. Women would like a man with a job but how many boyfriends don't have one? Learn from them. Well, I'm currently a student. I'm not one of the popular guys on campus whom everyone knows. In fact, most people don't know me at all yet label me as a loser. I try to ignore their ignorance but it does get to me at times, especially when I'm trying to make progress with girls and these girls have heard such things said about me. I mean, really, would a girl date a guy whom others brand as a loser? Unlikely.
Krieger Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I'm 28. I don't have much of a social life and therefore have little social status. How much does this affect my ability in the dating game? If you come off as a loner, or are a loner, do women shun you? Or do some women still give you a chance? I'd like to hear from some guys who are loners. What are your experiences in this whole dating game thing? get involved in the community or volunteer , join a club, get a dog , work out , get busy living of get busy dieing . try meetup.com and find some thing to do. the more people you meet your odd will go up in finding a GF IMO I going back to college and there are woman there I just need to go make friends and meet them . I am older then you but not by mush and I do not have a big social circle but just trying to meet people and see what happens.
Author Marek Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 As long as there is chemistry and personality compatibility, most women will be more concerned with how you treat them rather than your social life. I have dated guys that didnt have alot of friends and I didnt care. It actually was kind of nice. Most of my relationships my boyfriends expected me to hang out with their friends all the time but not mine, so its a nice change of pace. I wish more girls thought as you do. That would be great. The majority of girls, however, wouldn't date someone who has little to no social value.
Author Marek Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 get involved in the community or volunteer , join a club, get a dog , work out , get busy living of get busy dieing . try meetup.com and find some thing to do. the more people you meet your odd will go up in finding a GF IMO I going back to college and there are woman there I just need to go make friends and meet them . I am older then you but not by mush and I do not have a big social circle but just trying to meet people and see what happens. Well, I do work out. And I do have a dog! haha. I want to interact more with others on campus but I have a sinking feeling that they would rather not be seen talking to me -- that's how bad I look in the eyes of others. There is only ONE girl who I think might be interested in me. But she's a pretty girl and I kind of find hard to believe she would be interested in a guy like me, especially given the labels I've received from others.
carhill Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Dating and mating, relationships and marriage are social interactions. The more socially connected one is, and the more skilled with social interaction, the more preparation is done and the more opportunities will present themselves, so it follows that one will be more successful in that realm. Think of it as a continuum. If one is a loner, one is walking the loner path. It's difficult to hop over to the social path if and only when one wants social interactions/relationships. This disrespects the value of the social path. I've lived alone most of my life, but have had LTR's and was married for ten years. Some weeks go by without seeing a human. Others I'm immersed. The key is balance. Too much loner time and, like a friend's wife recently commented, 'you sure talk to yourself a lot'. Ha, yep Good luck. 1
Author Marek Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Dating and mating, relationships and marriage are social interactions. The more socially connected one is, and the more skilled with social interaction, the more preparation is done and the more opportunities will present themselves, so it follows that one will be more successful in that realm. Think of it as a continuum. If one is a loner, one is walking the loner path. It's difficult to hop over to the social path if and only when one wants social interactions/relationships. This disrespects the value of the social path. I've lived alone most of my life, but have had LTR's and was married for ten years. Some weeks go by without seeing a human. Others I'm immersed. The key is balance. Too much loner time and, like a friend's wife recently commented, 'you sure talk to yourself a lot'. Ha, yep Good luck. Interesting. The reason I'm a loner is because I have mild social anxiety and an inferiority complex. I think others are a lot better than I am when it comes to anything involving socialization. I've been trying to change that mindset but it's not an easy task after having internalized such a belief.
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Well, I'm currently a student. I'm not one of the popular guys on campus whom everyone knows. In fact, most people don't know me at all yet label me as a loser. I try to ignore their ignorance but it does get to me at times, especially when I'm trying to make progress with girls and these girls have heard such things said about me. I mean, really, would a girl date a guy whom others brand as a loser? Unlikely. Are you for real? Nobody in college cares about how much of a loser you are, how ugly you are, or how socially inept you are. People in college go about their own business and don't generally have time or energy to make fun of people in their classes.
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 It doesn't matter, don't believe the nonsense. I've got just an amazing social circle - people who are incredibly nice, fun, intelligent, loyal, classy etc... and it's never helped me one iota Things that don't matter Money Job Status Clothes Looks
Author Marek Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 It doesn't matter, don't believe the nonsense. I've got just an amazing social circle - people who are incredibly nice, fun, intelligent, loyal, classy etc... and it's never helped me one iota Things that don't matter Money Job Status Clothes Looks If those things DON'T matter, then what does?
Author Marek Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Are you for real? Nobody in college cares about how much of a loser you are, how ugly you are, or how socially inept you are. People in college go about their own business and don't generally have time or energy to make fun of people in their classes. There is a strong social hierarchy at my college. Those at the bottom suffer endlessly. Your college sounds great.
Krieger Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Interesting. The reason I'm a loner is because I have mild social anxiety and an inferiority complex. I think others are a lot better than I am when it comes to anything involving socialization. I've been trying to change that mindset but it's not an easy task after having internalized such a belief. if people do not like you it is there problem .
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 If those things DON'T matter, then what does? I don't know but don't believe the bullsh*t posted by men out there I've got the nicest fanciest clothes, the most amazing friends, a fully loaded 2013 vehicle, a great job, an awesome social circle and I many times consider the prospect of dying alone because I get no female attention of any kind Trust me, if you had those things you desire, your dating life wouldn't be any better. The superficial things don't mean anything Just go out there and talk to as many women as possible and hope one of them likes you. You'll get rejected a lot but all men do. Even the best guys tend to have a small success rate because of the extreme difficulty of dating. If you talk to enough women, you'll maybe stumble onto one who likes you pace/personality. That's all you can do. Good luck
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 If you try to go after random people you will have difficulty. You have to look for those who match up the best with you and then build a rapport from there. Your success rate will increase if that is all you care about. I can make friends and build rapport with anybody Your mistake is that you think rapport means anything. I had a girl once at my job who I talked to for 2 hours and built unbelievable rapport...got to know everything about her, she knew everything about me. We had a ton in common, great chemistry, etc.... I contacted her 2 days later and tried to arrange a date - she gave me a BS excuse and then stopped responding to me
carhill Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Interesting. The reason I'm a loner is because I have mild social anxiety and an inferiority complex. I think others are a lot better than I am when it comes to anything involving socialization. I've been trying to change that mindset but it's not an easy task after having internalized such a belief. One of my most marked 'loner' periods occurred at about your age and lasted about ten years. Part was moving miles from 'civilization' and part was aspects of overstimulation which caused an aversion to social contact. Such contact still occurred due to my business and hobbies, but I did note a more marked desire for 'cave time' and, over time, my social skills and network eroded and the 'loner path' became the path of least resistance. It would take personal initiative to change that. IMO, having experienced MC during our M, had I received IC during that 'loner' period, it would have made a quantum difference in my life, even today. So, if you find this condition to be an issue, and are not currently in counsel with a psychologist, I'd recommend trying it. Approach it like a medical problem. Good luck. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 There is a strong social hierarchy at my college. Those at the bottom suffer endlessly. Your college sounds great. What is your college like this... OK, this is advice assuming you are not a troll and are a real person. Dude, you are 28 years old and you care what little kids think about you? One thing I have always had is my pride. Women can call me ugly and reject me, and guys can laugh at me, but I will NEVER lower myself to kiss butt and try to endear myself to those above me (in their eyes) who are putting me down. Words to live by.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I'm 28. I don't have much of a social life and therefore have little social status. How much does this affect my ability in the dating game? If you come off as a loner, or are a loner, do women shun you? Or do some women still give you a chance? I'd like to hear from some guys who are loners. What are your experiences in this whole dating game thing? Game trumps all. You don't need ANYTHING to get a girl....well, except yourself of course. If a girl is attracted to you, she'll look past everything else. But if it matters to you that much, then go out and make some friends. People are generally very friendly (and many are lonely). It's very easy to make friends these days. Join a Meetup group or something if you're shy.
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 If you had fine tuned your social skills you would have realized she was using you all along and would realize sooner than later she was never a match. Never a match eh? Same age Similar job Similar attitude about everything Similar maturity levels Similar appearance Similar pace/personality Had a ton in common She complimented me on everything from my maturity level to how friendly I was to everything. Said I was very nice and she would love to go out sometime I called 2 days later and ran into a wall. It was all bullsh*t
carhill Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I called 2 days later and ran into a wall. It was all bullsh*t Hate to say it, but this isn't uncommon with women. For myself, it started back in the 70's as a teenager and continues to this day in my 50-something age group. It's not bad. It's who they are. Focus on today. Tomorrow is unknown and out of your control, especially when it comes to women. Each experience is discrete. Expectations are your responsibility. Own that. Make decisions which are in your best interest, today, for today. The more social status one has, the more potentials one encounters, the less each potential 'matters'. I've come to see this like a typical woman does, encountering many potentials putting themselves forward for inspection and consideration. Each potential is of less consequence. They 'matter' less. When one comes along that blows everything up, that one can 'matter'. The rest? Background noise. Good luck. 1
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 You feel you have the same maturity level as someone who uses people? What did she use me for? That makes no sense A match isn't about what you have in common but how you mesh like gears and complement each other. I got along as good or better with her than anybody I've ever gotten along with, even my male best friends (and that's really saying something because I have male best friends who I love to death) It just felt like I was hitting the lottery - finally a girl who is like me, looks like me, has the same personality and who I get along amazingly well in every way. 2 days later, boom nothing. It was immensely disappointing
tbf Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 If you had fine tuned your social skills you would have realized she was using you all along and would realize sooner than later she was never a match.Why would you automatically assume usage? It's possible that she liked him as a friend or was being friendly with a coworker. As far as similar everything, this would be subjective. Also, not everyone wants a similar person, where some prefer opposite partners.
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 You treated it like making a friend and she treated you like a friend. You meshed that way but you don't mention her trying to flirt with you. Your interests in each other didn't match up. She wasn't a match. A woman who you were giving friendship to but wanted more would have given you signals this wasn't acceptable and she wanted more. You don't know what the hell you are talking about here There was plenty of flirting involved. She gave me tons of compliments about everything - including my physical appearance as well as my personality/maturity level/etc... Why don't you just say the real truth? She was your average cute female being courted by 52850285025823057250 guys and I couldn't differentiate myself enough from the other legions of men after her
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Never a match eh? Same age Similar job Similar attitude about everything Similar maturity levels Similar appearance Similar pace/personality Had a ton in common She complimented me on everything from my maturity level to how friendly I was to everything. Said I was very nice and she would love to go out sometime I called 2 days later and ran into a wall. It was all bullsh*t Also, this is why we text and not call. I could send out a text to a girl without alotting any time and still doing what I want. So if she responds, awesome. If not, that's fine too. No worries.
Sanitarium Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 So she was faking interest to use you but you can't see that and how that doesn't match what you wanted from her therefore making her not a match. Faking interest for what? Dude she showed more interest in me than vice versa I didn't pay her anything. There was no benefit in her showing interest me in any way You make it sound like I was talking to a stripper. Come on man, get a clue You've built this girl up into your perfect soulmate. I got along better with her and had more in common with her than any girl I've ever met...and she was beautiful But obviously she was not my perfect soulmate because she wasn't really interested in me
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 You don't know what the hell you are talking about here There was plenty of flirting involved. She gave me tons of compliments about everything - including my physical appearance as well as my personality/maturity level/etc... Why don't you just say the real truth? She was your average cute female being courted by 52850285025823057250 guys and I couldn't differentiate myself enough from the other legions of men after her If she didn't respond to you, then she's not interested. Maybe she was into you that night (but changed her mind for a variety of reasons), maybe she was just being friendly. Either way, she's not responding to you now. So it's a moot point.
Recommended Posts