jessa19 Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Hi! I am new to the Loveshack.... I am writing this post because I am trying to get over my husband cheating on me. He cheated on me over 3 months ago, but I can not seem to get over it. It happened when he went off to school for the Army and he had to be gone for 4 months. I thought we had a good marriage and that is why it is hard for me to get over. He wasn't even gone but a month before he started to sleep with the other woman. The thing that made this worse was that I didn't find out until 2 months later that he was doing this. He had come home during this affair and slept with me.......Can you believe it?? I even talked to the other woman too......she was 5 1/2 months pregnant with another married man's baby. Yea, she was getting around. At first my husband tried to deny that he was sleeping with this woman. He said that she was lying that she was just trying to break up our marriage. I actually had to threaten my husband to going to his boss to find out the truth......finally he told me the truth. We now live in a different town and I think about what he did ALL the time. There is never a time that I don't think about what he did. Everytime that I close my eyes I see him with another woman. I can't get over the fact that he shared what was so sacred between a husband and wife with someone else. I mean he kissed another woman the way he kisses me.......how does one get over that? I find myself crying all the time and being depressed all the time. I try not to be this way because I have 2 kids and they need my more than anyone does right now. How do I start to rebuild what we lost with one another by him cheating on me? I want to try and make our marriage work, but if there is no trust, how can it work out? He is leaving in January to Iraq and I really want things to be a little better before he goes. I want to be able to say good bye to him knowing that I have nothing to worry about....meaning, he won't find solice with some over there. Any advice?? Anyone out there going through a simular situation?
StillHurtin Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Hi and welcome to this site! It has helped me. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is. My husband filed for a divorce claiming that he wasn't making me happy and we fought all the time so he wanted out of the marriage so I could find a better man. It was a total shock to me. After I kicked him out of our home I heard he was having and affair w/ a woman that worked for him. Both denied it (I knew the OW, she knew me, she tried so hard to be my friend in the past, asked me to do daycare for her child so she could closer to my H). Anyhow, the affair only last 2 months and H came crawling back to me. I loved him enough to try to work on our marriage. I moved away and was only gone a month when he came crawling back to me. I went through the samething, always crying yet tried to be strong for our children. I finally couldn't handle it anymore and went to see my doctor. He gave me a physical to check for STD's and gave me an anti-depressant and meds to help me sleep. I was having such horrible dreams about him and the OW. I also went to counseling. It does get easier but I would advice you to see your doctor to get tested for any STD's and if need be some anti-depressants. Also, get counseling. If your H can get counseling over in Iraq I suggest he does that too. I feel so badly for you. You don't know what he is going to do over there, but I hope he learned his lesson and doesn't do this again. My H comes home every day after work and I know he isn't messing around. I am so sorry. I hope you can get the help you need.
Author jessa19 Posted September 13, 2004 Author Posted September 13, 2004 Thank you so much for your insight, StillHurting. It means a lot to me that some one out there cares enough to post a reply to my message. I am so sorry that you also had to go through this with your husband. I just don't understand why they cheat. My husband and I have talked about going to counseling, but have yet to do it. I know we need to, but I am afraid of what may be said during the sessions. I guess I am afraid that it may come out that it was my fault that he turned to another woman. I also know that I need to get tested for STD's but I am so SCARED. What if he did give me something?? Do I stay or do I go? I am just so afraid of a lot of things and I don't know how to deal with it all. Thank you, though, for your kind words. I really and truly appreciate that you took the time to reply to my post.
JumpRun Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Ma'am, you don't need to live this way. He has already proven he has a character flaw...............I consider that a form of weakness. Please don't think I'm uncaring when I say this, but "drop that bum".
StillHurtin Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 I was scared to get tested myself. The OW has been around the block so many times that I was suprised I didn't catch anything. I was so relieved to see my test results where normal. It is a peace of mind to know that. I know you are scared, but it's best to take care of it ASAP. If you do have an STD (which I hope you don't) you need to take care of it right away. It could be something simple that can be cured w/ drugs (like Cylmidia (sp).) Take care of yourself and your first step is to get tested, better safe than sorry. I wish you all the best. JumpRun is right, you don't deserve this, but it is so hard for me to tell you to drop him b/c I went through the samething. My sister and brother-in-law told me to dump my H but they never really like him from the beginning. They want me w/ someone that is in their group of friends. My dh is totally oppossite of them and they don't havee anything in common. My parent's and my other brothers and sister have accepted my H back into the family and said I was the only one who could make the decision of leaving or staying w/ him. They said it was my life and I need to make that choice. They said they just want me to be happy.
Mr Spock Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 I'd like to point out from experience that EVERY TIME he gets deployed you are going to be wondering if he's humping someone else. And him, every time he goes away, is he going to be tempted? It's no stereotype that sailors have a woman in every port, you know. F*cking around is COMMON PLACE in the military. With members, and their spouses. Is this what you want? Can your husband be faithful from now on? Can you?
rgpgdg Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 i made my husband go get tested right away. my husband had a one night stand while I'm eight months pregnant which he confessed to right away. its hard to get through. its been a month for me and i still think about it on every hour but it has gotten a little better. my husband also works for the government and travels alot to foreign countries. every time he goes out of town i get a little insecure about it and relive it. it will probably drive you nuts when he does leave again. you do need marriage counseling. i think i really need it. i do think most of the time their is a reason they cheat and it would be important to find out why so he and maybe you can fix it. pull it out by the roots and maybe you will have a stronger marriage than ever before. at least thats what i am hoping for..........hang in there.....time will be your best friend right now..
militarywife Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 I am in the same boat you are..well sort of..we do not have any children. I found out 1/2 way through this deployment that my H was having an affair and we are just about to be reunited. I know what you are going through and many people will never understand what it is like to say goodbye to your husband for months at a time. I just want to say how strong I think you are for trying to save your marriage..I am doing the same. But in our case this is our last deployment so I will not have to deal with another long separation. I don't know how I would feel if he had to deploy again after what happened. I would definetly set up some rules about communication between the two of you when he is scheduled to leave again. We both know how hard it is for them to make contact but after what happened..he needs to put extra effort into it. After H's affair he has been in daily contact with me..which has helped so much. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
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