RiceaRoni Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 These past few days have been really hard. My thoughts of him have increased and I almost broke NC and I almost checked his twitter. I have been to two parties in the last few days, but when I wake up the next day my thoughts are clouded by him. And it's strange because it hasn't been like this in a while. I've also been obsessing over his New RS. Like is it a rebound? Will he really come back? What does him never contacting me mean? Thoughts like this run through my head constantly, and I already should know the answers to them. I thought I was doing well, but this has been a set back. Even when my friend mentioned his new gf yesterday didn't help me at all. It just rose more questions. Sometimes I feel like a fool for still feeling something for a high schooler. I mean I'm in college now. I shouldn't even think twice about him...but sadly he meant a lot to me, and the way things went between us was very sad and hurt me incredibly. It's like we have unfinished buisness. More to talk about, to fix, etc. that's what my dreams show me at least, but in reality he's in love with someone else and as much as I loved him, I have to move on. They have been together 5 months so far. So I know things between them are going to be long term...at least from my eyes. I hate feeling like this. I don't know if it's because I was drinking last night, but the past few days have just been extremely difficult with my mind clouded. On a good note I want to tell everyone a happy Easter
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 And along with yesterday I was irritated for some reason at the party. I was very quiet in the car with my good friend and I didn't laugh as much...I noticed this when my friend kept asking if I was okay, and I just kept telling her I was tired...when we started drinking (I didn't get wasted or drunk) I felt better because I was able to talk to new people and laugh, but thoughts would just keep occurring once in a while.
Minneloa Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 RR, I think you might be experiencing some emotional backlash from, ironically, taking care of yourself. Sometimes when we are about to let go and move on, we become afraid and cling even more tightly to the familiar pain and struggle. This might be what is happening now. If so, it means you are on the verge of a breakthrough, and part of you is scared and resisting it. As much as possible, get those questions about him and his new RS out of your head. They are futile and beyond your control. What is in your control is being extra kind to yourself right now. Bubble baths, ice cream, horror movies, bungee jumping: whatever makes you feel happy and alive. Lastly, I might cut down on the drinking for the next couple of weeks, just because it is a depressant and the hangovers can lead to wallowing. No judging, just practical advice. Sending lots of good thoughts! M. 3
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Thank you M I think you may be right... A part of me wants to move on, but yet there's still a part of me that wants to hold on because I still have feelings for him, which brings me hope for some reason that he's going to come back... I don't know if he ever will at this point and I'm tired I waiting and hoping...I even questioned myself yesterday "even if he did come back, would I even be able to accept him?" I mean after all that was done...I don't know if I would even be able to...he's too young to compromise and even young to have a lastig relationship...what makes me think he'll be able to salvage a broken one? I know I can put the effort in, but as for him that's another story. He'd rather leave things broken than try fixing them...even if that person did mean a lot to him...I've seen him do it before with friends. I even thought about what good it would bring if I tried talking to him again...and I remembered the pain it brought me, and I told myself it obviously wouldn't change anything. I even remember asking him that if he knew I still loved him would it change anything? And he replied it wouldn't. So I know I need to move on...
SendHope Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 RR, I enjoy reading your posts. Not because I enjoy reading your struggles but your situation is the closest thing I can relate to with my own. I too am obsessing a bit over my ex-gf. I mean I don't know why I am. She's immature even for a 20 y/o. Doesn't know what she wants with her life and she almost has no accomplishment or goals in life (chose to drop out of school twice but has dreams of grandeur). I am a college educated person. Sure I am shy but I am a good person and she always invades my mind these days. I've been playing games with my brother and his wife and we couldn't stop laughing with our silly mistakes in the game. I haven't laugh like that in quite a while and it felt good. Yet in the back of my mind, there she is. I wonder what she's up to and if she even feels something for me anymore. Then I think "Would it be so bad if I come back to her life and reach out?" Somehow, my resolve stays but I've been weakening lately. I guess we just have to remember that "This too shall pass." No matter how cloudy our mind is atm. Stay strong. 1
Minneloa Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 You are learning and growing from this experience, RR. Change is so difficult that sometimes even leaving behind painful feelings is a major challenge. Right now you are used to your hurt and longing, so it is sort of weirdly comfortable. But it will be worth it to step forward into the great unknown of life without your ex, I promise. He was no prize. You, my dear, are a prize. I don't know you, but your posts, including those advising others, show a thoughtful and articulate young woman who has a bright future ahead of her, including a guy who treats her with respect and loyalty. Ahem. **climbs off soapbox** M. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 You are learning and growing from this experience, RR. Change is so difficult that sometimes even leaving behind painful feelings is a major challenge. Right now you are used to your hurt and longing, so it is sort of weirdly comfortable. But it will be worth it to step forward into the great unknown of life without your ex, I promise. He was no prize. You, my dear, are a prize. I don't know you, but your posts, including those advising others, show a thoughtful and articulate young woman who has a bright future ahead of her, including a guy who treats her with respect and loyalty. Ahem. **climbs off soapbox** M. It is difficult...and yeah I've gotten so used to the pain and feeling of missing someone that it's become a part of my daily routine...I'm trying to break it and really get out, but it's very hard. And thank you M. I will continue to try and move forward with my life so that I can break free...it's going to be hard having to face him for the rest of this year and next year.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 RR, I enjoy reading your posts. Not because I enjoy reading your struggles but your situation is the closest thing I can relate to with my own. I too am obsessing a bit over my ex-gf. I mean I don't know why I am. She's immature even for a 20 y/o. Doesn't know what she wants with her life and she almost has no accomplishment or goals in life (chose to drop out of school twice but has dreams of grandeur). I am a college educated person. Sure I am shy but I am a good person and she always invades my mind these days. I've been playing games with my brother and his wife and we couldn't stop laughing with our silly mistakes in the game. I haven't laugh like that in quite a while and it felt good. Yet in the back of my mind, there she is. I wonder what she's up to and if she even feels something for me anymore. Then I think "Would it be so bad if I come back to her life and reach out?" Somehow, my resolve stays but I've been weakening lately. I guess we just have to remember that "This too shall pass." No matter how cloudy our mind is atm. Stay strong. I'm glad that someone can relate to my situation and posts. Haha it makes me feel less alone. We will get through this and come out stronger in the end
Minneloa Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 And thank you M. I will continue to try and move forward with my life so that I can break free...it's going to be hard having to face him for the rest of this year and next year. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't go to the same school as he does, right? So how much contact do you actually have with him? And of that contact, how much can be eliminated or minimized? If it bothers you to see him and you are dreading it, I would avoid him as much as possible. The next two years and beyond are about YOU, not him. M. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Hang in there, kid... YOU will be fine...Look at all you have ahead of you. His loss. TFOY 2
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't go to the same school as he does, right? So how much contact do you actually have with him? And of that contact, how much can be eliminated or minimized? If it bothers you to see him and you are dreading it, I would avoid him as much as possible. The next two years and beyond are about YOU, not him. M. Well I graduated last year and he's a junior this year..but I still end up going to his school because my sister is involved in a lot of the activities that I was involved in (and the ones he's involved in as well- it's how we met) and I go over to the school to pick her up a lot from practices when my parents can't so I'm faced to seeing him. Plus I'm still connected with a dance group at the school that keeps it open to alumni to dance and teach what they know...so I sometimes see him in the same building (sometimes with his new gf). I totally ignore him everytime. I pretend he isn't there, but there are the where we make eye contact a lot...and I just turn around like it didn't happen while he walks away in the opposite direction...it's hard sometimes, but I have friends there ( i lost many because of the BU and they sided with him) regardless I have close friends there I talk to (that are also involved in the same activities) and they keep my mind busy.
Minneloa Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Well, would it help to find ways to avoid seeing him at his school, such as meeting your sister in the parking lot? Also, it is great that you"ve been invited back to teach dance, but if it's hindering your healing process, maybe you could take a break from it? I just hate to see you dreading contact that might be minimized considerably. M. 1
cavalier99 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Hope you feel better. No advise really. Just smile and accept the good with the bad and know all will be fine! Cav 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Hope you feel better. No advise really. Just smile and accept the good with the bad and know all will be fine! Cav Thanks Cav I'm trying
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Well, would it help to find ways to avoid seeing him at his school, such as meeting your sister in the parking lot? Also, it is great that you"ve been invited back to teach dance, but if it's hindering your healing process, maybe you could take a break from it? I just hate to see you dreading contact that might be minimized considerably. M. I'll most likely see my ex whether I wait for my sister in the parking lot vs going in the building to pick her up. He hangs around the building that I pick my sister up in...it's hard to avoid him..I've just gotten used to seeing him and ignoring him whenever he's close by....when he's with his friends or gf he's able to stay in the same area as me laughing loud and making sure I see him, but when he's alone he looks down or avoids where ever I go...idk if it's because it's awkward for him or what, but it's just what I've noticed... Gosh I hate how he could love someone new so easily....I don't like his new gf and neither do a couple of my friends...just because they've seen how she is, etc. I try not to become bitter about her, but whenever she's mentioned or when I see her my blood just boils, and I think of what a fool he is to be so easily manipulated by her...
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 I loved him very very much and as much as I still wanted to care for him...my healing was much more important... I just feel terrible because when I began to ignore him in person he said he was hurt and wished I noticed him again, but he failed to realize that he had broken up with me and should have expected this...on top of that he hurt me incredibly and I was replaced. He should have realized that.
McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 RR, I just broke NC.. well she broke it, then I broke it... but I still broke it and even worse... I tried creating conversation. If you had any thoughts of breaking it.... just dont. I literally just did 5 min ago because it sounded like she wanted a convo... and I was thinking well what if? Im passed the point of it sending me back though... its more of a "how stupid am I" feeling.... I knew I wouldnt get sent back.. thats one reason why I said something.. but it isnt even worth it. ____ Do you go to the gym often? Maybe you should go and hit on the guys working out or something lol, college guys will most likely get your mind off your ex. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 RR, I just broke NC.. well she broke it, then I broke it... but I still broke it and even worse... I tried creating conversation. If you had any thoughts of breaking it.... just dont. I literally just did 5 min ago because it sounded like she wanted a convo... and I was thinking well what if? Im passed the point of it sending me back though... its more of a "how stupid am I" feeling.... I knew I wouldnt get sent back.. thats one reason why I said something.. but it isnt even worth it. ____ Do you go to the gym often? Maybe you should go and hit on the guys working out or something lol, college guys will most likely get your mind off your ex. I almost did early this morning when I woke up along with almost snooping on his twitter...I stopped myself though and told myself I had brought myself too far to ruin my healing. I'm sorry about how your ex broke NC and made it seem like she wanted a convo...I hate when people do that. I'm glad my ex doesn't do that to me...he's left me alone...and I didn't even have to tell him too...the only time if ever want him to contact me is if he ever wanted to reconcile and we can talk from there, but for now I've gotten nothing and although it hurts it also makes me feel a little better I'm not being fed breadcrumbs. Haha my best guy friend asked if I wanted to join the same gym as him and as much as I'd want to..I'm too busy with school and work x/ I know there prob would be some pretty good looking guys there but I'd have to decline his offer also because sometimes he and my ex go to the gym together and I wouldn't want to see my ex.
Author RiceaRoni Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Today went alright for me. It was Easter so I went to church with fam, then we all went to my aunts house to eat and Easter egg hunt, etc. Although my thoughts were still somewhat clouded I was still able to get through the day... I've been replaying the song Shake It Off by Mariah Carey...it helps me a little.. And tomorrow I'm going to the gym and out for sushi with my best guy friend (who is also a mutual friend)..I hope things go well.
na49 Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 You'll do fine, it sounds like you're keeping busy by going out all the time. I agree with McDonald, hitting on guys at the gym would be great for you. Just for you to realize that your ex isn't the only guy in the world. I feel like I'm in a similar situation with friends. My ex is a very outgoing person, so she's friends with almost everyone in my freshman class already. So it's hard for me to make friends that don't know her. I always feel like she's told them about me, or the friends would see me as "her ex boyfriend" and not want to talk to me because after all, we aren't together anymore. That must mean I wasn't good enough for her. 1
McDonald Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I think more girls should try to hit on guys in the gym.. I mean,,, Im only in there for one reason.. 1
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