I am 25 and I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I'm feeling depressed...Seriou

[Aloku]

 

I would like a relationship, but this is ridiculous now! I can't go on not talking to girls or asking them out or anything! How do I gain the confidence?

 

 

It annoys me because guys my age have girls or meet girls a lot, whereas I am doing nothing with girls, it is so frustrating to be me at the moment.

 

I have a job that I don't really enjoy or like, but I'm 25 and how can I go back to education at my age? It will be even harder to meet someone if I'm a damn 25 year old student.

 

I don't drive a car and I live at home. I only recently got a job, so I'm trying to save up for driving lessons again. I have no real independence at the moment because I don't have a car.

 

I am worried to go on a dating site because I worry that girls will judge me on the site. I know they won't know my situation entirely, but still, I feel insecure about joining up to one.

 

I am serious, this is so depressive. But don't get me wrong, I am not moping around feeling sorry for myself, looking down. I am trying to keep positive, but it's very hard, I must admit. Being in a relationship or having a lover is a natural part of life for women and guys.

 

I just feel like in this society, we are judged all the time without people getting to know us. I am not an ugly guy, but I just feel like I will be alone forever if I don't do something sooner rather than later.

 

Seeing couples and guys meeting women, all these dating adverts and other media advertisement is making me feel insecure about my love life, or lack of.

 

I just need some advice, I seriously feel really down about my situation.

[Apolodor]

How do you expect for someone to fall in love with you when YOU don't love yourself?? Your post oozes bitterness and negativity. Time to change that if you don't want to be stuck with the status quo.....

 

PS. Having a car won't make you more date-able.... Stop looking for excuses, the change starts from within.

[TaraMaiden]

Go to a Buddhist Monastery on retreat for 2 weeks.

it's wonderfully liberating and puts things into perspective.

 

Clinging to material transitory things in the hope they will bring us happiness, confidence, serenity, is just foolish and ridiculous.

 

Everything you mention could be improved - but just lead to bigger problems.

Education is all very well - but to what end?

Would it guarantee you improved working conditions, better income, a richer life?

 

If you drove a car, you'd have to tax, insure and keep it roadworthy. You'd need to spend money on fuel, and after a while, you'd want a bigger, better car. Maybe a 'babe magnet'. Which would entail more, and higher expenses.

And you'd have to make sure that whenever you drove it, you abstained from alcohol...and avoid accidents....

 

Your insecurity with girls probably matches the insecurity many guys feel... you're not alone. And guess what? Girls are insecure too.... But you're projecting yourself forward as a loser before you've even put finger to keyboard.... Talk about self-sabotage....

 

being in a relationship or having a lover isn't always what it's cut out to be by TV programmes and Hollywood movies. In fact, they're about as unreal as you could wish to think of. Look at your parents' relationship. Ordinary and hum-drum, is it? Have you 'seen' some of the relationships on here?

You think it's easy forming lasting relationships?

I can guarantee an awful lot of people would tell you it's easier being alone! And they'd be right....

 

Like I said: You seriously need to put things into perspective.

Write down a list of all you'd like to achieve.

Then prepare 2 columns: in the first, write all the true, realistic and practical advantages of achieving them.

 

Now in the second column, write all the true, realistic and practical DISadvantages of achieving them.

 

be frank, objective and honest.

Don't romanticise the first column, and gloss over the second one.

 

 

You will find your fears and opinions may well change dramatically.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I don't understand the problem.

 

Just go out and meet women. Bars, clubs, book stores, malls, 7/11, the street, work, anywhere.

 

They're everywhere bro.

[Aloku]

How do you expect for someone to fall in love with you when YOU don't love yourself?? Your post oozes bitterness and negativity. Time to change that if you don't want to be stuck with the status quo.....

 

PS. Having a car won't make you more date-able.... Stop looking for excuses, the change starts from within.

 

I am not really looking for excuses. I just seriously don't know how to get out of this predicament. I mean, I kind of know, I guess, but it's tough.

 

I am not bitter at anything, but I agree that I'm being negative. I want to approach girls but I am nervous as hell when I want to.

 

I overthink things way too much. If I see a girl I like, I start thinking a load of stuff like "What should i say? how should I say it? what if she doesn't like me? stop being nervous" etc, etc and it's crazy.

 

How do I stop over-thinking things? I seriously want to meet more girls, but if I struggle to approach them, how do I do that?

[TaraMaiden]

So, really all your crap in the first post is that you want sex?

 

Forget the job, the education the car.... Those aren't the points, are they?

 

What you want is to meet girls (obviously not to be pen-friends, right?) and to get laid?

 

is that it?

 

OK.

Well, now we've actually reached the crux of the matter, youi really simply need to address your self-esteem issues.

 

Counselling, therapy, self-help books.

The Art of Seduction.

Read, absorb devour everything you can.

 

Start thinking like a stud, instead of a three-legged tortoise.

 

The more you think like something, the more you begin to be something.

 

It all starts in your head, with the lies you tell yourself.

Stop lying to yourself, and look up, not down.

 

The immediate visual impression I get of you when I read your post, is this:

 

You need to THINK - this.

[Apolodor]

I am not really looking for excuses. I just seriously don't know how to get out of this predicament. I mean, I kind of know, I guess, but it's tough.

 

I am not bitter at anything, but I agree that I'm being negative. I want to approach girls but I am nervous as hell when I want to.

 

I overthink things way too much. If I see a girl I like, I start thinking a load of stuff like "What should i say? how should I say it? what if she doesn't like me? stop being nervous" etc, etc and it's crazy.

 

How do I stop over-thinking things? I seriously want to meet more girls, but if I struggle to approach them, how do I do that?

 

Tara has given you some very good advice above.

 

Look, at this point in your life your priority should not be girls/women: you need to sort yourself out before you go there.....No woman will be impressed by your current situation and lack of self-esteem. Start by moving out of your parents' house -- that's a big turnoff if you want a relationship. It will also help you with being more independent and confident. Second, what are you doing about the job you said you didn't like?? Work on education, etc if that is likely to give you better career prospects. Take some courses, re-qualify, etc. You're still very young and can do this easily. Think about where you want to be 5 years from now and make an action plan. Stick to it. Third, develop a circle of friends or people who are supportive of you. Interact with them often and improve your social skills. Chances are that, even if you meet a woman who likes you but you don't have any friends, she'll be put off by your lack of a social circle. Get a car if that is absolutely necessary (e.g., you live in a small town or a rural area). These things won't happen overnight, you need to be patient and persevere. But the important thing is that you must "work" on these things everyday if you want to see results..... Joining a gym and working out seriously is not a bad idea as well, if you are not adverse to physical exercise.

 

I am sorry to say it, but at this point in time your chances of scoring with an attractive girl are basically zero. It is up to you whether things will change......

[Leigh 87]

What is wrong with being a 25 year old student?

 

I scre wed up my life, and have only recently gone back to college in order to finish a degree; a degree that I LOVE doing, but that I only "average" pay, and while it is actually a full on degree, no one considered it prestigious or anything.

 

But man, I do not think I have any less chance of meeting a decent guy than a better educated women that has a career; I have the intelligence to TALK to men and connect with decent guys.

 

Of course some people require a person in the mid 20's to have already finished their education (unless they are a doctor in training or a lawyer who needs a few extra years of their degree)

 

For the most part though - if your decent person who stands out to enough people and entices them to want to get to know you more - PLENTY of girls will STILL consider you, even if your still a student.

 

I guess there are a lot of girls who would not feel comfortable dating a man who lives at home, however; if you have a career, and either a degree or are well read guy with a trade or non degree related job - and your PLANNING on moving out of home ASAP - still plenty of women would be happy to date you.

 

There are girls who will wait for you to get your own place and date you in the meanwhile, but yeah; you would have to be pretty attractive to girls, in terms of your capacity to attract them, for many of them to consider you.

 

The school thing would not perturb most girls (if you were still doing a degree in mid 20's). The not being a remarkable person/average looking AND living at home with no car, that would be a killer combination.

[Aloku]

Tara has given you some very good advice above.

 

Look, at this point in your life your priority should not be girls/women: you need to sort yourself out before you go there.....No woman will be impressed by your current situation and lack of self-esteem. Start by moving out of your parents' house -- that's a big turnoff if you want a relationship. It will also help you with being more independent and confident. Second, what are you doing about the job you said you didn't like?? Work on education, etc if that is likely to give you better career prospects. Take some courses, re-qualify, etc. You're still very young and can do this easily. Think about where you want to be 5 years from now and make an action plan. Stick to it. Third, develop a circle of friends or people who are supportive of you. Interact with them often and improve your social skills. Chances are that, even if you meet a woman who likes you but you don't have any friends, she'll be put off by your lack of a social circle. Get a car if that is absolutely necessary (e.g., you live in a small town or a rural area). These things won't happen overnight, you need to be patient and persevere. But the important thing is that you must "work" on these things everyday if you want to see results..... Joining a gym and working out seriously is not a bad idea as well, if you are not adverse to physical exercise.

 

I am sorry to say it, but at this point in time your chances of scoring with an attractive girl are basically zero. It is up to you whether things will change......

 

 

So you're pretty much saying I have no chance at dating?

 

I live in the UK, it's expensive to just "move out" and find a place. I would need to rent a place as well as paying for education, as well as working to pay for that education and flat/apartment - it would be impossible. It's not exactly my fault that I don't know what I wanted to do with my life until now. To be honest, even now I am not certain on a career I want to follow.

 

It's bloody tough mate. To try gain the confidence around girls without them judging me for my situation. I know guys who are my age and still live at home as well, but they have girlfriends. I don't know whether it's just my confidence, my lack of social life, or just my situation, I have no idea what is wrong with me. If these guys can get girls, then why the hell shouldn't I be able to?

 

It is depressing as hell, trust me! I just want to meet girls. Of course I want an attractive girl, well, just a girl that is my type of girl. I am not the type of guy to obsess over dating a great looking girl. As long as I, me personally am attracted to her, then that's all that matters.

 

What do you suggest? I can't move out if I go back to education, it will cost too much. If I do go to University, which I am thinking about, then I would try to get student housing to live in. This would mean I would be living away from home most of the year, apart from holidays when I come back home.

 

Is my lack of dating just me lacking confidence in myself? To be honest, I don't approach girls, so for that reason alone it's hard to even get a date.

 

Thanks.

[Aloku]

What is wrong with being a 25 year old student?

 

I scre wed up my life, and have only recently gone back to college in order to finish a degree; a degree that I LOVE doing, but that I only "average" pay, and while it is actually a full on degree, no one considered it prestigious or anything.

 

But man, I do not think I have any less chance of meeting a decent guy than a better educated women that has a career; I have the intelligence to TALK to men and connect with decent guys.

 

Of course some people require a person in the mid 20's to have already finished their education (unless they are a doctor in training or a lawyer who needs a few extra years of their degree)

 

For the most part though - if your decent person who stands out to enough people and entices them to want to get to know you more - PLENTY of girls will STILL consider you, even if your still a student.

 

I guess there are a lot of girls who would not feel comfortable dating a man who lives at home, however; if you have a career, and either a degree or are well read guy with a trade or non degree related job - and your PLANNING on moving out of home ASAP - still plenty of women would be happy to date you.

 

There are girls who will wait for you to get your own place and date you in the meanwhile, but yeah; you would have to be pretty attractive to girls, in terms of your capacity to attract them, for many of them to consider you.

 

The school thing would not perturb most girls (if you were still doing a degree in mid 20's). The not being a remarkable person/average looking AND living at home with no car, that would be a killer combination.

 

Well, like I said, I have just started work in a new job, so as soon as I start getting paid, I will start putting the money towards driving lessons.

 

I assume you're living in the USA? If so, the situation is most probably a lot different than here in the UK. People are staying home at older ages because of the economy. Renting property and buying property has become more expensive, and the minimum wage is is not good either.

 

Like I said in my last post, there are guys who are my age or older who live at home with parents, but they have girlfriends. So is it just me? I don't approach girls when I'm out, in fact, I'm nervous around girls. So do I need to man up and approach girls instead of sitting back and being the viewer all the time?

 

Thanks.

[TaraMaiden]

So you're pretty much saying I have no chance at dating?

 

I live in the UK, it's expensive to just "move out" and find a place.

 

First of all, you cant BS me, because I live in the UK too, so cut that line out for a start.

 

I would need to rent a place as well as paying for education, as well as working to pay for that education and flat/apartment - it would be impossible. It's not exactly my fault that I don't know what I wanted to do with my life until now. To be honest, even now I am not certain on a career I want to follow.

 

It depends on which region of the UK you live in.

To begin with you may need to find a one-room flat, or bedsit.

You could visit the CAB or a financial adviser to find out how best to budget and manage your money. Even your bank will have concrete plans to be able to advise you on budgeting, and there are many sources on the internet which provide information....

There are also educational courses available on line, and the Open University on TV is an excellent source of education.

They also offer easy-term payments....

 

It's bloody tough mate.

It's only 'bloody tough' if you resign yourself to the defeatist attitude that it's TOO bloody tough.

 

"Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't - you're right."

Henry Ford.

 

To try gain the confidence around girls without them judging me for my situation. I know guys who are my age and still live at home as well, but they have girlfriends. I don't know whether it's just my confidence, my lack of social life, or just my situation, I have no idea what is wrong with me. If these guys can get girls, then why the hell shouldn't I be able to?

Well, Gee, I dunno. You've just discounted two major reasons, so why do YOU think it is, exactly?

 

How can they be 'judging you' when they know nothing about you - and guys in your situation, or similar, have girlfriends?

 

What could it be, if not those things??

 

It is depressing as hell, trust me! I just want to meet girls. Of course I want an attractive girl, well, just a girl that is my type of girl. I am not the type of guy to obsess over dating a great looking girl. As long as I, me personally am attracted to her, then that's all that matters.

If you are in the middle of a shoal of fish, and your line has no hook or bait, you'll catch nothing.

If you cast a net wider, you'll bring up more fish.

you need to be a net-caster - in other words, if you want something, you need to put yourself in a position where you'll find it.

 

What do you suggest? I can't move out if I go back to education, it will cost too much. If I do go to University, which I am thinking about, then I would try to get student housing to live in. This would mean I would be living away from home most of the year, apart from holidays when I come back home.

 

see above for other options.....

 

Is my lack of dating just me lacking confidence in myself? To be honest, I don't approach girls, so for that reason alone it's hard to even get a date.

 

No. You think?

 

LIke I said, you need to up the ante and get out there. Nothing ventured....

[Aloku]

First of all, you cant BS me, because I live in the UK too, so cut that line out for a start.

 

 

 

It depends on which region of the UK you live in.

To begin with you may need to find a one-room flat, or bedsit.

You could visit the CAB or a financial adviser to find out how best to budget and manage your money. Even your bank will have concrete plans to be able to advise you on budgeting, and there are many sources on the internet which provide information....

There are also educational courses available on line, and the Open University on TV is an excellent source of education.

They also offer easy-term payments....

 

 

It's only 'bloody tough' if you resign yourself to the defeatist attitude that it's TOO bloody tough.

 

"Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can't - you're right."

Henry Ford.

 

 

Well, Gee, I dunno. You've just discounted two major reasons, so why do YOU think it is, exactly?

 

How can they be 'judging you' when they know nothing about you - and guys in your situation, or similar, have girlfriends?

 

What could it be, if not those things??

 

 

If you are in the middle of a shoal of fish, and your line has no hook or bait, you'll catch nothing.

If you cast a net wider, you'll bring up more fish.

you need to be a net-caster - in other words, if you want something, you need to put yourself in a position where you'll find it.

 

 

 

see above for other options.....

 

 

 

No. You think?

 

LIke I said, you need to up the ante and get out there. Nothing ventured....

 

 

I'm not BSing you. I live in the South of England, in Essex. It's not really that simple to just go out and do that, although you think it is.

 

I was looking at one bed flats in my area, but the cheapest are around £400 per month. I'm deciding what to do right now, but if I decide to go back to education and go to University, I would prefer the real experience than online study. Also, I was thinking of going to Drama school, but acting isn't the safest of career options, so I may have to go study for something else.

 

I understand what you're saying. I suffer from social anxiety/GAD and sometimes I just don't want to meet people. But I know that I have to change myself to get out of this situation. It's know what to do and how to do it.

 

This is the reason I was thinking of going back to education. Not just to improve my prospects and pursue something I enjoy, but also to meet people and improve my social network.

 

I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, because I'm really not. It is just knowing what to do and how to go about it. I totally understand and agree with what you're saying, and I really do appreciate your advice.

 

Right now, I am just confused about things and need to try figure out what I'm going to do. Trust me, I don't want to continue being in this situation, it's extremely frustrating & depressing.

 

My main fear is ended up working in a dead end job, having my own place, a car, being able to bring girls back to my place etc, but drifting through life without any direction. Believe me, I could continue working in a dead end job and have all those things I'm talking about, but then I won't have any direction for a career, so it would all be pointless.

 

Do you know what I mean?

 

Thanks for the advice, Tara.

[Aloku]

This is going to sound like I'm trying to be a jerk but hear me out because I'm completely serious. Visit an escort. More than one. Make sure they are stunnungly hot. Book them through a reputable agency, be discreet and be safe. I am telling you that without a doubt just being with a few hot women will boost your confidence in ways that you can't even imagine. The fact that you're paying for it will not make one iota of difference to your subconscious...and believe it or not that's where true self confidence comes from and why it's virtually impossible to fake. After being with a few of these women you find yourself walking taller, smiling more, and your fear of engaging regular girls will begin to evaporate.

 

A couple more tips. Do not be with these professional girls when you are drunk or you'll develop a crutch and a drinking problem. Secondly, never see the same pro girl twice, no matter how amazing the experience was. You DO NOT want to find yourself falling for a prostitute. And lastly never tell another living sole, not because it's shameful, because it's nobodies business what two consenting adults do in bed.

 

This advice will not be popular with the women here but I have seen it work without fail with every lonely guy who has followed it.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Honestly, I was thinking about escorts. Someone recommended a site for me to browse at some. There are actually quite a few great looking girls in my area who provide their services. It's just the price that they charge which is a little off putting. Their prices range from £90-£150 per hour, but some of the good looking ones on there are about £120 per hour. I will see what happens, mate. If I feel like using their services, then I might give it a whirl.