Why I am Grateful We Broke Up.

[Seachelle1]

I guess this is kind of a mean-spirited post but...you know those things that bugged the hell out of you about your ex? Why are you happy you broke up with him/her?

 

For me, I have a couple things:

 

-No more money spent on him. I talked to him a few times about splitting the expenses evenly but it never happened.

 

-He's like a 2-year old with anything to do with sanitation. He walked out of my bathroom once and wiped his beard with my pot holder. Ummmmm. Did you not see the five hand towels in the bathroom?

 

-He's not around to criticize the way I live my life and I can grieve in peace. I've worked hard to get where I am and I don't need him putting my lifestyle down.

 

-He's not around to devalue my feelings and he's not around to make me feel worse about myself when I freak out or have a panic attack. He won't be passive aggressive about my grief over my dad dying or about my trauma issues. He won't put me down!

 

-He won't pee in the kitchen sink. He never did this but he complained once when I took too long in the bathroom and asked if it would bother me if he did. YES! It bothers me!

 

-He won't brag to his buddies about having sex with me anymore. That really bothered me when he did that.

 

In Sum: He was really immature and mean to me. Very inconsiderate. I miss him but I'm glad he's out of my life. My self-esteem is better without him. I deserve friends who value me for more than sex and who will want to help me out when I'm hurting.

 

Why are you glad things ended with your ex? What things bring a relief to know you'll never have to face again?

[LostOne1]

Yeah after awhile you do see the things you had to give up.

 

For me I hate to say it, but I feel BETTER without her now. I've moved on, but I feel alive once again.

 

I felt like my ex was a vampire just sucking on my blood till I was sucked empty!

 

Feel like I have a fresh life again and all the hobbies I gave up for her. All the things she tried to make me, when it wasn't me...

 

Now I'm free to be ME once again.. and it feels good.

[Sheilalou008]

What a great thread. There should be way more of these.

 

* That I never have to listen to him tell me how I should deal with my pms or my period. He was convinced that water and yoga was the cure for them. Even when a dr. told him that it is a chemical release from the brain and yes, being active and water can help a bit, it is not a cure all. Some just have it worse than others.

 

* He was a know it all. How to live my life(see above) in ever and any aspect.

 

* The money. I can be more selfish with my money for me and my daughter. He never asked for things, but I am someone who likes to buy little gifts for the person I love.

 

* Not having to deal with his f ucking mother. She was a insufferable shrew who hated me for NO REASON. I did everything and anything for her son and I was never good enough. Of course, she was nice to my face but once the break up happened I became public enemy #1.

 

* Ties into above. Holidays. Everything was always with HIS family. They are a much bigger family compared to my very small family. I am so excited to be cooking for my parents and myself for Easter today. Otherwise I would be stuck for HOURS at his parents house, miserable and being silently judged...all while my parents would be here eating whatever came from a freezer.

 

* Never having to have to drive him everywhere. He got his 3rd dwi last May and all the responsibility fell on me to get him to and from work, dr appts, shopping, whatever he needed to be done. I was always a second thought. He paid bills so I was obligated to drive everywhere at any time of day. His mother started doing it more and more but she always had a snotty attitude towards me for it.

 

* Did I mention his mother?

 

* Just general stuff. My feelings being invalid, I was never allowed to be tired or nap, I always had to cook and clean while he sat on his @ss. I could go on and on...

 

I am thrilled to be done with all of the above and many other things.

 

Happy Easter!

 

*

[siankat]

There are lots of things but generally, even though i don't have the ecstatic highs and anticipation of seeing him anymore (actually being with him was...hit and miss in terms of 'good times'), i also don't have those crashing lows where i would drink, smoke, not sleep cos of something he did or didn't do.

 

So now i'm calmer again and no longer feeling like a puppet on his string. Who was he anyway?!?! He just wasn't that special...i just believed him to be.

 

It would be so great to meet someone with whom i am excited to be with, but will not treat me indifferently or badly. Arguments are a given sure but not outright mistreatment of another person.

[mike588]

My ex. dumped me for her ex. 1 and 1/2 years ago and I was devestated...now that it's been some time I'm now glad I don't have to deal with everything being about her...(never me) her wants and needs and drama....I don't have to deal with her selfish 17 yr old daughter...her screwed up family.

 

I think about all the money I've now saved....I didn't mind paying for dinner..movies...drinks etc most of the time but she never offered to pay for anything at anytime.

 

For her birthday and Christmas I showered her with gifts...I got a $20.00 gift card yet she had plenty of money for others and spent X-mas away from me with friends and family.

 

Good riddance and thank you!

[Am4Real]

You guys are killing me with laughter this morning -- thank you -- thank you -- I needed it!!

 

Now that I've calmed down from laughter, I have to ask "are these real issues with your SO's"? My God there are some strange people out there. Thank goodness you're free is all I can say!

 

Enjoyed the smiles -- thanks guys!

[Mack05]

We all have things about our ex's that annoyed us. I'm sure there are things about us that annoyed our ex's.

 

For me, real emotional maturity is learning from your mistakes in the relationship and be grateful that someone we once considered very special, graced our lives. Even though it wasn't as long as we originally hoped.

 

I am the total opposite of this post. I am grateful to have met some beautiful special women who have enriched my life. Who I dreamed a happy future with. Just because things didn't turn out as I hoped doesn't all of sudden make them 'bad'. I see my ex's for their good side and the not good side.

 

Now I didn't always feel that way, but that is what I eventually worked towards. We will all find the right person (including our ex's) that we just click with. Who bring out the best in us. The first step to finding that person is taking off those negative ex goggles and looking forward, not back.

Edited March 31, 2013 by Mack05

[Am4Real]

Oh come'on now Mack, you can't say you learned from the guy who wipes his beard on a pot holder and threatens to pee in the sink can you...LOL

 

See..it's making me laugh all over again.

 

Happy Easter to you.

 

 

We all have things about our ex's that annoyed us. I'm sure there are things about us that annoyed our ex's.

 

For me, real emotional maturity is learning from your mistakes in the relationship and be grateful that someone we once considered very special, graced our lives. Even though it wasn't as long as we originally hoped.

 

I am the total opposite of this post. I am grateful to have met some beautiful special women who have enriched my life. Who I dreamed a happy future with. Just because things didn't turn out as I hoped doesn't all of sudden make them 'bad'. I see my ex's for their good side and the not good side.

 

Now I didn't always feel that way, but that is what I eventually worked towards. We will all find the right person (including our ex's) that we just click with. Who bring out the best in us. The first step to finding that person is taking off those negative ex goggles and looking forward, not back.

[Mack05]

Oh come'on now Mack, you can't say you learned from the guy who wipes his beard on a pot holder and threatens to pee in the sink can you...LOL

 

See..it's making me laugh all over again.

 

Happy Easter to you.

 

Am4real picture this, my ex and I fast asleep and curled up in odd positions. Basically her very pretty face was right next to my ass. Can you see where this is going? You are talking to a guy who once (fast asleep and by TOTAL accident) farted very loudly in my ex's face.

 

Trying to get everyone to look forward...I guess I am projecting

[Sheilalou008]

We all have things about our ex's that annoyed us. I'm sure there are things about us that annoyed our ex's.

 

For me, real emotional maturity is learning from your mistakes in the relationship and be grateful that someone we once considered very special, graced our lives. Even though it wasn't as long as we originally hoped.

 

I am the total opposite of this post. I am grateful to have met some beautiful special women who have enriched my life. Who I dreamed a happy future with. Just because things didn't turn out as I hoped doesn't all of sudden make them 'bad'. I see my ex's for their good side and the not good side.

 

Now I didn't always feel that way, but that is what I eventually worked towards. We will all find the right person (including our ex's) that we just click with. Who bring out the best in us. The first step to finding that person is taking off those negative ex goggles and looking forward, not back.

 

My ex had some amazing qualities. Some I miss more than others. I never had rose colored glasses on and looked at him like some god. He was just an average guy whom I fell in love with. I regret not one moment I spent with him, no matter good or bad. We just didn't work out after a while. It was both of our faults and a break down in communication.

 

I am far from perfect and would never want to be. I am flawed to my core, as is he. The difference was that he thought he was perfect and he could do better than me. Now he is free to look for that perfection he needs so badly. I have a feeling he will never be really happy cus his mommy has instilled in him that he is a god and no woman can make her perfect son happy. I wish him luck in finding it. I do know that the next man I date will not be perfect and I am totally good with that. I expect and welcome flaws. I guess it is all what we can deal with.

[all_cats_rgray]

I'm glad you dumped me, because you showed me what a coward you are.

[Dadremblvin]

I like the original intention of the OP!

 

I am grateful that I won't have to pack his suitcase for him anymore. We were going to the beach for a week. We had rented a house, so I had to not only pack my stuff but also bed linens, towels, kitchen stuff, etc. I thought my ex could pack his own bag...until I saw him stuffing an armful of TUBESOCKS into his suitcase! Needless to say I did his packing too!

 

Now my whole family jokes about packing your tubesocks when someone says they are going to the beach!

[th90]

It's liberating, emotionally.

 

We were perfect for each other until the moment he decided to cheat on me and probably did a lot of things behind my back. I couldnt have asked for a better boyfriend but the relationship was undoubtly, emotionally draining.

[Seachelle1]

Mack,

 

I think everyone needs different things. This is what I need.

 

If we're looking at something good that came from all this: I landed back in counseling which I'd been avoiding since Dad died. I had NO control over my extreme emotions and it was a wakeup call to get help and get help fast.

 

I care for my ex and I did hold him up as better than me. I need to remember that he wasn't. He's a guy who is getting his paychecks garnished because he ignored the creditors up to the end even though I made trips to the courthouse and offered to help him sort it out. He refused to deal with problems. He's a guy who treated me like crap and hurt my entire family while we were going through a horrible time. He went places he shouldn't have gone in terms of family stuff. He's a guy who was extremely disrespectful to me and I'm pretty sure he used me for sex and to feel better about himself. There are good things about him too but it isn't helpful to me to list them right now. I need to remember that I don't deserve to be hurt like that, that it wasn't my fault. I need to be grateful for my life NOW, not for someone treating me like crap in the past.

[Mack05]

Mack,

 

I think everyone needs different things. This is what I need.

 

If we're looking at something good that came from all this: I landed back in counseling which I'd been avoiding since Dad died. I had NO control over my extreme emotions and it was a wakeup call to get help and get help fast.

 

I care for my ex and I did hold him up as better than me. I need to remember that he wasn't. He's a guy who is getting his paychecks garnished because he ignored the creditors up to the end even though I made trips to the courthouse and offered to help him sort it out. He refused to deal with problems. He's a guy who treated me like crap and hurt my entire family while we were going through a horrible time. He went places he shouldn't have gone in terms of family stuff. He's a guy who was extremely disrespectful to me and I'm pretty sure he used me for sex and to feel better about himself. There are good things about him too but it isn't helpful to me to list them right now. I need to remember that I don't deserve to be hurt like that, that it wasn't my fault. I need to be grateful for my life NOW, not for someone treating me like crap in the past.

 

Great post..You know what you want and what you deserve in future and I for one hope you get it.

 

Just try avoid the guys like me, who can potentially fart in your face

Edited March 31, 2013 by Mack05

[drpepper1886]

I'm grateful we broke up because it taught me so much about myself.

 

 

• Living alone for the first time in result of it has shown me how strong and capable I am of taking care of myself and living by myself (even though I did most of the chores and taking of care in the relationships so not too much has changed in that respect).
  
• I discovered how introverted I am and how draining it was physically and emotionally to be with an extrovert that I believe resented me for not being as socially active as her.
  
• I'm grateful to learn that I need lots of work on communication skills and building true intimacy. (specifically addressing my needs)
  
• I'm grateful to learn how much I'm willing to sacrifice for those I unconditionally love and how to know when and see the signs that I'm putting in way more effort than the other person involved.
  
• Grateful to discover that I'm very bad at holding to my boundaries and also have a lot of work in that department to do.
  
• I'm grateful that I've had so much time on my hands to learn about myself and pick up some hobbies that will be a part of me from this point forward (reading more, meditation, working out)
  
• I'm grateful we broke up because I would have continued to roll over and beat a dead horse because I hadn't learned the lessons above.
  
• I'm grateful I don't have to worry about the things she does in her life that I didn't/don't agree with. (partying until 5am, not telling me her plans even though we lived together for 2 years)
  
• Grateful for the opportunity to wait for and come across someone more like me and aligned in my values.
  

that being said, I still miss and appreciate all of the good times we shared over our nearly 3 years together and 14 years of friendship.

Edited March 31, 2013 by drpepper1886

[Mack05]

My ex had some amazing qualities. Some I miss more than others. I never had rose colored glasses on and looked at him like some god. He was just an average guy whom I fell in love with. I regret not one moment I spent with him, no matter good or bad. We just didn't work out after a while. It was both of our faults and a break down in communication.

 

I am far from perfect and would never want to be. I am flawed to my core, as is he. The difference was that he thought he was perfect and he could do better than me. Now he is free to look for that perfection he needs so badly. I have a feeling he will never be really happy cus his mommy has instilled in him that he is a god and no woman can make her perfect son happy. I wish him luck in finding it. I do know that the next man I date will not be perfect and I am totally good with that. I expect and welcome flaws. I guess it is all what we can deal with.

 

I think you are an awesome person...Anyone who has read your threads I am sure would agree..

[ddlovexx]

Okay, I just broke up with him this morning so I'm not okay in any way, shape, or form... I'm not happy we broke up but I'm going to give this a shot anyway.

 

- No more wondering if there were other girls that had his interest, now I know (unfortunately) there were.

 

- No more being upset when he purposely ignores my texts or phone calls, or for him being late/cancelling plans.

 

- No more me paying for more things than I should. I can take care of myself but I deserve a man who wants to take care of me.

 

- Honestly, I was upset more nights than I wasn't. I would cry because I was scared, felt his feelings changed, he would be distant. When I start to get over him then I can be more in control of my own moods and feelings instead of letting the little things bother me. I should always know how someone feels about me, no questions.

 

- No more lying. There was so much lying.

 

- No more being upset because he wouldn't make time for me/wouldn't stay over.

 

- At least now my writers block will be gone, I can start writing some more songs.

 

That's all I can think of for now. Wish I had more. Wish it didn't hurt.

Edited April 1, 2013 by ddlovexx

[Sheilalou008]

I think you are an awesome person...Anyone who has read your threads I am sure would agree..

 

Why, thank you

 

All I can do is my best. It may not be up to everyone and their standards. I have been called a pessimist since I was in my teens. I feel I am a realist to my core. I will never be one of those shiny, happy people, It is just not my nature. I see the good, the bad, the real. Some times I fail to see anything at all cus I can be selfish.

 

I credit my father for my views on the world. I try and be the best friend, daughter, mother or girlfriend I can be, but I fail a lot of the time.

 

I just know that in the end that I am a good person who make mistakes. I do own them and will always be the first to apologize...

[drpepper1886]

I just know that in the end that I am a good person who make mistakes. I do own them and will always be the first to apologize...

 

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

[Rainy1030]

Not much, but I can think of a few things. I'm glad he left because it forced me to get out there and make friends, I got a job for the first time in years (I was a stay at home mom) and although I'm struggling, its motivation for school. I was already going back to school but its definitely motivation to do well.

 

I also lost a ton of weight, which while not exactly ideal, I'm happy about. My appetite is so much smaller.

 

That's mostly it. We didn't have many issues :/

[Babolat]

I'm grateful we broke up because it taught me so much about myself.

 

 

• Living alone for the first time in result of it has shown me how strong and capable I am of taking care of myself and living by myself (even though I did most of the chores and taking of care in the relationships so not too much has changed in that respect).
  
• I discovered how introverted I am and how draining it was physically and emotionally to be with an extrovert that I believe resented me for not being as socially active as her.
  
• I'm grateful to learn that I need lots of work on communication skills and building true intimacy. (specifically addressing my needs)
  
• I'm grateful to learn how much I'm willing to sacrifice for those I unconditionally love and how to know when and see the signs that I'm putting in way more effort than the other person involved.
  
• Grateful to discover that I'm very bad at holding to my boundaries and also have a lot of work in that department to do.
  
• I'm grateful that I've had so much time on my hands to learn about myself and pick up some hobbies that will be a part of me from this point forward (reading more, meditation, working out)
  
• I'm grateful we broke up because I would have continued to roll over and beat a dead horse because I hadn't learned the lessons above.
  
• I'm grateful I don't have to worry about the things she does in her life that I didn't/don't agree with. (partying until 5am, not telling me her plans even though we lived together for 2 years)
  
• Grateful for the opportunity to wait for and come across someone more like me and aligned in my values.
  

that being said, I still miss and appreciate all of the good times we shared over our nearly 3 years together and 14 years of friendship.

 

Wow man, this is me..thanks for posting this!

[CorridorE]

No more cheating and trust issues over those girls who were “just friends."

 

No more blowing off holidays and birthdays even though I always made such an effort to make them special for him when he was home on leave.

 

No more of his horrible, selfish, condescending mother constantly putting me down and, even after three years of dating, referring to me to everyone as simply a “family friend.” (And the way he never stood up for me)

 

He never wanted to leave the house. Never wanted to take me out anywhere—would always rather just lie around on the couch.

 

Now I can find someone faithful and who won’t take me for granted.

[Jimbly]

I finally got to see the looks on our work colleagues faces, including the Boss when I told them we'd been secretly dating for 2 years. You'd just dumped me and gone back to school so you missed out big time. So much awesome

 

I'm grateful that I will no longer be hassled to reco-ordinate my daughter's school night schedule to watch 30-something adults play dodgeball.

 

I am grateful that I won't have to spend time with your mid-30s roomate who does coke, and his dealer friends. They were nice enough, but you're going to be a Nurse in 3 months!!! Stay safe in that house. I will also miss you ex-husband's pot den.

 

I am grateful that you finally worked out how to communicate all the emotions and feelings you'd had for 2 years by condensing them all to one sentence "I think we should break up".

 

This however did open my eyes to my own horrible communication skills, and I truly thank you for that. I am in a place I would never had got to if you hadn't dumped me.

 

I am grateful to have met a family more dysfunctional from mine, and that is saying something. In particular I will miss your sister, who thinks the sun shines out of her a$$. I Actually really liked your bipolar Dad.

 

I am grateful that you gave me this opportunity to grow into the most emotionally balanced and relationship savvy person I can be.

 

I still love you and would be even more grateful to get back together

Edited May 24, 2013 by Jimbly

[BustedUpInside]

Yay! I never get tired of saying bad things about my ex and then he can't defend himself or say what annoyed him about me I like it because all of our friends are mutual and force me to be "fair" but sometimes I just like him to be the villain and I get to be the angel.

 

He was terrible in bed. I would always try to subtly give pointers but he never seemed to be able to grasp the basics.

 

He was not affectionate. Ever. We never held hands, cuddled on the couch. It was mostly platonic hugs and kisses on the cheeks.

 

He dressed like a kid in college even though he is almost 40.

 

He was jealous of my personality, how many friends I had, and especially guy friends but would always project onto me by saying that I was "trying" to make him jealous.

 

I would always buy him thoughtful gifts (big and small) but I don't think he ever spontaneously bought me a gift and anything he did buy me would always be a guilt trip because he would complain for weeks afterwards about how poor he was for buying it.

 

He would call me lazy all the time even though I cooked dinner almost every night, cleaned the house every day, took care of all the animals, and went to school full time.

 

He was so moody that it was always a gamble. Either I would have to walk on eggshells to avoid him throwing a fit and then ignoring me for a couple of days or he would accuse me of not spending enough time with him.

 

Doesn't he sound like the worst? Mwahahahaha