blueyz Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 A couple of weeks ago I met a guy at a function and we really hit it off, we have a lot of mutual friends and have a lot of the same interests. Next day we became friends on FB. He started sending me messages and about a week later he sent me a message on my birthday saying "HB Sweetheart" and asked me if I was going to the function that night and he see me there. We had a lot of fun, it was a great night at the function. As soon as I got home he sent me a message on FB to say good night and tell me that he liked me and the kiss goodnight. Saying he hopes to see me around again very soon. He's sending me messages almost every day just to say things hi or to see how my day is going. I'm starting to think that he's interested and wondering if and when he is going to ask me out on a date. And now some of the messages have a sexual tone, some jokingly. Finally this week he tells me he's working at an Easter event for kids at the club and asks if I could make it there and then we could do something after but he didn't have anything specific in mind. He asked me what I wanted to do, give it some thought and get back to him. I told him I wasn't sure if I could make it there in time and asked if he was planning to do something in the afternoon or at night. He said the afternoon. I thought that was strange...not much to do at that time on a Saturday. So I said I'd meet him for coffee and gave him my number to call and we could figure it out. He gave me his number too but never called. All communications were text messages. I figured that meeting for coffee is a good way to get to know each other a little more and maybe that was his intention too because he said the afternoon. I wanted to figure out if he was really interested in getting to know me and date or if he was just looking for hook ups with a friend with benefits. After seeing him twice at the functions and him coming on strong with all the sweetheart messages I thought we would meet in the afternoon and make plans for a date that night. Wrong! When we finally met he didn't seem too interested in getting to know me. All he did was talk about himself and didn't ask me one thing about me. We both like the same kind of music and I mentioned that there were a couple of bands playing in the area, hinting at going out that night. How it ended was that he said he was going home to clean up and see what was going on that night. He kissed me goodbye and left. Never said a word. Nothing like a slap in the face for a wake up call. My thoughts are that he's not really interested in me (which I think is the case) or is he the type of guy that wants me to initiate and ask him if he wants to go wherever? What makes me thinks that is when he asked me what I wanted to do when we met instead of him planning what to do. It was a strange situation especially after all the messaging and talking we did where he did all the initiating. Maybe he was planning to meet in the afternoon for sex before he went out for the night. I was so caught off guard by the way it ended that I forgot to thank him for the coffee. I have no idea what just happened.
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Yeah. I think he decided "this is going to be hard work, and I can't be asked to make an effort." He sounds a bit of an ego-merchant....
Apolodor Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Seems to me like the guy made a lot of effort to keep in touch with you. That does not happen without (at least) some moderate amount of interest. It also appears (from what you are saying) that he has initiated contact most of the time. Maybe you two have got your wires crossed....Have you tried contacting him since you last saw him yesterday? A short text message should do, and if he answers quickly then you know that he is thinking about you. The fact that he met you in the afternoon has perhaps more to do with the fact that he did not want to risk a full evening at this early stage in his relationship with you. After all, this was the first time you two met privately. Of course, unlike you, I didn't see his body language, etc. But imo it might be too early to write this thing off completely....
Author blueyz Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) Apolodor, I agree that he made a lot of effort to keep in touch with me and that's what's confusing me. My thoughts are that they usually don't put in that much effort if all they are looking for is sex but I don't want to read more into than what's actually there. I thought about sending him a text because I felt that possibly we got our wires crossed as you suggested, but I don't want to appear desperate. And part of me feels like he knows where I am and how to find me. As for the body language, it was there for sure, I made it a point to check it out, so confusing. Edited March 31, 2013 by blueyz
2sunny Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 He has your number - he can plan a date and ask you out! If he doesn't - he's just a guy who types... How old is he? Could he be married...and that's why he can't "see you" like a normal dating person would? On a side note - if he talked all about himself - that would be a total turnoff for me.
Author blueyz Posted March 31, 2013 Author Posted March 31, 2013 He has your number - he can plan a date and ask you out! If he doesn't - he's just a guy who types... How old is he? Could he be married...and that's why he can't "see you" like a normal dating person would? On a side note - if he talked all about himself - that would be a total turnoff for me. Exactly, he does have my number and knows where to find me. He says he been separated for years and not living with her. But, he is still married and not what I'm looking for. Only talking mostly about himself is a big turnoff and can get quite boring. Not trying to get to know me = lack of interest. Too many red flags and not worth my time or effort. Movin on... 1
Author blueyz Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Since our meeting I have not made any attempt to contact him thinking this over and I've moved on. Today he sent me a text, just small talk and I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if he's testing me to see if I'm still speaking to him or is he trying to let me know that he's still interested?
MidwestUSA Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 Stick with your plan of movin' on. He's married and not what you are looking for. Reread what you wrote! Hang in there! 1
curlygirl40 Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 What she said. The biggest issue here I see is that he's married still. He's fishing to see if he still has you on the line. The only one who gets hurt in a fishing expedition is the fish. To me, no harm in replying to his text in a friendly way, but keep it brief. No flirting. When a guy fishes with me I will reply to him (unless I have a firm reason to completely ignore) but I will keep it short, no flirting, definitely block any sort of sexy talk. If he's only interested in keeping you on a string and it's not fulfilling to him he will move on. Unless or until he offers you something 'real' then it's just a chess game anyway. But with this guy, he has nothing to offer you anyway, so move along. Nothing to see here.
Recommended Posts