starrynightz45 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I met a shy guy at college, who finally asked for my number after spending the first 3 months of class awkwardly staring at me. He started texting me every day for a month, and we hit it off. We went out on 1 date that went great, and we continued to talk daily. The problem is, I ended a 6yr relationship 3 months before that and my ex showed up after that month, wanting to get back together. I wanted to be honest w the new guy so I told him things were a mess, so I didn't want to mislead him, but that I didn't want to be with my ex. A few days later, he texted me saying he didn't want to be a factor in my decision about whether or not to get back with my ex, bc he wasn't sure if he could commit to anything, and stopped texting me. I told him I understood, even though I had no intention of getting back with my ex. I texted him a couple days later to tell him I had talked to my ex, and had no intention to get back together with the guy. Again, he said he just didn't want to be involved in the situation and stopped texting. Then, he started texting again but was much colder. Before, he would be very sweet in his texting, would make it clear that he wanted to keep talking to me, and would always respond. After I told him about the ex situation, he would often not respond at all until the next day, or answer very briefly. Eventually, he invited me to hang out with him and his friend, but he was cold and didn't flirt. The next day when I texted him, he responded many hours later and when I responded, he never answered. When I confronted him about it a few days later, asking him what happened the night we went out, and why he never answered, he first said he wasn't sure. Then he said he felt I had a "shell" up because of my ex. When I told him that wasn't true, that I didnt' care about my ex, he said that he had just invited me out as a friend, and that he had a lot of personal problems and wasn't looking for anything right now. I said fine. A week later, he had an art show that he posted about on fb. I decided to go. At the show, he told me I looked great, complimented my shoes, my outfit, etc. We talked for 2 hrs. He told me a story about a girl from class who he does not like, and said he was glad I wasn't "just another generic girl" like her. He also mentioned that he's generally a rude guy, but only nice to me. I thought he was flirting, but maybe he was just being nice. He texted to thank me for going after the show, but when I responded he never answered, and he doesn't text anymore since the day I confronted him. At school, he goes back and forth between ignoring me and giving me lingering stares until I catch him. I feel like maybe he got the impression that I wanted to rush into a relationship, which wasn't my intention. I really liked this guy, and I'm not sure how I can, or IF I can fix it. It seemed like everything was great, and he was super attentive up until I broke the news to him about my ex. Any advice?
Leegh Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 He should be aware that most people have previously been in a relationship, and that should not be any big deal. I would wait a few weeks and if you have not heard anything yet from him, you could text him something casual about getting together. It may be best at this point to not mention anything to him about your ex, unless he asks you questions about him. He may be undecided about things now, and needs a little time to think things through. I realize it is very hard on you, especially since you like him a lot.
Author starrynightz45 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 Well, he is pretty awkward and insecure as far as I can tell. And mind you, the date was actually a double date with another friend from class, and he had a hard time being actually left alone with me on that date. I just don't understand how his invitation for me to hang out with him and his friend was a "friendly" invitation. I've never had a male friend that I texted daily and talked to until I went to bed! Now I sort of feel like I looked desperate going to his art show since he still hasn't contact me since then. Every now and then when I'm walking around on campus and run into him, I try to keep it cool. Yesterday when I bumped into him going down the hall, I tried to avoid eye contact but felt him watching me. I looked up and he kept staring for a bit longer than normal and then shot his eyes away without saying a thing. Sometimes he'll say hi if we bump into each other, and sometime I will be sitting at a table right next to him and he'll act like I don't even exist. He sits directly in front of me in one class, but has never initiated conversation with me, even when he was texting me every single day. I was always the one initiating conversation in person, which I thought was so extremely weird since he constantly texted, but I liked him still. At this point I can't tell what he wants, but because he's so shy/awkward I feel sure that if I stop pursuing it, he'll give up. On the two occassions we actually hung out outside of school, I thought it seemed we both enjoyed ourselves. But I guess not. I'm just not sure if he does want me to stop because when I hang out with him, he seems so nice. Maybe he's just being polite. Which I guess should just tell me that I'm not that important to him.
todreaminblue Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I met a shy guy at college, who finally asked for my number after spending the first 3 months of class awkwardly staring at me. He started texting me every day for a month, and we hit it off. We went out on 1 date that went great, and we continued to talk daily. The problem is, I ended a 6yr relationship 3 months before that and my ex showed up after that month, wanting to get back together. I wanted to be honest w the new guy so I told him things were a mess, so I didn't want to mislead him, but that I didn't want to be with my ex. A few days later, he texted me saying he didn't want to be a factor in my decision about whether or not to get back with my ex, bc he wasn't sure if he could commit to anything, and stopped texting me. I told him I understood, even though I had no intention of getting back with my ex. I texted him a couple days later to tell him I had talked to my ex, and had no intention to get back together with the guy. Again, he said he just didn't want to be involved in the situation and stopped texting. Then, he started texting again but was much colder. Before, he would be very sweet in his texting, would make it clear that he wanted to keep talking to me, and would always respond. After I told him about the ex situation, he would often not respond at all until the next day, or answer very briefly. Eventually, he invited me to hang out with him and his friend, but he was cold and didn't flirt. The next day when I texted him, he responded many hours later and when I responded, he never answered. When I confronted him about it a few days later, asking him what happened the night we went out, and why he never answered, he first said he wasn't sure. Then he said he felt I had a "shell" up because of my ex. When I told him that wasn't true, that I didnt' care about my ex, he said that he had just invited me out as a friend, and that he had a lot of personal problems and wasn't looking for anything right now. I said fine. A week later, he had an art show that he posted about on fb. I decided to go. At the show, he told me I looked great, complimented my shoes, my outfit, etc. We talked for 2 hrs. He told me a story about a girl from class who he does not like, and said he was glad I wasn't "just another generic girl" like her. He also mentioned that he's generally a rude guy, but only nice to me. I thought he was flirting, but maybe he was just being nice. He texted to thank me for going after the show, but when I responded he never answered, and he doesn't text anymore since the day I confronted him. At school, he goes back and forth between ignoring me and giving me lingering stares until I catch him. I feel like maybe he got the impression that I wanted to rush into a relationship, which wasn't my intention. I really liked this guy, and I'm not sure how I can, or IF I can fix it. It seemed like everything was great, and he was super attentive up until I broke the news to him about my ex. Any advice? he has got you up and down and sideways with no real clue to what is going on to me that's a game, he is making no real effort and throwing you little crumbs along the way.......does the behaviour turn you off? to go from, warm and attentive to codl in a short period of time with not allowing you to explain and his half assed rationalizations why he doesnt want to move forward....the guy seems like a bit of a dick who isnt mature enough to progress beyond the game and be legit...i wish you the best in my opinion I dont think he is it....gamers suck....deb 1
Author starrynightz45 Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 he has got you up and down and sideways with no real clue to what is going on to me that's a game, he is making no real effort and throwing you little crumbs along the way.......does the behaviour turn you off? to go from, warm and attentive to codl in a short period of time with not allowing you to explain and his half assed rationalizations why he doesnt want to move forward....the guy seems like a bit of a dick who isnt mature enough to progress beyond the game and be legit...i wish you the best in my opinion I dont think he is it....gamers suck....deb I think you may be right. Now I just feel like I've made myself look desperate to him, and I'm worried about the situation while he probably doesn't even care! You live you learn I guess.
todreaminblue Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I think you may be right. Now I just feel like I've made myself look desperate to him, and I'm worried about the situation while he probably doesn't even care! You live you learn I guess. im sorry that he has been that way.....i dont think you have been desperate at all i think you have been open, if he sees you as desperate that is his ego, not your problem, at least he showed some colors early......i wish you the best in life and love with a mature guy....good luck.....deb
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