khanster Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 Hello All, This is hard because I can't tell my close friends and both our families what my wife did because it'll put her in a more distressed state. After reading a few posts about breakup I decided to share my story on this site because it wouldn't come back to her. I apologize if my story bounces around too much. I'm not in the right mental state. I believe our downward spiral started about 2 years ago. My wife went back to school for a BS in Business Management while working a full time job. I also had a full time job but because of the extra expenditures, I partnered with a friend to start a small business. We both agreed that our decision requires many sacrifices but the end result would be worth it. During this 2 year journey we had ups and many downs. We barely had time to ourselves and rarely went out together or as a family. We have 3 beautiful daughters together and they are the reason I have the strength to move forward no matter how much it hurts. After 10 years of the best time of my life, she decided to end this relationship a few weeks ago. Since then, I have not been eating or sleeping right. When we decided to go on a break, I believe it was best because we have not been getting along. My thoughts were maybe this break will help her figure things out. I sacrificed my weekends so she can go out with her friend. I even gave her extra money to party and drink. Then about a week ago she said she doesn't love me anymore and wanted a permanent breakup. This caught me off guard and felt like I got hit by a freight train. We've been though ups and downs before but we always made it work. I could not understand why. What's so different now? I had my suspicions that she has someone else in mind. I kept asking her why she can't give this family another chance. My oldest daughter, 9 years old, cried when she heard that we were breaking up. It literally killed me inside to see her like this. Her soul was tearing apart. I was totally devastated. I begged the wife to please give this family another chance. Then the truth came out. At first she said she was just talking to someone. As I dug deeper and found out it was more serious than that. They went on a few dates and had actually kissed. Somehow I don't feel angry or resentful. I felt extreme guilt like I had created this whole mess. Now I am totally hurt and devastated. I also feel guilt for my 3 daughters who will be affected by this. Providing them with a strong and stable family is what I have worked so hard for 10 years. Now it's all crumbling around me. My heart aches so much for them. Now I know I have to stay strong for my kids. I can't even take it day by day. I'm taking it breath by breath and it's so agonizingly slow. I wished time can go by faster so I can heal sooner. This is the most difficult thing I had to deal with.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I dont even have any words for this. I am just so sorry youre going through this pain right now.
CompleteFailure Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 When we know we haven't been our best and have led our partners to stray into the arms of another we have nothing but shame and self pity for ourselves as comfort. I feel your pain and guilt. Know though that your wife has her blame, and perhaps she'll somehow realize to put her children before her own desires. I can't tell you it will get better because for me, it hasn't. You being a good father to your daughters and them knowing it can only help you feel better. Be proud of yourself for that.
Thunderchild Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 When we know we haven't been our best and have led our partners to stray into the arms of another we have nothing but shame and self pity for ourselves as comfort. I feel your pain and guilt. Know though that your wife has her blame, and perhaps she'll somehow realize to put her children before her own desires. I can't tell you it will get better because for me, it hasn't. You being a good father to your daughters and them knowing it can only help you feel better. Be proud of yourself for that. I'm sorry, explain to me how when someone else cheats on a person and it is their own fault? The wife is wholly to blame for cheating. Unlesss soomeone held a gun to hear head and forced her to do something then she is responsible for her actions and should be held accountable.
FazedOut Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 (edited) I feel for you, I'm separated after a 25 year marriage...and suspect theres a EA (possibly PA?) situation going on with us too. It's crushing. TC-No ones saying the affair is the H fault, but if you think back you will see where you made errors in a relationship that may be have contributed to the breakdown & eventual leaving/A., It's not said to hurt you OP, you've been wronged for sure!! But likely deep thought will give you ideas of what happened to put distance & a wedge between yourself & your wife. Once your see these things, perhaps they can be corrected and your marriage saved. If not, eventually the learning & growth you achieve will help those same mistakes not cause problems in future relationships. Trust me, I'm a walking disaster at the moment, and it easier to talk the talk, than walk the walk...but eventually things will fall into place if you honestly work on changing what you can...YOURSELF. Good luck & big hugs. I'm sorry you are being hurt at the hands of someone you love. I understand the devastation & betrayal.... Edited March 31, 2013 by FazedOut
CompleteFailure Posted March 31, 2013 Posted March 31, 2013 I'm sorry, explain to me how when someone else cheats on a person and it is their own fault? The wife is wholly to blame for cheating. Unlesss soomeone held a gun to hear head and forced her to do something then she is responsible for her actions and should be held accountable. I think every situation has different circumstances. The OP felt guilty, so he knows better than any for his specific situation of actions or inaction. For my own personal story, I am/was a nightmare. I understand fully what drove my ex to cheat emotionally and eventually physically. I blame her not for wanting that feeling, that intimacy, but for not staying to work things out once we were able to talk maturely and sort the fluff from the core issues. Do I hurt? Hell yes. Thinking about them together, what they've done, what they do, how they do it, how he makes her feel, how its not me, how I'll never live up to that, its all extremely painful. What I do know and can say with certainty, is that I caused her to look elsewhere, I offered nothing but my time, my good nature, and my unconditional love. Sometimes though, almost always it seems, that's not enough.
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