Hi i'm new here

[Joanne75]

Hi I'm new here and I am a little confused, I have Multiple Sclerosis and my boyfriend is supposed to be my carer, the other day he told me that he wanted me to go out on my own and make friends instead of being with him 24/7, and I know that to have a good relationship you need time apart, he rides a motorbike and wanted to go out on his own sometimes without me, now this week he's decided he's going to buy me a motorbike/scooter so I can go out with him and keep up with him, because I loose him when I drive behind him in the car, then just today he signed up for an event to go on an egg run for kids that dont get easter eggs in hospital and invited all of his motorbike friends to the event on facebook but didn't invite me and I'm supposed to be his girlfriend, I not sure if he wants me around anymore or not, please help as I'm not sure if our relationship is coming to an end or am I reading things all wrong, I come from a very loving family and I love him and I feel like I cant get the love from him that I get from my family, cos he doesn't even cuddle me at night times when we go to sleep anymore, when he says he loves me it just sounds like words and I find myself thinking 'no you dont'. maybe we just need some time apart I dont know. I'm not sure what to think anymore.

[will1988]

it seems like by being your caretaker and being with you all of the time you are smothering him. I would say let him have his time away from you, and try to make friends yourself. If you do not let him get his free time, he will eventually leave you... hell, maybe he is already feeling that he is too smothered and wants out, but because he is your caretaker he feels trapped. I would honestly start trying to give him some space if he asks for it, and hope for the best.

 

good luck

[todreaminblue]

Hi I'm new here and I am a little confused, I have Multiple Sclerosis and my boyfriend is supposed to be my carer, the other day he told me that he wanted me to go out on my own and make friends instead of being with him 24/7, and I know that to have a good relationship you need time apart, he rides a motorbike and wanted to go out on his own sometimes without me, now this week he's decided he's going to buy me a motorbike/scooter so I can go out with him and keep up with him, because I loose him when I drive behind him in the car, then just today he signed up for an event to go on an egg run for kids that dont get easter eggs in hospital and invited all of his motorbike friends to the event on facebook but didn't invite me and I'm supposed to be his girlfriend, I not sure if he wants me around anymore or not, please help as I'm not sure if our relationship is coming to an end or am I reading things all wrong, I come from a very loving family and I love him and I feel like I cant get the love from him that I get from my family, cos he doesn't even cuddle me at night times when we go to sleep anymore, when he says he loves me it just sounds like words and I find myself thinking 'no you dont'. maybe we just need some time apart I dont know. I'm not sure what to think anymore.

 

I can answer this one from a carers point of view.......i am a full time carer for my mentally impaired son, its hard going sometimes, he gets aggressive when asked to perform simple hygiene requests......he is a fully grown male with a mind of thirteen year old boy.......in all honesty i know that i will be looking after my son probably until i go.......its hard sometimes not to resent him when he gets aggressive with me, and i need to spend time away from him to chill and relax......not because i love him less, but because i know if i dont spend time away from him the resentment will grow, ........when i tell him i love him....i mean it......doesnt mean i dont need time away........he is hard to manage and its refreshing to be away from him makes it like a fresh start when i see him again.......he is never alone there is always someone at home, one time he threw a knife at my foot, it bounced back and got him instead ......those sort of occurrences are what i find hard to deal with...i need respite........to just be me ....... i dont plan on deserting him...i just need respite........he now goes to a place called blue care once a week they take him bowling and other activities where he gets to socialize with others with disabilities, is there any place where you could go to make some friends or have some fun....you count too you know.....i am sure your bf loves you ...he just needs a little respite.....and honestly so do you.......is there a group around your area....so you yourself can relax have some fun, talk to others, socialize and not feel like a burden......is that what you are feeling?..blue care come pick my son up at the door and drop him off again at the end of the afternoon......i would hope there is something like that for you..........hugs.....deb

[Joanne75]

Thanks for your comments, I do feel like I'm just a burden to him and that he doesn't want me as a girlfriend anymore, I go to a church where I used to live; on Tuesdays as they have a cafe in the church and I volunteer and help them all day in there, but when I get home life just goes back to the way it was, he'll do something to annoy me and i'll get stroppy, like today when i got home he took one of my cigarettes and said thankyou, not please can I have one then turn around and said he didn't make a fuss this morning when he gave me money, but i didn't just take it I asked first if I could have it and even took him his wallet so he could get it, I try to set a good example but it seems to be ignored.

He went out on his own today and i'm left wondering if he saw my friend and was nasty to her because he hates her, knowing there is nothing I can do about it makes my blood boil and I then I begin to wonder why I'm feeling like this and dont know what to do about it. If she comes over and he does anything i get angry and tell him off and he tells me to shut up like i'm supposed to let him be nasty to her, but I can't accept that and still tell him to stop being nasty or I give him a furious look, and he doesn't like it, so I think to myself I need to get him out of my life, to me he's an egotistical selfish nasty big headed mr know it all cos that's how he shows his true colours.

Edited June 11, 2013 by Joanne75

[Joanne75]

Thanks for your comments, I do feel like I'm just a burden to him and that he doesn't want me as a girlfriend anymore, I go to a church where I used to live; on Tuesdays as they have a cafe in the church and I volunteer and help them all day in there, but when I get home life just goes back to the way it was, he'll do something to annoy me and i'll get stroppy, like today when i got home he took one of my cigarettes and said thankyou, not please can I have one then turn around and said he didn't make a fuss this morning when he gave me money, but i didn't just take it I asked first if I could have it and even took him his wallet so he could get it, I try to set a good example but it seems to be ignored.

He went out on his own today and i'm left wondering if he saw my friend and was nasty to her because he hates her, knowing there is nothing I can do about it makes my blood boil and I then I begin to wonder why I'm feeling like this and dont know what to do about it. If she comes over and he does anything i get angry and tell him off and he tells me to shut up like i'm supposed to let him be nasty to her, but I can't accept that and still tell him to stop being nasty or I give him a furious look, and he doesn't like it, so I think to myself I need to get him out of my life, to me he's an egotistical selfish nasty big headed mr know it all cos that's how he shows his true colours.

 

Last week I pulled out of a junction in front of a car, I looked twice but didn't see it, then when I pulled out it was there and about to hit me, I was in second gear so I crawled out of the junction, but he didn't hit me and it was fine. My boyfriend was in front of me on his motorbike, and when we got to our destination I asked him if he looked in his mirror after he pulled out and he said, "Yes, you waited for the car to pass then pulled out". but he was wrong I pulled out in front of the car. I kept quiet cos I thought he would shout at me, but last night I told him I pulled out in front of the car and he told me I was lying and said, "Why do you keep on going on about it, what difference does it make to our happiness?", Then I wished I had let the car hit me and he would have found out the answer to that question.